Losing Pain

Chapter One

Harry Potter woke up by the foot of his bed with a pounding headache. He had no memory of the day before but he was positive that he had been drinking… a lot. He tried to go back to sleep but instead he was kicked in the stomach by Ron Weasley.

"Get up you ass, our first class starts in an hour and I don't want to start the new term badly. Hermione's waiting for us downstairs."

Harry groaned and didn't try to get up. Ron kicked him again even harder. He still didn't make a move to get up until Ron kept kicking him and he was too sore to refuse. Ron helped him up and had him sit on his bed while Ron got some new clothes for him.

"Put these on and don't you try sleeping again." Ron left and Harry looked the clothes. Ron had chosen some plain blue jeans and one of the many sweaters Mrs. Weasley had given him. He didn't remember why he never burnt them. He threw them on the floor and got his own clothes: black baggy jeans, a slightly baggy black t-shirt, and a black stone stud for his nose. He had gotten it pierced during the summer. He slipped a black box inside his robe pocket and made sure the robe covered every inch of skin on his upper torso.

***

"I didn't pick those clothes for you!" Ron exclaimed. The three friends were in the common room. Ron and Harry were glaring at each other. Hermione was just watching, waiting for when she had to keep them from getting physical.

"You're not my mother," Harry retorted. I'll meet up with you later." Ron was about to protest, but Hermione told him to let him go. Harry left to the Astronomy tower. It was dark and empty, just the way he liked it.

He sat down against the wall like so many times before. Taking out the black box, he opened it to reveal a silver dagger with a gold handle. He looked at his reflection, bright green eyes glowing back at him. He felt a lump forming in his throat, but he swallowed it back down. He hated how he was always so emotional.

Pulling up the sleeve of his robe he looked at all of his visible scars. Before, he would use a disappearing charm, but he had gotten tired of using it. Anyways, they were a part of him now. Finding an untouched piece of skin he slid the blade across, careful of not nicking any important veins. Blood seeped through the newly made crack; he smiled as it dripped onto the floor. Every drop was a day of his horrible past, coming out of him, leaving him forever.

Once his headache had disappeared he quickly cleaned up the crimson red puddle he had made and used a small healing charm to close the slit to nothing but another scar. He stood up and a feeling of lightness filled him.

Had too much bled out? Should I stop?

He shook his head. He was strong and if he could handle hangovers this would hardly be any different.

***

"Where'd you go?" Hermione asked. "There's hardly any breakfast left."

Harry sat down at the Gryffindor table. "Nowhere, why do you ask so many questions? I thought you were smart."

Hermione quickly turned the other way. "What's up with you, man? Last year you were all up to killing Voldermort. Now you don't give a shit and you're all crappy to your friends." Ron asked him.

Harry just took an orange and walked away. His friends watched as he left the Great Hall. He could feel their stares, but he ignored the feeling. They weren't the ones who helped him anymore. They were merely there.

***

Harry sat down at the desk in the far back left corner of the Transfiguration room. He took out his book and pretended to read it. Truthfully, Harry knew what it said practically from memory. He had bought all of his school books only days after last year had ended and read them all to get through the summer. During their first term of the year, he had practiced everything he could in the Room of Requirements. Countless times he would fall asleep in class because of lack of sleep from working so hard, but he always knew what was happening. Nobody questioned his odd behavior.

Dumbledore had asked him to his office plenty of times during this time, but Harry rarely went. The few times he did go, the headmaster asked him the typical questions: "How are you?" "Are classes going well?" "How are Hermione and Ron?" Harry would answer when he felt like it, Dumbledore would excuse him and offer a lemon drop, and Harry would always politely refuse.

The meetings ended a few weeks before the end of term. Harry slowly stopped going to practice because he had mastered or almost perfected everything he learned. Over break he stayed at Hogwarts, but he was never really there. Everyone who was able to go to Hogsmede could go whenever they wanted over break as long as they were back before curfew. Since no one ever checked rooms, Harry usually would go to Hogsmede, floo to Diagon Alley, and walk to Knockturn Alley. There he would buy a few things then go to a bar or two. When it became early enough for people to walk to Hogsmede the next day, he'd floo back and go to Hogwarts to sleep the whole day. Hardly anyone ever saw him.

Now it was second term and most people learned to leave him alone, with the exception of Hermione and Ron.

"Mister Potter, since you apparently know what we're doing today, since you're using this class time to read ahead, would you please show us how to do what we're learning?" McGonagall put her hand right on the pages Harry was blankly looking at.

Harry looked up, took out his wand, and pointed it at the toothpick someone had set on his desk. He flicked his wand quickly without saying a word and it immediately transformed into a small stone statue of a lion.

"Can I get back to my reading now?" Harry asked the now dumbstruck McGonagall politely. He quickly glanced at Hermione who was just as dumbfounded as the professor. She was quickly looking at her small little pebble in her hand then at his statue. Harry cursed under his breath; he was only supposed to have transfigured it into a pebble.

Before McGonagall could say anything, he gathered his things and left the room. Hurriedly, Harry walked down the halls and up stairs to reach the Gryffindor common room. The whole way he kept his head down, not wanting to look anyone in the eyes. He was only a few floors away when he hit something and crashed to the floor.

"Watch where you're going, Potter."

Harry looked up and locked eyes with none other than Draco Malfoy himself. "I'm sorry, Malfoy," he said quickly as he tried to pick up his things that fell out of his bag.

"Sorry? That's all you have to say?" Malfoy asked harshly. He placed his foot right on Harry's hand.

Harry winced as his foot kept his hand there. He tried to pull it away, but Malfoy just pressed down harder. "What do you want, Malfoy?" Harry finally asked.

Malfoy had to blink twice before he realized that Harry had just easily given in. Never had he ever given in; they had always fought.

"What's wrong with you today, Potter?" he asked as he stepped off his hand.

Harry flexed his now red fingers to get his feeling back, and then rubbed them before he stood up to face Malfoy. Tears started to form in his eyes, but he blinked them back hoping Malfoy didn't see.

"I'm fine, Malfoy. You wouldn't care anyways," Harry snapped at him.

"I care when I'm not the one causing the pain," Malfoy said, surprisingly nicely in an odd sort of way.

Harry didn't no what to say. It was the strangest thing Malfoy had ever said to him. Not knowing what to do, Harry picked up his bag and left. Malfoy just stood there, not knowing exactly what happened.

***

"Why do I have to be so fucking stupid?" Harry muttered to himself as he cut open his skin with a quick slice.

"Why do I have to have the fucked up life?" he said as he slashed himself again.

"Why can't I just be normal?" Another cut.

Harry kept talking to himself and cutting himself until he became too tired to move the blade across his scar covered skin. Slowly, he picked up his wand, closed the cuts, and cleaned up the blood before he put away his knife and stood up.

He became lightheaded as he stood and walked to the door, but ignored the feeling. As he walked down the stairs, his vision doubled and he tripped, tumbling down the long flight of stairs before coming to a stop at the bottom.

Harry tried to get up but failed miserably before he blacked out. The last thing he saw were shiny black shoes running up to him.

A/N: There's the first chapter. I tried starting it before, but then a whole new idea came to me and I've finally decided to post it. Hope you all liked this chapter because there's more to come.