Title: Mistaken Identity

Author: fbi_woman

Rating: M

Type: 9-1-1, Abby/Buck, humour/smut

Spoilers: None

Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with 9-1-1 or Fox, and make no such claim.

Summary: A suspicious noise has Buck questioning his skills. Abby/Buck, humour and smut.

A/N: I FINALLY FINISHED MY ONESHOT! lol. Be forewarned: I wrote this in many, MANY chunks at many different points in time, and since I never go back to re-read what I've already written, I can't promise there won't be some repetition of words relatively close together. I suppose this is basically a somewhat comedic PWP. The idea just popped into my head one day, and it was too cute to resist. I guess it's technically AU since they're living together… but we're not gonna get into how sad that makes me. Title is from a song by Delta Goodrem (though the song is completely unrelated lol).

Buck was in one hell of a hurry this morning. He thought he had time to hit the gym before work, and he would have, if he hadn't forgotten to pack his uniform. Yesterday was laundry day, so he had also brought home the backup one he usually kept in his locker and had completely forgotten until the thought randomly struck him ¾ of the way through his usual regime. Abby wasn't working until a bit later, so he had tried sending her a text to see if she could meet him at the station, but she hadn't answered. He figured she must still be asleep, so he tried to be as quiet as he could when he dashed into the apartment. Surprisingly, however, she was nowhere to be seen when he entered the bedroom. Her phone was on the night table, his text sitting on the home screen, so she obviously hadn't seen it yet. He didn't have time to dwell on it though, so he quickly grabbed two uniforms – one for today, and a backup – and was on his way back to the door when he suddenly registered a strange, quiet sort of buzzing sound in the apartment. Looking around, he spotted the bathroom door closed and light coming from underneath, and realized Abby must be in there. He was curious about the noise, it wasn't one he recognized, but he was already running late so he pushed it out of his mind and ran back down to his car.

It was a crazy shift, and he had been too busy to give a second thought to this morning until he was in the locker room and getting ready to head home. It was just him and Chimney left in there, so he decided to try and casually bring it up.

"Hey Chim, what kind of stuff do women use in the bathroom?"

"That's a joke, right?"

Okay, that was an admittedly poor icebreaker. How could he pull this back? "Uhh…"

"What do you mean, what kind of stuff? They all have like twenty bottles of shit in there; I don't know what it all is."

"No, not that stuff. Like, electric stuff."

"You mean like a hair dryer, or one of those curling rod things?"

"No, I know about that stuff. Is there anything that has a motor or something like that?"

"I don't know man, a vibrator maybe? Can you use those in water? What kind of weird question is that anyways?"

"I don't know, just forget I asked, okay?"

"Gladly."

He, on the other hand, couldn't forget that he'd asked. And as he sat on the couch, watching TV and waiting for Abby to come home, he couldn't help letting his mind wander. What the hell was that noise this morning? And how come he hadn't heard it before? If it was part of her usual routine, wouldn't he recognize it? What if he didn't recognize it because she didn't want him to know about it? After all, as far as she knew, he hadn't been home. But why would she hide something from him? Unless… could Chim have been right? Initially he had scoffed and written off the idea. They had a great sex life, so why would she need a vibrator? But maybe it wasn't as great for her, and she didn't want to tell him. Now that the thought was in his head, he couldn't seem to shake it. She wouldn't be home for another hour mostly likely, and part of him really wanted to do a little snooping while she was out, just to put his mind at easy, but the other part of him worried about violating her privacy. If she wasn't satisfied though, he wanted to know, so he could do something about it. Asking her was probably the best route to go, but thinking about how awkward that could be only made it seem all the more plausible that she was avoiding confronting him about it. With a deep breath, he got up off the couch: his decision had been made.

