Out of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most
I'm out planning your down fall, please leave a message at the beep *beep*
PANTOPHOBIA! Surprisingly not the fear of pants.
I'm a nerd and social outcast. Neither are bad.
I don't suffer from insanity! I enjoy it!
!'M n0T cRzY, y0U'r3 Ju$T $n3 (unless u can read this)
"Let's Rocket/it!" Double pun!
If someone calls you weird, crazy, or a freak, just smile and say "What was your first clue?"
❒ Taken
❒ Single
✔ Mentally dating a character that doesn't actually exist
With great power... comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later.
Words to Know
Emergency numbers: Police station, fire department and places that deliver.
Opera: When a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding he sings.
Buffet: A French word that means "get up and get it yourself."
Baby-sitter: A teenager who must behave like an adult so that the adults who are out can behave like teenagers.
Tattoo: Permanent proof of temporary insanity.
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere)
On a hair straightener: "Do not use in water." (Yes, because I always straighten my hair when I'm taking a bath.)
You're a 90's kid if:
You can finish this 'ice ice _'
You remember watching Doug, Ren & Stimpy, Pinky and the Brain, Bobby's World, Felix the cat, The Tick...AAAAAAAH Real Monsters!
You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"
You just cant resist finishing this . . . "Iiiiiiin west philidelphia born and raised . . ."
You remember TGIF, Step by Step, Family Matters, Dinosaurs, and Boy Meets World.
You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
You remember reading "Goosebumps"
You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.
You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not
If you remember seeing hot tub bubbles make bubbly sounds before every music video on VH1.
when everything was settled by rock paper scissors..or bubble gum bubble gum in a dish...eeny meeny miney mo...and even better daddy had a donkey inky binky bonky.
You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time.
"Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" was both a game and a TV game show.
Captain Planet. He's a Hero.
You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green ranger, were meant to be together.
You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genisis became popular.
You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny.
You remember watching Home Alone 1, 2 , and 3 . . . and tried to pull the pranks on "intruders"
You remember watching The Magic School Bus, Wishbone, and Reading Rainbow on PBS.
You remember when Yo-Yos were cool.
You remember those Where's Waldo books.
You remember eating Warheads.
You remember watching the 1st Batman, Aladdin, Ninja Turtles, and 3 Ninjas movies.
You remember Ring Pops.
You remember drinking Surge, and Tang.
If you remember when every thing was "da BOMB!"
When they made the new lunchables so that you could make pizza AND tacos.
You remember boom boxes vs. cd players.
Making those little paper cootie-catcher things, and then predicting your life with them.
You played and/or collected "Pogs"
You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere.
. . . Furbies
You haven't always had a computer, and it was cool to have the internet.
And Windows 95 was the best.
You watched the original cartoons of Rugrats, Power Rangers, and Ninja Turtles.
Michael Jordan was a king.
All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.
You remember when the new Beanie Babies and Talking Elmo were always sold out.
You collected those Beanie Babies.
Carebears
Lambchop's song never ended.
The old dollar bills.
Silver dollars, which were cool to have.
You remember a time before the WB.
You collected all the Troll dolls
If you even know what an original walkman is.
You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"
You know the Macarena by heart.
"Talk to the hand" . . . nough said
You always said, "Then why don't you marry it?"
You remember trying to collect all 150 original pokemon cards but never could and if you did you thought you were all that!
You remember Highlight's magazine.
You went to McDonald's to play in the playplace.
You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground.
Before the MySpace frenzy . . .
Before the Internet & text messaging . . .
Before Sidekicks & iPods . . .
Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX . . .
Back when you put off the 5 hours of homework you had every night.
When light up sneakers were cool.
When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.
When gas was 0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was The new thing.
When we recorded stuff on VCRs.
When gameboy was a brick.
You did MASH to figure out your future
Way back.
Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.
Who would have thought you'd miss the 90's so much!
Things to Think About
Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?
What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
The golfer goes (Whack) "Dang!" The skydiver goes, "Dang!" (Whack)
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
Why do our noses run and our feet smell?
Why don't we ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why do doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is the man that invests all your money called a broker?
Why can't they make the plane out of the same substance that indestructible little black box is?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
So what's the speed of dark?
If the sky is the limit then what is space, over the limit?
The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable.
Love your enemies! It really annoys them!
Don't ever attempt a staring contest with a brick wall, they cheat a lot.
I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect!
You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.
I did what they say and chose the road less traveled...Now where the heck am I?
Don't knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.
Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary.
If at first you don't succeed, then sky diving isn't for you.
When life gives you lemons,make apple juice,then laugh while people try to figure out how the heck you did it.
It doesn't matter whether the glass is half empty or half full,just drink it and get it over with.
WARNING:Do NOT follow in my footsteps...I walk into walls and off the occasional cliff.
I'm not afraid of Death. What's he gonna do,kill me?
It's always in the last place you look...of course it is! WHY would I keep looking AFTER I found it?
Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Parents spend the first parts of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. When men are depressed, they invade another country.
