Notes:
The story takes place a short time after Astra's death. It veers off canon after that, just to warn you.
I would like to thank my amazing beta sporkmetender for all her help. Her incredibly insightful feedback and attention to detail has made this a much better story.
That's it folks, hope you enjoy!
Come Undone
1/2
Strictly professional. That's what they were now.
"Yes Ms. Grant, no Ms. Grant, right away Ms. Grant…" It seemed her whole life was reduced to platitudes. Forget a "thank you"; eye contact was too much to ask for when it came to Cat Grant.
Cat barked out orders, at Siobhan mostly. And if Kara was lucky, she'd intercept some mundane task along the way—something, anything, to get back in Cat's good graces.
It was a futile effort, of course. Kara was pretty sure she could stand in front of Cat flailing her arms and yelling profanities and Cat would still find a way to ignore her.
It was surprising, really, that after countless battles with all sorts of creatures, the thing that hurt her the most should end up being something as simple as dismissal.
"Kara!"
"Yes…what?" She sat up, startled by Winn's proximity.
"Did you hear what I just said?"
"Of course I did." She ran a hand through her hair. "You were saying how you'd…uhm…"
"Please tell me you boiled that for some tea."
She followed Winn's gaze to her desk where a steaming glass of water sat, hot bubbles jumping on its surface.
"Oh, I didn't mean to…" She grabbed the glass, bringing it close to her lips. With a quick look around she blew into it, cooling it significantly before putting it back down.
"I was afraid you were going to say that."
"I'm fine. Really, I feel…perfectly fine." She rubbed her eyes, thankful that no one seemed to be paying her any attention.
"I get that, I do, but this is the third time this week, Kara." Winn leaned closer, whispering, "You've been losing control of your powers and you need to get it checked out."
She picked up her folders and started towards the photocopy room.
"I will. If it happens again, I will. I just think I'm a little tired, that's all."
Winn followed, walking close. "That's what you said when you broke my laptop."
"I apologized for that."
"That's not the point. You need to let the DEO help you."
He was right, of course. Kara knew that the logical thing to do was to go to the DEO and get a full body check-up. She hadn't been feeling quite like herself since her fight with that alien creature the week before. And it wasn't just her powers; her mood was shooting up and down like a roller-coaster. Kara couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so out of sorts. And yet the thought of seeing J'onn filled her with such disgust that she could literally feel her eyes burn with her powers. She didn't trust herself to be near him. Not when there was a very real chance that she might lose control and end up hurting him, or worse yet, hurting Alex or any of the other agents in the building. She just needed to take some time away from the place, calm down. Deal with this like a human. People got sick all the time, and they didn't go to the doctor at the first sign of a cold. Sometimes things passed on their own and really, if things got worse, she could always go to the DEO as a last resort.
"Listen, I know things have been difficult lately," Winn said, as though sensing her thoughts, "with Astra gone and Ms. Grant giving you the—"
She held up her hand, cutting him off. "There is a fire. I need to go, emergency for Supergirl."
"Oh, yeah, go—of course."
"Sorry, we'll continue this later—promise."
She ran, ripping her clothes off and feeling dread fill her with each step. Not only were her powers going all wonky on her, but she was also lying to her best friend.
The rain pattered soothingly against the window, notes of Chopin's Nocturne Number 1 Opus 9 played gently in the background. Cat took a sip of her wine and hummed contently. She typed and typed, enjoying the feeling of the keys giving way beneath her fingertips, words flowing from her like the music.
She was working late. Too late, really, and yet once she'd started writing she hadn't been able to stop. It happened sometimes, the need to put words to paper. It surprised her that the need still struck her. Most of her days were spent editing other people's work. And yet this, what she was doing now, was the reason she had become a reporter in the first place. Getting lost in a story so thoroughly that time passed her by.
A sudden bang from the far corner of the office paused her fingers. She was supposed to be alone in the office, and yet that had sounded an awful lot like an opening door. She turned off the music.
"Hello?"
When no response came, she purposefully relaxed her stance and considered going back to her writing, but found the mood broken. She glanced at the clock—it was 2 am.
Perhaps it was time to go home after all. With reluctant hands, she closed down her laptop.
The sound of breaking glass along with a muffled cry had her reaching inside her bag for her mini taser and shouting "Who's there?"
Silence.
"I will call security if you don't show yourself right now!"
