Burning Ashes Chapter 1
I wake up. In no rush to start the 's been a month since Prim died, since I was the Mocking Jay, since I killed Coin. My heart is still broken, it aces from death of so many friends. I feel tears run down my face, surprised I have any left. Peeta came back about a week or so ago, but I after he planted the Prim roses, I lost it again. Going back into a slump of depression and sadness. Greasy-Sae still comes. Cooks for me, and makes me eat. I don't know what to do with my life anymore. I just sit here in the days. Numb. Nothing to live for anymore. Then one day, I sit up on impulse. Prim wouldn't want me like this. If I died and she was here, she would be happy, or would try to be happy for me. She wouldn't want me depressed. I get up, my legs numb. I make my way upstairs. Slowly but, surely. I do my hair again, before I notice its so tangled again, I will have to jump in the shower. I scrub the dirt off my face, and the rest of my body. After I get done, I just sit in the shower, and let the water mist me. I feel better. I get on some clean clothes, and re-do my braid. I look at my face, its fresh from the shower. I try not to notice the water in my eyes. I go downstairs, smelling food. It smells amazing, I haven't really had any feeling in anything since I have been sitting here. "Your up today?" Greasy-Sae says with a smile. I nod. She doesn't have her granddaughter today. I sit down on the stool as she hands me a plate full of bacon, eggs and potatos. I eat the food. "You know, you should really go say hi to the boy, after everything he has been through," she says. She's right. I need to say something to Peeta. But what is there to say? I finish my food and I get my hunting boots and jacket. Still by the fire place, where I threw them off after Peeta and the Primroses. I head for the woods. The only place I can think of. The town looks different. More life than it had, more anything. Some of the people on the streets give me looks. I don't know if they are looks of sorrow or what, but I know they look. I finally make it to the gate. The meadow is dug up. I forgot, that's where they put so many people. I think of Madge and her family, under my feet. I start to walk back feeling over whelmed. I don't know where I am going, but somehow, I end up in front of the bakery. It looks bright and warm. Peeta. I don't know what to say to him yet. What if walk in and he is there? What if he goes mad? What if he is just mad at me? I don't know what to think anymore. But, I think on my feet as I head into the bakery.
The smell of treats hit me as soon as I walk in. I close my eyes for a moment. It smells of cheese buns, and suddenly, I am craving one more than ever. I slowly walk in, I don;t see anyone yet, until I notice. The blond hair from behind the counter. He smiles at a customer hands he hands her a cookie. Peeta. I try not to cry. It's the Peeta I knew before the hijacking. The Peeta that loved me. The Peeta I want to hug. I go up to the counter. He is looking down at his order book. "Hi welcome to Peeta's Bakery, how may I help you?" He finally looks up. Our eyes meet for a moment. They are clear, blue and beautiful. "Katniss," he says. "Yeah," I respond. Its the first time I spoken in two weeks. "Glad to see you," he says with a smile. I smile back. "Well, I just came by to see what you did with the place," I say. I lie, I really don't know why I came in here. "Wait, don't you want anything?" He asks. "I have no money," I say. "I mean, I left it all at home," I finish. "I think we can make an exception," he says, He grabs my hand, I flinch at first then I follow him into the back. He gives me a cheese bun. He remembers. This almost brings me to tears. "You alright?" he ask. "I'm fine," I say. "I got to go," I run out the door before he can ask why.
.
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I run back to my house and shut the door. What was I thinking? I'm not ready to talk to Peeta. I go upstairs and warp myself in my blanket. I have no one her to talk to. My mother has abandoned me. Prim is dead, so is Finnick, and Cinna... the list goes on. Then I think. Haymitch. I havn't seen him since he came back with me here to District 12. Maybe he isn't as drunk as I think. I decide to try. I get up and walk over. My hope of him not being drunk is left behind whe I find him passed out on the floor. The house isn't dirty...yet. It has a few broken bottles here and there, and a lot of empty ones. "Haymitch," I say. Nothing. "Haymitch," I say again. Nothing. I leave his house and slam the door behind me. I am stressed out on everything. I don't know what to do. I am back n my house in my bed again. Warped in my blankets. As I drift to sleep, I can't help not to think of Prim.