It wasn't hard to find. He was actually a little shell-shocked by how little searching he had to do. He figured she wouldn't keep it in the bathroom, because he was in there every day and it would be far too easy for him to stumble upon it. So he went straight for the one place he almost never looked in: her nightstand. He felt incredibly guilty about doing it, especially after he turned up absolutely nothing out of the ordinary in the top drawer, but then he opened the bottom drawer and froze. Sure enough, tucked away in the back, was a vibrator. Holy shit. He flung the drawer closed and retreated to the couch again. Now what the hell was he going to do? He didn't consider himself a particularly macho kind of guy, but he had to admit, his masculine pride was a little wounded. He thought they had a pretty active sex life, and he always strived to please her – had always thought that he was successful in that pursuit – but he obviously wasn't doing enough. He would just have to step up his game, he supposed. Starting tonight. Starting right now.

He was in full chef mode by the time she came through the door, about forty minutes later. He was going all out to romance her this evening.

"Hey," she greeted him, coming over to give him a quick kiss, "it smells good in here!"

"Dinner will be ready in 15 minutes."

"Lucky me! I'll be right back, I'm going to get changed."

"You want a glass of wine?"

"That would be great."

"Red or white?" he called as she headed for the bedroom.

"Surprise me!"

She seemed to enjoy the meal, and complimented him on it, so he figured he was off to a good start. He topped up her wine glass and sent her to the living room to pick out something on Netflix while he cleaned up the kitchen, which she looked pleasantly surprised about. He was secretly hoping she would pick something romantic; while that wasn't usually his favourite type of movie, it was typically an easy segue to the bedroom. And of course, she didn't disappoint.

"Have you seen this before?" she asked, gesturing to the screen.

He read the title she had selected: Sleepless in Seattle. "Nope, don't think so."

"Want to try it? It's sort of a love story, but not in a way you would expect. I promise it's good."

"Sure."

He had to admit she was right; it actually was a pretty good movie, and definitely not what he had expected.

"Hey, you know, this movie kind of reminds me of us."

She looked up at him curiously. "Really?"

"Yeah, like they sort of already knew there was something there before they actually met. And he knew the moment he saw her that she was special."

"Aww, did you really think I was special the moment you saw me? Even though I was a total mess?"

"Of course I did. I mean, at first I thought Carla was you, and I was confused, but then I really saw you, and… you kind of took my breath away."

With a soft smile, she closed the distance between them and pressed her lips to his. He ran his fingers through her hair as he kissed her softly, slipping his tongue into her mouth when she let out a contented sigh. Leaning into him, she shifted and brought one leg over to straddle him. Dropping his hands down, he slowly dragged them from her knee, over her thigh, and up to hem of her shirt, which he easily lifted off and tossed to the side. Her arms wound around his neck, bringing her lips back to his, and she moaned when she felt his growing hardness press up against her. In hindsight, he realized it had actually been a few days since they were together like this, and he was glad that the vibrator obviously hadn't quite satisfied her hunger. Gripping her hips, he ground up against her while they kissed, revelling in the urgent little sounds she made every time he hit just the right spot.

"Too many clothes," she whispered against his mouth as she broke away just long enough to pull his shirt over his head.

Once she had disposed of that, she went right to work on his jeans, and it was his turn to moan when she slid her hand inside and stroked him through this boxers. He started to tug at her yoga pants but she gave him a coy smile and stood up.

"Have that," she gestured to his remaining clothing, "gone by the time I get back."

As she headed off to the bedroom, he wasted no time following her orders and stripped off his jeans and underwear before sitting back down on the couch. His erection was begging to be touched, but he was playing the long game tonight – no pun intended – so he was determined to exercise his restraint and endurance. When Abby returned a minute later, he saw that she too had discarded the rest of her clothes. She waved a condom packet in front of him before using her teeth to rip it open. Fuck. He felt his willpower momentarily wane, especially when she rolled it on and teased him with a few extra pumps, but he grit his teeth and thought back to this morning. As foolish and prideful as it may be, he had something to prove tonight.

She straddled his lap again, placing his tip at her entrance, and he kept his eyes fixed on hers while she sank down onto him, observing as they widened slightly and then darkened as she let out a ragged breath. Now fully embedded inside her, he flexed his hips and watched as her head tipped back and her mouth fell open with a low moan.

"Eyes on me," he said softly, but firmly.

