Yuki: This was written alongside my person slave, Railgun.

Railgun: I hate you… but I love you… :(

A Harlot's Hope

Team GEMINI

How long have I been living this pathetic life I wonder? I grew of age in a well known Edo brothel situated in the center of the Yoshiwara district; this lifestyle was all I knew. I couldn't function in normal society due to this; I was nothing but a mere whore now.

It wasn't always like this; I was once a normal girl living with kind relatives. I had friends I played with every day, I went to school and I even had a person I loved more than life itself. Nothing could come from that love though; this person was betrothed to another.

The door slid open revealing the calm face of my new customer.

"Welcome," I say in a quiet voice. "Please enter."

"Hehe, you're as lovely as ever my dear." He says with a lecherous grin on his face. I nod lightly in his direction. "How have you been?"

"I have been good; it's been a while since you've stopped by." I tried to hold a conversation with the man, but I knew he would rather get down to business right away than dillydally any further. He was a regular and very kind to me; he paid top dollar for me and even paid me a little on the side as a 'tip'. "Would you like some tea, Anata-sama?"

"I'd love some," he answers with a bright smile.

Carefully, I move to the tea set beside me and began to pour him the beverage. He kept his smile on at all times; I could feel his hungry eyes on me.

"This is a fresh brew," I said trying to stay off the awkward silence. "It is still very hot so please drink it slowly, I'd hate for you to burn yourself."

"Burning myself is an absolute no-no tonight," he patted his belly and laughed out heartily. "How else am I supposed to taste every luscious bit of you?"

"A travesty indeed…" I muttered dryly under my breath.

He reached out for the cup I held I held in my hands and thanked me. I watched him take a long whiff and drink it with a blank expression. This was how it always started, a quick conversation, a hot drink to warm his belly, and then… and then…

Looking down at the tatami mat, I ran my fingers over it, mindful of my nails, to calm myself down. I disliked what was going to happen next, but what was I to do? I was trapped.

"You make the best tea out of all the girls here!" he beamed. The cup was handed back to me for another which I readily filled. "I can drink this all day and night I swear."

"You flatter me, Anata-sama," I feigned a girlish giggle and smoothed out my robes. "Yasuhara-san can make tea much better than I."

"But great tea needs to be made and poured by an even greater beauty, and my dear you are the most beautiful woman in this establishment." I watched him place the cup down and begin to undo his hakama. "Would you mind opening the window to let some air in? It's a tad bit stuffy in here."

I complied with his request and saw the beautiful night sky. The star lit night stole my breath away, I felt my eyes grow wider the longer I stared. I reached out and a cool breeze billowed through my fingers, it felt like silk and reminded me of a person I hadn't seen in so long.

Strong arms wrapped around my shoulders and a smooth jaw brushed against my cheek. I stiffened in surprise but coerced myself to relax knowing I could no longer put the inevitable off. A pair of dry, chapped lips landed on my neck causing me to whimper, fighting the urge to squirm in his embrace I continued to stare at the sky with my hand still in the calming breeze.

"Anata-sama, even if it's just a false love," I begged in a hoarse whisper, tears threatening to fall as I forced the words out. "Will you please embrace me?"

"Aa, anything you desire."

I closed my eyes and tilted my head back and offered him my submission. Thoughts of the tragic story I lived filled me with a somber, numbing sadness. Wandering hands trailed over my body eagerly, his lips left a trail as he moved from one spot to another. My hand began to tremble and my tears began to fall, how many more nights must I spend doing this?

Somebody, anybody I'm begging you please… save me.

The wind picked up again, this time the chill it brought bit my hand and told me to back to reality. I pulled myself together and turned to face my companion. He smiled at me and wiped away the tears I that lingered on my eyelashes.

"Don't cry, I'll be gentle." He whispered into my ear. I felt a tingle crawl up my spine as his hot breath swirled around my ear.

I felt repulsive.

I took a good look at the man holding me and replaced his image with the person I loved. Short, receding black hair became lush blonde hair tied in an elegant ponytail, and dark brown eyes become breath taking crimson. With the transition between this old man to my darling progressing smoothly, I began to relax a little more in his embrace. This was the only way I could live with myself. With my beloved's face etched into my mind I prepared myself to welcome my customer.

