So for the longest time my computer had a virus on it but now all is good back to the writing! ^_^ so here is a new Fanfic! Sorry but I am no longer writing Lonely& broken (TT_TT)P

Any who! I came up with this story while my computer was on sick leave and I could not get it out of my head! so here it is! I called it Dear Diary and I will tell you that it has my warning that some of the things in it will not set well with some, just remember that it's a story and none of it is real and you don't have to read it if you don't like it. (U_U) this chapter isn't graphic but there is some under age stuff going down... with that said enjoy! ^_^

I do not own Naruto or any of its characters!

This fic was Beta read by DarkSacredJewelXoX

Dear Diary

Chapter 1: It started with a Kiss

My story is not a one based off of a clean slate. There are twist and turns of secrets and untold feelings of regret, over ruled by lust and need. I write this to tell of my story; it is one of truth and there are no stones unturned. I am Haruno Sakura, I am nineteen years old and this is my story.

Dear, dear diary, I want to tell my secrets
Cause you're the only one that I know who'll keep
them
Dear, dear diary, I want to tell my secrets
I know you'll keep them, and this is what I've
done

It is late spring only a few more days left before summer. The air is nice and warm the breeze calming, soothing, but not for me. This is a year for me that I find to be the hardest on my heart, still dealing with the day to day struggles that most teen girl face at age sixteen. I am also suffering from the broken heart brought on by the loss of Sasuke. In the end Naruto was not able to persuade him back to the village and they fight, ending with the loss of Sasuke's I sit here now on this nice warm day only feeling as if it is as dark as a night without stars or the moon.

I was sitting by the stream we would all spent our free time at as Team 7. I needed to get away from everyday life, away from family and friends that say things to me like, "We know how you feel Sakura. its okay" or "We know what you are going through, everything will be alright." It wasn't okay and they didn't know. I needed to get away from that. My usual place of solitude being the west bridge was too obvious a place for people to find me so I found myself here, soaking my feet in the cold water rushing over my skin, watching as the small fish below swam past and between my feet.

Kakashi is the only one who could find me out here in the forest. I know he isthere behind me, but I play it off like he wasn't, I guess I still blame him for Sasuke although it was Naruto who killed him. He is now standing beside me, just looking down at the water streaming by. We still do not talk.

"I'm sorry… I can't stress that enough, but I can see that forgiving me is not on your roster of things to do this week."

"You let Sasuke die."

I still do not look at him, but he is now sitting himself down next to me.

"I know, but there was nothing I could do about it. One way or another he made up his mind. He wasn't coming back to Konoha to start over a new life, he only meant to destroy it for revenge over the death of the Uchiha clan. He betrayed us and my first priority is to protect this village and those in it. I would kill or let die any one opposed to that...even if it is someone I was close to."

I turn to him, but his eyes are on the water. I can only see the bark blue of his hitai-ite and his navy blue mask shadowed by the shad of the trees above us.

"Even if you love them?"

He turns his attention to me; I now see his visible right eye. It reminds me of stone: cold and lifeless, but strong and unmovable.

"To betray someone you love, you are telling them you do not love them at all. There is no love in a relationship with out sacrifice. Selfishness is not an option in a team. Sasuke did not love you Sakura."

His words are not meant to hurt me, but I find myself crying. He is only telling me the truth and the truth hurts.

I don't know if it is his way of comforting me or if it is his way of telling me it wasn't really his fault, but he is sorry. I cannot remember why or how it turned this way but his lips are now on mine. I am in shock, but he seems to not notice. It is the first time I have ever been kissed and I think that he knows this. The kiss is soft, slow, and warm. His hand is in my hair kneading my scalp, but he is also guiding me, showing me the right way to move my mouth with his. I feel him moving closer and now he is pressed against me. His body is hot; even through his thick shirt and vest I can feel the heat of him… it is comforting and alluring, I feel safe and kept in his hands. I feel his tongue press slightly against my closed lips. This action leads me to think he wants his tongue in my mouth. I feel unsure and that makes me feel embarrassed, but I part my lips and let his warmth fill my mouth. It is awkward, I am not sure of what it is I am supposedto do, but he soon shows me the way to move my tongue with his and now our tongues are dancing.

Just as quickly as it starts, Sensei is breaking the kiss and he is now standing. His mask is in place but I can feel the weight of his guilt.

"I am sorry Sakura I should not have done that."

I feel as if I have done something wrong and now I am apologizing too but he is quick to reject my apology.

"No, Do not apologies, you have done nothing wrong. It was me who started it. I am your sensei and it was very wrong of me to kiss you."

Before I can speak, he has turned his back on me and is now walking away. I stay watching him leave.

Hours later, I am in my room. I still do not understand what has happened between me and Kakashi sensei. I know that we shared a kiss, one that was shared between a sixteen year old girl and a twenty-nine year old man. When I go over it in my head, it is wrong. Perhaps he knows this and that is why he left the way he did, but I am partly to blame. I could have stopped him at the start.

Weeks later, I got fed up with being ignored by him in passing and having him brush me off by telling me he had missions. I stood at his door, waiting for him to open it. It sounded like he was cleaning up last minute before the he opened the door.

"Is there something wrong?"

He looks frustrated and annoyed. I shake my head.

"Then why are you here?"

