One Bad Hair Day
Summary: Fraser's having a bad hair day and Ray knows a hair stylist who may be able to help... his aunt. Hilarity ensues in the form of lost earrings, food that stares back at you and an uncle whom they can barely understand.
A/N: If the characters are slightly OOC I'm sorry. This is just something I had to write, whether it was good or not. It's more just to give me and my sister a good laugh at Ben and Ray's expense. Please enjoy
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"Uh... Ray... I've found myself in a bit of a situation," Fraser's embarassed voice met Ray's ears as he walked into the 27th Precinct, hat firmly on his head.
"Frase? What is it? Do I need to kick someone in the teeth?" Ray asked quickly, wondering what mess his mountie friend had gotten into this time, "Please don't tell me you've upset mobsters again."
Fraser gave him a half smile, before the embarrassment was back showing clearly on his face, "No Ray... umm... actually... well it seems my hair does get a little unruly someti-"
"What you have a strand out of place?" he interrupted with a chuckle. "Don't tell me, Ice Queen fired you for it?"
"Umm... no, and I think more than one may be out of place. Now that I think of it, I'm sure," he muttered quietly. He paused, looking at the floor "I seem to have lost something in it."
"Lost something in your hair? This is such a first Frase." Ray laughed uproariously, "Ok Buddy, what did you lose in it?"
"Francesca's earring," he mumbled unintelligibly, which was odd for the usually well-spoken mountie and he had to repeat it in a louder whisper, "Francesca's earring."
"You never do anything halfway, do you Buddy?" Ray was positively shaking with laughter.
"I suppose not Ray," Fraser commented, before adding, "It's not how it seems however. You see, like once before, she surprised me at my apartment. She kind of jumped on me, well leaped would be a more accurate description. I kindly told her that I had only went there to retrieve Diefenbaker and had to leave. It was early this morning that I found her earring had... well bonded with several locks of my hair."
"Hey Fraser," Frannie's voice came down the hallway and Ray hid a smirk as Fraser visibly flinched as she approached, "You wouldn't have happened to see my earring around have you?"
"No Francesca, I don't believe I have," he told her, rationalizing that it was, technically the truth. It was in his hair, so he hadn't exactly seen it, although it was there. "I shall let you know if I do."
"Thanks Frase," she smiled brightly and continued down to her desk, dressed in another one of her, stretching the dress-code to the limit, outfits.
Fraser turned to Ray, uttering a, "Ray, would you kindly help me?"
"Alright, let's go," Ray put a hand on his friend's back, leading him out of the precinct, "I know just what to do with you," he pointed with his other hand to Fraser's head, "and your 'do'."
"My 'do' Ray?" Fraser asked, a little confused.
"Your hair Fraser, your hair," Ray clarified with a little shake of his head.
"Okay Ray," he paused, before questioning, "May I ask where we are going?"
"To a good friend of mine. Don't worry, she'll take good care of you Frase," Ray smiled, "Real good care of you. She's the best hairstylist I know. Positively professional."
"Really Ray?" Fraser seemed to perk up at the idea. Maybe this 'professional' could get him out of this fix, "How do you know her?"
Ray paused, unsure if he should tell him, before saying with a sheepish grin, "She's my aunt. My mother cut my hair once, it was a disaster, so she called my aunt over, who fixed it. She is a professional though."
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"Oh Ray me dear," his aunt ran through her dining room when she saw her nephew in her porch, "Come give your favorite aunt a hug and a kiss!" She crushed him in a hug, "It's been so long me dear. Too long. How's your dear mother? She hasn't called in me in ages. Imagine the nerve, not calling her own sister in the past three days!"
"Oh the nerve," Ray agreed, blushing his embarrassment, "Er, Auntie Joy, this is my friend Fraser. He needs your... expertise."
"Of course he does! Everyone needs my expertise!" She looked Fraser up and down, before grabbing him, "Give Auntie Joy a hug. If your a friend of Ray's... you're practically family."
"Why thank you Ma'am," he mumbled a bit uncomfortable and she waggled a finger at him.
"I'll have none of that young man," she scolded him, "I'm no Ma'am. You call me Auntie Joy, just like evera'one else does 'round here." She looked at him again, "Now no wonder ya needs my expertise, wearing hats all the time. Gah, men should flaunt their hair! Show it off, be proud. Auntie Joy will fix it all up and make you proud of your luscious locks!"
