A/N: For those of you who don't know, each of the Espada characterize an aspect of death. Starrk's aspect is solitude, sometimes also called loneliness. Other notes on Starrk's character, for anyone who isn't familiar with his background: Due to his strength, Starrk discovered early in his life that he could not be around other hollows, because they would die just by being near him. Due to loneliness, he split his soul into two, so that he would always have a companion – Lilynette. Aizen found them, and Starrk agreed to follow him, just for the companionship. Enjoy the story.
Starrk lay in his bed, staring up at the white ceiling. It was utterly silent, and he was sure that he would be able to hear his own heartbeat, if he still had one. Las Noches was large enough that each Espada occupied not only his own room, but his own wing. Lilynette had her own room within the wing, of course, since they preferred to be close to one another as often as possible, but she was absent now, probably terrorizing a low-ranking arrancar in the name of fun.
Starrk closed his eyes slowly and flexed the fingers on his right hand. How did the others not understand why he slept so much, when it was this quiet? How could they not be haunted by the stillness, the pure nothingness that seemed to surround him when he lay like this? If he were to be honest with himself, though, he had to admit that even when he was with the other Espada, even when he was in the middle of all the noise and raging chaos, he still felt alone. No matter how loud it was, no matter how thick the crowd in which he found himself, it all still seemed like silence.
He and Lilynette had promised never to be apart, but even then, hadn't they known that was a lie? Despite the fact that she was forged of his soul, and that she was a hollow, she was still a young girl, and she matured like one. Not in a physical sense, thank god, because if anyone where to touch her that way he would have to murder them brutally. She was growing up in an emotional and mental sense, though, as much as Starrk wanted to deny it. And that meant that she was pulling away from him, wishing to go exploring, and making friends. He couldn't blame her for that. After all, wasn't her very existence a manifestation of his loneliness?
But he couldn't pin the blame all on her. It was somewhat his fault too, surely. He had been pulling away from everyone recently, sleeping more and more often, wishing the days away. He rarely left his rooms, showing up only when his attendance was required for Aizen-sama's meetings. Once, he had almost enjoyed those. Being near so many others who didn't die because of him was refreshing. It gave him hope that there could be something better than this. None of the other Espada were interested in being friends, though, and he soon realized that it was stupid of him to have even entertained the notion.
Aizen-sama was definitely not an option – even if he wasn't always caught up in political matters (or with Ichimaru-sama), he just wasn't the type of person who was easily approachable. Despite the easy-going, friendly mask he wore, one was expected to keep a certain distance from him, an air of humble respect. Starrk gave him that respect, even if sometimes it was not as overt as it could have been. He never blatantly refused him, though, the way that some of the other Espada did. He knew the consequences for such an action, and even if it was too quiet, he liked his place here, among all the others.
At least, he thought he did. But he had thought about leaving many times – just walking out into the sands of Hueco Mundo without a word to anyone, and continuing to walk until he had no idea where he was. It really was much too quiet here, and the other Espada irritated him more often than not. They were obnoxious, and always violent. Furthermore, while he wasn't exactly opposed to it, he wasn't dedicated to Aizen-sama's plan of world domination. It wasn't something he really cared about or way or the other. He wasn't sure that any of the Espada did. They were mostly here on the promise of strength, and he was here on the promise of companionship. He wasn't quite sure that that promise had been met. Sometimes it seemed to him that being here was only a waste of time.
But, he was the Primera Espada. He had a responsibility here, to this army, that he had committed to. Hollow or not, Starrk had a sense of honor. Even if he didn't, he wasn't sure that Aizen-sama would allow him to leave that easily. He knew that the man had no patience for things that weren't under his control, and if he couldn't control them, he would destroy them. And what about Lilynette? As much as she annoyed him sometimes, he did love her. How could he not? She was a part of his soul. And she, for one, liked it here – liked all the people, and all the things that were always going on. He didn't think that he could ever rip that from her, when she had just found something she could almost call a home. And if he left, she would come with him. He had no doubt of that. It would ache too terribly for both of them, otherwise.
No, as much as he might want to, he couldn't leave Las Noches. When he really considered it, he realized that it was impossible. There were too many complications, too many logistics that didn't quite work out. Besides, that seemed like a lot of effort, and the notorious laziness he exuded wasn't exactly fake. Maybe one day he would leave this place, but not now. For now, he would let the thought go, and not fret over it. If there was nothing to be done, then there was no point in worrying. Instead, he would lay alone in his room, and take another nap.