A: N/ The characters in the following fancfic are property of Sega, NOT me! This fic is basically based off of Daniel Orozco's Orientation. It's a story about this mystery orientation person and the things he/she say. There is the use of inappropriate language. Enjoy!
Orientation
Those are the offices and these are the cubicles. That's my cubicle there, and this is your cubicle. This is your phone. Never answer your phone. Let the Voicemail System answer it. This is your Voicemail System Manuel. There are no personal phone calls allowed. We do, however, allow for emergencies. If you must make an emergency phone call, ask your supervisor first. If you can't find your supervisor, ask Jet Hawk, who sits over there. He'll check with Wave Swallow who sits over there. If you make an emergency phone call without asking, you may be let go before I kick your ass.
These are your IN and OUT boxes. All the forms in your IN box must be logged in by the date shown in the upper left-hand corner, initialed by you in the upper right-hand corner, and distributed to the Processing Analyst whose name is numerically coded in the lower left-hand corner. The lower right-hand corner is blank. Here's your Processing Analyst Numerical Code index. And here's your Forms Processing Procedures Manuel.
You must pace your work. What do I mean? Fine I'll tell you. We pace our work according to the eight-hour workday. If you have twelve hours of work in your IN box, for example, you must compress that work into the eight-hour day. If you have one hour of work in your IN box, you must expand that work to fill the eight-hour day. That question was okay I guess. Feel free to ask questions. Ask too many questions, however, and you may be let go before I get annoyed.
This is our receptionist. She is a temp. We go through receptionists here. They quit with alarming frequency. Be polite and civil to the temps. Learn their names, and invite them to lunch occasionally. But don't get too close to them, as it only makes it more difficult when they leave. And they always leave. You can be sure of that. The men's room is over there. The women's room is over there. Storm Albatross, who sits over there, uses the women's room occasionally. He says it's accidental. We know better, but let it pass. Storm is harmless, his forays into the forbidden territory of the women's room is simply a benign thrill, only a rise for his stupidity and dull life.
Vector Crocodile who sits in the cubicle to you left, is in love with Vanilla Rabbit, who sits in the cubicle to your right. Vector is a part time detective with his own "agency" with two others called the Chaotix. He helps Vanilla whenever he can whether she needs it or not. Vanilla asks him to do a few things for her from time to time. They ride the bus together after work. For Vanilla, it is just a tedious bus ride made less tedious by the idle nattering of Vector; it is the highlight of his day.
Vanilla Rabbit in the cubicle to your right has a six-year-old daughter named Cream, who is a unique cook. On weekends Vanilla would bring little Cream and her creations. Cream makes cakes, tea, pastries, and other delicious treats. Everyone would grab a bite to eat on their lunch breaks and compliment her homemade sweets. Be sure to try some and compliment her.
Vanilla Rabbit, who tolerates Vector Crocodile, is in love with Antoine D' Coolette, whose office is over there. Antoine, who dimly registers Vanilla's existence, has eyes only for Sally Acorn, who sits over there. Sally, who views Antoine as a friend only, would walk through fire for Sonic T. Hedgehog. But Sonic dislikes Sally. Isn't that hilarious? I've heard of love triangles before, but this is just ridiculous! Charmy Bee sits in that cubicle; he's with Vector's agency. Last year, while reviewing quarterly reports in a meeting with Miles Prower, please call him Tails, Charmy's hand got incredibly hot to the point where it burned him. He said it was a sign of Satan plotting his next kill on Tails, we laughed it off. But surely, the following week we got word that not Tails, but his fiancé, Cosmo, had died in a fire that occurred at their home. So unless you want to know exactly when you'll die, never talk to Charmy Bee, plus he's annoying.
Mighty Armadillo sits in that cubicle over there. He was new once, just like you. We warned him about Charmy Bee. But at last year's Christmas Potluck, he felt sorry for him when he saw that no one was talking to him. Mighty Armadillo bought him a drink. He hasn't been himself since. Mighty is doomed. There's nothing he can do about it, and we are powerless to help him. Stay away from Mighty. Never give any of your work to him. If he asks to do something, tell him you have to check with me. If he asks again, tell him I haven't gotten back to you. This is the Fire Exit. There are several on this floor, and they are marked accordingly. We have a Floor Evacuation Review every three months, and an Escape Route Quiz once a month. We have our Biannual Fire Drill twice a year, and our Annual Earthquake Drill once a year. These are precautions only. These things never happen.
For your information, we have a comprehensive health plan. Any catastrophic illness, any unforeseen tragedy is completely covered. All dependents are completely covered. Knuckles Echidna, who sits over there, tends to physically hurt himself accidently. If anything were to happen to him, if he were to fall victim to illness or injury – stricken with a hideous degenerative muscle disease or some rare toxic blood disorder, sprayed with semiautomatic gunfire while protecting a freaky green gem all day, or attacked in their sleep by a pissed off co-worker, moi, because he can't get shi- I mean work done – if any of this were to pass, Knuckles would be taken care of. Knuckles would not have to pay one dime. He would have nothing to worry about, except me if he doesn't get his lazy ass to work.
We also have a generous vacation and sick leave policy. We have an excellent disability insurance plan. We have a stable and profitable pension fund. We give discounts to co-workers only to purchase our merchandise. We hold raffles with prizes being the original gaming consoles such as the Sega Saturn. We have Direct Deposit. We are all members of Sega Corp.
This is our kitchenette. And this, this is our Mr. Mountain Dew. We have a Mt. Dew pool, into which we each pay 10 rings a week for coffee, filters, sugar, and ice machines. If you prefer Cherry Dew or Tropical Fantasy, there is a special pool for 3 rings a week. If you prefer Pepsi, Sprite, or Brisk, there is a special pool for 5 rings a week. We do not have root beer. Well we do, but you are not allowed to drink any, you are not to touch the root beer because it is mine. If you do, I'll make you watch reruns of Sonic 06.