"Can I come in?"

I hear him sigh; he doesn't want me to come in, but he moves out of the way to let me in anyway. He closes the door after I am inside. I look around. The room is small there is a small kitchen and table in the corner to my left, a desk and a closet occupying the side to my right, and a single bed in the corner of the room next to the window. It is the first time I am in his room, but I guess there are a lot of firsts for me being around him lately.

"Why are you here Sakura?" he repeats.

The tone of his voice is not angry or upset. I turn to look at him he is leaning against his table, his arms crossed at his chest and I blush. He is fully dressed in his Jounin clothes without the vest, but still it makes my belly flutter. He is everything the dictionary saysmasculine is. I find him attractive and I am not sure if this attraction was always there or if it was brought on by the kiss we shared in the forest by that stream. I feel insecure in his presence and I lose my train of thought. Why am I here?

I look at the floor. I am not sure why I am in his apartment. I just want to be. I hear him walking towards me. He stops right in front of me; his body is close to mine. I hear him speak and his voice is different than when I first entered.

"Tell me why you came here, Sakura."

The sound of his voice makes my stomach flutter nervously and I bite my lip. His hand is on my cheek while the other is placed on his mask, the closer he gets the lower is goes.

"Is this what you came here for?"

Before I can register his words, his lips are pressed against mine. It is just like the first time, but more familiar. He is walking me back into the bed and I am now being seated on the olive green sheriken printed bedding. He then breaks the kiss and turns to close the curtains. He turns back to me and I find myself feeling disappointed. The first time he acted quickly and I didn't get the chance to see him, and now in the safety of his small apartment room I still have yet to see his face. It is like the shadows of his studio are binding to his will, shielding what he has uncovered. His movements are swift and smooth. It is hard to stay focused on what he looks like with his tongue in my mouth and for the most part I stop caring, his looks lost and forgotten on my mind. His tongue licks the roof of my mouth and rolls with and around my own tongue. I can taste the sweetness of his saliva coating my inexperienced muscle and I start to feel hot, mainly between my legs.

He sucks at my lips and plays in my hair, but his hands never roam past my shoulders like I want them to. I felt the wetness building up between my legs and the wet material of my panties sticking to my sex is annoying me. With his keen sense of smell, I wonder if he can smell my arousal. He soon stops and pulls his mask back into place. I know he has a look of disappointment in his eyes but I do now understand why. He turns and looks the other way, seeming to examine his curtains and when he looks my way again, he smiles. I think he smiles so I do not blame myself for his previous look. He ruffles my hair like a child and stands.

"You should go. I'm sure you have other things to be doing then sitting here in my room on my bed… with me… you need to go."

"I'm sorry!"

I jump up to plead with him to let me stay a little longer, buthe stops me with a smile and ushers me to the door. He turns me to him and kisses me on the cheek before opening the door and pushing me out. I walk away and continue on with my day but my thoughts are full of sensei and his skilled tongue.

The next day I am at his door again. He opens it and he lets me in. I sit on the bed and he comes to join me. He closes the curtain and then his hands are in my hair, I think he like the feel of my hair because he always plays with it. He removes his mask and starts to kiss me but this time his kisses are hungry and urgent. He is moving fast and it scares me. I know he feels me tense because he is now stopping and backing off. He sits with his face in his hands.

"What am I doing?" I watch him shack his head so I touch his shoulder but he shrugs me off. "I shouldn't be doing this with you. It's wrong."

"But I want you to…"

He looks at me, but I still cannot see his face completely. He moves closer, but his movements are unsure. He is kissing me again and I feel his body pressing against mine. He starts to move over me, forcing me to lean back against the bed. His hands are not touching me. He has them placed firmly on the bed at either side of me; his kiss is not as it was minutes ago, but not quite as gentle as the last two times. I try something new and put my arms around his neck pulling him closer. He breaks the kiss but he does not pull away.

"Open your mouth."

I do as he tells me.

"Now suck my tongue."

He slides his tongue back in my mouth and I do as he asked, sucking and scraping my own tongue against his as I sucked it. I felt him groan in satisfaction and it sent shockwaves through my belly and down between my legs. He stops and pulls back slowly. I wonder why. I watch him sit up. He didn't look upset or disappointed with what had happened this time, but he didn't smile either.

"You should go now. I have things to do, reports to turn in, and a book to read."

I stand. I know he doesn't mean to hurt my feelings. This is just his way of keeping me at an arm's length. He stands and walks me to the door, kisses me on the forehead and I leave.

Days go by and then weeks and we continue this kissing game. I would show up in the morning and we would kiss. Sometimes we would talk before hand, but once I felt like wanting more he would stop and say,

"You should go now, I have things to do."

I stand and he walks me to the door, kisses he on my cheek or my forehead, and then I leave. We only kiss and he never moves his hands anywhere but my arms, my face, and my hair. Maybe this is his way of keeping himself in check and maybe this is why he never moves his kisses from my lips. I must stay honest with myself: I wish he wouldn't keep his reserve; I want him to do more.

So that's it for chapter 1: Its starts with a kiss.

chapter three: It is wrong!

will be posted soon so look for it! If you like this chapter then you will like the chapters to come but I do warn you the upcoming chapters take a turn to dirty villa. please review I like it when people review! ^_^