Fate Not Faith

by Bleachedechelon

Ulquiorra and Grimmjow are two teens living a troubled and empty life. Both are admitted to a hospital with equal amounts of animosity, scars, and bruises. As they get to know each other they find they have more in common then they ever expected and through each other begin to find what could be a deeper meaning to life. (Grimmjow X Ulquiorra or GrimmUlqui)

"The crack inside your fucking heart is me."

-M.M.

When he awoke, he was disappointed by the fact that he was still alive.

Couldn't the woman just leave him be? Couldn't she just turn the other way and let him perish by his own hand as he had so often dreamed of doing?

She did not save him out of love but out of pity.

She would come home once again at the wrong time on the wrong day and after a few hours of silence would finally question just where her shadow of a son had dissipated to. She would reluctantly search the house, leaving his room, the most obvious place to search in the house, for last. When she finally broke in to the dark, damp room littered with crumpled up poetry and water color paint palates and ripped up posters of grungy bands duct-taped upon the wall she would not see him.

So to the bathroom she trodded, careful to step over abandoned Doc Marten boots and huge paper back novels by J.D. Salinger and Edgar Allen Poe. Finally she arrived at the bathroom door, paint peeling and knob rusting.

She knocked quietly, "Ulquiorra, are you in there?"

Silence was her response.

"Ulquiorra, dear, are you alive?"

Complete silence.

"I'm calling an ambulance honey." The black haired woman marched back out of the room, humming her favorite hymn under her breath.

That damn woman. I don't need her pity. Why can't she just let it go? Why can't she just let me go?

Ulquiorra knew the protocol, 72 hours of psychological surveillance and they would let him go. This time he wouldn't fail, he wouldn't let her save him with her sympathy anymore.

It was always the same scene when the cops came to his house.

"Ma'am, please clear the way so we can get to your son."

Ulquiorra lay unconscious in the bathtub, blood dripping down the side of the tub in thick oozing trails.

"Ulqui baby, momma's here, there there, it's okay." A wrinkled hand reached out to brush away sticky strands of inky hair.

"Ma'am, we're going to have to take you by force if you refuse to move." Police began to pull Ms. Cifer away from her son.

"Ulqui baby, you won't die before me, I won't let you leave me.." Her face faded into a frown as she was able to clutch onto his arm with one last feeble attempt. She leaned in close, her whiskey scented breath grazing his pallid flesh. "I hope you can hear me you god damn bastard, you're not leaving me. Ever." She was ripped away with one last cry and weep for her son who she claimed to so dearly care for as she too was carried away to the hospital for questioning and concern for her parenting.

Ulquiorra sighed as his attention was drawn to the sound of rain hitting against the thick glass of the hospital windows, he suddenly felt stiff and constrained in the scratchy sheets of the hospital bed. He wished he could go outside in the cleansing rain as it would wash away the pink, raw wounds inflicted upon himself the previous day. He wished he could jump out that window and leave it to fate if he fly or fall, everything was predetermined anyways.

"Ulquiorra." Green eyes snapped to the voice that snuck in through the doorway.

His mother slowly stepped in, a small smile on her thin lips as she made her way closer. "Are you feeling better, mentally, physically?"

He looked away from the older woman, his attention pulled back to the soothing sight of rain upon glass.

"Ulquiorra, now whatever drives you to do such acts? This is not the way, it is not the path that is chosen for a young purified soul. God does not want cowards who take their own lives."

"Then why would God want scum bags like your boyfriend?"

"Don't you dare speak of your father like that!" Ms. Cifer hissed violently, her face leaned in to Ulquiorra's as each syllable in her words was sprayed across his pale skin. "What is wrong with you Ulquiorra? I'm trying to fix you and show you the way but there is something tainted inside you, something evil, you really are something made by Satan." Tears welled in his mothers eyes as they peaked and trailed down her spotted skin. "Just wait until your father comes home to this Ulquiorra Cifer!"

Ulquiorra's head snapped to face his mother's as his eyes remained detached and dispassionate. "That man is never coming home. Face it, he's lost somewhere getting heroin shot into his veins or getting a cheap whore to blow him off. He was always trash."

More tears flowed from his mothers eyes, "You are the bastard child of that worthless scum Ulquiorra, so what does that make you?" She let her scowl fade as she gently raised a hand to his forehead. "Oh, let God cleanse your soul my sweet angel, I'll sing you my favorite song, just for you."

She began to hum a jaded tune, her voice cracking from her years of under the table chain smoking. He thought about silencing her nonsense but thought it too much effort at the moment. He let the woman who gave birth to him stroke his hair as she purified him with her religious jargon. All the while he stared out the window, hoping fate had chosen him to fall sooner rather than later.

Grimmjow Jeagerjaques could only see from one eye and it was bugging the shit out of him.

He couldn't remember how this fight had started, maybe it was over money or pride, or maybe it was a one sided fight again as a group of gay bashers cornered him in the nearest alleyway chanting faggot as they took turns beating him with a crowbar.

How the hell was he supposed to remember? All he knew was that it hurt, and that he could only see half of the room with one exhausted blue eye. What he did see from his one eyed perspective did not surprise him, his room was vacant except for himself.

A light knock on the door interrupted him, "Jeagerjaques?"

The man in question turned to see a doctor standing in the doorway, "Yes?"

"We were wondering if there was anyone who would be coming to pick you up today."

Grimmjow stared at the ground with one sapphire iris. "No."

"Are you su-"

"Yes." Grimmjow snapped louder than he should have.

"Then we'll have to keep you for 72 hours, just for observation."

Grimmjow wanted to put up a fight, why the hell should he have to suffer for the lack of anyone giving a shit about him? But the boy was in fact tired, he drew in a heavy breath he nodded and hoped that was dismissal enough that the doctor would leave.

After he heard the footsteps fade away he turned his attention to the rain dripping out the window. The rain was just like this on the day you finally told me the truth about why you hated me so much...dad.

The dark storm clouds had been heavy in the sky, lightning snapped in the sky and thunder echoed throughout Grimmjow's shack of a home.

This time, he told himself, this time I'll make him step up like a real dad, I'll make him take responsibility.

The electric blue haired boy marched into the living room where his dad always sat in his decaying recliner chair, beer bottles and cans strewn around him mixed with cigarette butts.

"Dad."

His dad tried to look past his son to see the TV.

"Dad, listen to me."

The man arched his neck, sipping from his beer bottle as he still attempted to see past Grimmjow. With a frustrated sigh, Grimmjow pulled the plug on the TV. That got his attention.

"What the fuck do you think your doing?"

"Listen to me dad. The bills are staking up, our house is falling down around us, there's no food, and they're going to shut off everything, they're going to evict us."

"That's not my fuckin' problem." His dad spat onto the dirtied carpet.

"Could you...will you...you have to help me stop this. This house, it has memories in it...memories of mom."

Dusty eyes narrowed at Grimmjow,"You don't know shit about your mom. You're the reason she's dead anyways you stupid shit."

Blue eyes widened and swirled like falling raindrops, a beer bottle was thrown at him, smashing against his head.

"Get out of my face. But first, turn the god damn TV back on!"

Blood seeped from Grimmjow's temple and ran into his eye, tears mixed with his blood as he obediently plugged in the TV and left the house to spend the night soaked in the unforgiving rain.

No one is coming to get me, Grimmjow laughed at the thought. He briefly wondered if his father even noticed his disappearance, his one free eye watched the rain with bitter memories.

The rain was entrancing today, and seemed to be his only source of entertainment. His mother had long since left after her haunting requiem she sung to her only son. A familiar sting ripped through his wrist, he looked down at the bandaged appendage only to see the bandages soaked him blood.

Dammit, these need to be changed.

The raven haired boy propped himself up and swung long ivory legs over the edge of the bed. His ligaments snapped and rearranged after hours of disuse. He finally rose, his lean frame shuffling out of the room, clutching his bleeding arm close to his body.

"Here, take these."

There were round pills, cylinder shaped pills, green pills and red pills, it didn't matter to him. Grimmjow didn't care what the pills did or what they were made for as long as they got the job done. He swallowed the pills dry and forced them down his aching throat. When he turned, he saw a ghost of a man traveling down the hallway. He had to be an apparition, or a hallucination from the pills, but he had just taken them, there was no way.

The pale slender body slid its way down the hall, clutching his arm close to him, his obsidian hair shadowed his face. When the ghost was before him he only glanced up at him once, but that's all it took, he caught a glimpse of piercing emerald eyes right before he turned to the nurse at the station.

"I need a bandage change." He instructed the nurse, she immediately looked up as he held up to her the once white bandages that were now dripping red. Her eyes widened as she did not hesitate to unwrap and redress his wound. As she unraveled his arm, the blood encrusted bandages fell away, revealing his self inflicted wound to Grimmjow.

Grimmjow's eyes doubled in size as he saw the severity of his cut. Now this man wasn't playing the emo teenager card and simply having a little cat scratch from an exacto knife to beg for the attention of his parents, he wanted to die, or at least come close to it. The cut ran vertically up his arm from the base of his wrist to halfway up his arm. It was deep, so deep that Grimmjow could see the lower layers of his skin. Other vertical scars littered up his arm, jagged and shining in the harsh hospital light. His skin was perfect albeit those marks adoring his fair flesh.

"Take a picture, it will last you longer." A monotone voice broke Grimmjow from his rude stare.

"I'm sorry." He quickly averted his gaze to somewhere else.

"You don't have to look away, it's understandable to stare."

Grimmjow slowly looked back, but by then it was already wrapped up again. He used his one eye to look into captivating green ones. "Did you do that?" Grimmjow managed.