I love you…

Within the harimise, along with my fellow courtesans, I stared forward with an indifferent expression while they struggled to bring in clients. Today would be like any other day here in Yoshiwara, I thought grimly. Sit here, stare at the outside world through wooden bars, wait for a man to buy me then let him bed me till he's had his money's worth. My heart burned with a familiar ache as I sat beside myself in quiet contemplation, I was longing for something… but that time is lost to me. I cannot turn the hands of time back nor can I change my fate. I was trapped in this birdcage forever.

"How much is that delightful little bird in the middle?" a feminine voice asked. Her slender finger pointed at me directly leaving no room for misinterpretation, I was the one she wanted. "The one with the pretty sapphire blue eyes."

No mistake at all…

The girls around me began gasping in horror one after the other and whispered to each other like scared little mice. I looked to my left then right and saw that they were all staring, or was it glaring, at me and my new patron. I didn't know why they were acting so disgusted. Having a woman come in, especially a foreign one, wasn't unheard of. Surely I wasn't the only courtesan to service a customer of the same-sex.

"She is one of our most prized koushijouro," the brothel keeper beamed excitedly, she loved exploiting my unique ability to attract wealthy women, but the moment that foreigner looks away I'll get a nasty glare from her. "She doesn't come cheap unfortunately."

"And that's fine by me," the handsome woman replied with a light, mirthful chuckle. "Money is of no issue here, I am on a mission of love after all."

Taking that as my cue, I stood up and left the cage. I stared at the woman who purchased me and smiled fondly, this was a night I would surely enjoy.

I hope it rains tonight.

"My name is Carim Gracia," my companion said introducing herself with a firm handshake. I couldn't help but laugh at the stiff greeting. I was already enjoying my time with this woman; maybe if she allows me tonight will be a night of relaxing pleasure. "May I ask for yours?"

"Miyaga Shouko, it's a pleasure to meet you Gracia-sama." Carim seemed displeased with my answer. "Is there something the matter? Did I make a mistake during the handshake?"

"The truth," she said in a serious tone. "I'd like your real name please."

"Eh?" I was pleasantly surprised to say the least. Most customers were fine with knowing my alias and never pushed to learn my real name, this actually never happened before. "Um…"

"I'm searching for someone and you fit the description perfectly."

I poured my guest some tea and presented it to her. She drank it happily and asked for another right away.

"Will you please give me your real name?" she asked again, desperation laden in her mesmerising eyes. I shook my head in refusal and turned my attention back to the piping hot tea. "Then please give me a reason why you refuse such a simple request."

"That is my real name, Anata-sama," I blatantly lied putting Carim off, she seemed disgruntled. I tried to put up a convincing front, but this woman saw right through me.

Reaching into her coat pocket, Carim pulled out an old folded up piece of paper that looked like it had been through a lot. She unfurled it and handed it over to me and told me to look at it and tell me if I had seen someone like that. The parchment held two pages: a crude drawing of three little girls playing together and a professionally done portrait.

"Friends of hers hired me to find her. It's been years since I started the search…" she let out a heavy sigh. "I thought I had finally found her."

The girl in the picture looked exactly like me—no, it was me. I traced my fingers over the ink and trembled. This was how I looked years ago back before I got sold off. And the picture of the three girls was a drawing I had personally done; there was no mistake about it. It was a horrible picture, I was never meant to be an artist.

"But how?" I mumbled still entranced by the images in my hands.

"My orders are to buy this girl's contract and bring her back to Uminari." Carim remained silent for a moment, her blue eyes studying me carefully. "So may I ask for your name once more? That is all I need to confirm my suspicion. If you give me the right name you will walk away tonight as a free woman. You'll be able to go home and pick your life up right where you left it."

Mental images of the friends I had back in Uminari—no, home—began to flash through my thoughts. Their smiling faces, their voices and their warmth filled my senses to the point where I wanted to scream out the truth behind my mask. All the years I had lost due to my parents' poverty could never be returned to me, I can never have my childhood or my innocence back.

Hesitation.

My parents betrayed more than once. The first time was when they abandoned me on my cousins' doorstep, the next was when they sold me off to pay some stupid debt.

Resentment.

I was sold to this brothel as a young girl where I grew up and learned the trade. Being a whore was all I knew; offering pleasures of the flesh and seductive speech was my life. What would my friends think of me if they saw me like this? How would they act when they saw my inability to blend in with normal society?

Fear.