She reached for the phone. "I gave you a chance,"
"It's me."
Cat took a few cautious steps forward. "Kiera?"
And sure enough, it was her frustrating assistant who appeared outside her office, her wet hair sticking to her face.
"What are you doing here at this hour?"
"I…"
"Never mind, I don't care. Next time just turn on some lights, will you? No need to sneak around just because you don't want to get caught by the boss."
"No, I…"
"Save it." Cat grabbed her bag. It was indeed time to go home.
Ever since the incident with Adam, Cat couldn't bring herself to be in the same room as Kara. The disappointment she felt about her son leaving had somehow gotten mixed up with her frustrations with Kara. She was obviously taking out her displeasure out on Kara unfairly. But knowing that to be true and doing something about it were two separate things.
So she was leaving rooms that Kara entered and avoiding eye contact just to get through her days without the constant reminder of her failure. More than anything, she felt guilty about pushing Kara towards Adam in the first place. The three of them should never have been in that position, where her son was dating her assistant whom she had frustrations about. Frustrations reminiscent of those she felt in her college days right before she'd started dating Sarah, the school fencing champion.
Cat wasn't stupid. She knew she was attracted to her 24 year old doe eyed assistant, and if the way she often caught Kara looking at her was any indication, she wasn't necessarily alone in the feeling. Perhaps it was even more than a simple attraction—an impossible situation she'd tried to run away from by pushing Kara and Adam together. What a mistake that had been.
And now there was a wall. One she had created, to be sure, but a wall all the same. And backtracking had never been one of Cat's strong suits. She'd said some hurtful things to Kara and not only did she not know how to take them back, she could barely co-exist in the same building with her.
So she was certainly not going stay here, at this hour of the night, without a single soul to come between them.
She walked briskly, passing by Kara without a glance her way. After just a few steps, though, she noticed the footprints she was leaving behind. "What…?" The dark substance looked an awful lot like blood.
She spun around, her stomach clenching. Kara was standing there with a dazed look in her eyes, copious amounts of blood dripping down her right hand.
"Jesus, did you cut yourself?"
Kara looked at her with a confused expression, no trace of her usually bubbly self.
Cat rushed to her side, pulling out her scarf and grabbing hold of her hand. "Here, hold this."
She wrapped the scarf around Kara's fingers as tightly as she could, growing more concerned with each moment Kara failed to respond.
"What happened?"
Kara just looked at her, puzzled. Something was definitely wrong.
"Kara, tell me what happened."
Kara blinked, "I..."
"Did you hit your head? Are you on something?"
"What?"
"Your eyes aren't focusing. Do I need to call an ambulance?"
"No, no doctors."
"Okay, then tell me what happened here."
"The vase…it broke in my hand but then I bled."
"I can see that." Perhaps the blood loss was affecting Kara in a strange way. "Is that all?"
"I need to call Alex."
"Who?"
"My sister."
The slow slur of her words and the grey tinge to Kara's skin had Cat reaching for her arm. "Okay, let's have a seat first."
"Cat…"
Hearing her name only served to worry Cat more. "What is it?"
Kara's lips were trembling, her eyes filling with tears. "I don't…"
"You're okay, you hear me? Stop panicking right now."
"I don't feel so…"
It was the last thing she said before she keeled over in a faint. All Cat could do was catch her.
When Kara came to, she found herself lying on Cat's couch. There was a wet towel on her forehead and her feet were raised up. Cat was pacing back and forth, barking into the phone, "…here in 5 minutes or I'm calling 911."
The couch creaked beneath her as she tried to raise herself up.
"Lie back down, Kiera." Cat marched over. "I'm not carrying you if you faint again."
Though her words were harsh, Kara could see the relief in her boss's eyes.
She fell back, her head spinning with the sudden movement. "Sorry."
"Yes, well, don't do it again."
She wouldn't if she could help it. Though on second thought, fainting might not be such a bad idea. It would certainly relieve the pain in her head, pounding against her skull to the beat of her pulse. She closed her eyes for just a moment, trying to shield against the blinding brightness of the room.
"Kiera?"
"I'm awake."
The palm on her forehead had Kara's eyes blinking open.
Cat sighed. "You're burning up."
"Alex?"
"She's on her way, though I don't know what help she can offer you that a hospital can't. You need to get your hand stitched up, and who knows what else is wrong with you."
