Wow, I've been neglecting this site for awhile. I'll try to start posting more often.

I don't own Calvin and Hobbes nor the Texas Chili Bowl

There once was a six-year-old named Calvin. Calvin is an extraordinarily smart child. He is an expert in Paleontology and had a vocabulary larger than most adults. Calvin also has an extremely active imagination and is thus prone to performing some rather odd (and occasionally illegal) acts. He also owns an anthropomorphic pet tiger named Hobbes whom only Calvin is able to see. As a result, he is the favorite target of a surprisingly tough first-grader named Moe.

One day, while Hobbes had been relaxing on Calvin's bed, Calvin returned home from school very distressed

"I can't take it anymore!!! Moe has finally gone too far!!!" Calvin rambled as soon as he entered his room to find Hobbes. "I've endured the wet willies, purple nurples, wedgies, extortion, mocking, threats, and even beatings. But this is too much!!!"

"What'd he do this time?" Hobbes asked casually, not bothering to even look up at his friend.

"Well, Moe learned a new practical joke. It's called the Texas Chili bowl. And I happened to be the first one that he tried it on. I'm lucky to have survived!!!" Calvin explained as he paced around the room.

"What the heck is a Texas Chili Bowl?" Hobbes questioned.

At hearing this, Calvin seemed to zone out. "Well, um, it involves hot sauce, a telephone, and, um, something that I'm really not comfortable mentioning." Calvin muttered. "And it is single-handedly the most evil prank in existence. Moe must suffer!!! I will have my revenge!"

"You do realize that he's twice your size and shaves, right?"

"Correct, but I am far more intelligent than him. Using my superior intellect, it will be easy to devise a plan capable of stopping him permanently. And I know just what I'm going to do. Hobbes, get a carton of milk, a case of food coloring, a ball of yarn, and a package of cheese. I'll sneak away and find the firecrackers, screw driver, and superglue. We'll meet back here in three hours." Calvin explained. "Now let's go!!!"

Hobbes finally looked up at his friend. "I'm not getting involved. This is your vendetta, not mine!"

"Fine!!! I'll do it myself!!! I thought you were my friend, but apparently not! Now you have incurred my wrath. Sleep with one eye open pal! ONE EYE OPEN!!!" Calvin screamed as he ran out of the room and down the stairs, leaving Hobbes to shake his head and relax.

"What a weird child!"

Calvin had been going the fridge in search of necessary supplies. Personally, the worst part of Moe's prank for him was the fact that Calvin hadn't thought of it first. It would actually be pretty funny if Calvin ever decided to use it himself.

As he searched for the cheese, Calvin just happened to stumble upon a bottle of hot sauce. The sight of the sauce brought a mischievous smile to Calvin's face. He couldn't resist the temptation.

"Oh Dad…" Calvin called out as he grabbed the hot sauce and strolled over to the nearest telephone. "Could you come here for a second?"

"…And now, Dad is in the hospital, I'm grounded for the rest of my childhood, Mom's found out about Moe using the Texas Chili Bowl prank on me and is going to talk to the teacher, which can only result in Moe trying to kill me for snitching on him, and worst of all, I banged my knee when running away from Mom!" Calvin explained to Hobbes as he got into bed.

"Wow! That Texas Chili Bowl sounds really bad! Will your dad ever walk again?" Hobbes asked.

"Oh sure, he'll be fine after a couple weeks in the hospital. But let's not worry about him. Worry about me! My knee still really hurts!" Calvin replied.

Hobbes shook his head in amazement. "Well, I hope that you've learned something after this experience."

"Yes, I guess I have." Calvin replied. "I've learned a new prank to pull on Susie tomorrow…"