"Yes, I did. Should be the last time I do though..." Ulquiorra looked around to make sure the nurses were out of sight. "Next time I won't get caught halfway through."

"Heh. Is that so? I wish I could jus' kill myself." Grimmjow let a small cocky grin spread across his face. Funny, he hadn't smiled in a long time yet here he was displaying it for no reason.

"Are you mocking me?" A baffled Ulquiorra glared at the audacity of the blue haired man covered in bruises and cuts.

"No. I'm not." Grimmjow said, serious once more, "The names Grimmjow Jeagerjaques. And yours?"

Ulquiorra measured him carefully, "Ulquiorra...Ulquiorra Cifer."

"Alright Ulquiorra, hope to see you around again sometime, try not to off yourself before then." Grimmjow turned his back on Ulquiorra, wandering back to his room.

Ulquiorra blinked, who did that asshole think he was?

The next morning Ulquiorra awoke after practically such a short amount of sleep that it really should've been considered a nap. Unfortunately, his stomach insisted on receiving food as it growled and gurgled at him with increasing impatience. The boy begrudgingly made his way down to the cafeteria to partake in breakfast. The menu made him stomach revolt, not to mention the sight of lazily cooked eggs oozing down a plate into dry hashbrowns and crispy, over done bacon. He quickly decided that the cereal bar would be his best option.

After grabbing some chocolate cereal and leaving the circular morsels without the disgusting white substance some referred to as milk he scanned the room for a seat. He saw no familiar faces, or vacant spots that looked inviting. He usually snuck away to the corner seat as he would pick at his food in a lonely disdain but it seemed as of every seat was occupied by a cluster of bodies.

Then, he felt it, or rather, he heard it. Drip. Ulquiorra looked down, beside his worn converse covered feet he saw a droplet of blood. The drops multiplied as soon it was just oozing down his arm. He looked up in a horrified stupor as he could feel everyone's eyes on him. He saw eyebrows raise and judgmental looks pass people's faces. His hands fell limp as his cereal spilt across the floor with his blood.

Before he had time to run and hide he felt a hand grab his own and pull him away. He was running to keep pace with the other person who he hadn't bothered to look at, he was still shocked by the scene he had just caused. The others hand felt tense yet warm, the hand had been lived in and worn in like a pair of trusty leather boots that had learned to conform to every movement of your foot, this hand had learned to conform to his.

"Ulquiorra...that's your name right?"

Dazzling snake like eyes caught the light of the sun as they finally looked up to see his blue hair savior, "...Jeagerjaques?"

A short chuckle was heard, "Yeah, Grimmjow's the name."

"Why did you do that?"

A sky blue brow arched, "Do what?"

"Pull me away like that back there.." Ulquiorra trailed off, pale lips tightening into a thin line.

"Listen Ulquiorra, you seem good enough and...and well...I know that feeling, when the whole world is digging into you with their unforgiving eyes." Grimmjow's hand reached out for Ulquiorra's bleeding arm.

Ulquiorra flinched away, "What are you doing?"

"Takin' care of your bandages."

"I doubt you know what you are doing."

Grimmjow furrowed his brow, "Just trust me, 'kay?"

Ulquiorra narrowed his eyes as he studied the man, catching his blue eye shimmering like the surface of a beautiful beach at dawn. He couldn't seem to refuse the purity hidden deep within that one visible orb, he extended his arm to Grimmjow. Grimmjow ever so gently unwrapped the arm as he examined the stitches cross backing their way up his arm, holding pale skin in place as blood still managed to escape the gaps in between sewn flesh.

Grimmjow grasped his own shirt in between his own hands as he ripped a strip from the body of the shirt. "There.." He began to dab away at the crimson fluid with a square of fabric.

"How do you know how to do something like this?"

A cold laugh crept out of Grimmjow's throat, "Have you seen my face?" He looked back up at him with his one free eye, that was still bruised, cuts on his lips and face. "You get the hang of it after so many fights, after so many blunt objects bein' thrown at you. When no one cares about your injuries, you have to have sense enough to care for yourself."

This time it was Ulquiorra who released the small bitter laugh. "Care for yourself?"

"Damn straight. Why should you have to suffer because of everyone else's damn problems? I been blamed for a lotta shit that I know I didn't do. You have ta learn how to tell the difference between what you know is you and what you've been told to believe about yourself." Grimmjow finally finished with the arm, tying off a tight knot to keep it in place he grinned at his handy work. "See I made a promise to myself the second I turned eighteen that I would abandon this fuckin' place and start somewhere else. It doesn't matter if I have nothin', I'd make something of myself no matter what."

" You're not eighteen?"

"Nah, I will be in one week." A huge cat like smile pulled at Grimmjow's lips, "Why, how old are you?"

"Eighteen."

Grimmjow leaned in suddenly, causing Ulquiorra to draw back. "What? Why the hell are you still here then? Why don't you get out as soon as you can?"

Ulquiorra frowned, "You really don't get it do you? It doesn't matter, I'm killing myself soon enough, it would be useless to try and start fresh now."

Grimmjow laughed once more, "Yeah, that's right, you're gonna off yourself. Well..." Grimmjow paused and leaned down, laying a quick kiss on the bandaged arm. "There's a kiss for your ouchie. Would you like another for the road before I go?"

Ulquiorra's eyes narrowed defensively, "No."

"Suit yourself." Grimmjow smirked at the angered man before raising up. "Try not to off yourself before tomorrow, I wanna see your face again before I go."

"I can't make any promises Jeagerjaques."

"Heh, right." Grimmjow sauntered off and back into the building covered in Ulquiorra's blood with a dissected shirt, and a smile on his lips.

Ulquiorra was finally ready to go. He has insisted that he could and would find his own way home but of course his mom had to come haul him off like Hannibal Lecter being transported from one maximum security prison to another. He sat on the edge of his bed, long legs now adorned in skinny black jeans and studded black combat boots dangling loosely.

When he heard a knock he assumed it was his mother and answered justly, "Come in." He called out in a blank monotone.

The door creaked open. Someone stepped in, then the door was once again securely shut. "Someone's down in the dumps." The gruff voice filled the silent room.

Ulquiorra turned, "You again?"

"Heh. It's nice to see you too." Grimmjow strode over to stand by the window, hands planted in dark wash jean pockets. "You're leaving today, so act a little but happy about that."

Ignoring his statement he countered with a question, "Arent you going home today too?"

"Yeah, whatever's left of it."

Ulquiorra's eyes actually sparked with a minuscule amount of interest, "What do you mean by that?"

"Lemme just say that my dad can't do anything right...unless you count drinkin' and smoking."

Ulquiorra's eyes slid to the floor, "That's more than what can be said of mine."

Grimmjow chucked softly, "Guess he's not the worst fuck up in the world, but, pretty close if ya ask me. Sooo..." Grimmjow turned to face Ulquiorra again, "When do you plan on killin' yourself for real this time?"

"I don't know."

"What the hell do ya mean 'I don't know'? I thought it was somethin' you'd been planning, or at least looking forward to."

"Yes it is." Ulquiorra sighed quietly, "But I did not plan a date, its just when the time is right, you'll know it."

"Whaddya mean?"

"Well, you just will. I can't describe how it feels, it just feels like there's nothing else in the world beside that feeling."

Sunlight shone off the highlights in Grimmjow's blue hair as he shifted, "Kinda like being in love then?"

Ulquiorra blinked blankly, "I wouldn't know, I've never been in love."

"Me neither." countered Grimmjow, "But I can imagine the feeling vividly enough that it feels real."

"If love feels like the only escape and the only thing to clear your clouded mind and soul then I suppose it could be compared to the feeling one gets when they are deeply in love."

"Yeah.." Grimmjow mumbled, "That's what loves supposed to do to ya."

Silence fluttered into the room and blanketed both of them for a minute. "I have to go soon." Ulquiorra rose from the bed in one fluent movement.

"So soon? I was just getting to know ya Ulquiorra."

"Yes, unfortunately that is the way it must be. Perhaps we'll meet in another, better life." Ulquiorra gave a quick bow, "Goodbye Grimmjow, I thank you for your help."

He turned to leave without a second glance but was caught in that same hand that had cared for him so delicately once before.

"Wait. When you do decide the day when you want to kill yourself-"

"You can't and won't stop me." Ulquiorra interjected harshly.

"I don't want to stop you, it's your choice, I'd just...like to hear your voice one last time. You could get some things off your chest before you go, I would listen and I wouldn't say a word if you didn't want me to." One pure sapphire eye was clear and promising as it locked with his own eyes.

"Alright." was all Ulquiorra was able to say.

Grimmjow's face quickly cracked into a smile as he pulled a pen out of his pocket and traced his phone number on Ulquiorra's good arm. Ulquiorra looked down at the messy didgets across his arm and he suddenly felt this pain in his chest, this need to reciprocate the gesture although he knew not why his body craved to do it.

"Here, you may have my number as well." Ulquiorra grabbed the pen from Grimmjow, their skin lightly brushing as Ulquiorra felt strange electricity crawl up his arm.

He shook it off quickly as he neatly imprinted his number upon Grimmjow's unmarked wrist. His skin there was so soft and untouched with ragged scars like his own, it was a nice feeling for a change. When Ulquiorra realized that his hand hand been lingering on Grimmjow's wrist he quickly pulled away.

"Until we meet again Grimmjow." He gave another short bow. He heard Grimmjow laugh as he turned away.

"Yeah, see ya around Ulquiorra."

Five days later, Grimmjow Jeagerjaques was homeless and freezing at a nearby gas station. Technically, he had been homeless for the past four days, but this day was one that had been hitting him particularly hard, he had run out of money albeit a few dollars, he had no contacts, no food in his stomach and he couldn't feel his damn fingers. The day he had come home from the hospital he should've known that it would all go to shit.

