Why Can't You See? - Chapter 1
Disclaimer: Either give me the rights to Pokemon NOW, or the fluffy bunny rabbit gets it! I'm not kidding! I have a water pistol and I'm not afraid to use it! sticks bright pink plastic water gun to head of fluffy blue rabbit toy
Authors Note: This is the first chapter, and unless you haven't guessed, it's Misty's point of view. The second chapter's coming up soon and it's Brock's point of view.
~~
Do you remember what it feels like to fall?
That split second when you realise that you're falling and your heart seems to stop beating, and you can feel the adrenaline rush through your veins. Your heart jumps up into your throat, and time slows down. You feel paralysed, yet your arms fling around wildly for something to cling onto, to save you from the fall.
You realise that you're going to fall, and there's nothing you can do to stop it. Knowing that you can't stop the inevitable, all you can do is try and protect yourself, to cushion the blow. You brace yourself for the
impact.
When you hit the floor, the shock of the fall has gone. But you are left behind with the humiliation. But most of all, you're left with the pain.
And I have suffered the biggest fall a person can take.
I've been snappy and irritable all day, and to tell you the truth I think that everyone's getting annoyed with me. Like I care anyway. None of them understand what I'm going through. I can't tell anybody anyway, so what's the point in trying to explain myself? And if Ash makes one more 'time of the month' joke, I'm gonna kick him into last Tuesday, I swear.
Sitting on the beach now, I should be happy. It's a beautiful day, the sun is shining, birds are singing.....and *she's* here. That...that...witch! I'll bet you anything that they're cuddling or kissing. They can't keep their hands off each other and it makes me feel sick. I'm not exaggerating, I really do feel ill when they're all over each other like that. I deliberately positioned myself as far away from them as I could get away with. But I don't want them to get suspicious about the real reason I've been so angry recently.
I'm burning to see what they're up too, but I don't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me look over. After debating with myself over whether or not I should look over, my curiosity finally gets the better of me and I turn my head towards them in a casual manner.
I wish I hadn't.
He's got his arms wrapped around her shoulders in a simple protective manner. She's playing with her hair, twisting it around her perfectly manicured finger and smiling girlishly. They look like the perfect couple.
Laughing and smiling, totally oblivious to the world around them. I watch him lean in to whisper something in her ear. She giggles and blushes, her cheeks going pink. Grabbing hold of the the hand which circles her
shoulders, she leans her face towards him, her platinum blond curls falling over her face so I can't see what she's saying. He laughs as if he'd just heard the funniest thing in the world. She giggles again and leans her head on his bare chest. She's so short she has to stand on tiptoe when she wants to kiss him. He glances down at her blond head, an unreadable look in his eyes.
He looks up and his eyes briefly meet mine. My heart skips a beat as I realise I've been caught looking. I can feel my face growing warm and I quickly turn my head away. I can still feel his eyes on me, but there's no
way I'm going to look back. I choose instead to look towards the azure sea, and I focus enviously on the people which splash happily there. Anything to keep my mind off him. The sea has always comforted me, but today it does nothing. All I can think about is last night, when he introduced his new 'friend'. That was the night I fell, and I fell hard.
It's like having my heart torn out everytime I see them together. It's ironic that the person least likely to ever hurt me is the one who's causing me so much pain. I know I should be happy for him. He's dealt with so much pain and disappointment over the years, and if there is someone more deserving of happiness, I've yet to meet them. But I don't understand why it has to be her. Why can't it be.....me?
I'm not a kid. I understand how the world works, and I know the facts of life. But God, I was so niave! For five years, I walked around with a blindfold covering my eyes, blind to what was right in front of me the whole time. That blindfold was only taken off when it was too late. If only my eyes had been opened sooner. If only I could turn back time. I could go on saying "If only..." forever, but it's not going to change anything. That ship has left, and it's never coming back. I know how the world works. I also know how unfair it can be.
They say that you never know what you've got 'till it's gone. Last night I discovered the truth in those words, and now I am trying to cope with the hurt following the fall. I took him for granted, I know I did. All those years where he'd cook and clean for us. When I was sick, he'd care for me. When I was upset, he'd comfort me. When I was angry, he'd let me take it out on him without a word. I didn't know how good I had it. When I think back over the years, I cannot think of a single time when he insulted me, or critisised me, or raised his voice to me. Not like a certain other person around here.
But when did ever I take a moment to thank him for what he'd done? When did I ever truly appreciate everything he had done for me? When did I show him I cared about him as much as he did about me?
