When Heaven Shines On Us

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the works of J.K Rowling, though I wish I did... Thanks to my awesome Beta Bardess-of-Faerun! I honestly couldn't continue this without her. Enjoy anyway, and review!!

Mari

The sun shone through my bedroom window lighting on the glittering object in my hand that I played with absently. From downstairs the sounds of shouts and yells drifted through the house and seeped under my bedroom door. I had come to recognize these as merely the beginnings oftheir arguments and thus come to dread the arrival of nightfall when,behind closed doors all pretences were gone and the happygo-lucky family that everybody saw dissappered. I had long since learned how to tune out the noise of their screaming matches but some things I couldn't help but hear.

"She's a lazy know-it-all and far too spoiled by all of you."

"Jacob she's just a child, barely seventeen. How do you expect her to be able to fend for herself at that age?"

" She'll learn Ivy. At that age I had my first job and was actually contributing to the community. She's never had to look after herself because she's been far too sheltered by you."

" She's been through- "

"Enough. You coddle her far too much Ivy. She has to go."

"Jacob!"

" She should've left weeks ago."

" Just give her some time. Please just leave her for a while."

"Time? I've given her time. Bloody hell!Twenty years' worth of investments are all riding on her and she doesn't even care enough to get a decent mark on her SAT's!"

It was always the same. I could almost predict their actions, regular as clockwok every single night. My mother always made tired attempts to defend me that wereinstantly quashed by Jacob. I loved her for trying but honestly, I really didn't think it was worth it anymore. Jacob demanded power in the household, and got it by any means necessary. It had been that way for years and my mum,playing the par of the subservient little wife never thought todo anythingto prevent him.They argued all right.Some of my earliest memories were of flying crockery and arguments so huge they would leave me crying in a corner of my room. And then whenJacob got fed up or my mum gave in, whichever came first, I would be left with a broken mess I was expected to clean up.

Petunia had been there with me through all of that. she had looked after me and basically raised me from the age of five.She looked after me, and during thes arguments she had been always there to hold me. Up until two months ago. I knew shewould leave someday, that she would get married and have her own life. I just didn't expect it to be so soon. She never even offered to bring me withher. She of all people knew exactly how I felt but hadn't spared me a second thought as she left with her new husband. Vernon Dursley.He really was a strange man.Very short, very round and very disapproving - of me. I didn't really care what he thought, but she did.She never even said goodbye.

I could handle the sudden blow-ups. I could handle the way they both lashed out at me so suddenly. I just couldn't handle it alone. My family was falling apart right before my eyes and I could see our foundation ripping at the seams. It didn't really seem as though we had anything in common anymore except the fact that we lived together. Not only that. I'd begun to notice little things about Jacob that my mum seemed to deliberately overlook. Like the fact that he always came back at two in the morning these days. Intoxicated and smelling of jasmine. Always in the office at unbelievably late hours. A sudden passion for designer suits and expensive shoes. I could see exactly what was happening, and she could too. She just didn't want to believe it.So this was my place. The only place I was able to escape to.Alone in my room listening to the screaming soundtrack to my life and trying to pretend it would all go away. Trying to find a way to drown out this pain tearing me apart and to forget. Just to forget...

I looked down at my hand in surprise as I felt something wet trickling down my skin. Warm, wet and sticky. Red rivulets ran down my arm from the crook of my elbow. Dripping and pooling in the little crescents of skin between my fingers, staining my clothes and falling to the floor in largescarlet droplets. Falling like tears. My eyes glanced from the criss crossed scores on my arm to the glinting razor blade in my hand, now stained with my blood. When... how did i do that? I didn't mean to,I didn't intend to. I only thought about it for a second. I averted my eyes with a feeling of deep shame and complete disgust. What was I turning into? The Lily Evans of two years ago would never even have considered anything like this. Sowho was I now? I never even felt it.The pain was there but not enough. It didn't help at all.

Love it? Hate It? I don't really care as long as you review!... you know you want to.

Mari