The door creaked open, "Dad?" called out Grimmjow in a timid voice. He was faced with the stale sound of silence and the leaking of a caved in spot in the roof.

"Dad?" He tried again as he walked into the living room, his dad's chair sat vacant, an indent still present from where the man had sat on his ass day after day. There was no beer cans or cigarette ashes, and most importantly, there was a square of clean wood on the table where the television had once sat. There was a scribbled out note on the side table.

Grimmjow made his way to the piece of paper and picked it up in scared, shaking fingers as he read it. The note was written in sloppy handwriting, almost every word was misspelled as he struggled to decode it. He got the gist of it, the home was being evicted, he had three days to get out. His father had left no telephone number or address to reach him at.

Grimmjow growled in fury as he crumpled the note in his fist, letting a frustrated scream rip through him. He marched upstairs into his room, his belongings were scattered all along the floor, his guitar was smashed, his writing sprawled across the room and all his clothes strewn about.

He quickly slid to his knees and peered under his bed, pulled out his safe, and to his horror flicked open the lid to find all his hard earned savings gone.

It took me 5 years to get that money. How did he find out what the passcode was?

He sighed.

Yeah, maybe making it moms birthday wasn't my best idea.

Raising up in defeat he went to his closet and pulled out a small suit case as he shoved it full of random clothes he picked up off the floor in blind rage. He ripped the drawers off his dresser and began digging through his socks and underwear until he found fifty dollars and a picture of his mom.

The sepia toned beauty looked up at her son, a smile swept across gentle features. "Mom..." tears formed a glistening barricade on his eyes, "What do I do now?...Mom..." Tears splashed down on the picture as Grimmjow hastily wiped the liquid off the last picture he had left of his mom.

Hood thrown up over his head, a suitcase full of clothes, fifty dollars in his pocket and a picture of his mother clutched to his chest Grimmjow set off in the rain.

But, that was five days ago. Now all his clothes had dirtied and became wet and muddy with the constant rain, his money spent, and the picture of his mom was bent into the shape of his fist as he had clutched it many a night as he found shelter in a box or under a tree in a park. He removed the remaining money he had out of his pockets. Two dollars and eighty-seven cents. That should be enough for him to make a phone call.

Ulquiorra had tried to call Grimmjow Jeagerjaques four times today. On the fourth recording that said the line was disconnected Ulquiorra threw down the phone.

"Bastard. I thought you wanted to hear from me before I died. Pick up the damn phone Grimmjow."

Today was the day, his mom was out on some church related outing and was stupid enough to leave her unstable, suicidal son all alone for the day. Ulquiorra saw it as a golden oppertunity, the sky was grey, the clouds were heavy and he had a perfectly polished knife ready to do the deed.

Now, he could proceed with his carefully plotted plans if only the stupid blue haired misfit would pick up his phone. Ulquiorra picked up the phone to try again but was startled as it rang. He hesitated, then picked up.

"Hello?"

"Ulquiorra?" The voice on the other end was hazy and crackling.

"Yes, this is him. Who is this?"

He heard a gruff, troubled laugh, "Holy fuck, you're not dead yet, you're my last hope."

"Grimmjow?"

"Yeah. It's me."

Ulquiorra's brow furrowed ever so slightly, "Where are you? You sound like you're out in the rain."

"Yes, I am, well, I have been for about.." Grimmjow paused to count the days on his numb, purple fingers, "Five days."

"Five days?" Moss colored irises opened wide, "Why aren't you living at home?"

"Well, I told ya my dad was a fuck up and he got us evicted and the bastard took my savings and ran." Grimmjow heard no response from the raven haired young man on the other end. "Ulquiorra?"

"Only temporary. My mom will suspect it after awhile."

"Suspect what?"

"That you're living here."

Grimmjow stuttered as his teeth chattered in the rain. "Living, with you? You'd do that?"

"I guess. Don't get comfortable Jeagerjaques, this does not make us close by any means."

"Of course o'heartless one. I'm just glad you're not dead yet, I thought maybe you were already dead and I never got to hear that voice of yours again."

"Well, I was trying to reach you all day." Ulquiorra retorted coldly.

"What?! Today you were gonna do it? Ya still gonna do it today?"

"Well, it was a perfect day, but now it's been ruined. I'll have to wait until you can leave to find somewhere else to live because you don't want to be left alone with my mother. Trust me."

"You're too kind Ulquiorra."

"Shut up."

Grimmjow smiled once more, rain dripping down his sharp features. "So, what's your address?"

Ulquiorra's sleeves were to long for his arms, he pulled the black sleeves of his cardigan down even more, only his black fingernails poking out of the sleeves. He crossed his arms with a sigh. He stood on the porch of his house waiting for that hooligan with sea blue hair to show his despicable face. He glared at the insistent rain with shining green eyes that shone through the grey of the surrounding landscape.

It was then that he saw a hooded figure moving through the pouring rain. He squinted his eyes, taking a few steps closer to the edge of the deck in pale bare feet. The figure shuffled forth, arms wrapped around them in an attempt to keep warm. The figure stopped, looked up at Ulquiorra, then passed out on the walkway to the house.

Ulquiorra let a small gasp slip from his lips as if upon reflex he ran out into the rain, his toes splashing in the puddles of heavy rain as he bent down over the fallen figure. "Grimmjow?" Ulquiorra's black hair shadowed over him, already dripping wet. "Grimmjow, can you get up?"

Grimmjow's face had recovered quite well from the last time he had seen him, and now his handsome features were more revealed than they had once been, except for the dirt smudges and cold complexion. Ulquiorra grabbed him under the arms and hauled him up to stand as he dragged the man up and into his house.

When Grimmjow awoke he was warm. He was no longer soaking wet, nor were his hands numb. He could feel a blanket upon him, and he could smell food wafting around him. He fluttered open crystal clear blue eyes to take in his surroundings. The house looked like it had been furnished by an old woman and he was currently laying on a full length floral couch and covered in a hand knitted pink blanket. There was photos of Jesus everywhere, along with crosses and multiple copies of the bible.

...What the fuck?

"I see your up."

Grimmjow jumped at the sound of that voice becoming clear in his ears once again, he looked over to see Ulquiorra looming over the back of the couch, a hint of relief on his face.

"Sorry bout that, I don't know what the hell happened back there."

"It's alright, I just have to get you out of the house before my mom gets home."

"Out of the house?" Grimmjow's eyes widened at the thought of going back outside again.

"Yes, you'll be staying in the shed in the back."

"Okay. Well, thanks again..I-"

"Get up and eat. Hurry now, you don't have much time."

Grimmjow grinned, "Ya made food for me?"

"I dumped a can of soup in a pot Jeagerjaques. Don't get to full of yourself quite yet."

Grimmjow rose from the couch slowly, his body still creaking and aching from the cold. Ulquiorra pulled back a chair for Grimmjow and promptly placed a steaming bowl of soup in front of him, paired with a perfectly polished spoon.

Ulquiorra sat down across from him as he watched Grimmjow forgo the spoon and tip the bowl back, devouring his food in record time.

"Okay," Grimmjow began as he wiped his mouth off with the back of his hand. "Since I finished quick, we can have some time to talk right?"

"Ask away, for the next ten minutes."

Grimmjow smiled, "First off, ya notice anything different about me?"

"You look dirtier than the first time I met you." Supplied Ulquiorra logically.

"Nah nah, look closer." Grimmjow leaned in across the table, blinking two eyes at the charcoal haired man.

Ulquiorra studied his face for a moment before returning his gaze to his eyes to inform the man that there was nothing different. He looked up into his eyes. Two eyes. Two magnificent, dazzling blue eyes. It was like falling into a deep swirling sea, or maybe flying up into a blue sky like a bird taking flight, or perhaps it was much less dramatic than that, so simple and so basic that there were no words to capture it.

"Your eyes..." Ulquiorra managed.

"Ah, took you a minute." Grimmjow closed and opened them again with satisfaction. "Now that I can see you with both eyes, I must say, you're a lot more attractive than I had originally gaged."

Ulquiorra quickly snapped out of his glassy trance. "Not amusing Grimmjow."

"Alright, alright, if you don't swing that way I'm not gonna make ya uncomfortable. So...how have you been?"

A small snort escaped Ulquiorra, "What a purposeless question. I am the same as I have always been, miserable."

"Why do you have to be that way all the time?"

Ulquiorra's lids eased closed slowly, "Do you insist asking the most moronic questions in the world? It's horrible here."

"Well then move." Grimmjow's brow furrowed, "Damn, it's not that hard. Start new."

Emerald eyes snapped open, "I didn't mean here as in this town, as in this country. I meant this world. Look around you, everywhere is the same, there's mindless hate, violence, sadness, poverty, corruption, lust, greed. All of mankind is running around with their heads cut off doing what they've always been taught to do. You can't escape it, there's no place to escape the pain of this world."

Grimmjow had fallen back in his seat, the slight outburst of frustration long since melted away. "My mother.." Grimmjow began, folding his arms, "Always told me that you must make your own world, and fill it with good. Make a world for yourself that is so good that you almost completely forget about all the other horrible worlds people have created for themselves and sometimes drag others into. We choose and make our own lives and paths, we as mankind do not share a world, we simply walk on it together, but our conscience exists somewhere else, somewhere were much better."

Ulquiorra's mind went blank as he dropped his gaze to the tabletop. "My world will always be like this one. It's too late to fix the damage that's been done...You should leave now, my mother will be coming home soon."

Grimmjow rose from the table, waiting for Ulquiorra to get up too, or at least look up at him.

