Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach in any way, all I own are my ideas for fanfics.
A/N: Alright, this is the companion piece to A Slender Beam of Light. I really think the zanpaktou spirits are so cool, but they barely get any attention…which is why I have no idea what Tobiume's actual personality is, but anyway, I hope you like this!
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I curled up in the fetal position, refusing to move. It was just so much easier to stare at the faded landscape that was Momo's soul.
I knew I should do something, I was her zanapaktou, I was not supposed to let her fade away; I was supposed to try and get her back to normal. But I am as tired as she is, so I refused to listen to Hyourimaru's persistent calls.
Hyourinmaru, the most powerful ice type zanpaktou was about as sarcastic as his owner, Hitsugaya. We had enjoyed each other's company for some time now, but I was not going to come out now.
I knew that he and Hitsugaya wanted to kill Aizen-taichou and Kyoka Suigetsu, and in the depths of my heart, I could not blame them. Kyoka Suigetsu had stabbed Momo, and had nearly killed Hitsugaya.
But, that couldn't have been Kyoka Suigetsu, could it have been? He had always been kind to me, never blaming me for my mistakes; he would never have done something as terrible as this! He was a bit secretive, but everyone carries some secrets, didn't they? Something must have happened to him, perhaps Shinso had tricked him?
Even as I thought that, I knew in the back of the mind that I was grasping at straws. Shinso was as tricky as his owner Ichimaru, but he could never have beaten Kyoka Suigetsu.
Then what could have happened? Perhaps Kyoka Suigetsu really had been acting all along…no! That wasn't true, couldn't be true, it would never be true! No one could have acted so kind, so caring…
I buried my head in my hands; I no longer knew what to think. Hyourimaru's cries now had a hint of desperation, but I still could not force myself to answer them. Cowardly of me, I know. I had heard Hyourimaru's wide red eyes when I had attacked him, believing that he had been the one to silence Kyoka Suigetsu's soft voice.
Momo had already faced Hitsugaya, so was she braver than the fighting spirit of her zanapktou?
I snorted, what fighting spirit? While before Momo had used me to channel her reiatsu into flaming balls of kidou, now I doubted that I could even manage a spark if she released me.
I needed to get up; I needed to find a reason to fight again. What was my reason before, I had to have had one?
I bit back a sob, as I already knew what my reason had been. Momo had awakened me by relying on her determination to get into the 5th division. She had always dreamed of getting into the 5th division, where Aizen and Kyoka Suigetsu had been the captains.
What do you do when your reason to fight, when the entire reason you had even come to existence, has turned your back on you?
I wanted to weep, to rant, to rave, but didn't have even enough energy for that. All I could do was stare at the gray skies that had always used to be a bright blue.
Tobiume! I know you can hear me, godamnit! Knock some sense into yourself, don't you get it? The Kyoka Suigetsu that we knew has never existed in the first place! Are you going to throw everything away for an idol?
I curled up tighter, shaking my head. I wanted Hyourimaru to stop yelling, I wanted him to stop trying to reach me. All I wanted was to wake up, and see that the whole thing had been a bad dream. I wanted the past back so that I had never attacked Hyourimaru, that Kyoka Suigetsu was still by my side, that the skies of Momo's soul were bright.
But at least the skies now weren't dark either; I argued to myself, at least there was still some light coming from the sky.
Listen, if you won't listen to me, at least think about your wielder! Hinamori won't hold up like this, she needs someone who knows her soul inside and out, to comfort her, to give her strength. If you were doing that, I know you would be answering now, but instead, all you're doing is moping.
I blocked my ears, I refused to listen. If Hyourimaru thought he could shame me into answering he was wrong.
Fine, Hinamori wasn't in the best shape, but neither was she in the worst. I remembered what this place had looked like when she had found Aizen-taichou's body. The sky had been dark, rain had been pouring down, and the plum trees that had formerly been filled with plums, had been stripped of everything leaving bare branches.
Compared to that, this faded place was heaven. But I did realize that perhaps, I should speak with Momo.
I hauled myself up, still ignoring Hyourimaru's calls, and called out, "Momo?"
A quiet whisper came back, Yes?
I scuffed the ground awkwardly, "…how are you feeling?"
Hollow laughter, What would you like me to say, Tobiume? You above all people, know how I feel.
I grimaced; the hollow laughter had disturbed me. Momo had always before had a bright laugh, "I know. But…what are we going to do?"
I have no idea. Aizen-taichou…Aizen-taichou can't be a traitor! There is no possible way!
And here was my chance, if I listened to Hyourimaru's advice, I could convince her to get over Aizen-taichou. It would not be easy, but nothing ever is, so it wouldn't matter. But…I refused to blemish the memory of Kyoka Suigetsu; I refused to believe that I never had known him.
"You must be right, Momo."
A sigh, I'm so glad you agree with me…everyone seems to have lost faith in Aizen-taichou, but we mustn't!
"Yeah…"
We have to keep on believing in him! He must have his reasons, or maybe Ichimaru forced him!
I forced myself to keep on talking, I was the one who had started this in the first place, "That seems plausible…"
Momo didn't answer back, but it was evident from the light shining from the sky that she had hope again.
Perhaps it was because I was so much older than her, but all I could do once again was slump to the ground. I felt worse than when I had first decided to talk to Momo.
Looking up the sky, I gazed blankly at the light. It was bright…but was it all in vain? Momo might believe everything, but I didn't even know what to believe in the end.
Which was worse?
I curled up tighter, as silent tears finally fell. Hyourimaru or Kyoka Suigetsu, eventually I would have to decide. The choice couldn't be more unclear than my mind at that point. I raised my head up finally, and let a scream rip through my throat, carrying all the pain, all the confusion, and all the sorrow.
And yet it still stayed within me, running chaos through my mind.
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A/N: …wow, that has got to be the most angsty one I've ever written. Well, please review.