"I can't…" I replied, my voice cracking. "I'm sorry but I can't help you…"

The paper crumpled under my intense grip, the picture of my former self distorting.

"This is you isn't it?" She asked me with urgency burning in her words. She grabbed hold of my shoulders knocking over the tea set with her knee spilling the boiling liquid everywhere. Carim winced in pain as the amber liquid splashed all over her lap, "I apologize for the outburst, that was rude of me."

"N-No, it's alright…" I shrugged her off and back away. My first instinct was to pull apart my robes and reveal my body to her; she seemed perturbed, if not a little disgusted, with my display. "Please, have your way with me and leave…"

"Excuse me?"

"You paid for a night with the koushijouro, Miyaga Shouko. I apologize to you once more, but this girl," I shook the pages in front of her to emphasize my point, "is not me." My voice cracked again. My freedom was so close, but this was wrong. The timing was all right. I couldn't return to them, not like this. Not after all that's happened. Too much time had passed and the life I once had, the identity I once clung onto was no more.

Shaking her head ruefully, Carim stood up and snatched the pages out of my hands. She glared at me, her frown marring her beautiful face. "Thank you for your time and I'm sorry for my weird questions, Miyaga-san."

The disdain in her voice made me shiver.

"Are you not staying?"

"I do not wish to copulate with a liar," her sweet voice stung like deadly venom. "I wish you had just been honest with me from the start. Your friends have suffered so much searching for you."

"I am not the person you are looking for."

Carim left and didn't look back. I watched my freedom walk away from me.

Goodbye.

With her back turned to me I saw a brief image of my love and began to cry. I'm sure she would have looked like that. She would have been tall and dignified with a ramrod straight back with long flowing golden hair.

Raindrops began to patter against my window; Yoshiwara was covered in a veil of darkness.

"Tell me Shouko-san," the man felt comfortable enough to call me by my first name. "Why do you keep your hair so short?"

"It sets me apart from the other girls," I replied coolly. I ran my fingers through my shoulder length, chestnut brown hair and sighed. "When you look into the harimise, what do you see?"

He tightened his hold around my waist, his movements smooth and even. "A row of beau—beautiful," he took in a deep breath, he was nearing his end. "Women…" A final thrust. "Lined up—lined up perfectly…"

"And?" I kissed his jaw line making sure to moan into his year.

"From left to right nothing but long haired beauties, but in the middle of the row I see you," he let out a content sigh as he pulled out. "You stand out so much; I couldn't help but choose you."

"Everyone likes to have their hair long, but I personally feel more comfortable with it short. Nothing gets tangled and I feel so much lighter." I explained, my hands still combing through my hair. "I'm breaking a rule by doing this, but what can the brothel keeper do? Fire me, I think not."

Looking into my eyes, my guest smiled weakly before collapsing into my chest. His hands cupped my mounds gently and admired them. "These also set you apart from the other girls," he jokingly added. "They're so soft; I wish I could hold them forever."

"Why not then?" I asked tauntingly. "My contract is up for sale just like the other girls."

"My heart begs that I do, to take you away from this wretched place and free you from the shackles that bind you… but you're out of my price range. I am nothing but a commoner, this night with you had been difficult to save up for."

"I hope it was worth it then."

"You were worth every cent, Shouko-san."

"I'm glad."

Another woman laid in my arms tonight. She was a regular of mine and never chose any of the other girls despite the brothel keeper's urging and protests. None of the other girls would have been willing to do what I did, I prided myself in that. It made me unique and intriguing, thus setting me apart from everybody else. They were all too scared or disgusted with the idea of bedding another woman, but I welcomed it wholeheartedly. I enjoyed my nights with women more than men; it was my natural preference after all.

My beloved's image flashed before my eyes as I looked down at the woman between my legs. I had imagined myself in this position with the love of my life many times. I enacted my fantasies with my customers without their knowing.

"Mn…"

"Shouko-san," she called out to me with a seductive purr. "Tell me about yourself."

"W-What would you like to know, Habari-sama?"

"Your childhood and how you ended up in this line of work."

Habari Junko was very direct and never hesitated in stating her desires. I liked this woman and always enjoyed her visits. She had a decent face average at best, she may not have been strikingly beautiful but she had great character and charm.

Junko was the wealthy wife of a nobleman who had strange fetishes. He was the one that pushed her to my service and since then the couple had been one of my more prominent visitors. If fate allowed me, I could fall in love with this woman and beg for her to buy my contract and free me. There was no doubt in my mind, she would do it.