Immediately she tilted her chin back down, locking gazes with him again. With a tight grasp on her hips, he started to slowly guide her up and down his length, biting back a grin as he witnessed her struggle to keep her eyes open. She found a steady rhythm of her own, and he took the opportunity to stroke her back with one hand and slip the other into her hair, lightly tugging her head to one side to give him better access to her neck. He kissed his way up from her shoulder to that spot just behind her ear that she liked, making sure to scrape his teeth across it. She let out a little gasp and he felt her tighten around him for a brief moment. Taking her body's cue, he nipped at her ear lobe and was rewarded with another delicious clench of her inner muscles. She started to breathe harder, rocking her hips more fervently against his as she approached her climax. Dropping his lips to her shoulder, he placed one more kiss there before biting down on her soft skin. She cried out at the contact, and her body started to tense.

"Again," she panted.

He knew it would leave a mark, but he certainly wasn't about to deny her request, so he repeated the action. Immediately she began to shudder against him, whimpering softly, and he groaned with the effort it took to fight off his release. When she came back to her senses as realized he hadn't come, she tried to resume her movements but he quickly stilled her, not sure how much more he could take at the moment. Leaning back, she looked at him with a question in her eyes, but instead of answering he simply wrapped her legs around his waist and stood. A slow grin spread across her face as he carried her to the bedroom, still buried inside her, and decided to give his neck the same kind of attention he gave hers. At this rate, he was going to need a little space to calm down if he was going to last for another round. And he was suddenly struck with the perfect idea of exactly how to achieve that without compromising on his goal of thoroughly satisfying her.

Carefully, he laid her down on the bed, pulling out of her in the process. A little frown appeared on her face at the loss of contact but he just smiled and kissed it away before continuing on a downward path with his lips. He sucked lightly on her collarbone before burying his face between her breasts, teasing the sensitive skin there with his tongue. Placing wet kisses along the underside of one breast, her nipples were already taut with anticipation by the time he took one in his mouth. Her back arched off the mattress as she moaned and he responded with a gentle tug with his teeth. She hummed in appreciation as he soothed the nub with his tongue again before switching to the other side and administering the same sweet torture. He kissed his way along her flat stomach, and he looked up at her as he passed her navel. She was watching him, and damn it was hot. He grinned and her eyes widened as she realized his intent.

Lowering his head between her legs, he nipped at her inner thighs as he moved slowly towards her core. Her folds were glistening in the low light streaming in from the living room, soaking wet from her previous orgasm, and he blew cool air against her just to hear the sharp intake of air she took when she felt the sensation. He teased her with feather-light licks, just using the tip of his tongue, until she was writhing beneath him, craving more contact. She lifted her hips, growling in frustration, and he chuckled softly before giving her a firm swipe with the flat of his tongue. Her head fell back with a satisfied sigh and her hand dropped to his head, gently running her fingers through his hair. He laved at her clit until he heard her breathing quicken, and then he took it between his lips and sucked on the little nub. She let out a guttural moan and he felt her thighs close tighter on either side of his head. He increased the suction until she was teetering on the edge, gasping from the pleasure of being right on the precipice, and then he stopped. Her eyes flew open and she looked down at him in desperation.

"No, please don't stop!" she pleaded. "Please, I'm so close."

He rarely denied her anything, but he chose to ignore her request this time. Moving his head slightly, he lowered his mouth to her entrance and plunged his tongue inside. She murmured his name, using her hand to hold his head against her this time. He shoved his tongue as deep as he could, swirling it around inside her, his nose pressing up against her clit, and her fingers started to twist in his hair. She was panting now, grinding herself against his face, and just thinking about the intensity of her arousal had his cock throbbing with need. She was rarely quite this wanton, and it was driving him wild. In that moment, he wanted nothing more than to just fuck her senseless, but tonight wasn't about him. He reached down to grip himself with one hand, knowing he had to keep himself under control for a little bit longer. And then suddenly her whole body tensed and she let out a piercing cry, still rocking herself against his mouth as wave after wave of white-hot pleasure raced through her.