"It's in the back." Ulquiorra mumbled, "I'm sure you're capable of finding it yourself. Goodnight." The lean man stood as he avoided Grimmjow's gaze and left the room.

The stunned and often irrational Grimmjow snatched the grandma blanket off the couch and cans of soup and vegetables as he stormed back into the rain, pissed at himself for upsetting Ulquiorra, who was turning out to be the one and only person in his world.

The next day, the sun actually shone in the sky. Grimmjow had thrown the blanket that smelt of an old woman's perfume down on the floor to sleep on it for the night, curled in on himself like a cat taking a nap.

He heard a knock on the shed door. He blindly made his way to the door before creaking it open cautiously, peering outside.

"I apologize. Are you happy now?"

"Ulquiorra?" Grimmjow croaked in a sleep thick voice.

"Yes. Now accept my apology."

The door opened more as Grimmjow yawned, his hand scratching absently at blue hair. "It's me who should be apologizing Ulquiorra, for forcing my opinion on you."

"I disrespected your mother, who is obviously someone who means something to you so just accept my apology."

Grimmjow sighed uncharacteristically, "She did mean something to me, but she's dead now. It's okay Ulquiorra, apology accepted."

Ulquiorra's eyes fled to the ground, staring at a pair of studded black converse. "My mother left for work early today and we have the whole day to ourselves. I was wondering if you would like to go do things with me."

A blue brow arched, "Like a date?"

"No. Absolutely not. You would just accompany me to everyday tasks, except they would be tasks that we could find amusement in."

"You talk too much. I'll be ready in five."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Where are you takin' me?"

"Somewhere I always go."

"Oh God, I don't want to go to the graveyard today."

"Very funny Jeagerjaques." Ulquiorra was taking his time with the walk down the street, taking the lead to leave a disoriented Grimmjow to trail behind him. "Look, we're already here. It has to be a short walk from my house because my mom will often restrict me from leaving the house to go to such unholy places as a bookstore."

Grimmjow tucked his hands in his pockets as he looked up at the warm brown building before him. "Unholy? How the hell is a bookstore unholy?"

"It may carry unsuitable material for a young man of my standing and age. Don't ask me to explain. I don't buy into anything she says...she lost her mind long before I was born." Ulquiorra tugged the large door open, "Anyways, come on in."

Grimmjow enetered, and was immediately struck with the smell of old books on rustic shelves, the smell of adventure and ink, pen to paper, reality to fiction. The lighting was dim, but light still shone in through the large bay windows, dust caught in the light rays as they floated through the air. There was books everywhere, all on shelves, in neat order, by subject and author, each printed spine demanding Grimmjow's attention.

"Grimmjow?" He could feel a hand brush his shoulder momentarily, and that was enough to shock him out of his trance. "It's amazing, isn't it?" Ulquiorra's eyes shone in the grey landscape of books.

Grimmjow's eyes were no longer focused on the books, but on the poised and perfectly crafted face of Ulquiorra Cifer. "Yeah...yeah it is.." He mumbled with a small smile.

"What kind of books do you like Grimm?"

Grimmjow's face split into a grin at the accidental use of a nickname that he was sure Ulquiorra had let slip in his moment of paperback bliss. "Anything."

"Good answer." Ulquiorra grabbed onto his arm, "Come this way." He tugged encouragingly, but did not need to initiate the action more than once, for Grimmjow followed his lead.

Ulquiorra traveled down a maze of books, weaving and turning so much that Grimmjow would not be able to make it back out on his own. He finally came to a stop in the outermost remote place of the bookstore.

"The best books are here. They have really no genre to be categorized in, they are just so magnificent."

Grimmjow scanned them with his eyes before selecting one, brushing off a layer of dust, he flipped open a to a random page to find that it was a poetry book.

He began to read from the poem, "My heart breathes you in, I find solace inside you. I cannot put you aside. Erase our yesterday's, open our tomorrows. Unstoppable we are."

"Hollow. What a symbolically tragic work."

"What makes you say tragic? It sounds like a love poem to me." Grimmjow looked back down at the book, as if to find a double meaning.

"It is a love poem, but one member in the relationship blames themselves for hurting the other and making them miserable. They want to love them, but they only end up hurting them because they love them so much that it just consumes every ounce of their being."

"You're right..." Grimmjow snapped the book closed. "Why's love gotta always be that way? You don't have to hurt yourself to love another person."

"Of course you do Grimmjow, all love is is hurting yourself for another person."

A scowl spread down the blue haired mans face, "Then no ones taught you how to love yet."

Ulquiorra turned and began to wander away down the rows. "What is a heart good for anyways?"

"It's something you need to live."

"No." Ulquiorra interjected, his fingertips running along dusty books, "That's what's the brain is for."

"You need both." Grimmjow argued stubbornly.

"Why?"

"B-ecause, you.. you just need it." Grimmjow felt a flush of rose hit his cheeks at his idiotic answer.

Ulquiorra turned on his toes, making his way closer to the deflated blue haired youth. "You just need it?"

"Yes." Grimmjow averted his gaze off to a stain on the carpet.

"Elaborate please."

"Love...it makes you passionate about things, it makes you care, it makes you strong..and well, it makes you make an impulsive decision, like this."

Grimmjow closed the space between them, his hand cupping the back of Ulquiorra's head as he pulled him into a kiss. He could feel the initial tenseness in his frame and the tightness of his lips, but for a moment he could feel him returning the kiss before quickly breaking free.

Ulquiorra stared at the nearest bookshelf with wide emerald orbs. "W-why did you do that?"

"Because I wanted to. Because I wanted you. Does there need to be any other explanation?" Grimmjow smirked wickedly as he walked past the entranced Ulquiorra. "What'd I say? Love's impulsive."

Grimmjow turned when he didn't hear Ulquiorra follow behind him. "Come on, some coffee will do you good." He grasped his arm in his hand and pulled him out of the dusty land that Ulquiorra considered to be his safe haven.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Tell me somethin'." Grimmjow was staring at the rim of his cup, steam rising up and swirling away into the air.

"Like what?" Was the half hearted reply he got from Ulquiorra.

Ever since that impromptu kiss he had landed on those perfectly kissable lips Ulquiorra had completely managed to zone off. He didn't seem mad or sad, but he didn't necessarily seem very happy either.

"About you. Tell me about you."

"That's not a good story." Ulquiorra's face was turned towards the setting sun, orange highlights shining off of deep black hair and pure white cheekbones.

"Just tell me, won't ya?" Grimmjow scowled slightly, his hand pushing his cup back and forth ever so slightly in a fidgety manner.

"I guess you could say that I don't have parents, to start with, so I should've never been born in the first place."

"Whatdya mean you don't have parents?" Grimmjow interjected, "Everyone has someone that conceived them."

"Well yes...but they were not parents. There was a young confused unwed woman and demanding, controlling beast of a man. They made me by accident, and they never let me forget that. It was my fault I was born, not theirs. I ruined their life, I drove my father away."

A breath escaped Ulquiorra's lips, "He was never my father, despite what my mother may think. They never married, he never took care of me, and all the memories I have of him are horrid and haunting. The man left after the first time I tried to kill myself, when I was fifteen. I guess he just couldn't handle it. He came into my hospital room with absolute disgust written across his face. He looked me dead in the eye and said these words to me: 'I hope you die. You're a mistake to me, and a burden to everyone you touch. When you touch something, it withers and dies. You've killed me. You've killed your mother. Now go ahead and kill yourself, you deserve whatever punishment you give yourself.'"

Ulquiorra's knuckles had gone white as he clenched his cup absentmindedly, "He was absolutely right. For the first time in his life."

Grimmjow's mouth had fallen weak as he tried to move it with little result. "How..how do you know that he was right?"

"It's not hard to figure it out." Green eyes met blue, "Everyone I get close to is gone, they turn their backs, they walk away, they become a monster, they lose all life they once had before meeting me."

Grimmjow slowly blinked, trying to tame his words into a sentence that wouldn't push the dark haired man away. "That's not true. At least, not for me, I've known you for awhile now and you don't see me running away."

Ulquiorra broke eye contact, his lids sliding closed, "Not yet, Grimmjow."

Another scowl stretched across Grimmjow's fierce features. "I haven't known you for long but your one of the best people I've ever met since my mom died."

Tormented emeralds of eyes opened to look up at Grimmjow in disbelief.

"You are the only person I have."

Ulquiorra continued to stare with glossy eyes.

Grimmjow leaned in closer, closing the space across the table. "Ulquiorra...can I ask you something?" His peppermint breath blew stray strands of inky hair away.

Ulquiorra nodded.

"Can I kiss you again? I would like that."

Grimmjow didn't get his response, lips were upon his, caressing his, seeking solace and warmth deep inside him. His hands were drawn up to Ulquiorra's hair, feeling each silky strand, he could feel his precise lips harsh then soft against his own.

Grimmjow drew back slowly, air filling his deprived lungs.

"I...what did I just do?..." Ulquiorra mumbled out loud to himself. "I've never done that, definitely with a man."

"Don't tell me that was a confused sexuality moment.." Grimmjow sighed, a hand running through blue hair, "Because I could get used to that."

"No...no..I know..that I...I wanted to do that...with you. I didn't care that you were a man." Ulquiorra's wide eyes once again met Grimmjow's.

Then the strangest thing happened, a small noise resembling a laugh quickly slipped out from beneath those lips that had been on Grimmjow's moments earlier. "I didn't care, Grimmjow. I didn't give a shit. I did whatever I wanted to." The tone in his voice said that he was very pleased, and that subtle shine in his eyes was the thing that both captivated and amused Grimmjow.

