A/N: Let's see. I suppose I'm following my tradition of writing songfics.
they're just easier to write, ne? Anywho. excuse any bad
grammar/spelling/storylines. It's 1:18 am at a friend's house, and I've
just woken up from a brief 15 minutes of sleep. Let's see where that takes
me.
Disclaimer: I don't own Weiss or Evanescence.
Dedication: In honor of Lexia. Finally. You get a dedication, ^_~ because the song is an Evanescence song and your dad is taking us to go see Evanescence. Go Mr. Murphy!!
Deeper meanings, beware. it sucks cos Lexia will see them. She always does.
October
A songfic by Strawb-sama
It was a cold, October night, and it was raining. raining. raining. sharp needles that were also known as hydrogen monoxide drilled into his back as he ran. ran. ran.
He'd awoken only ten minutes ago, safe and sound in the arms of his Ken- chan, who had also been asleep. And, looking at his lover's sun-worn face, glistening with pale starlight, Omi had realized that it was time. It was time to leave, because this was no longer right.
He'd been turning over the thoughts in his head for quite a long time. days, weeks, months, before that night. It felt to him as if nothing in his life was right or correct anymore. The paths all lead to wrong destinations. He should have never gone left, and should have picked the right path. But the right path was the wrong path. He couldn't find the right path.
And Ken? Well, to say the least, his Ken-chan didn't deserve Omi. Omi wasn't good enough. would never be good enough for Ken and he hated himself for that mere fact. Someday, when he would have the gonads to come back home, he planned to find his chocolate-haired mate a new lover. One that would suit him so much better than Omi himself. In Omi's eyes, Ken needed someone who lived up to Ken's standards. Which, by strict definition. or any definition at all. was not sweet, candy Omi.
So that was why Omi ran away that night. He'd slipped quietly from the arms of Ken, and never looked back. He was running, and it was raining, and he didn't know where he was going. He didn't know where he was. He didn't know where he'd come from.
"Where am I?" Omi sat down on the cold, wet sidewalk, leaning against a Stop sign and putting his face in his small hands. "I've taken the wrong route again. I turned right when I got outside of the house. and everything I do is always going to be wrong. Why did I think it would be different this time?"
He looked around, feeling much like an anime character. He lived his life as a shojo manga. everything was typical. It was a little funny, really, because he was the female character in his manga. Boy falls for girl, girl likes boy, and girl feels she isn't good enough. Girl runs away, boy comes after girl. everything is hunky-dory. Omi knew that Ken would be around here somewhere, sooner or later.
"But I'm wrong about everything. so do they cancel each other out?"
"Not technically," answered a voice.
Alas. it was Ken. Omi shrank back a little in his place involuntarily, and drove the sign post into his back. He refused to look up, let alone into the older boy's eyes.
"Ken. I have to leave you." His voice was low and grave, yet firm all the same. He needed to get this over with as soon as he could, and with as little pain as possible. I will not start crying. I will not start crying.
"You. what?" Ken said, shocked. "Why? You can't!"
"Ken. I. can't. I am a failure to you and an embarrassment to myself. I can't do this anymore."
"You're not talking sensibly!" Omi could hear panic in Ken's voice. Ken bent down to look Omi in the eye. "What is this crap you're giving me?"
And then it all came out. All the anger, the frustration, the self-hatred that had built up inside Omi Tsukiyono. it came flooding out like rapids on a river. He stood up with a swift thrust and glared at Ken.
"Because I hate myself! I'm not good at anything! You don't understand, Ken! Everyone beats me at everything! I don't see where I am supposed to go, okay?"
He began to walk briskly down the street, rain clouding his vision. or was that the tears? It had to be over soon, because if it wasn't, everything would fall apart. The plan would be ruined.
"Omi, you had damn well better wait for me. You come back here and fucking explain what you're ranting about," called Ken, anger shielding all other emotion in his tone. "What do you mean, 'where you're supposed to go'? What?"
He didn't bother to stop, or even turn around. A small increase of volume was all that he needed. and it increased the ferocity a bit as well.
"Everyone has a niche, Ken. Everyone has a place of. I don't know, where they're supposed to be. What they're supposed to do, what purpose they're supposed to serve in life. You? You've got soccer. Aya's got to avenge his sister and parents. Yoji has to find Asuka." Now, Omi stopped and faced Ken, his own face a red, wet mess. "I. Have. Got. Nothing. Do you understand? I'M NOT FUCKING SPECIAL, OKAY? I HAVE NO PATH NAMED AFTER ME, AND I HAVE NO DIRECTIONS ON WHICH PATH TO TAKE! I'M LOST!"