Ray was once again near the bursting point, and Fraser was red with embarrassment as Ray mouthed, "Luscious locks," to him.
Auntie Joy swiped the hat off his head and tsk-tsked, "Oh me dear. What have ya done to yer lovely hair."
"A... friend's earring seems to be firmly lodged there Ma'am," Fraser told her and she swatted him upside the head, "My apologies. I meant... uh Auntie Joy."
"Ya better of young man. Callin' me Ma'am makes ma feel old," she told him serious, before looking over at Ray, "When's the last time you had a decent meal Stanley Raymond?"
"Ummm..." Ray stalled, purposely not mentioning the Smarties he'd had for breakfast this morning, "I had a...umm..."
"You can't remember, can you?" She shook her head as she grabbed Fraser's arm and propelled him down the stairs. She yelled up, "Well come on down with your friend now Stanley. I'll fix ya both up some chow when we're done."
"Why thank you kindly..." Fraser paused and decided just to forgo names for the moment, "But I really don't think that will be nessecary."
"Nonsense young man," she said curtly, and proceeded to push his head back into her shampooing sink. She seemed to forget about the conversation and focus on his hair, "Now I've got me own recipe for tangles. It'll get this little puppy right on out. Won't damage the jewelry either I should think." She spritz something into his hair and both Fraser and Ray heard a little clink, "Oh that's not good. Oh me dearies, that's not good at all."
Fraser went a little white, wondering if it meant she'd accidentally dyed his hair some hideous color, like pink. "Pardon me?" He had nothing against pink, he'd just rather not have it for a hair color.
"I seemed to have forgot to put the stopper in the sink," she told them with a blush, "No problem, Steve will be home in a jiffy and he can dig it out for us." She smiled brightly, "Just as long as I get some supper in 'im first." She grabbed a towel and started toweling Fraser's hair dry before he could protest at all.
When she was done, she snatched a comb and ran it through his hair as she blow-dried it, before pushing back the wheelie chair and shouting, "Wahla! Perfecto! Ray, me dear boy, come take a look at yer friend! He's a new man!"
"Ray..." Fraser took in the look on his friend's face and was a little frightened at the expression on it, "How does it look?" Ray didn't answer, only turned the wheelie chair around to face the mirror. Fraser's hair, looked, if not a bit shorter and darker, exactly like Rays, "Oh dear."
"'Oney, I'eem 'ome," a garbled voice came from upstairs as the door closed, "Coom upsters, now 'oney. Oo else is 'ere?"
"It's Stanley dear," Auntie Joy called up the the heavily accented voice, "And he's brought a friend!" She addressed the two spikey haired men, "Come on now, upstairs with ya. Come on and say 'ello to Steve."
Fraser grabbed for his hat and tried to hide his hair underneath it, but Auntie Joy would have none of it, "Don't cover up me masterpiece boy! Like I said, flaunt your luscious locks."
Thoroughly defeated and not sure how to break it to her that the hairstyle didn't... suit him, he slowly made his way up the stairs, clearly aware Ray was still laughing at him.
"Stan! Me dear boy!" Ray's Uncle Steve trampled him in an enormous, bone crushing bear hug, "Ow's ya been lad? Yer awntie didna tink ya'd eva visut, bu' I kna better, didna I? I says ta 'er I says, Stanla is gonna visut ers, he's a good'un."
"Is that a heavy Newfoundland accent I detect Sir?" Fraser interupted with a peaked interest, "I'm sure I've heard it before."
"Yees, bu' no callin' ma sir, ma boy," Steve ordered in his accent, "Jus Unca Steve, like evera-one eelse. I wese bern on da rock, me boy. Raised dere til I wese nearla grown."
"Newfoundland is certainly an interesting and beautiful place," Fraser said with a little nod of his head, unsure of how else to reply, "I've been there a few times myself, it's beautiful."
"Dat tis, ma boy," Uncle Steve agreed heartily, clapping him on the back with a firm hand, "Now Joy's prolla got some fixin's on the stove and reada ta go."
After a lot more confusing conversation from Uncle Steve, the occasional sympathetic translation from Auntie Joy, and supper which was composed of 'Fish and Brewis' a traditional Newfoundland meal that happened to be Uncle Steve's favorite, Auntie Joy placed a little covered tray on the table, "Desert me boys!"
"Auntie Joy... that smells awful," Ray pinched his nose shut, "How can that be dessert?"
"Ooo me favrite!" Uncle Steve announced happily, plucking off the lid to the tray to reveal several small dried fish, "Drayed Capalan."