"My wish is to learn more of your true self. We must be friends by now at least?"

I thought back to the time when I was a carefree child and smiled. This was the second time someone had ever asked me about my past, Carim was the only one who dared get near the truth.

Hesitantly, I lift myself up and pulled Junko's face up to look at her in the eyes. "Can I ask you one question though?"

"By all means my little turtledove."

"Why are you interested in my past?" What did this woman have to gain by talking about such trivial things; wouldn't she prefer pillow talk or no talking at all? That was what all my other clients wished for, what made this woman any different?

Junko pulled herself free and pushed me to lie on my back. She positioned herself over me and initiated a deep kiss. I sighed in content and begged her for more. The woman complied and began her ministrations with more vigour.

"Is my request strange?" I shook my head and let out a loud moan to signal she had hit a very, very good spot. "Ah how I love your voice."

"You look very pleased."

"Why wouldn't I be pleased? I have a gorgeous young woman in my arms gifting me with sweet sighs and moans," Junko smiled at me, her eyes still hazed over in lust.

The story of my past was soon forgotten. I should have known better than to get my hopes up. Junko really was like everybody else.

Yoshiwara was wrapped in another grey blanket tonight, the skies were in turmoil thundering and raining. I looked out my window and saw a river of colorful umbrellas moving in every direction slowly. Despite the rain the district was still very busy. Shops were open and so were we, we were always open.

"Is something on your mind, Miyaga-san?"

I turned over to the man lying on my futon and offered him a somber smile. He was playing go with my kamuro having a good time. The children seemed to enjoy themselves in his company, I was glad to see they at least retained a little youthful joy. Unfortunately that joy would be crushed and the harsh reality of our profession would be dawned upon them through my steady hand and tutelage.

This life was wearing thin on me and my hopes were all but gone. Being a tayuu was fine at first, I was content and the many perks that accompanied the rank made my life so much easier. I had gained privileges the other girls didn't have and my clientele steadily became more sophisticated and generous, but after receiving my children I realized I was just another pawn in this terrible tradition. I no longer saw the joy of a real smile or felt any form of pleasure. I was dead inside. My mind drifted over to a certain blonde haired foreigner and her promise of freedom, I wonder what she was doing now. Did she give up her search or was she still scouring all of Japan for a dead woman?

"Have you ever wanted to escape this place?" I turned my head slightly to the side and gave him a brief glance before looking back at the window; I felt no need to answer his current question. "You do don't you?" I nodded my head, but remained silent. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Heaven knows how badly I wish for my freedom," I began slowly; I refused to let this stranger see me cry. "A courtesan's life is filled with a lot of hardship and sorrows. I never wanted this; there was even a time when I was free as a bird, but fate is a cruel mistress and ripped that way from me. The wheels refuse to stop turning for just an insignificant little girl lost in the crowd."

"You were young when you were taken in I take it?"

"Very young," I added with a bland voice. I turned to the two children and smiled weakly, "A little younger than the two you see before you."

The man, who was fairly handsome by my standards, stroked his chin in deep thought. "Most brothels have their girls under contract for at least ten years, how old are you now?"

"It's rude to ask a lady her age," I scolded him jokingly causing a deep blush on his face. "But to feed your curiosity I shall answer nevertheless. I am twenty-two; I have been here for thirteen years."

"W-What!?" he screamed out in surprise. I burst out into a fit of uncontrolled giggles. "I thought you were much younger than that!"

"Looks are very deceiving are they not?"

"Then why are you still here?" Concern was etched clearly on his face. "Shouldn't your contract be over?"

"If only I were that lucky," I stared longingly into the dark, cloudy sky and sighed. "The brothel keeper refuses to let me go saying I am still too profitable. I've saved every penny I earned doing this, but it never seems enough… the price labelled on my contract doesn't seem to stay still. One moment it is this, the next it is that."

Thunder roared furiously as the rain got heavier and heavier. The droplets began pouring in through my open window drenching my front thoroughly. I felt myself relax a little as my body melded in with the cold water.

I am the rain…

"Please sir, even if it's just a fake love will you flirt only with me tonight?"

He gulped and nodded his head, "Anything you wish of me."

I ordered the children to leave my room; they didn't need to see what was to happen next… at least not yet.