Boys are like dogs: You say hi, pat them on the head, and they follow you home.
The surest sign of intelligent life out there is that none of them has never tried contacting us.
The computer beat me once at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
One day we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz
Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
"Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway." - Joey Adams
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
How Many Roads Must A Man Walk Down Before He Admits Hes lost?
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. - Mark Twain
Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil. - Jerry Garcia
Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?
He who laughs last didn't get it.
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson
Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch
Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
'Hold my purse.'
Who are you and how did you get in here? Frank: I'm a locksmith. And... I'm a locksmith...
If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.
Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.
Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
Phineas:Yeah, we're in Candace's body.
Ferb:That's creepy on SO many levels.
Danny:You are a seriously crazed up fruit-loop.
Phineas: Anyone else here living a double life?
(Ferb raises his hand)
Put your hand down, Ferb.
"Inter genre geek war!"
"Glorf!"
I sweated through my eyes in Phineas & Ferb Across the Second Dimension.
" O_O WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!"
Phineas:Yeah, we're in Candace's body.
Ferb:That's creepy on SO many levels.
Danny:You are a seriously crazed up fruit-loop.
Always fun to fangirl over two boys, with weird-shaped heads, and their platypus.
Phineas and Ferb3
Phineas:Yeah, we're in Candace's body.
Ferb:That's creepy on SO many levels.
Danny:You are a seriously crazed up fruit-loop.
Phineas & Ferb: Probably the only cartoon I'm not embarrassed to be a fan of.
"How about I give you an emotionally scarring front story?"
"That doesn't even make sense."
"It doesn't have to! I HAVE A MONSTER TRUCK!"
"It's evil. It's diabolical! It's LEMON SCENTED!"
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Playpus! How unexpected! And by unexpected, I mean...unexpected. What are you doing here? This is my week off!
The Ba-dink-a-dinks and Phineas: (in the toy factory) "Who the heck are you guys?"
"We are the Ba-dink-a-dinks! You set us free when you remodeled the factory. We'd been trapped in there for years, making foam peanuts and snipping the tabs off of plastic. WE WILL NOW LAY WASTE TO THE SURFACE DWELLERS!"
"...Okay then. Carry on."
Baljeet: (after Buford blows his trumpet again) Is that absolutely neccessary?
Buford: Does it bother you?
Baljeet: Well yes, a little bit.
Buford: Then yeah, it's neccessary
Baljeet: (sighs) All right, fair enough.
Ferb goes "Umm...That man isn't wearing any clothes" and sounds really scared .
Phineas:"Ferb and I are going to use a laser to carve our faces in the comet so that when it passes over again in 73 1/2 years, our grandchildren will see it. Oh yeah, and my parents are cooking steaks for everyone."
Isabella:"You had me at 'our grandchildren'...
Phineas:"What?"
Isabella:"'Steaks'! You had me at 'steaks'!"
Norm: Watcha doin'?
Doofenshmirtz: Whatcha do- what does it look like, I'm building an evil empire.
Norm: Aren't you a bit old to be building an evil empire?
Doofenshmirtz: No, no I'm not, shut up!
Ferb: In retrospect, I question the inclusion of a self destruct button in the first place.
Mom: So, where's this animation studio?
Candace: It got up. And it, danced away.
Mom: It, it, what?
Candace: It got up, and it, danced away.
Mom: It got up and it, danced away.
Candace: See? Even sounds crazy when you say it.
Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus! (Dramatic note plays) The disintavaporator! (Another deep note) My golf clubs! I don't even play golf.
Candace: ...well I'll always be his coup de crayon.
Ferb: You do realize that that's French for pencil neck?
Lawrence: Guys! Come and look at this! This is an exact replica of an artist's interpretation of what some random guy of no significance believed that the Chariot of Asparagus might have looked like!
Major Monogram: Good morning, Agent P. Dr. Doofenshmirtz is on the move. We tracked him at these coordinates, when we suddenly lost his signal. We have two scenarios to explain his disappearance. First, the magical elves have caused Dr. Doofenshmirtz to vanish to the land of angry corn people! The second, is that he may be on this secret hideout shaped island with the initial 'D' carved into it that the satelite's found in the...exact...spot...where he...vanished...Uh, you know what? Forget the magical elves thing...I was way off base with that.
Phineas: (of the Platypus monster in the story) How big was it?
Ferb's Grandpa: It was bigger than a refrigerator, but smaller than a really big refrigerator.
Grandpa Reg: My boy! What's this behind your ear? *pulls book out from behind Ferb's ear* It's me scrapbook.
Phineas: How'd you do that?
Grandpa Reg: It's just a bit of how's your father. I may seem like a bumey old ? now, but when I wasn't so long in the tooth, I had some grand larks and engaged in a fair amount of daring do.
Phineas (to Ferb): Translate?
Ferb: When he was younger, he did a bunch of stuff.
Monogram: Was that the hoverjet? Oh, no they di'int!
(Candace is 50 ft. tall)
Freak show host: Care to introduce me to your large friend?