"Drayed whatamachamalut?" Ray asked, shaking his head in confusion as his uncle's proclamation, "Looks like shriveled fish to me. Eww they've still got eyes!"
Uncle Steve bit off a head, "Darn good dey is too!"
"They're dried Capelin, Ray," Fraser told him, selecting one of the fish, "It's a dried fish that's found in the water's surrounding Newfoundland. They're a little salty, but they're pretty good if you wash them down with something."
"They've got eyes Fraser! They're staring at you as you eat them! I can't eat something while it's looking at me!" Ray refused to take one, the smell convincing him the fish would taste revolting.
"A'ight me boys," Uncle Steve stood up from the table, interrupting their mini-argument, "Der's a yung lada's earrin' ta be saved!"
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"That was... interesting," Fraser said to his friend as he climbed into the passenger's seat of Ray's GTO.
"To stay the least," Ray shook his head, "That's why I don't visit them very often. My auntie... she's a little pushy, as the years go on, it gets worse. She lived with my Uncle Steve in Newfoundland for several years, she caught the accent, thankfully not as bad as my uncle... and they converted her or something..."
"Oh, so she kissed a cod, you mean?" Fraser asked, as if it were a perfectly normal question.
Ray spluttered, "You mean, like the fish? Oh God, I'm never eating fish again."
"Well Ray, to become an honorary Newfoundlander, there's a type of ceremony a person goes through. More like an initation of sorts. I believe it includes kissing a cod, or possibly another type of fish all together, and drinking a shot of Screech before saying some type of difficult phrase," Fraser explained, shoving his hat on his head as soon as they were out of Auntie Joy's neighborhood.
"What happens if you get the phrase wrong?" Ray asked, almost afraid of the answer.
"You take another shot of course," Fraser said it as if it were obvious.
"So it's like the Canadian version of a drinking game?" Ray tilted his head slightly as he drove.
"Not exactly, but in a sense, yes," Fraser told him, before removing his hat and trying desperately to flatten his hair. When it didn't work, he replaced his hat with a sigh.
"Don't try to flatten it Frase, it only makes it worse," Ray advised him, trying his hardest not to chuckle.
"I'm trying not to read into this Ray, but it seems like this is amusing you," Fraser lifted one eyebrow at his friend.
"Who me?" Ray gave him an innocent look, "Nah, never." He pulled into the parking lot of the precinct and got out of his car, "You coming Fraser?"
Fraser sighed, "Yes Ray." He stepped out and made sure his hat was covering his hair. As he stepped into the precinct, he could swear everyone was staring at him, which they were. It was more because of his red serge however, none of them could see his hair.
"Fraser?! Did you find my earring!" Frannie rushed over to him, knocking into him a little bit as she pushed Ray slightly to the side, "What's that smell?"
"Dried Capelin," Fraser supplied easily, before producing her earring, "Yes I found your earring, here you are Francesca."
"Thank you Fraser!" She through her arms around his neck to hug him and knocked off his hat in the middle of the precinct, "OH MY GOD FRASER WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!"
Every head turned his way, staring at his hair, "Oh dear."
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A/N: I hope you enjoyed my idea of Fraser's BAD BAD hair day. It's just something that kind of hit me. The rest of this author's note is basically some trivia from the story, that I thought I might clarify. Don't read it if you don't want to, but do review... PLEASE!
My own Auntie Joy is a hair stylist (a good one though) and is married to my Uncle Steve. They are both Newfoundlanders. I couldn't get my Uncle Steve's accent quite right in the story because it had to be understandable, which my uncle hardly ever is. If anyone wasn't sure, "The Rock" or "Da Rock" as Uncle Steve calls it is what the islanders living on Newfoundland affectionately call it.
Dried Capelin, while not for everyone, does taste good when followed with something sweet to drink. Ah yes and Fish and Brewis is a Newfoundland dinner with salt codfish and hard bread or tack, both are soaked overnight and broiled seperately the next day. It's considered a delicacy in NFLD, and it's usually served as a whole meal. It's traditionally served with fried fat salt pork drizzled overtop. Never had it, but it's supposed to be good.
If you wondered why there was so much Newfie stuff in there, it's not only because my Aunt and Uncle are Newfies... both of my parents are, along with the rest of my family. While I was not born there, I do like to consider myself one of them by blood, if not by being born there. I've yet to kiss the fish, so technically I'm not... but someday...someday I will.