This is the microwave oven. You are allowed to heat food in the microwave oven. You are not, however, allowed to cook food in the microwave oven. I'll be damned if you make a mess.
We get one hour for lunch. We also get one fifteen-minute break in the morning, and one fifteen-minute break in the afternoon. Always take your breaks. If you skip a break, you can kiss it goodbye. For your information, your break is a privilege, not a right. If you abuse the break policy, we are authorized to rescind your breaks. Lunch, however, is a right, not a privilege. If you abuse the lunch policy, Big will take your lunch break to finish his bacon, egg, cheese, frog- I mean olive hero sandwich. You wouldn't want that would you?
This is the refrigerator. You may put your lunch in it. Silver T. Hedgehog, who sits over there, steals food from this refrigerator. His petty theft is an outlet for his grief. While on their honeymoon, Silver's wife, Blaze, sacrificed herself for unknown reasons. Blaze was two months pregnant at the time. It was a tragic loss for Silver. He hasn't been himself since. Silver's wife was a beautiful woman. She was also completely covered. Silver did not have to pay one dime, but his dead wife haunts him. She haunts all of us. We have seen her, reflected in the monitors of our computers, moving past our cubicles. We have seen the dim shadow of her face on our photocopies. She worked here with us before her pregnancy, so she would visit us, mainly her husband. She pencils herself in the receptionist's appointment book, with the notation: To see Silver T. Hedgehog. She has left messages in the receptionist's Voicemail box, messages garbled by the electronic chirrups and buzzes in the phone line, her voice echoing from an immense distance within the ambient hum. But the voice is hers. And beneath the voice, beneath the tidal whoosh of static and hiss, the gurgling and crying of a baby can be heard.
In any case, if you bring a lunch, put a little something extra in the bag for Silver. Hopefully he'll let this pass in the future. Get it?
This is Espio Chameleon's office. He is our Unit Manager, and his door is always closed. We have never seen him, all except Vector and Charmy; he is the last member to their agency. You will never see him, but he is there. You can be sure of that. He is all around us.
This is the custodian's closet. You have no business in the Custodian's Closet. Let Ella handle her job.
And this, this is our Supplies Closet. If you need supplies, see Sonic. He will log you in on the Supplies Cabinet Authorization Log, and then give you a Supplies Authorization Slip. Present your pink copy of the Supplies Authorization Slip to Sally. She will log you in on the Supplies Cabinet Key Log, and then give you the key. Because the Supplies Cabinet is located outside the Unit Manager's office, you must be very quiet. Gather your supplies quietly, or suffer a bombardment of shuriken. The Supplies Cabinet is divided into four sections. Section One contains letterhead stationery, blank paper and envelopes, memo and note pads, and so on. Section Two contains pens and pencils and typewriter and printer ribbons, and the like. In Section Three we have erasers, correction fluids, transparent tapes, glue sticks, et cetera. And in the Section Four we have paper clips, push pins, scissors, frozen chili dogs, and razor blades. And here are the spare blades for the shredder. Do not touch the shredder, which is located over there. The shredder is of no concern to you.
Amy Rose sits in that office there. She is crazy about…um…Sonic, and collects everything associated with him. She has sonic dolls, action figures, posters, stationary, clothing, slippers with pajamas, and pictures. She wears her slippers to work on late nights, and harasses Sonic during the day. She stalks him, tries to force him into marriage, he even pulled a restraining order on her. But did that work? Nope. She didn't even get detained for violating it. The license plates on her pink corvette say, "SON AMY1". Amy is in charge of organizing the Annual Christmas Potluck, and the Birthday List. Amy is a nice person at heart and will help anyone when needed. Just don't get in between her and her self-proclaimed boyfriend. Rouge T. Bat sits in that office. She is obsessed with jewels. Remember how the Hope Diamond was close to being stolen? Well that was Rouge's doing. She was a treasure hunter, still is I think, but we're not supposed to know that. She is our décor department, although a few times she prepped the place up a little too much. She likes to flirt with a couple of the guys here at the office, mostly Knuckles and Shadow. This woman will do whatever to get what she wants, but don't worry, she's good people.
Shadow T. Hedgehog sits in that cubicle over there. He is a shady character, not much is known about him. What I do know is he lost someone very dear to him not long ago, he's still grieving. He doesn't talk much; he always completes his work on time and even does overtime. He is our fastest typist by the way. Rumor has it that he killed over two hundred people for various reasons. He doesn't acknowledge people very much, but there are signs that show he does. The only person he talks to more than the supervisor is our friendly little bat. He even hangs out with her on days when he's not working! Can you believe that? I sure couldn't at first. He can't stand Sonic for some reason; they constantly have stare downs when they cross paths. I sense rivalry, don't you?
This is the photocopier room. And this, this is our view. It faces southwest. West is down there, toward the water. North is back there. Because we are on the seventeenth floor, we are afforded a magnificent view. Isn't it beautiful? It overlooks the park, where the tops of those trees are. You can see a segment of the bay between those two buildings over there. You can see the sun set in the gap between those two buildings over there. You can see this building reflected in the glass panels of that building across the way. There. See? That's you, waving. And look there. There's Charmy in the kitchenette, waving back.
Enjoy this view while photocopying. If you have problems with the photocopier don't come to me, go see Vector. If you have any questions don't ask me, ask your supervisor. If you can't find your supervisor, ask Jet. He sits over there. He'll check with Wave. She sits over there. If you can't find them then you'll have to find me. Just don't ask 21 questions okay? That's my cubicle, I sit there.