"That's it." Grimmjow let his mouth rip up into a cat like smirk. "Keep doing things like that. Doesn't it feel nice?"

"It, it does Grimmjow.." Ulquiorra was almost overwhelmed by this feeling of liberation, he had never felt so alive.

If kissing Grimmjow would always make his blood pump like this then he'd do it everyday, every minute. Ulquiorra's wandering eyes looked past Grimmjow's pointy head of hair at the giant clock behind them. His eyes immediately shut down, his face falling into a guarded mask.

"My mom's coming home soon. Come on, we have to go, quickly now." His body rose fridged from the chair.

"Maybe I could have just one more peck on the lips?" questioned Grimmjow as he got up, chasing after Ulquiorra.

"Why?" Ulquiorra's eyes slid back to look at Grimmjow with unamused flare.

"Well, it's just that, tomorrow...nevermind."

They both dropped the subject, heading back to Ulquiorra's house.

Grimmjow's fingertips were still lingering on his lips, he could almost feel the kiss again. It was the greatest thing he had felt in his short, tragic existence.

The next day Ulquiorra felt as though he had forgotten something. He sauntered over to his window and peered out at the partly cloudy sky, his long arms stretched onto the window sill, once again covered in long black sleeves. He saw the shed where Grimmjow slept. It must been cold in there, with drips of rain and gushes of cold air. Lately, he had been thinking over what Grimmjow had told him in the hospital, that he was going to break free. Ulquiorra wondered why he hadn't simply done the same. The world was wide and vast, and perhaps every corner of it wasn't covered in the deepest sorrow. Grimmjow said he would be gone just as soon as he turned eighteen.

Emerald eyes widened, rays of sunlight shining gold off the beautiful and reflective surface of his eyes.

Is today his birthday?

He flew out of his room, his bare feet skipping steps down the hallway as he swung around the railing and ripped open the back door. He crossed dead grass as it scrunched and scratched at pale, high arched feet. His fist flew up to the door, knocking once, twice, no response. He opened the door.

Grimmjow sat on the ground without his shirt, square glasses on his face, a picture of his mom laid before him as he had his knees scrunched up to his chest, his pen scribbling in a notebook. His blue eyes raised, a smile crossing his face.

"Good morning Ulqui."

Ulquiorra let out a few labored breaths, his eyes drawing across the scene as he made his way closer. Grimmjow watched him curiously as the slender man bent down before the picture on the ground, studying it with unnaturally gorgeous eyes.

"Is this your mother?"

Grimmjow lowered his pen and book, filled pages flipping closed. "Yes." He picked up the picture and held it out to Ulquiorra.

The picture was shot in a fading sepia tone, but Ulquiorra could see those familiar clear blue eyes matched with a comforting smile. It was one he always imagined that a mother should have.

"She's got the face of an angel. She really does." Ulquiorra looked back up to Grimmjow's glasses framed eyes.

"Well thanks, she was."

"Grimmjow?"

"Yeah?"

Ulquiorra placed the picture back on the ground, not looking back up. "Is it your birthday today?"

Grimmjow did not respond, forcing Ulquiorra to look up at him. Grimmjow's eyes might have been glistening with tears, like waves sweeping in on shore, but he hid his face in his arm.

"Yeah, it is." He mumbled into his skin.

"Would you like to do something? My mother will be gone on a bible retreat, we can have the whole day to celebrate...or not, if you don't want to."

Grimmjow looked back up with tears no longer hidden. "I haven't celebrated my birthday in eight years." He took off his glasses, wiping away his tears quickly. "Thank you, I'd love to."

Ulquiorra wasn't one to reassure, he gave a nod as he rose. "It is no inconvenience, just come inside once you are ready, alright?"

"Yeah Ulq's."

Ulquiorra shook off the horrid nickname and strode outside, only today would he let it slide.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Ulquiorra?" Grimmjow walked through the strange house by himself, pictures of God insulting him at every turn, cursing him for all the sins he'd managed to commit in only eighteen years of life.

"I'm in my room." called a faint monotone voice.

Ulquiorra's voice still managed to hold some comfort in it, some stability. Grimmjow realized that he had not yet been to Ulquiorra's room and had no idea where it was. He followed the voice up the stairs, it's remnants lead him to a partly open door. Grimmjow pushed it aside, Ulquiorra lay on his bed, Neil Strauss book in hand.

"Hey there. Like the room." Grimmjow quickly made himself at home as he walked around the space, examining band posters on walls and agreeing and nodding, smiling at familiar book titles and albums.

"You have good taste."

"Thank you." Ulquiorra was standing behind him, surprisingly close. "Any idea of what you would like to do today?"

"Nah, sorry but I don't really know how to do these things."

"Well, when its my birthday, I get up early so I can escape my mother, pack a lunch and go to the park all day, reading and just being in peaceful solitude. I thought you might like to do that?"

"Wow..that sounds.." Grimmjow trailed off, thinking of how much his mom would've liked Ulquiorra's dazzling eyes and pure heart, even though it did harbor so many fresh scars. He nodded yes, settling for a small smile.

"Follow me." Ulquiorra left the room, headed down the stairs and into the kitchen, where a small picnic basket had already been prepared.

Grimmjow laughed, "What if I said no to the picnic?"

"You wouldn't." stated Ulquiorra simply.

"Yeah," Grimmjow's broad smile was in place once again. "You're right."

The sun was hidden by a veil of clouds, the breeze was subtle and the grass was green and plush underneath them. The change of scenery was refreshing, and so was the food. Grimmjow was midbite in his sandwich when he noticed that Ulquiorra was not eating, his eyes drawn away, wind sweeping and tossing his black hair effortlessly.

"Are you leaving tomorrow Grimmjow?" He asked, his voice almost blending in with the wind.

Grimmjow lowered his sandwich with a frown, "I suppose I will." He stared down at the grass, considering his next words. "I always wanted to live in Japan. Maybe I'll go see what it's like over there."

"Japan. That sounds nice. Send me a card will you? I'll wait for it to come."

Grimmjow knew that meant Ulquiorra would only live in wait for that card, with a shining picture of Tokyo, or of the ocean view on the front.

"Ulquiorra. Why the hell do you have to be so difficult?"

"My father..was a man who when he held me as a child, I wept." Ulquiorra cut him off in a haunting tone, continuing his story when Grimmjow fell silent. "He always laughed at me for being so emotional, for crying so much. He once threatened to take me to the tattoo shop and get permanent tears tattooed streaming down my face. He would take me out drinking at run down strip clubs with his friends, claiming I needed to loosen up and become a man. He would throw money at women, him and his friends, while I watched with sympathetic eyes. These women were probably broke mothers providing for their children, desperate college students trying to finish out a degree. I could never touch a woman, I had been so disgusted by the way my father treated them that I could never be with one. Whenever I rejected his proposals he would ask me if I was some fucked up fag, and him and his friends would dump liquor down my throat and often inject some of my fathers personal stash into me. I was to drugged to do anything as they laughed and spit on me, they would often abandon me in a dumpster for the night, leaving me covered in their piss and a bottle of Jack Daniels to be my friend. He thought it was funny, he thought he was helping me. After all what was I besides some dark little disturbed being, as far as he saw it, he was helping me. One night I woke up on the side of some train tracks, if a train had come by, I surely would have been killed. I had had enough. I marched home in the rain, tears no longer on my face. I went home, went into the kitchen and grabbed a knife and slit my wrists for the very first time, it was shallow compared to my others but I passed out none the less. Ever since that day, I wanted to die." Ulquiorra finished with a breath, he was almost afraid to look at Grimmjow, to see the look on his face.

"Ulquiorra." He could hear the baritone in Grimmjow's voice, a seriousness he had never heard.

"Yes?" Ulquiorra looked over at Grimmjow only to see that he was staring off at some distant sight with electric blue eyes.

"You can't die god dammit. Fuck your father. Fuck what he says. I don't wantcha to die over something like that. You're so much better than that. You've helped me so much, you're such a good person Ulquiorra." Grimmjow finally met his gaze with captivating blue eyes that twisted and turned like two iridescent pools. "How can I make you see what I see?" He made his way closer to Ulquiorra, almost as if he wanted to reach out and grab his hand, but he didn't. "Listen, I know life's dealt us a shitty start, but that doesn't have to define us. We can-"

A crack of thunder in the sky cut Grimmjow short. Rain immediately followed, draining down from the sky in bucket fulls. Lighting whipped across the sky, rain dousing them both.

Ulquiorra got up, snatching his precious picnic in his arms, "Come on let's go." he managed, his hair dripping with rain as it dropped down in front of his eyes.

Grimmjow shielded his face from the sudden downpour, following Ulquiorra's blurry shadow back to the house. The rain was so bad that he could hardly see at all, one wet step after another he trailed after the figure before him.

Grimmjow shivered in the warm house, the sudden change in temperature had thrown his body out of whack, his hands and face barely had any feeling left in them as he rubbed them together. Ulquiorra lowered his hopelessly wet picnic basket down by the door, flipping his hair back and out of his face. Green eyes shone with disappointment as he let a very small frown tug at the corners of his lips.

"I apologize for ruining your birthday."

"What?!" chattered Grimmjow, "You didn't do anything, it rained, that's all, ya can't control stuff like that. Besides, that's the best birthday I ever had." He managed a small, cold smile.

Ulquiorra looked somewhat more reassured by that sentence as his posture loosened. "Is there anything else you'd like?" He asked, his hand subconsciously balling into fists to circulate his blood through his fingers.

"Well, if it isn't too much to ask, could I maybe take a bath?" Grimmjow laughed with a lopsided grin, gesturing to his shivering, wet, body.

