A/N: So, my best friend wrote this and asked me to post it for her because she doesn't have an account.
Her little sister is bi-polar and she speaks from experience. She wanted to post this for anyone who's in the same situation, because she knows it's hard.
The whole story is from Ukraine's point of view, talking about Belarus, who's bi-polar.
A few words that might make this easier to read: (Hello, Google Translate~!)
брат : Brother (Russia)
Папа : Daddy (Father Winter)
сестра : Sister (Belarus)
младшая сестра : Dear sister (Belarus, again)
I don't speak Russian, so correct me if I'm wrong!
(P.S. Italics are Belarus talking, bold are Ukraine's thoughts)
It could be anything.
Anything could do it.
Anything could set her off.
It could be something you say, a tone in your voice, a song on the radio, a temperature, a situation.
Even the way you breathe.
It could be the way you might laugh, or maybe it's how you cry.
One second she's a normal girl, the next you're hiding in a closet, fumbling for a lock, praying.
Dear God, don't let her find me.
Dear God, don't let her hurt me.
Dear God, don't let her hurt herself.
Dear God, make it stop.
And she's screaming and crying and banging on walls and on the ground, and yelling your name, screaming it.
Help me, help me, why won't you help me?
Don't you love me?
Don't you care?
Save me, save me.
But you just choke back a sob and keep hiding, don't answer.
Don't reply. Don't give away your location.
Sometimes it's something you say. And you don't realize what's happening at first.
Maybe there's a warning tone you didn't catch.
A spark in her eye when you weren't looking.
Maybe she'll start with the tears.
Maybe she'll start with the screaming.
Maybe she'll punch you.
Or dig her nails into you.
Or pull your hair.
Or spit on you.
And when people ask you where the marks all over your body come from, you can't tell.
Or maybe you'll joke about it.
But you still have the scars for months.
Just shadows, but still there.
Screaming out at you in the shower, or when you're changing.
Standing out against sun-darkened skin, white against tan.
And you can't cry, oh no.
Don't cry, that makes you weak.
Don't show fear, don't do that.
Don't cry to брат, he'll cry too.
Don't cry to Папа, last time you did that сестра had to go away.
To a mental hospital.
For three weeks.
But it didn't help. Not a bit.
Just made her cry more,
Why would you do that?
Don't you care about me?
Don't you want me?
You don't love me!
She's screaming outside, she threw something, it broke.
Just keep hiding.
брат's trying to talk with her, but she doesn't want to listen.
Why do you treat me like something's wrong with me?
Like I'm a monster.
But you are.
You are, I'm sorry it's true, be quiet, be quiet, why won't everyone just stop!
Stop, stop! Everything, stop!
You've hurt me enough, enough, enough, enough.
When will it be enough?
When is it ever enough?
When is it enough, when will you stop?
They tried giving you medicines, but they don't work long.
They only help a little bit, and then their power's gone.
And you're back, but it's not you, I can see you inside.
Trying to gain control, trying but failing and failing again, and giving in and giving in, please don't give in.
Stop giving in, don't let it begin!
I remember all those times where брат had to put you to sleep.
And then he stayed up and cried.
Cried all night, cried in his room, called our doctor, called Папа, Папа left us after just seven years.
Cried to him and shared all his fears.
I was there, too. But no one remembered me.
I can hear you cry at night. But I can't help.
I try to hold you, comfort you, heal you.
And sometimes it works.
But sometimes it won't.
Sometimes you turn on me, you push me down, hurt me.
Yell at me, scream at me, do horrible things to me.
You don't love me, you don't care, you don't want me even there.
My life's awful, I wish it was through, my life's awful 'cause of you.
Go away, kill yourself, rid the family of yourself.
No one loves you, no one cares, everyone wishes you weren't there.
No one loves you. No one loves, I don't love you. I don't love you.
Go die, please die. You're the reason that I cry.
I wouldn't scream if you were gone.
You're the reason why I'm always wrong.
Always wrong, sing a song, make you forget, make it gone.
Wrong, wrong, everything's wrong.
Папа's gone, брат's gone, it's wrong it's wrong, your life is wrong, don't you wish this life was gone?
She screams it, yells it, straight at me.
It bores in, deep and deeper and deeper and yet I take it.
And I sit there.
With my chin set, and I run.
And I can hear her heartbreak through her words.
I can hear her losing control.
I can hear the pain inside.
But dear God, forgive me, I must hide.
Hide my tears, hide my face, hide myself in a faraway place.
Hide myself from Папа's tears, hide myself from брат's fears.
I'm scared of you, I'm scared for you.
I'm scared for me when I'm with you.
I held you at birth, I watched you grow.
But still, I don't really know you.
But I love you, no matter what you say.
I love you, though you tear me apart most every day.
I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU it's always been true.
I love you! I love you! It will ALWAYS be true!
I love you, младшая сестра, I love you still.
Even if брат and Папа leave you, I'll still be there.
I don't care if you threaten to kill me and hurt me, I know you don't mean it.
I hope you could stop it.
I know it's not right in that pretty head of yours.
I know you struggle, I know you can't help it.
I promise you this.
Even though брат may fall in one of his moods.
And be dangerous for months, it's okay, I'll be there for you.
And Папа may run away with his friends for a few days,
And be gone for months, it's okay, I'll still be there for you.
Because I love you, dear сестра, and I always will.
Even if it tears me apart, I still will.
Anything could turn you back into that thing.
But I will keep loving that scared girl within.