In answer to all those questions, I didn't. Is it any wonder that he ran to another woman? I never showed him how grateful I was, and I never allowed myself to see how much he was to me. And now that I'm finally able to admit to both him and myself, it's too late. My chance has gone and the oppurtunity has passed.
I think a part of me realised how I felt a long time ago. It was screaming at me to show him what I really felt, but the rest of me wouldn't listen. He was Brock, the guy who took rejection after rejection, yet kept bouncing back. He was always there. I never could imagine what it would be like without him there. I guess that I always imagined Brock would be the same, that things wouldn't change. Brock flirts with a woman, I drag him away, Ash laughs. That is the way it's always gone, and I never stopped to think it would ever be any different. But now it is and.....and I don't like it. Why is it that people always desire what they can't have? Life would just be so much easier if things would just go the way you want them too.
But life never is easy, and you can't choose who you love and when you fall in love them. I'm only just learning that. I feel a hand on my shoulder. I look up into Ash's concerned face and raise my eyebrow questioningly.
"Are you ok, Misty?" he asks, crouching down to eye level.
I glare at him defensively. "Of course I'm ok! Why wouldn't I be?" I protest.
Ash looks at me oddly and frowns slightly. "Well, you've been kinda tense since last night. I was just wondering what's up, that's all".
My face softens a little, and I force a small smile onto my face. "I'm fine Ash. Thanks for asking".
He smiles and stands up, preparing to leave. "Well, I'll see you later, I'm gonna head back to the hotel" he grins. "Besides, I know it's your time of the month".
That's it. I'm gonna kill 'im!
"But really, whatever it is that you're upset over, don't worry about it. You'll get over it before long".
I watch his retreating back, and I let his words sink in. "Yeah" I whisper to myself. "I'll get over it".
That's when it dawned on me. Ash had unwittingly given me the best advice a person could give. I sneaked a look back at Brock and his girlfriend. Her real name's Kara, but I personally prefer to call her 'it'. Much to my suprise, I find Brock still staring at me, and she's asleep in his arms. Had he been staring at me the whole time? He's probably wondering why I'm acting so weird today. Fiddling with my bikini strap, I bite my lip and take a deep breath. I manage a small smile at Brock. My confidence starts to grow and the smile turns into a cheerful grin, accompanied by a little wave. He looks slightly shocked, and he has a bewildered look in his eyes. Slowly, he raises his own hand and awkwardly waves back, a look of confusion crossing his face.
I turn my face away, and my cheerful grin disappears as soon as I'm sure he can no longer see my face. I feel my brave resolve start to crumble, and tears start to prick my eyes. Ash was right. I'll get over it, just as I
would a cold, or... or a fever. I don't know how long it'll take, but it'll pass one day. And like they say, there are plenty more fish in the sea. As much as I'd love it to be me that he was holding like that, and as much as I wish it to be me he loves, it can never happen. I doubt I even had a choice to begin with. He still sees me as a little kid, even now. But I'm not a gawky 11 year old anymore. I'm 16 for crying out loud! I could wish with all my heart that he'd love me, but wishes hardly ever come true. One day it'll go.
I take a deep breath of the sea air, and despite the fact that my heart is heavy, I shake my head to get my hair out of the way. Standing up, I put my hands on my hips and turn to Brock, smiling confidently.
"Well, I'm going for a swim. I'll be back in a bit, ok?" I smile, hoping desperately that he can't hear the waver in my voice.
He stares at me for a few seconds, his eyes piercing right through me. I swallow hard, he's making me more nervous with each second. Why does he look at me like that? For a second, I speculate on whether or not he has sensed my thoughts, but I quickly push the thought out of my mind. There's no way he could know what I really think of him - I never gave him any clues. He nods slowly.
"Ok" he mutters, never breaking the eye contact between us.
"Ok then" I whisper, not knowing quite what else to do. He's making me feel so uncomfortable.
His expression is totally unreadable, and I wonder what's going on in his head. Realising that I've been staring for quite a while, I turn around quickly to walk away. I am determined not to look behind me, or I might just lose it completely. I was about two feet away when I hear my name being called softly. I halt, and slowly turn around to look at him. He has the same steady gaze, but this time, his eyes have something else in them. A small smile creeps onto his face.
"Be careful".
I stare at him for a good while, then smile back slightly in reply. I turn back towards the ocean, hoping I look a lot more confident than I feel.
My mind races as I walk towards the sea. Maybe one day I'll find someone who I can love as much as did Brock. In time I'll forget. You can't stay in love with a person forever.....can you?
Last night I fell.
