It had been 2 weeks since Lisa. 2 weeks since Jack suspended Ianto for a month. But here Jack was, the time was two thirty in the morning and Jack was asleep in his bed. He woke when he heard the cog door open. Jack got out of bed and looked through his window – there was no one there. Suspiciously Jack took his gun and slowly made his way to the entrance. He turned the corner and froze… a soaking wet Ianto was curled up on the cold metal floor, he was crying.
'What are you doing here? You're not supposed to be back yet.' asked Jack, lowering his gun.
'Hurt me Jack.' said Ianto, not taking his eyes off the floor.
Jack bent down beside Ianto and ran his fingers over his wet hair. The poor boy at walked from his flat in the slating rain and he hadn't even put shoes or a coat on. The rain had soaked him to the bone. Jack was still angry but 6 miles in slating rain, no coat and no shoes.
'Please cause me pain.' whimpered Ianto,
'Don't you think I've done that enough?' said Jack voice dripping remorse.
'Physical pain. The mental pain is too much I need the physical pain to balance it out. Please Jack.'
Jack sighed, maybe sending him own to be by himself wasn't such a brilliant idea. 'What do you want me to do?'
Ianto sat up and looked Jack in the eye, Jack noticed the poor boy was shivering.
'Fuck me.' Jack's heart fell. 'Fuck me so hard it hurts. Please.'
Jack stood up. 'No.'
'Please Jack.' Ianto shouted. 'I know you're angry with me for risking innocent lives and I bet you really want to hurt me, inside you want to beat me into a pulp and feed me to the dogs.' Ianto pause, quieter. 'You can do whatever you want to me, just cause me pain.'
Jack sat down. He took Ianto's hand and held it in his.
'I can't. if I start I won't be able to stop and I'll kill you. I can't.'
'Wouldn't that be better though. Me dead?'
'No.' Jack said quickly. 'I'm annoyed at you but wouldn't want you dead. Not ever.'
'Then please…'
Jack looked down and thought, thought deeply. He looked up again.
'Come with me.'
Jack stood up and walked towards his office. Ianto could tell Jack was still angry, he would usually help him up. He got up and followed Jack. Inside Jack's office Jack's head was poking out his hole. Jack went down and was followed by Ianto. Jack walked past his bed and into his little bathroom. Ianto followed him in. They stood either side of the sink. Jack had his hands behind his back, obviously hiding something.
'I can't hurt you.' Jack moved his hands in front of him displaying the object he held. 'Have a go and I'll stop you if it gets too much.'
Ianto just stared at it. This is not how he wanted it.
'Don't you think I've already done that?' Ianto asked,
'Show me.'
Slowly, Ianto lifted up his wet shirt. Underneath, on his hip were 6 deep, red 'hope marks'. Jack couldn't, wouldn't believe it; he never thought Ianto would do such a thing. He thought he was better than that. Jack knelt down and ran his fingers over them. He looked more closely, there were white lines beneath them – Ianto had done it before. Jack stood back up. He gripped the sink for support.
'I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up.'
'It doesn't work anymore Jack. I did it a lot when I was younger, now I don't feel a thing. Please hurt me, I need you to hurt me.'
'I will. If you promise, never to do that again. No matter how bad things get. I want you to know, once things get really bad they can only get better. It might never be ok but it will get better.'
'Oh thank you.' Ianto hugged Jack.
Jack left it a few seconds before shoving Ianto backwards into the wall. He crashed his lips down on Ianto's and clawed at his back through his shirt. Ianto sobbed in gratitude. Jack ripped his shirt and dug his fingernails into Ianto's shoulders. Jack broke the kiss and threw Ianto out the door and onto his bed. Jack yanked his trousers down leaving Ianto naked on the bed. Jack straddled Ianto's legs.
'You want me to fuck you so hard it hurts?'
'Yes. God please.'
'I will but I'm going to do other things first.'