"I'm fine, just a headache—a migraine, I think. My hand is fine. It doesn't even hurt anymore."
"Yes, I'm sure." The couch gave way under Cat's weight. "It's probably healed itself, as these things do."
Ironically, that was probably the case actually; only Cat didn't need to know that.
"You're right, I'll get it looked at first thing."
"First thing will be too late." Cat unzipped the first-aid bag she kept in her office for Carter, pulling out a fresh bandage. "Let me see," she said, reaching for her arm.
Kara pulled back. "No, it's fine really, Ms. Grant."
"Don't be silly, Kiera, that scarf is soaked through with blood. We need to put on a clean bandage. I have the disinfectant spray as well. Do you want it to get infected?"
"No, I…"
"Really Kiera, Carter is braver than you," she said, grabbing hold of Kara's arm.
"I'm sure he is."
"If he were here, he'd tell you that there's nothing to be afraid of. I've bandaged my fair share of cuts in my day, you know? I'm practically a doctor. I promise I'll be gentle, okay?"
Kara knew she was staring, but she couldn't help it. It had been so long since Cat had shown her any interest at all, let alone tried to take care of her in this semi-playful way.
"What?" Cat asked, without her usual bite.
"This is the longest you've spoken to me in weeks." Kara hadn't meant to say it, only she didn't feel like she had much control of anything at the moment, words included.
Cat's eyes widened in surprise. She swallowed and straightened as though suddenly realizing whose hand she was holding.
"Don't be silly, I speak to you all the time," Cat said, letting go of Kara's hand. "If you prefer to wait for your sister, we might as well do that. She'll be here any minute now."
"That's probably a good idea," Kara said, feeling a strange sense of disappointment.
Cat looked at her for a long moment, as though she was going to say something, but then stood up and started pacing again. "So, what does your sister do anyway? A paramedic, I'm assuming?"
"Something like that," Kara said. What was one more lie at this point really? And technically Alex did have first aid training.
"Well, I think it's silly to be avoiding hospitals just because you have a paramedic in the family. You do have insurance, Kiera—might as well make use of it. It's not like you're—"
Kara could see that Cat was still talking, and yet with each passing moment she was losing the ability to follow what she was saying. There was something wrong with her ears. It felt like the pounding of her heart was getting louder and louder, echoing throughout her body. She ran a hand through her hair, trying to snap out of it. She really was sweating a lot—her hand came away wet. Her sweat was glistening on her palm, like tiny little crystals. And then suddenly all she could see were those crystals on her palm, flashing under the lights, blinding her with their brightness. Disoriented and confused, she was abruptly shaken out of her vision to find Cat hovering over her, literally shaking her shoulder and mouthing something with worried eyes.
Kara shook her head, trying to communicate her helplessness. She tried telling Cat that she couldn't hear her, and yet she couldn't hear herself to be sure it worked.
Cat's panic was obvious on her face, and yet just as soon as it appeared, it disappeared to be replaced with confident reassurance. She held up her hand, indicating for Kara to wait, and rushed to her desk. She came back with a pen and a notepad, already scrawling away.
She held up the notepad.
"You're going to be fine. Don't be scared," it read.
Kara nodded, her lips trembling.
"You can't hear me?" Cat scribbled.
Kara shook her head in confirmation.
Cat held up the notepad again. "Are you in pain?"
Kara pointed at her head in response, even as she felt her eyes tear up with emotion.
Cat took hold of her good arm, squeezing in reassurance. She was looking at Kara so softly, so meaningfully that Kara felt like her chest was breaking open. This was a look that was solely reserved for Carter—until now that is. She was kinder and warmer and more caring than she had ever been before as she reached over and cupped Kara's cheek, wiping away her tears with her thumb. Kara couldn't help but lean into her touch, close her eyes, and savor the moment despite the terrible circumstance it was coming in.
"Oh, Kara."
Kara's eyes snapped open. She could hear her.
"You said my name," she said, her voice breaking with relief.
Cat chuckled, her own eyes moist. "You heard that?"
Kara nodded.
"What's going on, Kara?" Cat said gently.
Kara swallowed back her tears, wanting so much to tell her. "I…I think I might be sick."
"I think you might be right." Cat gave her a sad smile. "Tell me."
She looked at her so encouragingly that Kara just found herself talking.