"Miyaga-san, you truly are perfection." He whispered into my ear, his husky voice warm like honey. "I've never seen a woman like you before. I am plain and rather boring to be around, but if you will have me I will free you of this hell."

"Will you offer me a sunflower?" I asked him with a weak smile.

He blinked at me curious of my request, but nodded his head anyway. "Anything you ask of me and I shall do my best to give it to you."

I've seen his type many times. They promise us with freedom they cannot give and use that lie to build a bond with us courtesans. We offer more of ourselves to them clinging to this false hope, but like children and their toys we get tossed aside and forgotten.

My hope had long since withered away.

Yoshiwara's unscrupulous walls are beginning to swallow me whole.

Just a few more months or another year at most and I would be able to buy my contract. I can free myself. This was the best I could do, something I could do with my own strength. I just need to push a little more and I can live my life again.

I can search for my precious sunflower once more.

That is if I live long enough…

A girl, who sat two seats away from me died to a failed abortion a week ago. I cringed at the thought and thanked the God who watched over me for preventing any misfortune to befall my frail body. Another girl had died to an illness of some sort, in fact all the women I worked with in the past were starting to disappear one by one. Either their contracts came to an end or their lives did.

Only the new girls seem lively nowadays.

Diseases were rampant here, I had seen so many ladies suffer, but I was lucky. I had a few close encounters, but all were false alerts. This world I lived in was filled with danger in every corner…

"It's a shame about Asami-san," one girl whispered to another. "She just started working and this had to happen."

"Yeah, but what can we do?"

"Nothing I suppose…"

I felt their eyes on me, their stares burning a hole into my back.

"Miyaga-san sure is lucky," one sneered. I could hear them perfectly and sighed at their stupidity. "Women seem to flock to her like bees to honey, she doesn't have to worry about the things we have to."

"I don't envy her at all," the other replied with a disgusted voice. "Two women together like that makes my skin crawl. Disgusting."

A customer walked in gaining the interest of all the girls in the cage. I paid no mind to the new comer and kept my composure. Each person that walked in through those doors was nothing but a horny pervert looking to play house with a lady who would do whatever they were told.

Soon I will be free of these shackles…

"Miyaga-san!" the brothel keeper shouted in a shrill tone. "I say, Miyaga-san eyes forward!"

I snapped out of my thoughts and looked forward. A face I hadn't seen in so long stared directly at me. Piercing blue eyes, long blonde hair, luscious lips, and face you could die for, Carim Gracia had re-entered my life. She had a dull, lifeless expression on her face that told me she was not here for pleasure.

"Are you listening to me, Miyaga-san?"

I shook my head to wipe away my thoughts and smiled, "Yes, I am."

"This woman," she sneered, "has purchased you for the entire night, attend to her immediately." The brothel keeper snarled at me, her upper lip curling upwards in disdain. She hated my clientele to her rotten core, but loved the amounts they were willing to pay for my services. She had a nasty habit of charging the women more than the men, yet despite knowing this unfairness my ladies kept coming back for more.

"Welcome, Anata-sama," I said in my sweetest, most inviting voice. "I'm glad see you again."

"Likewise," she replied courtly.

Carim was definitely not in a good mood tonight.

"Why did you come back?" I asked her with a deep frown, I felt no need for pleasantries with this woman. "Your move."

"Ah darn it, you're good at this!" Carim scratched the back of her head and sighed, "Your friends refused to take no for an answer."

"I'm not the person you think I am," I growled in impatience.

The foreigner and I were playing a game of go in my private living quarters. She refused to be around the others in the lounge area, said it was a bit embarrassing to be seen in such an establishment.

A warm hand caressed my cheek lovingly, I felt safe in her hands; I felt freedom within my grasp and hope refilling my empty heart.

"Please why must you keep torturing me? You tempt me with sweet freedom."

"Yagami Hayate-chan, all you have to do is come with me." My eyes shot open, I haven't heard that name in so long. Coming from her lips that name… my name… sounded heavenly. "You do not belong here."

"T-That is not my name—"

"Yes, yes Shouko-san… " Carim flopped onto the futon, her arms crossed over her eyes, our game completely forgotten now. "They paid me to see you and try to convince you to come back; they paid for this night as well… You're an expensive girl you know? You've been doubled since my last visit."