Now it's time to pick myself up.
Disclaimer: Either give me the rights to Pokemon NOW, or the fluffy bunny rabbit gets it! I'm not kidding! I have a water pistol and I'm not afraid to use it! sticks bright pink plastic water gun to head of fluffy blue rabbit toy
Authors Note: This is the first chapter, and unless you haven't guessed, it's Misty's point of view. The second chapter's coming up soon and it's Brock's point of view.
~~
Do you remember what it feels like to fall?
That split second when you realise that you're falling and your heart seems to stop beating, and you can feel the adrenaline rush through your veins. Your heart jumps up into your throat, and time slows down. You feel paralysed, yet your arms fling around wildly for something to cling onto, to save you from the fall.
You realise that you're going to fall, and there's nothing you can do to stop it. Knowing that you can't stop the inevitable, all you can do is try and protect yourself, to cushion the blow. You brace yourself for the
impact.
When you hit the floor, the shock of the fall has gone. But you are left behind with the humiliation. But most of all, you're left with the pain.
And I have suffered the biggest fall a person can take.
I've been snappy and irritable all day, and to tell you the truth I think that everyone's getting annoyed with me. Like I care anyway. None of them understand what I'm going through. I can't tell anybody anyway, so what's the point in trying to explain myself? And if Ash makes one more 'time of the month' joke, I'm gonna kick him into last Tuesday, I swear.
Sitting on the beach now, I should be happy. It's a beautiful day, the sun is shining, birds are singing.....and *she's* here. That...that...witch! I'll bet you anything that they're cuddling or kissing. They can't keep their hands off each other and it makes me feel sick. I'm not exaggerating, I really do feel ill when they're all over each other like that. I deliberately positioned myself as far away from them as I could get away with. But I don't want them to get suspicious about the real reason I've been so angry recently.
I'm burning to see what they're up too, but I don't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me look over. After debating with myself over whether or not I should look over, my curiosity finally gets the better of me and I turn my head towards them in a casual manner.
I wish I hadn't.
He's got his arms wrapped around her shoulders in a simple protective manner. She's playing with her hair, twisting it around her perfectly manicured finger and smiling girlishly. They look like the perfect couple.
Laughing and smiling, totally oblivious to the world around them. I watch him lean in to whisper something in her ear. She giggles and blushes, her cheeks going pink. Grabbing hold of the the hand which circles her
shoulders, she leans her face towards him, her platinum blond curls falling over her face so I can't see what she's saying. He laughs as if he'd just heard the funniest thing in the world. She giggles again and leans her head on his bare chest. She's so short she has to stand on tiptoe when she wants to kiss him. He glances down at her blond head, an unreadable look in his eyes.
He looks up and his eyes briefly meet mine. My heart skips a beat as I realise I've been caught looking. I can feel my face growing warm and I quickly turn my head away. I can still feel his eyes on me, but there's no
way I'm going to look back. I choose instead to look towards the azure sea, and I focus enviously on the people which splash happily there. Anything to keep my mind off him. The sea has always comforted me, but today it does nothing. All I can think about is last night, when he introduced his new 'friend'. That was the night I fell, and I fell hard.
It's like having my heart torn out everytime I see them together. It's ironic that the person least likely to ever hurt me is the one who's causing me so much pain. I know I should be happy for him. He's dealt with so much pain and disappointment over the years, and if there is someone more deserving of happiness, I've yet to meet them. But I don't understand why it has to be her. Why can't it be.....me?
I'm not a kid. I understand how the world works, and I know the facts of life. But God, I was so niave! For five years, I walked around with a blindfold covering my eyes, blind to what was right in front of me the whole time. That blindfold was only taken off when it was too late. If only my eyes had been opened sooner. If only I could turn back time. I could go on saying "If only..." forever, but it's not going to change anything. That ship has left, and it's never coming back. I know how the world works. I also know how unfair it can be.
They say that you never know what you've got 'till it's gone. Last night I discovered the truth in those words, and now I am trying to cope with the hurt following the fall. I took him for granted, I know I did. All those years where he'd cook and clean for us. When I was sick, he'd care for me. When I was upset, he'd comfort me. When I was angry, he'd let me take it out on him without a word. I didn't know how good I had it. When I think back over the years, I cannot think of a single time when he insulted me, or critisised me, or raised his voice to me. Not like a certain other person around here.
But when did ever I take a moment to thank him for what he'd done? When did I ever truly appreciate everything he had done for me? When did I show him I cared about him as much as he did about me?