"My senses are acting up—my sight, my hearing and stuff. It's going out and coming back…I can't seem to control…and this headache is just…" She was just in so much pain and she was tired. So tired.
"How long?"
"About a week," she said, "but it wasn't this bad before."
Cat's face fell with each word out of Kara's mouth.
"Okay," she said, nodding slowly and deliberately, like an investigator collecting the facts about a disaster. "Did you—" Cat cleared her throat. "Have you been to a neurologist?"
"No, no, it's not…" a brain tumor, Kara thought, sitting up despite the pounding in her head. She was scaring Cat more than helping her with her explanations. "It's nothing like that."
"How do you know?" Cat asked.
Kara could hear the timid hope in her voice. "I just do."
"That's great, Kara," Cat said, now annoyed, "that's a very mature way of dealing with something like this." She took a calming breath, "You have to make an appointment. I'll call Dr. Wishickowski right now; he'll squeeze us in first thing in the morning."
" , please don't."
"He is the best in the field, Kara, you remember—he was Daniel's doctor."
Daniel-Cat's brother, who had died from a brain tumor. Kara didn't think she could feel worse and yet the guilt of scaring Cat like this... And she must be scared, because Kara had never heard Cat bring up her brother. Not since his funeral in Kara's first year at CatCo. Cat had been unrecognizable when she'd gotten the news—the one time in Kara's life she'd broken down in the office. She'd taken a week off after that, something she hadn't even done when Carter was born—or so Kara was told. When she came back the following week, things were back to normal, the only difference being that there was now a silver frame with his picture on Cat's desk. To the outside world, she was the perfect businesswoman with no weaknesses whatsoever. Kara knew better.
"Please, Ms. Grant, it's not a tumor."
"Kara, sweet girl, listen to me. It probably isn't, you're probably right, but if there is something—anything—the most important thing is early diagnosis."
"Cat, please. It's not a tumor, I know it for a fact."
Something in her voice must have been convincing, because when Cat looked up, sitting so close to Kara, close enough that a stray wind could have blown them together into a kiss, there was doubt on her face. "How?"
Kara had never wanted to tell someone her secret as much as she did right now. And what if she did tell Cat? What was the worst that could happen? Maybe Cat would be upset with her for lying, but she might eventually forgive her. She was Supergirl's biggest supporter, after all. And if she got fired, she got fired. At least Cat would stop looking at her with such worry, and sadness.
That she could inspire such an emotional reaction from Cat was proof that she cared about Kara. Maybe even more than cared. There had been those moments before Adam, when it felt like things between her and Cat were moving towards something—moments that felt heavier and more meaningful than just a regular mentor/mentee relationship, when she'd catch Cat looking at her with what might have been longing. At least that's what Kara liked to think on her most hopeful days. If there was a chance, any chance that Cat might become more to her one day, she'd have to be honest with her anyway. Clark had told Lois, so she could surely tell Cat.
But then, what if Cat became a target because of her?
She took an involuntary breath. The idea of losing Cat was unbearable. Physically painful to think about. Non could go after her and she'd be helpless to do anything about it. Damn it, she could barely sit up straight; she was in no state to protect anyone, let alone someone she cared about. And Carter, she'd not only be putting Cat in danger but Carter as well. She couldn't risk them like this, just because she wanted more than anything to look into Cat's eyes and tell her the truth. It was selfish, it was wrong. It was unacceptable. In fact, she was putting her in danger just by being in the same room with her right now. She wasn't safe to be around. Suddenly a horrible thought came into her mind—what if her heat vision came on and she couldn't control it? What if she hurt Cat?
She flinched back into the couch as though burned.
"Ms. Grant, you need to get away from me!"
"What?" Cat said, starting back in surprise.
"I can't explain it. Please just leave—I'm not safe to be around."
She looked around, feeling like a caged animal, trying to think, think, THINK.
"Kara, you're not making any sense. I can't leave you like this."
"Please, please, Ms. Grant, please go." She was crying earnestly now, begging.
"Kara, talk to me," Cat said, Kara's words having the opposite effect on her. She leaned forward, "I don't understand."
"Cat, I don't want to hurt you!" Kara was shaking with fear. "Can you just… if I mean anything to you, anything at all, you'll leave me here."
"No."
"Fine, then I'll leave." Kara pulled herself up, head spinning, feet getting tangled in the carpet as she tried to make her way out.
