This skit was going to be performed at Oni Con this year, but due to my lack of willing actors, and the fact that everyone who WAS willing wanted to be Prussia, I decided that this script was too fun to waste into nothingness without anyone to witness it. So enjoy and try to picture what it would have been like onstage X3
If anyone wants to perform it, please contact me 3 As long as I got a video and credit, I'd be more than happy.
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Lithuania, Estonia, and Latvia enter through the
crowd, passing out a few random pamphlets. They
adlib a few things about the campaign to "Become
one with Russia" They all seem a tad nervous. They
finally make it up to the stage and form a
half-circle, facing the audience.
LITHUANIA
(Brandishing a pamphlet and shouting to
the audience)
Become one with Russia! Accept the power of the
motherland into your life!
LATVIA
D-d-do you think that R-russia w-will think we're doing
a g-good job?
ESTONIA
We can only hope so. I'd hate to see his reaction
should he decide we're not up to par...
LITHUANIA
Don't worry about it, he'd take it out on me anyway...
(Walks downstage, leaning over to hand a
pamphlet to a girl near )
You, lady! Would you like to become one with Russia?
The Soviet Anthem starts to play
ESTONIA
Do you hear that?
LATVIA
(Looking around nervously)
I-it's Russia! O-oh no!
The music grows louder as Russia marches on stage,
flanked by Ukraine and Belarus. They both carry
signs, and in addition Belarus carries her famous
knife. Russia simply carries his pipe, swinging it
cheerfully. Music fades out as Russia puts his arm
around Lithuania.
RUSSIA
You boys are working well, aren't you?
Belarus raises her knife.
LITHUANIA
Ah...yes...
Lithuania notices Belarus and shrugs off Russia's
arm. She drops her knife-hand down.
RUSSIA
(With very fake sadness)
Oh, Lithuania, why are you pulling away?
LITHUANIA
(Pointing at
Belarus)
I...
RUSSIA
(Seductive
tone)
You're being a bad
boy, aren't you?
LITHUANIA
No, really, I'm...
RUSSIA
Bad boys need to be
punished...
Russia puts his pipe down, grabs Lithuania's hand,
and drags him off the stage. Belarus glares after
them.
BELARUS
If I ever get the chance, I'm going to...
UKRAINE
(Pats her sister on the shoulder)
There there, Bela, don't worry so much about all
this...I'm sure nii-san still loves you...
LATVIA
D-d-do you think L-liet's going to be ok?
ESTONIA
I do hope so...
Prussia dances in, humming the pocky song and
dancing with two of the candy sticks. He is
totally oblivious of those around him: everyone
stares at him. Estonia shakes his head sadly.
Suddenly Prussia bumps into Ukraine.
PRUSSIA
Ah! Hey, watch it, lady! Don't get in the way of
someone getting his groove on!
UKRAINE
Oh, I'm s-sorry,
Mister Prussia...
BELARUS
(Threatens with
knife)
Watch your manners
around a lady.
PRUSSIA
Rawr, fiesty! I like my women like my coffee, strong
and bold.
BELARUS
That's funny. I like my men like I like my meat. With a
knife in it.
Latvia faints, dropping all his pamphlets.
ESTONIA
LATVIAAAAA!
UKRAINE
Oh, you've gone and terrified poor Latvia half to
death!
BELARUS
He'll live.
PRUSSIA
What are all these?
Prussia rushes over and picks up a pamphlet
PRUSSIA
Become one with...OH! You guys are proclaiming the
AWESOMENESS that is me to the world, aren't you! That's
great! There's nothing in here about my five meters
though...
(Jumps up and pulls out sharpie)
And you misspelled my name too! I can't believe it!
(Writes a big P on the pamphlet)
PRUssia, not RUssia...
ESTONIA
(Fanning Latvia with a pamphlet)
You dolt, we're not promoting YOU...
UKRAINE
Yes, the campaign's for nii-sa--
PRUSSIA
(Points accusingly at Ukraine's sign)
YOU! Breasty one! Your sign's written wrong too!
Prussia grabs the sign while Ukraine still holds
it, protesting. He somehow manages to draw a big
squiggly P in front of the word Russia. Meanwhile,
Latvia comes to, and he and Estonia stare at
Prussia in horror.
PRUSSIA
There we go! It's all better now!
LATVIA
Y-y-you're going to re-regret that!
Russia returns, dragging Lithuania in on a leash.
The others stop their staring at the sign for a
moment to stare at Lithuania.
LITHUANIA
Don't. Even. Start.
Belarus squeezes her sign so that it snaps, as if
in anger. Russia stares cooly at Ukraine's sign,
and then points at Prussia.
RUSSIA
Did you write on poor Ukraine's sign?
PRUSSIA
Che...yeah. What are you gonna do about it?
Russia calmly kisses Lithuania on the cheek, then
leans over and picks up his pipe. He grins
menacingly, and Prussia takes a step back.
RUSSIA
Kolkolkolkolkolkolkol...
Russia chases Prussia off the stage, swinging his
pipe around. Lithuania struggles with the collar
on his neck.
LITHUANIA
...Belarus? Honey? Can you help me with this?
BELARUS
(Sweetly)
Of course I can, dear.
Belarus tugs sharply at the leash, strangling
Lithuania, and the scene ends.