Alone.
Afraid.
Unloved?
Unsure.
Unimportant, denied, forgotten…
How could something so obvious, so painful it leaves me short of breath, deprived of hope, stained with tears, be so untrue? It's clear to me, this lie that defines me. How can I believe what people say, that it's not what matters?
I'm thrown away. Hardly even a second thought. Why do they even pretend to care? I'm given a few short sentences, thrown at me merely from the top of their head so they can move on, and it's supposed to ease my pain… They don't try, don't take the time, because I don't matter.
They've left me for dead.
I'm under attack from all sides, stuck with so many flaming arrows I should no longer be breathing. But they just watch as I struggle, putting on a smile and pretending that they care, that they love. I'm worthless. I've been abandoned by God. Nobody cares. I shouldn't even be here.
Why have my friends abandoned me? We were once so close, so inseparable. We could tell one another everything, depend on each other for support. But now they've left. They're slowly drifting away while I stand in my hour of darkness, weakened from battle and longing for some form of relief, of escape. Now only one stands strong alongside me.
If I'm so despised, of so little worth, why are they mad at me? I cling to the one sole comrade who tries to stand firm, who listens and laughs and encourages. Yet the others are bitter towards us both. I can never do anything right. I'm always the object of wrath, of some form of offense though I don't know what I've done to be so.
Can anyone hear me? Does anyone really care now? What's happened to me, to what once was? Where has my family gone?
They've abandoned me…
Why? Because I'm not pretty enough. Not good enough. Not slim enough. I'm a nuisance and a burden. I have too many issues weighing me down, and no one is willing to help me through them. I no longer believe I can overcome… I'm not even sure I hold anymore interest.
Should I just give up? Spare the ones around me from any further annoyance? It seems the easiest path. Maybe I should just let go…
But no! I refuse. I can stand firm with the help of the Savior I can see coming in His glory. My Prince Charming, my Knight in Shining Armor; He's come to rescue me from this battle I cannot fight alone. He'll heal my wounds, for he is the ultimate Healer. He'll mend my friendships, because he is the most loyal Friend. He'll show me my beauty and my charm, for he is the most creative Artist, the perfect Maker who makes his creations perfect. He loves me like no other. He cares like no one else can, and in the light of his adoration of me the thoughts of anyone else matter nothing. My person and my life are found in Him. He defines me, not these lies that had chained me down. He's broken my bonds and set me free, now leading me in my life's dance to the song He's written just for me. He cares! I'm worth it! He will never leave nor abandon me.
My love, my life, my King… How could I have doubted you? You've shown me I do matter. My friends still do care. You've opened me up and exposed me to myself, Father, and I ask that you would never close me up again. Show me who you want me to be, where you want me to go, what you want me to say and do and how I should do it. Change my heart to one fallen madly in love with you. You are all I need. You are me Provider and Portion, and without you I'm merely one more face in a sea of millions. But in you, Father, I am defined among the people—I am your creation, your precious child, and I am loved beyond what I can fathom. Never leave me, Lord. Never let me go back to my human mindset, for I am not simply a human on earth having a spiritual encounter with life. No, Lord, you have made me a Spiritual being and have given me the blessed opportunity to have a human encounter. You give me this time to learn to lean on you, to depend on you and grow in my relationship with you. You are worthy to be praised! Thank you for what you've given me, what you're doing in me, for those I love and who love me, my Jesus. You are Almighty and All-Seeing. I am exposed before you, and you know everything about me. Thank you for that familiarity, Lord. And thank you for always being there for me.
I love you, Father. Let me express that in everything I do. In all may I give you the glory. My life I commit into your hands, my heart I entrust to you. You are my ultimate Lover and Friend. Apart from you I have no other needs. Fill me to overflowing with your love and joy. Forever speak into my life. Guide me through all things, and lead me in your ways.