"Of course. You can use my bathroom. Just, follow me and I can set it up for you."

"Thanks so much. Man, I can't remember the last time I had a bath."

"That's frightening." Ulquiorra replied.

Grimmjow laughed with a feline smirk on his lips.

Ulquiorra led him back into his room, continuing on into the bathroom. "Here it is." Ulquiorra stood in a decent sized bathroom, plugging up a porcelain white tub and filling it with warm water, tipping soap and bath stones into the steaming water. The bathroom soon filled with the scent of wildflower and steam. "There you are." Ulquiorra nodded and began his departure.

"Wait." Grimmjow interjected, "Can you..would you stay by the door and talk with me? Please?"

It was impossible to say no to those eyes staring straight at him like two blue saucers. "I suppose, if you want."

There was that smile again, heart stopping as always. "I can't thank you enough."

Ulquiorra nodded and left the bathroom, clicking the door shut behind him. After he heard Grimmjow fumble around with clothes for a minute he heard the water turn off and then splash a bit as he got in. Sure that he would not come out, Ulquiorra shed his own wet clothes and changed into dry pants and a long sleeved shirt, only black fingernails peeping out from under the sleeves.

"Ulquiorra?"

"Hmm?" He responded, waking closer to the door he leaned an ear against it, as to hear him better.

"You know, my father wasn't a good man either." Grimmjow spoke out, his voice echoing off the tiled walls.

"Is that so?" Ulquiorra's voice was peaked ever so slightly with interest as he sat down in front of the bathroom door, leaning his head against the supple wood of the door.

"He was a good man. Or at least a decent man, until my mom died. See, my mom died in a car wreck with me. We were laughing and joking around while we took home the groceries of the week, and she had been distracted by my funny faces, she was beaming at me, laughing so hard at my childish attempts at making her laugh. Anyways, she ended up in a head on collision. There was no chance for her, but miraculously, I escaped with a cut and a bruise. It must've seemed unfair to my father, and from that point forward, I meant nothing to him. I think the last time he actually looked in my eyes was the day he took me home from the hospital and left my mom in the mortuary. I was in the back with only a little bandage across my pink cheeks when I caught his eyes in the rearview mirror. His eyes were dark and shadowed with the purest disdain I had ever seen. I immediately began to cry, and he never said a word, never tried to stop my tears then, or years afterwords. I suppose I might hate me too..." Grimmjow paused, lifting a bubble covered hand to wipe away at a stray tear at the memory.

"To hate a child, is abominably one of the worst things a grown man could do." Supplied Ulquiorra, who could only imagine the tear stained cheeks of a young Grimmjow, who was suddenly robbed of his cat like grin and boisterous laughter.

"I know, that it wasn't my fault. But sometimes...you can't help but feel somewhat responsible."

"That's asinine."

"She was my world. The only light I ever had. After that, the world seemed so dark."

Ulquiorra paused, "Like you're just on some endless hunt for the life that you can never have?"

"Yes." Grimmjow agreed, "Like every day is hollow."

"The sun has risen and another day had begun yet you feel so, disconnected." Ulquiorra raised a hand to the door as he spoke.

"Ulquiorra?" Grimmjow's voice had dropped, Ulquiorra could barely hear him.

"Yes?"

"Can I see your face?" Grimmjow requested quietly.

Ulquiorra wanted to argue why, he wanted to refuse and leave the room, drop the conversation, go back to being a lonely shell in his room. But he could not force himself to do any of those things, he could only raise to his feet, and place a hand on the knob. With a twist the door unlatched and swung open.

Ulquiorra didn't look up, didn't examine the room, he headed with his eyes dropped until he came to sit on the toilet that was opposite where Grimmjow lay in the tub. His eyes raised to Grimmjow's face, his blue hair was tossed around his face, some stray strands dangling in front of his eyes. They stared at one another for quite some time, yet the air was not heavy nor awkward, just light with the scent of flowers. It was as if they were trying to truly process and figure out the others emotions. Both were in their own world as they still shared the same space.

"I never got to finish what I wanted to say to you earlier.." Grimmjow's voice seemed lighter than air as it filled the empty space.

"And, what was it you wanted to say?"

Grimmjow's brow furrowed, for it seemed as though his mind had suddenly went blank. "I wanted to say that...I..." He stopped swallowing, pushing away the fear of life, the fear to speak up, a fear that had strangled him for years. "Ulquiorra, I don't want you to die. I want to take you away from here. You're so much better than this place. I don't want you to give up. I...I've never felt this way about anyone before...I feel like if you died, a part of me would die with you. Just the thought makes me...makes me.." He struggled to put words to the explosive emotions overtaking him.

He looked up at Ulquiorra, desperate to show him how much he cared, consequences of what the other man did be damned. Blue eyes caught green ones, like the depths of a splashing sea.

"Remember what you told me about love?"

"It's impulsive, right?" Grimmjow questioned, his head tilting.

Ulquiorra leaned forward, pausing only a second as he came close to Grimmjow's face. "Exactly."

His lips met Grimmjow's slowly, both gently caressing one another's lips. Ulquiorra's lips felt like silk as they kissed his. He felt that impulse that could be blamed on love as he dove in deeper, seeking more in the depths of his mouth. Ulquiorra released his breath against Grimmjow's lips, his body leaning in ever farther over the edge of the tub.

Grimmjow poked his teeth out, playing with his lower lip. "Ulquiorra?" He whispered.

"Mhm?" The raven haired man hummed, eyelids closed.

"Don't be mad."

Dreamy eyes opened, "What?"

Ulquiorra was pulled over the edge of the tub, falling into the blissfully warm water, it splashed over the edge of the white tub, soaking both the bathroom floor and Ulquiorra.

"Grimmjow.." He began, but stopped when he looked down at the blue haired man underneath him, he could see a desire sweeping over his beautiful eyes, his skin glistening in the steamy bathroom.

Ulquiorra leaned down, kissing Grimmjow again, Grimmjow wove hands into thick ivory hair, pulling his mouth down harder. Ulquiorra's wet clothes clung to his body, revealing every crevice of his skin. Grimmjow let out a quiet growl into the kiss, pulling that built yet stealth body against his. Ulquiorra released from the kiss, a sigh falling from pale lips. He trailed soft kisses down a chiseled jaw, to a slippery neck. Lips against the vulnerable skin felt amazing, but perfect white teeth nipping and pulling at the same skin was driving Grimmjow insane. He couldn't stifle his moan as it slowly made its way out of his throat that was under siege. The moan seemed to hang in the air, Ulquiorra savored the sound in his ears.

"Where did that come from?" Ulquiorra whispered against Grimmjow's neck.

A short laugh shook Grimmjow, "Only for you. Ulqui."

Grimmjow's hands were soon wandering, searching down Ulquiorra's back, wrapping around to the front, tugging up his shirt. He dug fingernails into slender muscles across his torso. Ulquiorra bit at his lip, white teeth shining in the dim light. His skin was heavenly, his hands ran up and down it, finally peeling the soaking shirt from his body, marveling over his exposed chest. His hands trailed up to pale pink nipples, which were already hard from the cold. Thumb and index fingers began teasing gently, sure not to take anything too far, unless instructed otherwise. A hitched breath escaped as Ulquiorra tried to conceal a moan, more caressing and twisting. Then Grimmjow raised his lips to the devine chest, kissing up to the perked nipples, licking one, then after receiving a gently sigh in reply, took it in his mouth, sucking hard on the mound, tongue tracing around it sinfully slow.

Then finally Grimmjow was rewarded for his hard efforts. A deep, resonating moan ached itself out of Ulquiorra's elongated throat. That sound sent shocks down Grimmjow's spine, he could feel blood pooling to all the right places. His mouth fell limp, tracing around the nipple once more before letting it go. Ulquiorra's eyes were hazy with sudden feelings he had never experienced before, he couldn't put his finger on it. Was this simple lust? Or something more? Either way his hands lowered to the studded black belt on his pants, beginning to undo the clamps and leather.

"Wait, what're you-" Grimmjow's eyes were stuck to the pale fingers, black nails fiddling around with the now impossible belt clip.

"I'm taking my clothes off, what does it look like?" Ulquiorra looked down at Grimmjow, black brow arched up in questioning.

"I'm just...are you sure...that you-"

"Why? Are you not? If so, then why did you drag me into the tub with you?"

"Geez..." Grimmjow trailed off, shifting under Ulquiorra, "You don't have to be so critical ya know? Try being a little caring once in awhile. I'm sure it wouldn't kill you."

"Caring?" Green eyes pierced straight through Grimmjow.

"Uh...yeah?" Grimmjow swallowed as he realized his vulnerable position that could certainly prove to Ulquiorra's advantage.

"Caring?" Ulquiorra repeated the word, but this time he leaned in to Grimmjow's ear, his voice taking on a softer, more inquisitive tone. "Why? Please enlighten me once more Grimmjow." His name was dragged out between a pink tongue and perfect teeth.

"I...uh..well.." Ulquiorra's teeth were nipping at his earlobe, making it hard for him to think about anything else except for his hot breath entering his unprotected ear canal.

"Grimmjow?" Each syllable of the sound resonated in his ear.

"Yes?"

"How about you worry about the caring, seeing as I'm not that good at it." Teeth sunk into a golden neck, Grimmjow flinched, a gasp escaping his mouth, water splashing out of the tub.

"U-ulquiorra..." His hands found the side of the tub, clenching around it tightly, white knuckles pushing against tight skin.

