Chapter 1

In a strange, mystical land called Ohio, there lived an eccentric teenage girl named Vanessa Greene who enjoyed picking her nose very much.

In fact, she would pick her nose so much that her mother told her that it was very likely it would fall off some day in the near future.

One day, whilst Vanessa was picking her nose, it fell off.

She was incredibly upset and had no idea what to do. So she did the only thing that she could think of. She went to her other nose picking friend, Allison.

Allison was unsure as to what Vanessa expected her to do, so she flipped Vanessa off.

Vanessa started bawling and Allison came and comforted her out of guilt.

Then Melabie Fu woke up.

"Damn, I'm never going to eat fried chicken before bed again."

Melabie got out of bed, got naked, and went into her bathroom. She found a random boy named Gelato in the bathtub.

She screamed and ran out of her house, still naked, to Allison and Vanessa's house next door.

"Help!" Melabie cried.

Melabie told Allison and Vanessa what had happened to her in the bathroom.

Then Daniel woke up.

"Wow, what a weird dream", he thought.

He realized that it was like inception and he was obviously Leonardo DiCaprio (he also realized how hot Vanessa looked in the dream and got a raging boner.)

"Holy shit," he thought suddenly, "I need to audition for Titanic immediately!"

He knew how much Vanessa liked that movie. In fact, it was her absolute favorite. He decided that he had to call her immediately.

"Hi, this is Vanessa Greene. I'm not here right now... most likely because I am touching myself in bed, or for any other reason you can think of. Anyways, please leave a message after the beep."
Beeeeeeep.

"Hey... Vanessa," Daniel spoke through the phone in a rough voice. The message somewhat made him very excited and he was having trouble getting his voice steady, "I just wanted to tell you that I'm probably going to try to audition for Titanic, and I know it's your favorite movie, so I was wondering if maybe you would like to escort me to the audition. Uh, bye." Daniel quickly hung up and fell back down onto his bed. A bead of sweat rolled down his temple.

He was about to take off his pants and start fapping, when suddenly there was a knock on his window. It was Morgan, the gay boy next door, trying to rape him yet again.

Daniel knew how close Morgan and Vanessa were. He realized that if he told Morgan that he was planning on going somewhere with Vanessa, then maybe Morgan wouldn't bother him. So that's what he decided to do.

Daniel began to cross his bedroom to open his window, but before he could get the chance, Morgan smashed it with a baseball bat, climbed through the hole that he had made, and yelled at the top of his lungs, "It's fuckin' time!"

Daniel ran out of his room and ran smack dab into Vanessa and gave her a bloody nose.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, Vanessa! How did you get in my house? Well, uh, nevermind that, I guess. I tried to call you but you didn't pick up, you know," said Daniel.

"Yeah," said Vanessa wiping the blood from her nose with her sleeve, "I was busy touching myself in bed."

'Oh fuck' was all Daniel could think at the moment because his pants were bulging more and more until it had formed a rock hard boner.

"Ah, that's, uh, wonderful... heh," was all Daniel could manage to say.

"Well are we going to the aud - OH MY GOSH Morgan IS THAT YOU? Hey what's up? I haven't seen you in a while!" said Vanessa. Little did she know that Morgan was actually bisexual, and had feelings for her as well.

Morgan was standing before Vanessa, completely naked. Vanessa looked down at his dick.

"Oh," she said.

She realized that he had a massive boner (and a huge dick) and it was all because the two people who turned Morgan on the most were standing right in front of him.

Daniel looked behind him and seeing Morgan, he fled into the next room of his house. Vanessa and Morgan were alone.

"It would be less awkward if you were naked also, Vanessa," said Morgan.

Vanessa, having no idea what to do at that present moment, decided to follow Daniel to the other room.

"Daniel, do you love me or not?" asked Vanessa.

"I... I... I..." Daniel stuttered. But his sentence was left unfinished, because as soon as he noticed the naked bisexual boy that had crept up behind him and squeezed his ass, he jumped up and screamed.

Daniel took Vanessa by the hand and they jumped out of the window towards the direction of the Titanic audition (wherever the hell that was) while naked Morgan ran after them. Daniel was still wondering if he should tell Vanessa the truth or not.

"Come on, let's hide behind this large pile of shit," said Vanessa.

'What a romantic place to confess my love to Vanessa,' thought Daniel. So they quickly dove behind the pile of cow shit.

"Hmm, isn't this how you described your life, Daniel?" Vanessa asked with a chuckle.

"Ah, yes. When we were texting this is indeed how I described my life," Daniel replied, "but wait a minute, Vanessa, I need to tell you some-"

Daniel was quickly cut off by Morgan trying to undress them both at the same time as they hid behind the large pile of manure.

However that, too, was interrupted, because a screaming old priest had just fallen from the top of a tower into the pile of cow poop.

"Wow," thought Daniel out loud, "we must be in Prague, and that man must have been defenestrated!"

"Daniel! We have to get out of here and fast," Vanessa exclaimed.

'Damn! I was just about to tell her that I love her, too!' Daniel thought.

Daniel then turned into an Italian ninja and called for his ninja car into which he took Vanessa and, sadly, Morgan. The whole world was in danger. The car put Morgan's clothes back on him and then they drove off into the sunset to save the world.

"What's going on?" Vanessa cried.

"Did you see that man that fell off of that castle we were standing behind? That was a Protestant priest. He was defenestrated by a group of Catholics. But he survived, because he landed in that pile of shit! Now, we have to find a way to kill him. But the only way to do that is to dispose of all the shit in the world."

Vanessa gasped.

"The only way we can do that is if we find a giant toilet," said Daniel.

Vanessa gasped again.

Morgan had fallen asleep in the back.

'Great, where are we going to find a giant toilet,' Daniel thought to himself.

"Oh my god, hold up! There's a giant toilet factory I saw when I was in Kansas visiting my family last year! We have to go there," exclaimed Vanessa.

"Wait, Vanessa, before we go-can I tell you something?" Daniel asked.

"Um, what?" Vanessa replied.

Here it was, the moment that Daniel had been waiting for. He was on the verge of just pouring his heart out. However, before he could even begin to move his lips, a Protestant priest dressed in long black robes rode up besides Daniel's car in his virgin-Mary-mobile.

"You shall never find the Toilet of Doom in Kansas 4960 Roe Boulevard, Roeland Park!"

At that moment Daniel was as mad as could be and he just exploded.

"Dammit Vanessa! I love you, okay? And whoever you are, just shuddup! I am going to Kansas and there is nothing you can do about it, specifically in 4960 Roe Boulevard, Roeland Park!" Daniel yelled. He then floored the car and drove away.

Vanessa remained speechless.