As soon as she released his head, he was on her, thrusting himself into her welcoming heat. She whimpered, her ebbing orgasm immediately starting to build again from the delicious stretch of finally having him inside her. Her legs were still too weak to be of much use to her, so she simply clung to his shoulders and tilted her hips exactly the way he liked. He pounded into her, gritting his teeth against his impending climax as he tried to wait for her. She stroked his back gently and he knew she was telling him to let go, but he was adamant that they would come together; it was to be the 'grand finale' after all. He slipped a hand between them and gently brushed his thumb across her clit. It only took a few touches before her walls were pulsing around him, and he shouted her name as he finally crashed over the edge.

He collapsed on top of her, completely spent, but she didn't seem to mind; she simply murmured contentedly and nuzzled his neck while they both recovered. When he caught his breath, he rolled off to the side, reaching out to tenderly tuck her hair behind her ear.

"Was that good for you?" He asked cautiously.

She laughed breathily, still panting. "Are you kidding? That was insane."

"Like, insane good or insane bad?"

"Good, obviously!"

"Okay good. 'Cause you know, you can tell me if it's ever not."

She looked at him quizzically. "Yeah, I know."

"Okay. I just want to be sure you know that you can talk to me about that kind of stuff."

"Is there something you want to talk about?"

He hesitated. "Well… it's just… I heard you in the bathroom this morning."

"Okay."

"You know…" Was she really going to make him say it?

"No, I really don't." To her credit, she did look genuinely confused.

"With the, uh..." he could feel his face getting hot as embarrassment set in, "the vibrator."

She burst out laughing; not quite the reaction he was expecting. "What are you talking about?"

"Your vibrator, I heard it."

"Buck, I don't know what you think you heard, but I absolutely did not have my vibrator in the bathroom this morning."

"But you do have one."

"Of course I have one. Did you forget how long I was single before we met?"

"No…"

Suddenly her eyes lit up. "Oh my god. Wait here."

And then she was gone, headed towards the bathroom. What the hell? She returned a minute later, hiding something behind her back.

"Is this what you heard?"

Sure enough, the sound started. But… but the vibrator was in the nightstand – he saw it – and she didn't go in there. So what was she holding?

"Yeah, that's it."

She started laughing again and pulled out something that looked vaguely like a space age razor. Now that he thought about it, he was pretty sure he had seen that thing before… in the bathroom. But he hadn't given it much thought.

"What is that?"

"It's an electric epilator – it's basically just a fancy kind of shaver. I usually use it in the shower so you probably don't hear it over the water, but I took a bath this morning since I wasn't in a rush"

"Oh."Why the hell did Chim have to go and plant the whole vibrator idea in his head anyways? Never going to him for help again.

"Is that what the big performance was about tonight?" she asked, still trying to quell her laughter.

"N-no."

"Buck, it's okay; I don't care if it was."

"Okay yeah, it may have had something to do with that."

"Tonight was great, but I'm happy with our sex life. I don't need anything that fancy on the regular, okay?"

"Guess I should have just asked, huh?"

"I can see why you didn't want to, but it would have saved you a lot of energy."

"But I should do something fancy once in a while, right? Just to keep things interesting," he said with a wink.

"Trust me, there's rarely a dull moment with you."

"Is that a compliment?"

"Most of the time." She let her arms circle his neck and kissed him softly. "Seriously though, I'm happy with where we're at."

"So does that mean you don't want a round 4?"

"How can you possibly have enough energy left for that? I'm impressed I was able to walk to the bathroom and back."

He chuckled. "What can I say? You're hard to resist."

"Let me sleep for a bit and I'll get back to you."

"Deal."

A/N: So this was actually inspired by semi-real events lol. I happen to have an electric razor, and I was using it in the tub in my parents' bathroom (I only have a shower in my bathroom), and idk why but for some reason it just kind of struck me out of nowhere that it isn't really a normal bathroom sound, and then suddenly I was like omg I really hope they know I have this razor and don't think it's something else… and this idea was born lol. (In case anyone was wondering – turns out one of them did know about the razor)