Bianca di Angelo's Simple Recipe for Getting a Boyfriend

Pairing: Nico di Angelo/Will Solace

Summary: Wherein Nico can't talk to his crush, Bianca thinks she's hilarious, and Will knows more than he's letting on.

Or also known as the fic where the author uses every cliché Destiel library trope and implements it into Solangelo.

A/N: cross-posted on Ao3, as usual. Rated T for language because everyone is so nitpicky on it. Links to the post on tumblr that inspired this and additional resource links I used in the writing of this fic can be found on the Ao3 version of this fic if you want to see it. (User: PorcelainEcho, posted under the pseud Moons-and-Glassware)

Warnings for jabs at bad YA novels and pre-teen girls, ooc Bianca & Celyn, Nico cursing, and Will wanting to engage in intercourse with Nico. I probably should also mention that this is an Alternate Universe (Modern Setting) and they're both adults.

Nico was not shy, dammit.

And he definitely did not get all tongue-tied every time the man who sat alone at the library every day (Will, his mind helpfully supplemented) smiled down into whatever book he was reading. He also didn't want to run his hand through the other man's golden locks and kiss the hell out of him every time he spoke in that stupidly cheerful voice and his stupid lips were so full and Nico just wanted to –

Fine, so Nico was totally gone on him. It wasn't like Will paid any heed to him. In fact, the only reason why Nico knew his name was because he and the demure librarian volunteer from the local college were on first name basis. It wasn't hard to guess that the college girl liked him from the way she blushed when he talked to her. Whether Will felt the same way was unclear, but Nico was a hundred percent certain that he would never be interested in him. The only reason why Nico was in the library was because Bianca had pestered him to pick up some books on Greek Mythology for her class. The kids in the library made it sure to show their fear of him, and the mothers scowled at his dark outfit and his gloomy demeanour. He scowled back.

When he was just about to leave the library, he saw him sitting at the only seat that soaked the sunlight from the tiny window and poring over a book with focused intensity. The man was beautiful, and Nico had found himself enraptured, and two weeks later, coming daily to the library under the pretense of work only to stare furtively at the man every few seconds over a book.

Will never looked at him.

Nico scowled down into his book, only vaguely aware that he was holding a Winnie the Pooh picture book upside down for the past hour. (The child who had wanted to borrow that book watched Nico with fearful eyes from the other side of the library.)

The man finally closed the book before heading to chat up the assistant volunteer before checking out with the book and heading out of the library without a backwards glance. Nico threw the Winnie the Pooh picture book down on the table (which was promptly snatched up by the child who had been staring at it for a good part of the hour he was there) and headed for the exit. Instead of leaving in stealthy silence, he stopped by the checkout and looked at the college girl.

She raised an eyebrow at him, taking a sweeping glance at him before settling on his face with a clear look of distaste. "Yes?" she asked, her tone bored. "If you're looking for books for advice on Gothic attire, I can assure you that we don't keep stock here."

Nico pushed away his irritation. "Are you hiring?" he asked, cutting to the chase.

She blinked, clearly surprised. He took the time to read her nametag: Celyn. "No, we're not," she said slowly as if he had lost his mind. "But I could ask the head librarian –" He huffed in annoyance before she finished and walked out of the library, leaving the college girl to stare after him in confusion with her unfinished sentence still hanging in the air.

-SOLANGELO-

While Nico didn't want to admit it, his sister sure could rub salt into the wound.

Okay, okay, fine god dammit, so Nico was shy. Was she happy now?

But Bianca couldn't stop cackling over this development like she had just discovered something preciously hilarious. Nico hadn't really been keen on feelings since his ex-boyfriend Percy dumped him for the wonderful and brilliant Annabeth. His girlfriend was genuinely nice to him, but he couldn't help harbouring bitter feelings every time he thought about that nasty breakup.

Anyway, Bianca had insisted that she followed him to the library since he was spending so much time there lately instead of sulking outside of random buildings and smoking as he glared at passersby. While he had desperately tried to feign interested in shitty novels that most pre-teen girls called high-class literature, he couldn't help glancing discreetly in Will's direction who was faithfully in his regular seat and reading a new novel.

Maybe it wasn't so discreet because Bianca figured it all out within five minutes. She watched Nico's scrutiny drift from the boorish teen book he had picked up carelessly over to the handsome man. His eyes glazed over and his mouth opened slightly as he tilted his head to watch him shamelessly.

Until Bianca started laughing, of course.

Nico's head snapped quickly over to Bianca with narrowed eyes. In the silence of the library, her laughter sounded like she was ringing a fucking cowbell, and Nico lifted up the teen book up to cover the redness of his face (My Sweet Teen Boyfriends: Book 5 of New York Times Bestseller 'My Complicated Teen Life' the title on the book proclaimed above the image of a proportionally impossible white girl).

Celyn was frowning at them, her hand poised over the telephone that was connected to the head librarian's office. Bianca didn't stop there – she moved right beside Nico so it became painfully obvious that she was talking to him to anyone who bothered to observe. "Oh my God Nico, you have a crush! You could have told me about it." Her words were loud enough that anyone within a metre could hear her speak with clarity.

"Shut up!" Nico hissed, his face getting redder by the moment. Sometimes, he really hated having a pestering older sister. "He's not interested," he mumbled, his words lost between the pages of the books.

"I beg to differ," Bianca said, nudging him so hard on the shoulder that he almost fell over from his seat. "He's looking at you with bedroom eyes."