Turning again, Omi began to run full speed in the middle of the dormant Tokyo city streets, the reflections of his body against the slick rain that covered the ground making themselves prominent. It was raining, and he was running, and now it was over.
*Glomp.*
A large, wet, someone pulled him into a deep hug from behind, halting him in his tracks and even dragging him backwards a little bit. Breathing in, Omi knew it was Ken. Ken, trying to protect him. And with that one, single embrace, he realized what it was he'd been yearning for all along.
I can't run anymore, I fall before you, Here I am, I have nothing left, Though I've tried to forget, You're all that I am, Take me home, I'm through fighting it, Broken, Lifeless, I give up, You're my only strength, Without you, I can't go on, Anymore, Ever again.
He fell against Ken's warm chest, sobbing to the ends of his soul and shaking with emotion. All of a sudden, things had never felt so right, when fifteen minutes ago, the world had been falling apart.
"I'm. hopeless, Ken." Omi cried. "I can't do it anymore. I'm so stupid, and you. make it all seem okay. I hate you for that."
Ken tightened his arms around the small boy, burying his nose in Omi's hair. "Omi, you're being foolish," he said. "A wise woman once said that 'If I ever go looking for happiness again, I'll never look farther than my own backyard.' I'm right here. I'm your happiness."
My only hope, (All the times I've tried) My only peace, (To walk away from you) My only joy, My only strength, (I fall into your abounding grace) My only power, My only life, (And love is where I am) My only love.
He stiffened in his lover's arms and turned giant cerulean eyes on Ken. Gravely, he spoke. "You may make me happy, but you can't solve the problem. You're something like alcohol. you know? It can make the problem go away, but won't solve it. How can you give me a place in life? You can't do that! You just can't!" Omi stared hardly at Ken for a few more seconds, fire burning behind his eyes, and then turned to leave. Again.
I can't run anymore, I give myself to you, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, In all my bitterness, I ignored, All that's real and true, All I need is you, When night falls on me, I'll not close my eyes, I'm too alive, And you're too strong, I can't lie anymore, I fall down before you, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
"Maybe your place in life is to make ME happy," said Ken softly.
Omi looked back.
And then a car drove by and shined headlights on Ken.
~Owari~
A/N: I'm sorry, I really am. What a totally screwed up fic. *Grins* I'm gonna go to bed now. feel free to comment? Ehehehehe.
Disclaimer: I don't own Weiss or Evanescence.
Dedication: In honor of Lexia. Finally. You get a dedication, ^_~ because the song is an Evanescence song and your dad is taking us to go see Evanescence. Go Mr. Murphy!!
Deeper meanings, beware. it sucks cos Lexia will see them. She always does.
October
A songfic by Strawb-sama
It was a cold, October night, and it was raining. raining. raining. sharp needles that were also known as hydrogen monoxide drilled into his back as he ran. ran. ran.
He'd awoken only ten minutes ago, safe and sound in the arms of his Ken- chan, who had also been asleep. And, looking at his lover's sun-worn face, glistening with pale starlight, Omi had realized that it was time. It was time to leave, because this was no longer right.
He'd been turning over the thoughts in his head for quite a long time. days, weeks, months, before that night. It felt to him as if nothing in his life was right or correct anymore. The paths all lead to wrong destinations. He should have never gone left, and should have picked the right path. But the right path was the wrong path. He couldn't find the right path.
And Ken? Well, to say the least, his Ken-chan didn't deserve Omi. Omi wasn't good enough. would never be good enough for Ken and he hated himself for that mere fact. Someday, when he would have the gonads to come back home, he planned to find his chocolate-haired mate a new lover. One that would suit him so much better than Omi himself. In Omi's eyes, Ken needed someone who lived up to Ken's standards. Which, by strict definition. or any definition at all. was not sweet, candy Omi.
So that was why Omi ran away that night. He'd slipped quietly from the arms of Ken, and never looked back. He was running, and it was raining, and he didn't know where he was going. He didn't know where he was. He didn't know where he'd come from.
"Where am I?" Omi sat down on the cold, wet sidewalk, leaning against a Stop sign and putting his face in his small hands. "I've taken the wrong route again. I turned right when I got outside of the house. and everything I do is always going to be wrong. Why did I think it would be different this time?"
He looked around, feeling much like an anime character. He lived his life as a shojo manga. everything was typical. It was a little funny, really, because he was the female character in his manga. Boy falls for girl, girl likes boy, and girl feels she isn't good enough. Girl runs away, boy comes after girl. everything is hunky-dory. Omi knew that Ken would be around here somewhere, sooner or later.