Ianto smiled his happiest smile in weeks. Jack stood up and walked to a cupboard. He opened it and took out a range of tools and toys. He walked back over the bed and laid them down.
'Take your pick.' said Jack.
Ianto looked at the range on the bed: whip, candles, a small knife, rope, bat, a small mirror and dildos.
'Hit me. I don't care what with. Turn my skin red make it bleed.'
'Turn over.' replied Jack.
Ianto turned over and Jack picked up the whip. He laid himself onto of Ianto and soothed his skin. Ianto sniffed and Jack sat up again. He raised the whip high and brought the leather down on Ianto's bare back. Ianto shouted and red lines appeared on his back. Jack whipped him again and again. More red lines appeared. Ianto loved it. The stinging sensation made him feel so alive. He heard Jack pick something up. Whatever it was Jack opened it next to Ianto's ear – he heard the all too familiar sound of metal scraping metal. Knife. He felt little jabs in his back.
'Deeper.' He urged Jack.
Jack made the blade go in deeper. Ianto bled but it felt good. It was like all the pain was going out in the blood. Jack took the knife out and did the same in another area.
'Turn over Ianto.'
Ianto rolled over and Jack held the knife to his shoulder. Ianto watched it and his breath hitched in his throat when it touched his skin.
'You're scared.'
Ianto's eyes flicked up at Jack. 'I'm not.'
'If you don't want me to do this I won't.'
'Jack. I want you to hurt me. I deserve it.'
Jack put the knife and pulled Ianto up into a sitting position. Jack took the candle and a lighter.
'Hold out your arm.' commanded Jack.
Ianto held out his arm and Jack lit the candle. He held Ianto's arm and the candle. He held the glowing ember underneath Ianto's arm and let the flame like his skin. Ianto gasped and relaxed. The burning in his arm was good.
Ianto smiled and Jack watched him before moving the candle.
'Lean back and hold the candle. I'm gonna fuck you. Hard.'
Jack let Ianto lean back and Ianto took the candle. He held it and let the hot wax run over his hands and burn them. Jack took a dildo and shoved it up Ianto's arm startling the man. No stretching. No lube. God it was tight but it hurt and that was good. Jack didn't hesitate before drawing it back out then pounding it in again. Ianto rode it, pulling deeper with in him. Jack leaned over him and blew out the candle before the room was set on fire. The candle was placed on the floor and Jack resumed pounding Ianto with a plastic cock. Jack pulled at Ianto's nipples making the younger man yelp.
'You want more of this or me?'
'You.' Ianto gasped. 'God I want you.'
Jack removed the dildo and buried himself inside Ianto tearing a shout from the man's throat. Jack sat at a right angle to Ianto and pounded him fast and hard. He ran his hands over his face and down his neck. Could he do it?
Without thinking. Jack shoved his hands around Ianto's throat and applied pressure. Ianto realised what Jack was doing. He clamped his hands around his wrist and tried to push Jack away. He was too weak. Struggling to breath and getting weaker by the second. All the blood thumping in his ears. Would he die? Darkness took before the answer…
Jack stood over him, not crying but not smiling. A sort of empty look on his face. Ianto was below him on the cold metal bed. Jack didn't mean to but he did warn Ianto.
'I can't. If I start I won't be able to stop and I'll kill you. I can't.'
That line when through his head again and again. Why did he do it?
Jack looked at the burn on his arm. All Ianto wanted was physical pain and look what Jack did. How could he have been so stupid?
'Thank you.' It was barely audible.
Jack looked into Ianto's eye.
'Thank you Jack.' He said a bit louder.
'I'm so sorry I didn't mean to.'
'It's what I needed.' Ianto sat himself up. 'Well, I'd better be going – I've still got 2 weeks left.'
Ianto pushed himself off the bed and Jack stopped him.
'Stay. Sod the 2 weeks I want you here. With me.'
Jack smiled and kissed Ianto. Jack slotted in between Ianto's legs like a puzzle. They'd hurt each other and they'd heal each other…