"No he's not!" Nico whisper-yelled. He held the book higher to cover his face, completely unaware of the title he was sporting for Will to see. If Will was looking. Which he was not. Because he was uninterested. And Nico really did not have an insatiable urge to look over right now.

Bianca shrugged in nonchalance, but there was a wicked grin on her face. "Well if you want to confirm, then you can look for yourself."

That was it. The ball was dropped, the glass was cracked, or whatever bullshit metaphor he could think of. Nico pulled the book down and looked up and was greeted with the sight of stunning blue eyes that he could wax poetry about despite the fact that he had never touched poetry ever again after that mandatory unit in his high school's English class.

Nico looked away immediately, feeling embarrassed to the core. He dropped the book unceremoniously on the table and walked out of the library without a word to Bianca, his face flaming red.

"He has a flare for dramatics," Bianca said out loud to no one in particular.

-SOLANGELO-

A full week passed after that day and Nico had yet to visit the library since. He shut himself inside his room and refused to talk to Bianca about Will. He had thought that his sister left the topic alone until she burst into his room unannounced and dumped a pack of notecards into his lap. He stared up at her suspiciously.

"This is advice for you and your library friend," Bianca said, her expression not even betraying a smirk or a smile. "It works." With that, she walked out of the room leaving Nico with a pile of handwritten notes.

He eyed them suspiciously, picking one card up by the edge and squinting at Bianca's curly handwriting. "Do you have a name or can I call you mine?" It took a second before Nico realized these were pick-up lines. Of all goddamn things. Did his sister really think he was going to be picking up men left and right now? Jesus.

But… Nico had to admit that he was charmed by a few of them… Well, it wouldn't hurt to try. Besides, Nico was always better at saying things when he had them written down on paper. If he had to speak to Will without some kind of aid, he's probably choke and be embarrassingly rushed off to the hospital.

-SOLANGELO-

When he went back to the library, Will was in his usual spot and Celyn was all smiles and enthusiasm as she checked out books for a mother and her child until her eyes landed on Nico. She frowned at him but didn't say anything to deter him from his mission.

Nico headed over to Will's table, feeling confident for a brief moment. He could do this. He would read it from his notecard, and then Will might fall into his arms. Hopeful wishing, but Nico could dream. His shadow fell over Will's book, and the man looked up. He smiled at him, and Nico felt his heart stutter. All his insecurities rushed back to him. Oh God, what the hell was he doing?

It was too late to back down now, and Nico couldn't remember what it had said on the notecard. He brought it up and scanned the words before looking up at Will and then back down again. He cleared his throat before starting down the road of mortification. "Hey…so…uh…" Nico made the mistake of looking up at Will before he looked down again. He could feel sweat beginning to form on his brow. "Did you…uh…" Bianca's handwriting was torture to read! Nico didn't think the words were in English for one second despite having read it over multiple times in preparation. "Did you fall out of heaven because, um." Shit, shit, shit! In Nico's haste to get the words out his hand fumbled, and he dropped the entire fucking deck of cards onto the floor.

Oh God. He could already feel Celyn smirking victoriously from where he was standing.

He started to ramble. "Shit. Fuck. Oh God, fuck. I'm so sorry, you're – you're just so pretty I'm sorry–" He cut himself off before he could do any more damage. Oh God, did he just call him pretty? That's it. Nico had reverted back to middle school. He was just going to leave with his tail tucked behind his legs now. Will probably thought he was crazy and a freak now.

Before Nico could stop himself, he glanced at Will's expression. The man was staring at him, his mouth slightly open and his eyes full of amusement. Finally, Will leaned forward and whispered, "You know, I'd really like to fuck you right now."

It was Nico's time to gape. He bent down and picked up the cards in an attempt to hide his red face from Will's view. There had to be a proper answer to that somewhere in these cards. After he picked them all up, he sifted furiously through the notecards that he had memorized just hours ago. There was no proper answer unless it was "On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight?" So Nico finally looked up to meet Will's entertained gaze and said, "I, um…don't have a card for…this situation…"

He wasn't sure if Will was making fun of him or not, but he'd take what he got. Will stood up and clapped Nico on the shoulder with a grin. He leaned closer to him and whispered in his ear, "How about dinner tonight instead then? I'm Will." Simple introductions should not have sounded so seductive. They should not.

"I, uh, yes. Yes, I would very much like to," Nico found himself saying, unsure of how he was even making proper sounds come out of his mouth when he was just thinking wha…? "My name is Nico."

"Well Nico, let's exchange numbers and I'll see you tonight," Will said with a wink. They did, and Nico was uncertain of how his fingers didn't tremble and shake. Before they parted ways, Will said, "By the way, why did you think I was in the library all the time?"

Nico's brain needed a minute to catch up and realize that Will was asking him a question. He blinked and observed the other man's wide smile. "To…read?" he asked, wondering if this question had a wrong answer.

"No, it was because of you," Will said. "You're pretty too. See you tonight." Will winked before heading out of the library and leaving Nico clutching his notecards in his hand and wondering what the hell just happened.

"I should have known he was gay," Celyn finally grumbled from her post where she had been watching them.

-SOLANGELO-

When Nico arrived home with a dazed look still upon his features, Bianca immediately knew what had occurred and filed the memory away for a rainy day in the category of Embarrassing Moments Starring Nico di Angelo.

- the end

A/N: Once again, I am sorry for abusing Celyn's character since she is definitely NOT portrayed that way in the books, but I didn't want to create an OFC and Drew Tanaka didn't work for this role so I just flipped through the last book and picked a name. Reviews are great, of course.

did you know?: I have this fic labelled under "bianca is such a great sister" here. Whoops.