Ulquiorra's hands snuck lower, teasingly light as he scraped over hard muscle and soft, warm skin. His hands stopped at Grimmjow's hips, tracing lazy circular patterns around his hips, dragging black fingernails and leaving red scratches in his wake. "Grimmjow?" Ulquiorra removed his mouth from Grimmjow's neck. "Have you ever..?" Ulquiorra faded off, trailing light kisses across his cheekbones.

"No." Grimmjow said firmly, "I haven't."

"Me neither."

Aqua eyes shone as they looked up at his pale lover. "Maybe then we shouldn't do this in a tub." Grimmjow released a howl of laughter, "Just sayin', it could be one big fuckin' mess."

Ulquiorra scoffed quietly, "You're right Jeagerjaques. For once."

Ulquiorra hauled himself off Grimmjow, and not so gracefully almost fell out of the tub. He extended a hand to the naked and stranded Grimmjow Jeagerjaques. Grimmjow accepted it with a smirk as he rose to a standing position. As his body left the water, Ulquiorra's eyes doubled in size as he watched water cling and drip down all the right places, his body was crafted like a work of art, it was almost unfair how perfect he was.

Grimmjow, unaware of the eyes watching him stretched out, having been sore from the constraining tub. He stretched his arms behind his back and let out a cat like yawn. When he opened his eyes he saw Ulquiorra's saucer sized eyes, and a blush attempting to break the surface of his cheeks.

"Oh damn." Grimmjow called out, his hands flying to cover himself. "Fuck..." A blush rose to his face, "My bad.."

"You don't have to cover yourself up if you don't want to." Ulquiorra quietly interjected, daringly tugging his hand away to hold his again. "Just get out of the bathtub already."

Grimmjow obeyed as he awkwardly hopped out of the tub without trying to expose his junk with the one hand he had left. All the sudden he was feeling awkward. Damn Ulquiorra and his pants. Ulquiorra turned back to him, seeing that he was still trying to conceal his nudity.

Ulquiorra used Grimmjow's hand that he had already grabbed and placed it at the base of his throat, he dragged it down his abdomen to the base of his pants, he looked right into Grimmjow's electric blue eyes as he shoved his hand into his pants. He pushed down on Grimmjow's wrist forcing his hand deeper into his jeans.

Ulquiorra let a small pleased breath escape him, "Touch me." He whispered, pushing on Grimmjow's hand, his grasp on his wrist verging on the edge of painful.

Grimmjow swallowed a lump arising in his throat, he could feel the searing heat of Ulquiorra's manhood. His fingers snapped to life as they gently teased his length, stroking up and down. Ulquiorra's hand fell limp as he pulled Grimmjow close, his arms wrapping around Grimmjow's neck.

"More..."

Grimmjow took it all in his hand, his own manhood twitching in desire, he stroked it all the way from base to tip, relishing in the gasp Ulquiorra gave him. He soon found himself at a comfortable pace, feeling more confident in his skills, he pressed a finger to Ulquiorra's slit.

Fingernails sunk into his skin, "Ahhh.." Ulquiorra's eyes snapped closed. The sounds fueled him as he pumped him faster, longing for more delicious sounds to fill his ears.

"Grimmjow...I'm going to."

"Good. I want you to." Grimmjow wrapped his hand around him tight, going as fast as he could with Ulquiorra's pants still on.

Ulquiorra's legs shook, his body melting quickly as sweat slid down white skin. "G-Grimmjow..."

He released all over Grimmjow's hand and his own pants. He took in big breaths as he tried to regain himself, regain composure. Before he had time to think, Grimmjow was pulling his pants and underwear down, falling to his knees.

"What- what are you doing Grimmjow?" Ulquiorra looked down at him with wide emerald green orbs.

"Just cleaning you up." Grimmjow responded with a grin, he licked the salty substance off of Ulquiorra's thighs, looking up at him while he did so.

"Grimmjow, get up here."

"Why?"

"I want to kiss you. Now."

"Oh, bossy now are we?" Grimmjow rose none the less, letting his lips be captured by Ulquiorra's.

Grimmjow closed the space between them as their kiss grew deeper. They made contact and Grimmjow took all his willpower not to scream out in bliss, he rubbed against Ulquiorra, seeking friction from his still wet member. Ulquiorra snapped from the kiss without any breath in his lungs.

"Bed?"

"Bed." Grimmjow nodded in agreement as Ulquiorra lead them out if the bathroom.

He quickly turned when they reached the foot of his bed, kissing Grimmjow again. The blue haired man groaned into the kiss with want, his hands wrapping around Ulquiorra as he pushed him back onto the bed, landing on top of him. Ulquiorra sighed, leaning his head for better access to neck skin as he felt Grimmjow's teeth scraping away at his skin.

"Ulquiorra..." He whispered.

"Mmm..." Was the only reply he received.

Ulquiorra looked at Grimmjow expectantly, Grimmjow stared back as he let his hands snake down Ulquiorra's thighs, making sure the raven haired man below him knew of his intentions. He brought him back into a kiss and pushed his index finger inside of him. He received a hitch of breath escaping Ulquiorra due to shock but he seemed to be in no pain. He pushed in the finger deeper, adding his teeth and tongue to the kiss to make it even more distracting. A second finger was added as he continued to stretch him.

Ulquiorra let out a small, labored breath. "That's...e-enough."

Grimmjow's fingers slid out of him as ocean blue eyes looked down. "Are you sure?" He murmured.

"Yes, I am." Ulquiorra reached up, touching wild strands of blue hair.

Grimmjow watched him move, suddenly noticing his arm. Ulquiorra's arm was snatched back and pushed onto the bed. "What is it?" Ulquiorra questioned, green eyes shimmering.

"There's...there's so many..." Blue eyes were focused in on Ulquiorra's arm, perfect white skin littered and defaced with jagged scars.

Some had faded out more into white skin while others, like his newest one still stood prominently pink and seemed that if you touched the skin, it might break on contact. "Ohh.." Ulquiorra mumbled, turning away from Grimmjow's stare. "I know."

He could feel warm lips ghost over sensitive scars, he could feel each exhale and each syllable as he spoke. "I never want you to feel this way again." He felt two warm droplets splash onto his arm.

He turned back to catch Grimmjow's pure water colored eyes. Ulquiorra reached up, pulling Grimmjow into a light kiss. "Now, Grimmjow." Ulquiorra's voice was softer than usual, his words sinking into Grimmjow.

Grimmjow drew himself in closer to Ulquiorra, laying a kiss on his lips, he pushed himself in. Breaths were drawn in by both men, the sensations hitting them and shocking through their bodies. They remained like that for several minutes, feeling and adjusting to one another.

Finally, Ulquiorra spoke, "Move." He commanded quietly, his eyes shut, long black lashes casting shadows across moonlight skin.

Grimmjow found himself trembling gently, sweat crawling down from his brow, the feeling of Ulquiorra surrounding him was divine. He drew himself back, slowly sinking in deeper. He must've struck that place in Ulquiorra, for green eyes flew open, a moan escaping his lips. Grimmjow repeated his actions, listening to Ulquiorra's soft sighs, he too was groaning at the searing heat and tight grip on his member. His hands interlaced with Ulquiorra's as he gripped his hand tightly. Ulquiorra's free hand was clawing at his back. Their lips met, their pleasured sounds melting into one, teeth clashing, lips smashing. Grimmjow broke the kiss, thrusting into Ulquiorra harder and faster, sending him into the bed as he was hit again and again with shocks of pleasure riveting through his body.

"Grimm-jow." His cries were broken, his polished nails drawing blood from tan shoulder blades.

"Ahhh...f-fuck.." Grimmjow's slur of curses faded into one.

His half lidded eyes looked down at Ulquiorra, inky hair tossed across a glowing face. He wanted to make that man forget. He wanted to erase his pain. He wanted to make him feel perfect. His hand wrapped around his length, sliding up and down teasingly slow. Ulquiorra moaned loudly, his teeth battling his own lower lip. The hand began to pump him in time with the relentless rhythm of thrusts. Ulquiorra's perfectly toned chest raised up, his back arching off the black sheets as he raised his hips to meet Grimmjow's thrusts.

Grimmjow groaned out Ulquiorra's name, his finger pressing against the raven haired mans slit. "Ulquiorra...I'm...gonna.." Hazy blue eyes looked down at his panting bedmate.

"I'll...follow." Gasped out Ulquiorra.

They met in the middle for a kiss. Their lips were soft against one another's once more. The moment was perfect, Grimmjow could feel his muscles tighten, his heart rate peak, the end was near. "U-Ulquiorra..." His words were almost swallowed by Ulquiorra's lips against his released inside the other man, his lips falling from Ulquiorra's.

Ulquiorra felt the warmth of Grimmjow's release seep through him, with a quiet whisper of Grimmjow's name he spilt his seed all over Grimmjow's hand and stomach.

Grimmjow's head fell on Ulquiorra's chest, sweaty blue hair spread out across his chest as he panted harshly. He could hear Ulquiorra's heart pounding against his ribcage. They both waited until they came down from their blissful high. Grimmjow rose himself off Ulquiorra on wobbly, tired arms as he gently eased himself out of Ulquiorra. He collapsed on the bed beside Ulquiorra, eyes staring at the white ceiling above him.

Almost as effortless as breathing the next words left his mouth without any accord. "I love you Ulquiorra."

Just as he feared, all he could hear was silence from the man beside him.

After what seemed like an eternity he spoke, "Why did you have to say that?"

"Because, it's the truth. It's the only thing that I'm certain of right now."

Ulquiorra drew in a deep breath, "When you speak like that, it's hard for me to say that I don't need this...that I don't need anyone." Pale lids closed over green orbs.

