A/N: I suppose this should be in the AtS section but I think Buffy readers will get a bigger kick out of it. During Angel season 5 Spike and Angel reminisce about old times and this was one memory of Angel's.

Somewhere in Europe, 1880

"You know… Joshua," Angelus said to the poor minion before him. With an axe in hand Angelus slowly circled his victim, "I don't take kindly to those that spew lies and even less to those who lie to me."

"Lies? I told you nothing but truth Great Angelus!"

Joshua didn't see the axe coming but luckily Angelus purposefully let it slam into the piece of wall just above the poor minion's head.

"Yet another lie! Tsk, tsk, tsk Joshua," Angelus seethed as he again began his circling. "Darla beds other men, it's true, I know it and she knows it for I to find myself often in another woman's bosom."

"Well then yes! Yes she and I did have relations the other night!"

"This Saturday past you did?"

"Yes!"

"Hmm," Angelus nodded, "she too will then share some of the punishment I will deal." Angelus found Joshua's eyes and his smile beamed with evil thoughts. "But not as much as you will."

"But-but you said you didn't mind that she slept with other men!"

"And I don't," Angelus said happily, "but again I don't cater much to liars Joshua and for that you will find punishment." When he saw the minion begin to shake and tremble in fear he laughed and added, "But I too haven't been entirely honest either Joshua. I had already decided I would torture you, truly, all I was interested in was an excuse."

"Wait so if I didn't confess, if there was no excuse, then you wouldn't-"

"No," Angelus smirked evilly, "I'd still torture you."

"Please."

"Matter of fact I recently came across a new device of torturing that I want to try but I am still such a big fan of mutilating my victims." Walking over to the nearby table Angelus found a small but very sharp looking kitchen knife. "Which shall it be first dear Joshua? Your fingers? Genitals? Eyes?" Angelus listed as he absently twirled the knife with his fingers. "Hmm, no, I think your tongue should go first. After all a man without a tongue can't spew lies can he?"

"Please."

Angelus smiled and dropped the knife to the table, "Then there's my other device."

"Yes! Please! Anything but that!"

Angelus nodded and moved to a nearby chest, "Now where is it? Hot pokers – no, hammer and anvil – no, neck wrench – no that was last week, oh here it is!"

"A book?" Joshua asked. "You're going to read me to death?"

"Oh no," Angelus chuckled as he shoved Joshua into a nearby chair and began tying him to it tightly. "This book's magic is foul to many but to me? The sweet music of Mozart pales to its beauty."

"A spell book?"

"No," Angel said as he turned to the first page, "much worse."

Five minutes later…

"Cut my tongue out!" Joshua cried as he squirmed in his ropes.

"Really must I gag you dearest Joshua?"

"Dismember me! Castrate me! Peel the flesh from my bone! Gouge my eyes with hot pokers!"

Angelus sighed and took the knife from the table, "Very well then."

Another five minutes later.

"Now," Angelus said happily as he finished nailing Joshua's severed tongue to the wall, "where was I? Oh yes! But hark, the lark! Cecily it doth speak!"

"Mmm! Mmm!"

Angelus smiled, "Missing that wee tongue already are we Joshua?"

"Mmm! Mmm!"

"What's that? More?"

"Mmm! Mmm!"

"Well heavens forbid I deny you! Where was I?"

Twenty minutes later.

"Joshua?" Angelus said when the minion had stopped his struggles. "Joshua, you're a vampire, playing dead won't work."

Then, as soon as he had finished speaking, Angelus watched in amazement as the tortured vampire turned to dust.

"Damn," the vampire said and looked down at the book in disbelief. "This stuff is bloody brilliant!"

"Angelus!" a voice from outside yelled followed by rapid pounding on his door.

"What?" Angelus growled as soon as he opened the door and found yet another minion cowering before him. "I went to summon Darla as you requested but she was not there! I fear she is out with yet another man my master."

"Hmm," Angelus said thoughtfully before gently lifting his minion's chin up so that he could see his master's smile. "Bother yourself not with her affairs sweet Michael. Here, join me, sit in that chair."

"Uhh – the one with the bindings?"

"Yes," Angelus nodded, "please let me calm you with some pleasant tales."

Present Day

"There was your poetry, I liked it."

"Really?" Spike said skeptically.

"Yea I really liked it," Angel said.

"Well which parts!?"

Angel smiled evilly.

"All of it."

The End…