"But I'm wrong about everything. so do they cancel each other out?"
"Not technically," answered a voice.
Alas. it was Ken. Omi shrank back a little in his place involuntarily, and drove the sign post into his back. He refused to look up, let alone into the older boy's eyes.
"Ken. I have to leave you." His voice was low and grave, yet firm all the same. He needed to get this over with as soon as he could, and with as little pain as possible. I will not start crying. I will not start crying.
"You. what?" Ken said, shocked. "Why? You can't!"
"Ken. I. can't. I am a failure to you and an embarrassment to myself. I can't do this anymore."
"You're not talking sensibly!" Omi could hear panic in Ken's voice. Ken bent down to look Omi in the eye. "What is this crap you're giving me?"
And then it all came out. All the anger, the frustration, the self-hatred that had built up inside Omi Tsukiyono. it came flooding out like rapids on a river. He stood up with a swift thrust and glared at Ken.
"Because I hate myself! I'm not good at anything! You don't understand, Ken! Everyone beats me at everything! I don't see where I am supposed to go, okay?"
He began to walk briskly down the street, rain clouding his vision. or was that the tears? It had to be over soon, because if it wasn't, everything would fall apart. The plan would be ruined.
"Omi, you had damn well better wait for me. You come back here and fucking explain what you're ranting about," called Ken, anger shielding all other emotion in his tone. "What do you mean, 'where you're supposed to go'? What?"
He didn't bother to stop, or even turn around. A small increase of volume was all that he needed. and it increased the ferocity a bit as well.
"Everyone has a niche, Ken. Everyone has a place of. I don't know, where they're supposed to be. What they're supposed to do, what purpose they're supposed to serve in life. You? You've got soccer. Aya's got to avenge his sister and parents. Yoji has to find Asuka." Now, Omi stopped and faced Ken, his own face a red, wet mess. "I. Have. Got. Nothing. Do you understand? I'M NOT FUCKING SPECIAL, OKAY? I HAVE NO PATH NAMED AFTER ME, AND I HAVE NO DIRECTIONS ON WHICH PATH TO TAKE! I'M LOST!"
Turning again, Omi began to run full speed in the middle of the dormant Tokyo city streets, the reflections of his body against the slick rain that covered the ground making themselves prominent. It was raining, and he was running, and now it was over.
*Glomp.*
A large, wet, someone pulled him into a deep hug from behind, halting him in his tracks and even dragging him backwards a little bit. Breathing in, Omi knew it was Ken. Ken, trying to protect him. And with that one, single embrace, he realized what it was he'd been yearning for all along.
I can't run anymore, I fall before you, Here I am, I have nothing left, Though I've tried to forget, You're all that I am, Take me home, I'm through fighting it, Broken, Lifeless, I give up, You're my only strength, Without you, I can't go on, Anymore, Ever again.
He fell against Ken's warm chest, sobbing to the ends of his soul and shaking with emotion. All of a sudden, things had never felt so right, when fifteen minutes ago, the world had been falling apart.
"I'm. hopeless, Ken." Omi cried. "I can't do it anymore. I'm so stupid, and you. make it all seem okay. I hate you for that."
Ken tightened his arms around the small boy, burying his nose in Omi's hair. "Omi, you're being foolish," he said. "A wise woman once said that 'If I ever go looking for happiness again, I'll never look farther than my own backyard.' I'm right here. I'm your happiness."
My only hope, (All the times I've tried) My only peace, (To walk away from you) My only joy, My only strength, (I fall into your abounding grace) My only power, My only life, (And love is where I am) My only love.
He stiffened in his lover's arms and turned giant cerulean eyes on Ken. Gravely, he spoke. "You may make me happy, but you can't solve the problem. You're something like alcohol. you know? It can make the problem go away, but won't solve it. How can you give me a place in life? You can't do that! You just can't!" Omi stared hardly at Ken for a few more seconds, fire burning behind his eyes, and then turned to leave. Again.
I can't run anymore, I give myself to you, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, In all my bitterness, I ignored, All that's real and true, All I need is you, When night falls on me, I'll not close my eyes, I'm too alive, And you're too strong, I can't lie anymore, I fall down before you, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
"Maybe your place in life is to make ME happy," said Ken softly.
Omi looked back.
And then a car drove by and shined headlights on Ken.
~Owari~
A/N: I'm sorry, I really am. What a totally screwed up fic. *Grins* I'm gonna go to bed now. feel free to comment? Ehehehehe.