He felt arms pull him tight, "It's okay to need me. I need you, Ulquiorra." Blue eyes rimmed with tears once again. "I'll carry your burdens, share your sadness, erase regrets. We don't have to be like we are now forever. I know that we're greater together." His words faded away into the stillness of night, moonlight stretching through the curtains, illuminating two entangled bodies.

"Grimmjow, I do love you too." Fingertips rested on Grimmjow's sculpted chest. "I really do."

There was a depth to Ulquiorra's voice that shot straight through Grimmjow.

This is what it feels like to be loved...it's been so long.

"Tomorrow. Lets not wait another day longer. Run away with me." Grimmjow spoke passionately, his grip on Ulquiorra tightening.

"Where to? With what money?"

"It doesn't matter. Don't you see, we only need one another. We'll find a way."

Ulquiorra could feel his sincerity striking cords in his bruised heart, he could feel warmth flooding through him. He knew it was not rational, it was not according to plan, but it's what he wanted. Grimmjow had given him everything he had ever imagined love would be. He wanted to be wherever he was.

"Tomorrow then."

"Really Ulqui?" A large grin spread across Grimmjow's face as he leaned in to kiss Ulquiorra's pale lips.

"Yes, really." Ulquiorra's silk voice was the last noise heard in the room. Both soon slipped off to sleep, finally feeling love for the first time.

It was late into the next morning, almost reaching into afternoon hours when Ulquiorra cracked open his emerald eyes, squinting at the sunlight. His mind had to remember as well as process everything that happened last night. His eyes finally focused in on a sleeping Grimmjow, his features were unusually soft and incredibly young in the light. He was beautiful, the light made his face even brighter and more radiant. Ulquiorra felt as though he had forgotten a crucial detail about last night as he lay admiring Grimmjow's face.

Run away with me...let's not wait another moment.

Ulquiorra flew out of the bed, tossing the sheets back, disturbing and awakening Grimmjow. "U-Ulquiorra? What's wrong?" croaked out a half awake Grimmjow.

"Hurry, get up. We barely have time to pack, we've slept in too late." Ulquiorra panicked about the room, slipping into a pair of black pants, searching for a shirt. "My mom will be home soon, we don't have much time."

"Alright, alright." Grimmjow droned on as he made his way out of bed, past the packing Ulquiorra to dress himself in the bathroom.

He arrived several minutes later, combing through strands of blue hair he stood off to the side of the room so as to not get in the way of the frantic Ulquiorra. "What do you want me to do?" He interjected, tugging on a knot in his hair with the brush.

"You should go and pack all the things you brought with you in the shed." Ulquiorra mumbled in passing, shoving pairs of socks into a suitcase.

"Okay." Grimmjow put the brush down, making his way over to his distracted lover. He caught his hands, forcing Ulquiorra to look up at him.

"What?" Ulquiorra questioned.

"It's gonna be okay, you know that, right?"

"Yes."

"I love you, you know that too right?"

"Yes." Ulquiorra replied again.

"Good." Grimmjow leaned down, kissing Ulquiorra softly and briefly. "I'm gonna go pack, I'll be back soon."

"Alright." Ulquiorra reluctantly released Grimmjow's hands. He could hear his footsteps fade away, and he released a sigh.

Ulquiorra quickly snapped out of it, returning to packing. He had only one thought on his mind, escaping. It was ludicrous that only know he had these feelings, he had wanted to leave since he could remember but he always imagined the escape being death. He took only basics, he did not have any photo albums or school awards, he had burned them all for school was just another representation of imprisonment and lies to him. But he did want to take some special CDs and books with him, music and literature had been the reason for existing before he met Grimmjow. When he turned to collect some of his treasured albums he was faced with a horrifying sight in the doorway.

Ms. Cifer stood, her hair still neatly bound from bible camp reserved styling and she was in fact still holding a bag with her belongings and yet another copy of the bible. Her jaw was dropped, her inner turmoil just cracking through the surface of her face like oozing tar.

"What...is this?" She called out in a quiet voice.

Ulquiorra weighed his options, "I'm leaving." He began boldly.

"L-leaving?" His mother slowly made her way into the room, her eyes still bulging out of her sunken skull.

"Yes." Ulquiorra told her, drawing back from her decrepit form.

Then the strangest thing happened, she began to laugh, she began to howl and shake with amusement. "What? You're just going on your own? Or do you have some poor bastard who will take you in?"

"I'm not leaving on my own. I'm not a unloveable hag, like you."

"Please Ulquiorra, don't fool yourself, no one will ever love you. You're so tainted, you're a sinner, Ulquiorra."

Ulquiorra eyes flared with anger he'd been withholding his whole life, everything just boiling under the calmest surface he could maintain. "You're the sinner. Dirty rotten whore. You watched all those things happen to me. You let that man who fucked you do this to me, you let him make me a sinner. It was not my choice. So you can go ahead and keep lying to yourself and clutching your crosses to your heart but let's face it, God doesn't exist, and if he did he wouldn't have created your disgusting fucking face in the first place."

Ms. Cifer's eye twitched, veins rising and popping on a wrinkled forehead. She grabbed a huge volume and threw it at Ulquiorra's head. "You mistake! You bastard!" She grabbed more books, CDs, anything she could find as she chucked them at her son.

"Go ahead. Hurt me. You can't do any more damage to me then I've done to myself." An incoming boot struck him across the face, leaving his cheek flushed.

His mother began tearing away his band posters from the walls. "You fucked up little...I should've know! I should've known!" She screamed with fury, her fingernails scrapping and ripping paper from the walls.

Once she had scrapped the whole wall clean she stopped, her breathing heavy. She turned slowly, catching Ulquiorra's gaze, a welt had risen on his cheek though he stood his ground. "I regret the day you were born, you are filth. I tried to help you, I tried to fix you..." She began sobbing loudly, "Get out! Never come back, I never want to see your face again. You are not my son." Big tears rolled down her spotted skin, her hands shaking in front of her.

Ulquiorra stood, trying to conceal his shock and inner pain. He knew he had to move he knew he had to leave, yet he could not move. It was then that he felt those familiar hands tug on him again.

He could barely hear Grimmjow whisper, "Come on, lets go Ulquiorra."

Ulquiorra nodded numbly, grabbing his bag he headed out of his room, his safe haven, forever. He didn't even look up at his mom, or look back, he simply needed to leave. Ms. Cifer's tears had ceased and a look of horror spread across her face as another man entered the room to escort Ulquiorra out. On top of it all, her son was a filthy homo. She could've puked at the thought and the sight. Ulquiorra left without looking back, but the blue haired one stopped in the doorway, his head only slightly tilting to her, as if looking her in the eyes would make him less of a human being.

"You..." He began, his voice thick with anger, "You don't know what you're losing. You don't know what you had..all along. You don't deserve him, you never did." With that, the blue haired man was gone.

Ms. Cifer looked around the empty, desecrated room, pages of books and broken CDs on the ground. "Ulquiorra...why didn't you let God cleanse you? Why did you have to be such a disappointment to me? Why?" More tears left her cheeks as she sunk to the floor, picking up her abandoned bible she began to stroke it soothingly.

The engine roared as they went down the road, Ulquiorra's hands clutched on the steering wheel of the old car, the breeze from the open window sending chunks of inky hair spinning in the wind. Ulquiorra hadn't said a single word to Grimmjow since they left the house, he could see the now purple welt where a steel toed boot he had once worn had been thrown at his face.

"Ulquiorra?" Grimmjow's usually steady voice was wavering, almost swallowed up by the engine of Ulquiorra's old car.

Ulquiorra's eyes remained on the road, his foot persistent on the gas, trying to escape as fast as he could.

"Ulquiorra, you don't have to talk to me, just listen to me, please.." Grimmjow did his best to choke back his surfacing emotions, doing his best to hold himself together.

He received no sign from Ulquiorra, yet he continued.

"Before I met you, I didn't know what I would become. I was not good at anything, not willing to love, not loved, I thought that eventually I'd just run away, get lost. It's what everyone expected from me, it's what I expected of myself. I thought if I ran away everything would be okay but that wasn't the problem, the problem was my ability to love. I haven't loved someone since my mother, who I was responsible in the killing of. I felt like if I loved I'd kill again, like all I do is destroy those around me. I won't ever let you be destroyed by anyone Ulquiorra. I won't let you be crushed, I won't let you faulted or be hurt. I won't let someone I love get hurt again. Please Ulquiorra, let me help you." Grimmjow paused, blinking with liquid filled eyes.

Ulquiorra kept his eyes on the road, not even bothering to glance in his direction. "I love you, so much." Grimmjow's voice barely made it over to Ulquiorra.

The car swerved off with a screech to the side of the road as Ulquiorra slammed on the brakes, sending Grimmjow flying in his seat. He looked over at Ulquiorra, emerald eyes glistening with heavy tears. It looked so foreign, the sight of tears filling and distorting such beautiful eyes. He looked so tragic in that moment, as if finally he was letting all the years of repressed hopelessness surface in this single moment.

"A sick and horrible part of me, a part I've always hated...wants her to love me." Tears that hadn't been shed in years ached themselves down pale cheeks. "A sick part of me will always love her, no matter what she does to me...but she will never..ever love me." His sentence broke into silent sobs as he concealed his face in his hands.

He felt Grimmjow's arms wrap around him, he could feel his warmth try to banish the cold emptiness that filled him. "I know the feeling. I always want love I can't have." Grimmjow whispered, his hold tightening on the other.

"If it means anything Grimmjow, you have my love." Ulquiorra looked up at him, eyes tired and darkened.

Their lips met in a brief kiss, their arms wrapped around each other.

Neither felt the need to move as the sun set across the horizon, as the crickets announced the night. In that moment, there was nothing better in the world than being loved at last, even if only by each other, and no one else.