"I am quite gifted in bed and have a handful of other skills, so of course I'm worth a bit more than the others." I stuck my nose up in the air in faked egotism. "I am a tayuu after, I am like royalty here."

"That really isn't something to pride yourself in," my guest awkwardly chuckled having seen through my pitiful ruse.

"Being a tayuu is every whore and courtesan's dream; don't trample on it so easily like that… you'll anger a lot of people."

"Hayate-chan," Carim grinned at me. "Why do you fight me? Break free from this and come home."

"That isn't my name, how many more times do I have to say it?" I watched the foreigner fish for something in her pocket, her brows furrowed together as she searched diligently. "What are you looking for?"

"Something to prove you are indeed the Yagami Hayate-chan Nanoha-sama searches for."

My heart skipped a beat. She knew who Nanoha was then this really is… she really was here to set me free.

"She and her husb—er wife has spared no expense in this nationwide investigation."

"Why…?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Carim looked up at me with a charming smile. "They aren't complete without you."

I slumped down lost in my thoughts. This was too good to be true. Everything up till now could have been avoided if I had only given Carim a chance to fully explain herself in the past. I couldn't even remember why I pushed her goodwill away in the first place.

Nanoha and Alicia were looking for me all this time…

"You know I never really understood Nanoha-sama and Alicia-sama's predicament." The blonde haired foreigner smiled to herself as she cradled an item I couldn't see. "It was certainly one awkward wedding."

"Those two have been in love before they even knew what love was," I explained. "Their parents both saw this and made a decision together. Same-sex relationships are frowned upon, so what better way to remedy that than to have poor Alicia-chan become a man—at least on the outside."

"Hm, you just confessed your true identity you know that right?"

"Yes, I do."

"What made you change your mind?"

"You mentioned Nanoha-chan's name and even knew the secret she made me swear to take to my grave." Carim's surprised expression was adorable; it reminded me of my beloved. "What else do you know?"

"I don't know it depends all on you now."

"Huh?" Carim motioned me over to the futon. "What else is there to know?"

Revealing the item in her hand I gasped out in surprise. "Judging by the look on your face you recognize this." I nodded my head furiously and reached out to touch it, but Carim snatched it away before I got close. "Nu uh, not unless you tell me the story behind it!"

"It was an item I gave to the person I-I love when she turned ten. Even though she already had a betrothed I still confessed my feelings." Tears began to prick my eyes as I relived the memory of that day. "She gave me a sunflower in return…"

"Could you tell me more about this girl?"

"Alicia-chan…"

"Oh," Carim looked taken aback by my confession; I saw a hint of sadness in her beautiful eyes. "I-I didn't know…"

I shook my head and sighed. How long had it been since I allowed her name to escape my lips. "Alicia-chan's twin sister, Fate-chan."

"Eh?!" Surprise was such an adorable expression on her. "I didn't know she had a sister, she only ever talks about her brother."

"My beloved Fate-chan was taken away days after my confession, her betrothed's parents weren't very happy that she had someone else in her heart." I clutched my fists at the terrible memory and fought back the tears. "Since then Alicia-chan took care of me and my impossible love. She placed the burden of my emotions upon her shoulders."

"Alicia-sama worries about you, she doesn't show it well on her face but the amount of money she's invested in your safe return should be able to speak for itself."

"Why…?"

"Why what?" I felt a couple tears slip past my defenses. "Please don't cry."

"I-I'm sorry it's just… this, this is too much for me."

"You've proven yourself to me," Carim wrapped my slim frame in her arms and kissed the top of my head. "I'll speak to the brothel keeper and buy your contract this very instant. I'll take you home immediately after that."

Being in her arms filled me with something I haven't felt in over a decade: desire. I wanted this woman more than anything, even more than my freedom. Half a year since I first met her and now she's back, her face never once left my thoughts… was this love? Yes, no doubt. This was indeed love.

Cupping the blonde's cheek, I gently urged her to face me. She blinked at me and quirked an eyebrow, I didn't say a word and waited for her to say something, anything.

"Hayate-chan?"

I caught her open lips and kissed her deeply. My passion had been reignited, I lusted after this woman. Carim struggled against me and managed to push me off of her. She looked at me with wide, uncertain eyes. I chuckled at her innocent trembling and beckoned for her to come closer.

"Gracia-sama, even if it's just a fake love, will you embrace me?" I begged with earnest yearning. Even if she didn't return my feelings, I wanted to at least feel her heat. "Will you take this tired tayuu and give her but a moment of peace?"