In answer to all those questions, I didn't. Is it any wonder that he ran to another woman? I never showed him how grateful I was, and I never allowed myself to see how much he was to me. And now that I'm finally able to admit to both him and myself, it's too late. My chance has gone and the oppurtunity has passed.
I think a part of me realised how I felt a long time ago. It was screaming at me to show him what I really felt, but the rest of me wouldn't listen. He was Brock, the guy who took rejection after rejection, yet kept bouncing back. He was always there. I never could imagine what it would be like without him there. I guess that I always imagined Brock would be the same, that things wouldn't change. Brock flirts with a woman, I drag him away, Ash laughs. That is the way it's always gone, and I never stopped to think it would ever be any different. But now it is and.....and I don't like it. Why is it that people always desire what they can't have? Life would just be so much easier if things would just go the way you want them too.
But life never is easy, and you can't choose who you love and when you fall in love them. I'm only just learning that. I feel a hand on my shoulder. I look up into Ash's concerned face and raise my eyebrow questioningly.
"Are you ok, Misty?" he asks, crouching down to eye level.
I glare at him defensively. "Of course I'm ok! Why wouldn't I be?" I protest.
Ash looks at me oddly and frowns slightly. "Well, you've been kinda tense since last night. I was just wondering what's up, that's all".
My face softens a little, and I force a small smile onto my face. "I'm fine Ash. Thanks for asking".
He smiles and stands up, preparing to leave. "Well, I'll see you later, I'm gonna head back to the hotel" he grins. "Besides, I know it's your time of the month".
That's it. I'm gonna kill 'im!
"But really, whatever it is that you're upset over, don't worry about it. You'll get over it before long".
I watch his retreating back, and I let his words sink in. "Yeah" I whisper to myself. "I'll get over it".
That's when it dawned on me. Ash had unwittingly given me the best advice a person could give. I sneaked a look back at Brock and his girlfriend. Her real name's Kara, but I personally prefer to call her 'it'. Much to my suprise, I find Brock still staring at me, and she's asleep in his arms. Had he been staring at me the whole time? He's probably wondering why I'm acting so weird today. Fiddling with my bikini strap, I bite my lip and take a deep breath. I manage a small smile at Brock. My confidence starts to grow and the smile turns into a cheerful grin, accompanied by a little wave. He looks slightly shocked, and he has a bewildered look in his eyes. Slowly, he raises his own hand and awkwardly waves back, a look of confusion crossing his face.
I turn my face away, and my cheerful grin disappears as soon as I'm sure he can no longer see my face. I feel my brave resolve start to crumble, and tears start to prick my eyes. Ash was right. I'll get over it, just as I
would a cold, or... or a fever. I don't know how long it'll take, but it'll pass one day. And like they say, there are plenty more fish in the sea. As much as I'd love it to be me that he was holding like that, and as much as I wish it to be me he loves, it can never happen. I doubt I even had a choice to begin with. He still sees me as a little kid, even now. But I'm not a gawky 11 year old anymore. I'm 16 for crying out loud! I could wish with all my heart that he'd love me, but wishes hardly ever come true. One day it'll go.
I take a deep breath of the sea air, and despite the fact that my heart is heavy, I shake my head to get my hair out of the way. Standing up, I put my hands on my hips and turn to Brock, smiling confidently.
"Well, I'm going for a swim. I'll be back in a bit, ok?" I smile, hoping desperately that he can't hear the waver in my voice.
He stares at me for a few seconds, his eyes piercing right through me. I swallow hard, he's making me more nervous with each second. Why does he look at me like that? For a second, I speculate on whether or not he has sensed my thoughts, but I quickly push the thought out of my mind. There's no way he could know what I really think of him - I never gave him any clues. He nods slowly.
"Ok" he mutters, never breaking the eye contact between us.
"Ok then" I whisper, not knowing quite what else to do. He's making me feel so uncomfortable.
His expression is totally unreadable, and I wonder what's going on in his head. Realising that I've been staring for quite a while, I turn around quickly to walk away. I am determined not to look behind me, or I might just lose it completely. I was about two feet away when I hear my name being called softly. I halt, and slowly turn around to look at him. He has the same steady gaze, but this time, his eyes have something else in them. A small smile creeps onto his face.
"Be careful".
I stare at him for a good while, then smile back slightly in reply. I turn back towards the ocean, hoping I look a lot more confident than I feel.
My mind races as I walk towards the sea. Maybe one day I'll find someone who I can love as much as did Brock. In time I'll forget. You can't stay in love with a person forever.....can you?
Last night I fell.
Now it's time to pick myself up.