"Kara, stop! You can barely stand up. You're going to hurt yourself." She reached for her. "Kara—"
Kara jumped back in reflex. "No, don't come any closer!"
Cat gasped in horror, falling back against the couch.
Only the look in Cat's eyes let Kara know that she had jumped too high, too far. In fact, she was still in the air, hovering by the entrance of the office.
"Supergirl," Cat croaked, understanding filling her eyes finally—understanding and betrayal.
"I'm sorry," Kara rasped, feeling miserable and helpless.
Cat was never going to forgive her.
The headache was blinding. She couldn't think, she couldn't move; she could only hang in the air like a puppet, her strings being pulled without her say.
She could hear fast footsteps approaching; Alex was coming in, with at least 3 other agents. She just needed to hold on for another few seconds and Alex would be there.
"Kara!"
She screamed as her super hearing activated on its own, Alex's voice echoing in her head, literally making her teeth shake from the pain. She recoiled from the sound, crashing against the windows. Cat's screams overwhelmed her as the entirety of the glass wall shattered around Kara.
She tried to stop it, covering her ears with all her strength, but it was too loud. She tried flying out, but outside was even louder! Every bit of noise was jabbing her ears like a blade. She withdrew back into the office.
"Too loud, too loud," she was crying, as though just by calling out, she could silence the noises.
Every breath, every footstep, every heartbeat in the room was still too loud. She felt wild and out of control, simultaneously both in excruciating pain and outside of herself at the same time, watching herself going through the motions of a disastrous dance.
Alex was shouting commands at the other agents; Kara couldn't make out anything anymore. Still, she called out for help, "Alex!"
And then suddenly, like a vacuum sucking out the air from her ears, there was silence in the room.
She hovered, disoriented, too shocked by the quiet. Afraid it was the calm before the storm.
"Kara, can you hear me?" Alex was looking up at her, hands held up high like she was trying to calm a wild animal. Agents behind her were all pointing their guns at her.
She nodded, exhausted. "Help me."
"I will. I will, sweetheart. Why don't you just come down here?"
That made sense, Kara thought. She should stop flying around. Only she couldn't remember how to do it. Why was she here anyway? Where was she?
"Cat!" she shouted, suddenly remembering. "Cat was here, Alex." She wasn't safe to be around. "You need to get her out of here."
"I will—she's fine. Just come down, Kara."
"Alex," she begged, panting. "My powers…"
"She can't control them." It was Cat, cowering behind the couch.
Kara's eyes locked onto Cat's.
"Stay back, Ms. Grant," Alex warned, but all Kara could see was Cat.
"Come down, Supergirl," Cat said, raising herself up, brave till the end, "I know you can do it."
Kara shook her head, tears running down her face. She couldn't.
"I'm sorry." She mouthed, barely hanging on to her sanity, even as she felt her muscles starting to convulse. As though an electrical wire was set loose on her body, the seizure took hold of her, swinging her back and forth through the air. She felt like her head was splitting open as her heat vision finally forced itself out of her.
Wherever her head turned, her heat vision brought destruction, cutting across the furniture in the room with the force of a volcano. The screens on the wall exploded into pieces, crashing onto the floor one by one, sparks flying everywhere, the ceiling falling in large chunks all over. She was devastating everything around her.
There was no stopping this. It would run its course, destroy CatCo and the people inside it unless—
"Alex!" she screamed with the last of her strength, "shoot me!"
Alex was hesitating.
"Please, Alex!" she cried, "It's the only way."
"Damn it—"
A piercing pain in her thigh shook her to her core, but it wasn't enough. Her heat vision was still going strong.
"Again!" she ordered.
"Kara, no."
"You know I'm right. Just do it!"
Another one caught her in the arm, slowing her down. The fire in her eyes was weakening, but still burning across the room, even as her skin turned into fire ants, eating at her.
"Again, Alex!"
"I can't—"
"You have to stop it! Please!" She hovered helplessly, begging. "Please!"
Two hit her at the same time—one in her shoulder, the other in her chest—and she dropped like a stone.
"Hold your fire!" Alex shouted, "Hold your fire!"
She felt her head bounce off the floor with a crack. Right before her eyes rolled back into her head, she was able to make out a blurry Cat pinned under a piece of furniture, clutching her bloody arm amidst the debris, looking absolutely petrified.
She had the stray thought, "I've failed."
Finally mercy came in darkness.