"H-Haya… Shouko-san, I-I can't…"

The flower of hope withered away in an instant.

"Is there another?" Carim nodded her head weakly. "I see…"

"Apologies…"

I shook my head and steadied myself, I should have known better than to act on my selfish desires. There was no way a woman like myself could ever hope to find love, I was doomed to die alone in Yoshiwara along with my sisters.

"Alicia-sama has provided me with more than enough to purchase your contract. After that you will belong to her," Carim feigned a smile, her eyes hidden beneath her bangs. "The money you've saved until now is yours. Alicia-sama and Nanoha-sama just want you home."

"Gracia-sama, I thank you again for coming to see me, but I cannot accept your offer after all."

"What?!" Carim glared at me appalled by my image. "Is this because I refuse to sleep with you?"

"You refuse to copulate with a liar," I said mimicking her tone of voice from the past. "I would hate for you to waste your money, so let's move this to the lounge and join the other guests in games and entertainment."

"After all this you're still going to turn me down?"

"Women like me have no place in society." I snapped angrily, fury ripped through me like a blazing fire. "How can I function normally when I can't even embrace the person I love without having her seethe in disgust?"

"I-I…"

"My feelings of love for you, though I've only just realized it, are real. I have been taken time and time again by people who I held no affection for, but just now I felt something new. I felt passion rise up inside of me; I wanted you to touch me… I wanted this night to be spent in your arms."

"You know I can't, I am honor bound to bring you home and nothing more."

"Does this mean my love goes unrequited?" I looked away from the beautiful blonde and shuddered. She remained silent and eyed me wearily. "Leave me and for the love of God never, ever return."

Carim stood up and straightened her clothes; she refused to look at me and left wordlessly. I was alone in my room with nothing more than my jeering thoughts keeping me company. My beauty and intellect failed me, this rarely ever happened so why did it have to happen now of all times?

A year passed since Carim's visit and it was like she never existed. I assumed she returned to my friends and told them to give up the search since no one else came looking for me. My feelings for her also disappeared, but the love I felt for my childhood friend remained. I realized what I felt for the other blonde was just misplaced emotion that spilled over, there was only one person for me and that was my best friend's little sister.

I wonder what she's doing now, I bet she's happy.

The price on my contract also tripled making it impossible for me to ever buy my freedom; I was doomed to die here. Hope of my freedom was what kept me going, but with that finally gone thoughts of suicide plagued my mind. I could feel death's cold, boney fingers coil around my neck forming a noose. All I had to do was take that final step and it would all be over.

I closed my eyes and fled to the inner recesses of my mind, just because I couldn't leave the harimise physically didn't mean I couldn't do it mentally. My imagination took me far away from my prison and brought me to a familiar land. I was standing in the middle of an open field just a couple kilometers away from Uminari, the land was lush and green still fresh from the start of spring. It had changed quite a bit from the last time I had seen it, but so many years had passed it was inevitable.

I took weary steps at first scared that my conjuration was fragile, but to my astonishment the image held steady. My timid steps quickly turned into a full on sprint, I was free at last! The wind felt so good and the air tasted divine, this was the city I loved more than anything.

"Will somebody wake that girl up?" an angry voice broke through the scenery.

Little by little my little piece of heaven crumbled revealing the dreary Yoshiwara streets. My green fields became dirt roads and mighty trees turned into ruddy old wooden structures, and in the blink of an eye my happiness faded away.

"Miyaga-san," an urgent hand braced me. "Miyaga-san, wake up!" I took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly, losing my temper in such a public place was not an option. "Please wake up, Miyaga-san."

"Just let me keep dreaming a bit more," I muttered sadly.

"But some gentleman is here speaking about buying your contract," the girl replied in a quieter tone.

My interest immediately peaked and I opened my eyes. I gasped out in surprise lunged towards the bars. A tall blonde with striking red eyes stared directly at me with a fond smile. My body was acting on its own accord now and reached out for the stranger. My fingers stretched out desperately trying to grab hold, and my heart soared the moment I was reciprocated. A hand, no larger than mine, held onto me with a shaky grip.

This wasn't happening; this has got to be a dream and even if it is don't let me wake up.

"I've finally found you…"

"Fate-chan," I smiled with tears in my eyes. "You're late."