The girl in the dress cried all the way home
All the girls that you've run dry
Have tired, lifeless eyes
Cause you burned them out
But I took your matches before fire could catch me
So don't look now
I'm shining like fireworks
Over your sad empty town
Dear John, Taylor Swift
"what is stronger than the human heart which shatters over and over and still lives" -Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey
They should have seen how she was acting. They were her friends, her confidants, so they must have known something was up, right? Especially Maya or Farkle, even Lucas, so why haven't they?
Granted she hasn't been open recently but after the Triangle and the little faith when she tried out for cheerleading last year still looming in the back of her mind, could anyone blame Riley for becoming guarded.
Could they blame her for closing the Bay Window after the biggest fight between both girls.
Could they blame her for everything as her mind was crumbling down?
"Why are you closing the Bay Window?"
She froze as Maya stood outside the window of her room, hollering. Riley knew Maya needed answers, she finally had hers.
"Maya, I can't do this-this stupid triangle with Lucas-"
Maya cut her off, "I'll back off and you can finally date Lucas again." Riley felt this deep anger erupt inside making her blood go hot. "I'm done. With him and everything, everyone."
"I thought you wanted the fairytale ending with him. The Cory to the Topanga."
"I did but not when he keeps boucing back and forth, Maya I'm tired of this."
"So, what Farkle said was untrue?"
Why did it always have to go back to the damn triangle? It's plagued her ever since Texas with Lucas bright smile looking at her, yelling at her...
So Riley smiled, because that's what she was good at for them, just a happy-Riley smile.
She never did answer why she was closing the window. She never did to any of them, only she knew.
Her parents noticed finally, but it did not feel like much of a victory for Riley. When her mom asked why her friends didn't come over anymore, how could Riley tell her that ever since high school started she's been feeling tired or that she felt like she was drowning as she was wide awake. How could she tell anyone about this claw in her chest everytime someone called her 'Smiley Riley' when she hasn't been smiling for a long time.
The one's on her face was false, forced. While the inside of her, it hasn't smiled for a long time, not since the toll of this damn triangle has been consumming her.
"Choosing yourself? Riley, I don't understand, what do you mean your choosing yourself?" Riley smiled at the clueless boy. He never did understand. But she did.
"Give them smiley-Riley!"
Smiley-Riley.
The Riley Committe.
The only way to have their naive cheerleader is to keep her naive.
Did they know that instead of a perky advise columnist, she wrote about mental health and the stereotypes that have plauged it. How much of a big red flag did that not send to them. The english teacher who oversaw the journalist club, loved Riley's article and asked her to keep it up.
She did.
It was the end of something, Riley always knew in the back of her mind.
The end of friendships and innocence always came through high school for people, for Riley it certainly did.
The group stayed the same, Lucas, Maya, Isadora, Farkle and Zay. But Riley left, she was already gone with her avoiding them and the journalist club eating most of her time. It was good not to be the girl who's heart was breaking when she was the girl who typed up her heart again and again.
It was the end of Riley and Maya at the Bay Window. With Maya arguing that Riley was ultimetly 'Giving up on us and on Lucas' That's what got Riley's blood boiling and instead of just erupting in her body, heart and mind it also erupted out of her mouth.
"I'm not giving up on everyone when everyone has been giving up on me time after time. How can I take it when everyone just wants one undeveloped Riley, a naive, happy-all-the-time Riley, clueless, stupid, shaped into one mold!" She practically screamed at Maya. "Disband the Riley Committe Maya because you sure as hell should never have done it in the first place. Now. Get. Out." With that Riley Matthews walked past her.
When she entered her room again, with no trace of Maya. Riley saw the window open, a small breeze entering her room. Riley slammed the window shut and locked it. Closing the curtains Riley sat and after a few minutes passed she started to sob.
Her parents found her crying her eyes out. Topanga asked again about her friends. Then Cory asked voicing concern, "Riley?" and the two years of a stupid triangle, a boy who kept going back and forth never choosing and her own mind finally caught up. She told them through the tears about the stupid Riley Committee and how they shelterd her from reality and about the triangle and Lucas stupid descisions and how tired she was.
Topanga instantly wrapped her arms around her and told her she wasn't going to school and that she was going to make a few calls. But both Cory and Topanga held their eldest in their arms as she cried.
Dr. Wendy Day was a nice woman who listened to Riley's plight. It was odd but a good odd. She went to counseling two times a day, talking about the journalist club, her attempt to enter the swim team and the end of her friendship with her group.
Wendy sometimes talked about what could help and gave her anti-depressants and a journal to help with things on her mind. Her parents talked non-stop and Auggie yelled about the new Jurassic Park movie and everything was coming somewhat back to normal.
But sometimes Lucas gave her a look that, back then would have made Riley's heart thump, now it did not. Maya never spoke to her. Farkle and her talked but she could never forgive him with New Years. The only one's she talked with from the group was Isador and Zay.
She could find friends later, she had the journalist club and the swim team to tryout soon. No triangles followed her except the ones in algebra. Right now, Riley had to find herself or more importantly fix herself for a change.
"You painted a blue sky, then go back and turn it to grey. When I lived in your chess game, but you changed the rules everyday"Taylor swift belted from the speaker in her room and she was right. The blue sky came back for Riley but instead of writing a song, she wrote her ending. Her beginning of a new era.
"Dear John, I see it all now that you're gone. Don't you think I was too young to be messed with the girl in the dress cried all the way home. I se it all now that you're gone don't you think I was too young to be messed with the girl in the dress wrote you a song, you shoulda' known, you shoulda' known. Don't you think I was too young. You shoulda' known" Riley, in her red polka dotted dress spun around to the song.
Riley was called many things.
Smiley-Riley, Riley Town, annoying, weirdo, drama queen, ray of sunshine, the cheerleader.
But to herself she was just Riley Matthews.
"Choosing yourself? Riley, I don't understand, what do you mean your choosing yourself?" And he doesn't, probably never will. But she knows now that instead of looking for Prince Charming to save her, Riley had to save herself.
She had to pull a Princess Leia, take a blaster and take down anyone in her way from stopping her rebellion.
So that day in the ski lodge when Lucas said "I choose you Riley" Riley had to chose herself. This wasn't a fairytale no matter how much the 'Riley committee' tried to show her instead of the truth. The truth that in reality the princesses had to chose herself, that they saved themselves, chose themselves instead of the prince.
Riley lived.
NOTE: I do not own Taylor Swift's song Dear John or Rupi Karu's Milk and Honey poetry book. I also do not own the character Riley Matthews nor Girl Meets World. Hope you like this one-shot. I don't watch a lot of GMW but I know enough and I love Riley, I saw a lot of myself in that age in her, so I wrote an angsty fanfic on her. I think it's after the Ski lodge with mentions of the Texas and New Years episodes. Remember leave wonderful comments but no hate!