Sedna
Summery: No one likes to feel alone. Rejection made her leave home early and drove her into an asylum. She pretends she does not remember but Alice can never forget why she is always searching for acceptance.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything but my car.
Warning : femslash, self abuse, mental issues, and general angst
Sedna roamed the deep, the cold forgotten deep, no-one wants to be alone,
I never wanted to walk away. I never wanted to be forced to be all the family I will ever have. They can not accept that I am what I am. I have not felt loved here since I told my family that I am gay. Then I let slip that I am a pagan and that I have visions that are scary accurate. Had I been born in another time I would have been revered as a messenger of the Goddess. Had I been normal in the eyes of my family I would be welcome. I sit in a small room all alone forced to hold myself tight. Electro shock therapy and Ice water baths are the norm for me now.
I can't change who I am. I cry softly into the night. "My Lady I have remained true to you. I have suffered for these visions. I cry now from this prison save me, momma." Maybe Nix will hear. The pretty nurse comes in again I think she hears me when I cry sometimes. She always seems to know when day shift has been especially mean to "The Devil Child". She also seemed to know just when I needed to be held. I loved the way she smelled like ocean water, flowers and summer nights.
I cried into her shoulder as she held me. "Please get me out of here. I'm not crazy. I do not belong here." The woman smiled at me.
"I know you're not crazy. You are gifted and I will save you." Then I was burning. The fire consumed all of me in the flames. Burning away the cold that was my last ice bath. Burning away all I was. When I stopped burning she was gone. I was not in the asylum anymore I had a vision then of a man that would find me and take me to a new family. A family that would accept me for all that I was. All I would have to do was wait for the man to find me. So I found myself in a café in a thunderstorm thirsty as a desert.
I bounded over to the man as he came in. "HI, I'm Alice. You are going to take me to a family who will love us as we are. Oh and they only eat animals." I said as I hugged him. I did not realize at the time that this one manipulated emotions. He forced me to be With him. I resented him for it and plotted vengeance as soon as I could get away.
It seems I am always being rejected or used. Once I joined the family they came to rely on my visions. Yes they accepted me but they used my abilities. And the man named Jasper used my body. So starved for the affection I was denied in life I stayed with them.
I let myself be used so that they would accept me. They did not care that I prayed to the Goddesses as long as the Goddesses sent me visions that were of use to them. None of them cared that Jasper used my body as long as it did not interfere with their lives. I was back to square one but I could not leave. I was drawn to them. They were the only family I acknowledged and if I stayed with them long enough my true mate would come along. I had seen her The Goddesses had let me see who she was and that she was on her way to me. First she would have to be born I would have to hold on a little longer.
I would have to be like Sedna create the family I needed to bring the woman who would love me really love me. I would have to lead them to the ties that were needed. They had already established contact with the clan that would generate half of my mate. An the person that would be the other parent of my mate was here with this family. I would have to manipulate the man that was manipulating me to find his true mate when he was born in that clan.
I set events in motion and waited for the time to come. There was one snag one of them could read minds. I would have to make him like a true big brother let him know the plans I had and get his help. I would have to hide the fact that my gift allowed me to know my past. I feigned complete amnesia it was so much easier to forget the hurt of being rejected by my family. It was so much easier to forget being tortured because of the visions that made me special. It was so much easier to forget the pain of losing the only person who had ever been kind to me and not used me.
I could be patient I was used to being patient life and un-life was about patience more than anything else. It was all part of the game. Just play along until you are strong enough to win the game. Just play the game until you have the cheat code to beat every level. Learn the ropes Alice so that when the time comes your mate can help you get away. Until then be your own mate. I made my mantra the song Sedna to remind me why I was doing all this.
Sedna roamed the deep, the cold forgotten deep, no-one wants to be alone
Sedna roamed the deep, the cold forgotten deep, no-one wants to be alone
From her hands they fell, children of the ocean's swell
With ice's twinkle given sight
She offered them a name, and seals they all became
And laughing, took a coat of dappled light.
Sedna roamed the deep, the cold forgotten deep, no-one wants to be alone
Sedna roamed the deep, the cold forgotten deep, no-one wants to be alone
From her hands they fell, ever in the sea to dwell
Nimble fingered, quick and lithe
She offered them a name, and otters they became
Keepers of her secrets in the ice.
Sedna roamed the deep, the cold forgotten deep, no-one wants to be alone
Sedna roamed the deep, the cold forgotten deep, no-one wants to be alone
From her hands they fell, the mightiest of all
Slow and gentle as the tides
She offered them a name, and whales they all became
To tread the paths the lesser are denied
Sedna roamed the deep, the cold forgotten deep, no-one wants to be alone
Sedna roamed the deep, the cold forgotten deep, no-one wants to be alone
Sedna roamed the deep, the cold forgotten deep, no-one wants to be alone
"I can do this, I am strong enough, I hope." I whispered into the night as I stood looking up at the house.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
The song is by Heather Dale I recommend it. This story will continue as long as this muse remains though it does feel slightly vindictive and off character to Alice I think it fits my mood.