I, Johnny Cade, have a girl crush. Not a crush on a girl, but a girl crush.

Her name is Nanette Hughs, and she is Ponyboy's girlfriend. God, how bad I want to be her. I want everything she has. I want to be the one who laughs with Pony. I want to be the one that tells him he's beautiful. I want it all.

I watch her across the room in envy as she pushes Pony's ungreased hair back and smiles happily at him. I can see how in love Pony is, which makes me grimace. If only he looked at me how he looked at her. I tear my eyes away from them and stand up. I shouldn't have come here. Pony invited me over, but didn't think to mention that she would be over as well.

Now he's completely ignoring me, which isn't really unusual. We haven't talked in forever. Nanette doesn't like me, and it's obvious that she keeps him from seeing me. "I'm gonna head out of here." I mumble and walk to the door.

"You're leaving?" I hear Pony say.

I nearly roll my eyes. "Yeah, why do you care?" I snap, but instantly feel bad. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to come out that harsh."

"Where are you going?" He asks while frowning.

I shrug. "I don't know. Home I guess." It was better than having to sit here being the third wheel.

"Home?" He says in what sounds like disbelief. "But what about--"

"I can take a hit, Ponyboy. Maybe you've forgotten." This time I do roll my eyes. I don't need him to try and take care of me. I'm fine in my own, I always have been.

Nanette kisses Pony's neck slowly. "Just let him go baby," she says as if I'm not even in the room. "he's just distracting us."

Pony opens his mouth to speak but I beat him to it. "Why the fuck did you invite me over Ponyboy?" I clench my fists and try to keep a steady voice. "So I could watch the two of you shove each other's tongues down your throat? I thought we were finally gonna get to hang out today, like old times. But I guess we're not friends anymore, huh? It'll never be like old times." I stare him down. "Do you realize how much you torture me? I wanted to be the one you kissed. I wanted to be the one you couldn't live without. But it's whatever. I didn't expect that to happen, but I didn't think you'd be so 'in your face' with your girlfriend." The both of them are quiet. I've no doubt surprised them. Hell, I surprised myself. I don't know when the last time I talked that much was. Pony has an obvious shocked expression on his face, and Nanette is looking at me with a sneer. Behind me, the door opens, and in steps Dally.

"Hey y'all, is.." he trails off, noticing all of our expressions. "What the hell happened?"

I stare at Dally, and one impulsive decision later, my lips are pressed against his. He doesn't seem shocked, and he doesn't try to pull away. But he doesn't really kiss back either. With my lips still on his, I flip off Ponyboy and lead me and him out of the house, slamming the door behind me. I pull away from him and lean against the wall, hiding my face. "Dallas just go ahead and kill me." I say softly. "I don't even care."

He sighs. "I ain't gonna kill you, but can I ask what the fuck that was? It really caught me off guard."

I look up at him and shrug. "I don't know. I guess I just got so sick of constantly seeing Nanette and Pony, that I just kinda snapped. I had liked Pony for he longest time, and tonight I was done with his shit. He invited me over to hang out and then didn't speak one word to me. I was so damn jealous. When I saw you, I thought that, maybe..maybe he would know how I felt. But of course he'd have to actually like me to know how I felt, so there was no point in kissing you."

He stares at me for a long time before finally speaking, and when he does, all he says is, "Kid, if you were anybody else, I would have murdered ya."

"Yeah," I sigh. "I know..I'm sorry I took advantage of that fact. It was wrong of me."

"Whatever." He licks his lips, almost as if he were nervous. "I admire ya for standing up for yourself." He leans in close to me. "You know, maybe Pony is jealous.."

His hot breath is right up against my neck, causing me to shiver slightly. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. And maybe you're too hung up on him. Maybe ya wanna just let loose for a night?" He kisses my cheek softly, which bewilders me since I didn't know Dallas was capable of doing anything with gentleness. It also doesn't make sense, because Dally doesn't like boys. He seems to understand my hesitance, because he says, "I wanna let loose Johnny. Just for one night." I don't fight it anymore, and let myself kiss him. This time he kisses back, and let's his hands travel down to my waist. He pulls me off of the Curtis' porch and over to his car. He breaks the kiss to open my door, and then gets in on his side.

He sits with his hands on the steering wheel for a few seconds, just staring ahead. "Dally?" I ask quietly. He turns to look at me, and leans in, kissing my lips. We break apart and he begins driving. I know we're going to Buck's, but I don't know what his intentions are for tonight. I wrestle with a few scenarios in my head, before finally just accepting that whatever happens tonight, I'll just go along with it, regardless if it's what I want. I'm powerless against Dally.

We arrive at Buck's and Dallas drags me up the stairs and into his room. His lips find mine and I don't hesitate to kiss him back. I do enjoy this. Kissing Dally gives me a weird, high, feeling. I like it and I want to keep kissing him. His hands rub circles on my waist and we fall back onto the bed. I don't care what he does to me. I've been starved of affection my entire life, and I need this. I need someone to love on me. I don't care if it only is a fling. I'm sick of being alone.

I run my hands along his hard muscles, which makes me laugh just a bit because I don't remember him removing his shirt. We're moving so fast. We kiss and grope and it all feels so nice. Then all at once it stops. Dallas pulls away, leaving me confused. He crawls under the covers and pulls me close to him. I pant lightly and latch into to him, as if I might slip away if he's not holding me.

"Dally?" My voice come out breathy, and he shushes me quietly.

"Go to sleep Johnny." He says roughly, but I know he isn't mad. Dally pulls me closer, his breath right on my neck.

I sigh and relax, happy to do what he says.