I am thrashing. I wake up. I am screaming my head off. I had the worst Nightmare. I haven't had a nightmare in so long. Maybe its because I have been numb in mourning. In this dream, every person that died, was attacking me. Biting off flesh in hunger. I look over at my clock. It's 2:47am. I know I won't be able to go back to bed. Not with out him. I turn on the lights and go down stairs. I make myself some warm milk and add honey and spices like they did in the Capitol. The taste comforts me as I sit by the fire I lit. I am calm for a moment. No one bothering me. No one here. Then, I realize, I am lonely. It didn't hit me until now, how much I crave human affection. I want someone here with me, but all the people that actually loved me are gone. I try to sip on the milk again, but the warmth I had inside is gone. It refuses to go down my throat. Tears fill my eyes and I am on the verge of some mental breakdown. Then, there's a knock on my door. I get up to get it. Maybe Haymitch heard my screams, since he dosen't sleep at night. I am surprised to meet the eyes of Peeta. I guess a tear finds its way down my cheek before I can wipe it away. "I heard you scream," he says. I don't know what to do, so I just stand here. "Are you alright Katniss?" He ask. I back away from the door, so he can come in. I am silent at first, but the tears are winning as the take over my face. Then I tell him everything. He listens to me as I sob and talk. Its the old Peeta. When he opens his arms, I walk into them. I haven't hugged him in so long. I don't want to let go. I don't want it to end. He pulls apart. I am disappointed, but he has to say something. "I am always here for you," he says. "Always," He said that to me before Quater Quell, when I hurt my ankle and he carried me upstairs, I was under the spell of sleep syrup and I asked him to stay with me, he whispered it to me, I didn't catch it at first, but it hit me later. I hang on to that word now, as we sip milk in front of the fire place. Always.
I wake up in my living room. Peeta is gone. Our cups still on the table. My muscles are stiff. I look at the clock, it's 6:19am. I am
wide awake now, no point of trying to go back to bed. Then I hear a flush. Peeta walks out the bath room. "Your still here?" I ask. "I can go, if you want," he says. "You can stay," I say. "Are you tired?" I ask him. "Nah, I wake up like this at home, to get ready for work," He says, running his fingers through his shaggy hair. "Oh, do you have to work today?" I ask. "No, it's Saturday," he says taking a seat on the couch. "So, since I'm staying, what do you want to do today?" he ask. I think for a moment. I don't do anything on my free time, actually, I'm surprised I'm not in the slumps. Then I get an idea. "Do you have a swim suit?" I ask. "Uhh, I think so, why?" he ask. I run upstair to my room. In the back of my closet, I grab a blue one piece bathing suit, my sandals and some sunscreen for my skin. I stop in the bath room for a towel. "We're going to swim," I say. He has a confused look on his face. "Swim? Where?" he ask. "Just go get your things," I say. Peeta wants to shower and stuff so I agree to meet him here at ten. Greasy-Sae comes in. "Where are you going today?" she ask looking at all my things in the rocking chair. "Swimming, with Peeta," I say. She smirks and I turn red. "Of course you're 'swiming' " she says with a laugh. "We really are," I say. Peeta comes back ready to go. We eat breakfast and say goodbye to Greasy-Sae. "Come on," I tell him. He follows me as we go through the woods. "Katniss, where are we heading?" he ask. "Be patient Peeta, we will get there," I say. When we do, the lake is beautiful. I take off my outer clothes and strip down to my bathing suit. Peeta follows after watching me. I jump right in, letting the water cool me off from the hot summer day. I go down and decide to have a little fun with Peeta. I hold my breath as long as I can. "Katniss?" he starts saying before he jumps in. I come back up the same time he does. "You scared me!" he says. I laugh. "Losen up," I say. He rolls his eyes at me. We spend the whole day swimming and splashing. It's fun, and I wish Prim would have been here with us. I get out the water. "You okay?" Peeta ask. I nod, but I can tell he doesn't believe me. "You miss her?" he ask. I nod again. "I miss my family too," he says. I forget sometimes that Peeta lost everyone. I feel bad for him. We sit at the edge of the lake all day, our feet in the water. The sun begins to set. "That's my favorite color," he says. I look at the sky again. Sunset orange. This little motion brings me to tears of joy. "You alright?" He ask rubbing my back. "I'm just fine," I say. Hopefully, I am true.