Phineas: Oh, that's Candace, our sister. Our (snicker) big...sister. (holds back laughter)
Phineas: Yeah, we're in Candace's stomach.
Ferb: That's creepy on so many levels.
Phineas: Hey! Candace is on her date with Jeremy! Which means we're on a date with Jeremy.
Ferb: Again. Creepy on so many levels.
Candace: I'm calling Mom! (closes door then opens it) And I am NOT using the banana this time!
Phineas: You guys heard that, right? It wasn't just me?
(Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, and Candace are hit by Doofenshmirtz's Ball-Gown-inator, giving them dresses.)
Jeremy: Hey, Candace! Wow! You look beautiful! (sees the three kids) Uh... I guess you all look beautiful...
Dr. D: To add insult to injury, the Platypus is leading.
Unkown Guy: Actually, I was trying to avoid you!
Candace: Have I seen you before?
U. G: Nope. That's how good it's been working! Unknown guy is out, PEACE!
Candace: There you are! I order you to get out there and build a fort!
Phineas: But Candace, I thought you wanted us to take the day off and not annoy you!
Candace: Those kids next door are building a fort, and I WILL be annoyed if theirs is better than yours.
Phineas: Candace, we don't do this to compete. We do it for fun.
Ferb: And for the ladies... *seductive growl*
Phineas: OK, I've jerry-rigged Ferb's old GPS device to create a cute-tracker. It locks on to the cutest thing in the area, so it should lead us right to Meap! Let's see if we can get a signal. Got something!
Isabella: Oh, that's probably me. Sorry!
Phineas: No. It's three miles in that direction. Ferb, why don't you stay and finish the ship?(Ferb salutes yes)Isabella, wanna come and help me find Meap?
Isabella: Sure. I still have to get my "You Wouldn't Know Cute If It Bit Your Legs Off" accomplishment patch.
Phineas: Cool! Let's go.
Isabella: Grrrr!
Phineas: Hmm. I'm having trouble picking up Meap's cute signal.
Isabella: Phineas, since you obviously won't figure this out on your own, I think I'm the one causing the cute interference.
Phineas: Don't be silly, Isabella! I took into account your cuteness, and adjusted the cute meter settings accordingly from the beginning. See, look what happens when I change it back to normal.(the cute meter overloads and shorts out)Oops. So much for finding Meap.
Phineas: Do I know romance, or what?
Isabella: What.
Phineas: I said, Do I know ro-
Isabella: I heard you.
Isabella: Watcha doin'?
Phineas: Fixing a time machine.
Isabella: Isn't that kind of impossible?
Phineas: That's a possibility.
Stacy:What's this? Dancing weasels?
Stacy:Oh, busted. You want me to bust your brothers. You know you really gotta work on your penmanship.
Phineas:Hmm... weasels... I think she means it.
Stacy:I knew they were weasels!
Ah, agent P! We've just discovered Doofenshmirtz has been stealing bottles from recycling bins, and nothing good could come from that! ... Unless, of course, he's recycling, in which case nothing but good could come from that! Unless he's recycling it into some hideous weapon, which is something once again no good could come from. Except, of course for the recycling part, which i guess is still, at it's essence good. Even if you're making something evil with it, it's still reducing the- Y'know, y'know, perhaps we shouldn't even put these ''Good and Evil'' Labels on things... Let's just say Doofenshmirtz is doing something neutral, so just get out there and make sure it stays like that!
Phineas: We'll build the best dang car wash in the whole dang world, dang it....I...I can't really pull that off, can I?
Ferb: You're not very street.
Baljeet: I do not even know how to act in front of a girl! i do not even know what girls like!
Phineas: Hmmm... Isn't it like, sugar and spice, and everything nice?
Baljeet: That is what they are made of! I do not want to build one! Duh!
Major Monogram: ...The fate of the world rests entirely in your hands!
Lawrence walks in.
Lawrence: What, the fate of the world?
Major Monogram: Uh... Good Morning! Welcome to our telethon! I-if you're just joining us your dollars are helping us to find a cure for, um... antidisestablishmentarianism!
Lawrence: Goodness me, that sounds dreadful!
Major Monogram: Oh, it is! It, um, makes you look pale and weak like, uh...*Monogram pulls Carl on screen* ...this young lad!
Lawrence Fletcher: Oh, dear, the poor thing, look at that. Wait a minute! Antidisestablishmentarianism? That's more of an ideological stance than a disease, isn't it?
*Monogram shoves Carl off screen*
Major Monogram: Ah, well, look at that! Seems they've just found a cure! Thanks to all the viewers who donated. Bye now!
Phineas: i forgot we made buford the boss its a little disturbing having him chase after us but it made him so happy.
Candace: how am i suppose to get ready in 20 seconds.
(phineas, ferb and isabella get hit by ball gown-inator)
ferb: apparently do what we did.
Candace: hey isn't it a little early to start building another crazy contraption.
Phineas: oh this no were still cleaning up from last night... its weird the clean up normally takes care of itself but we've been working all night on this one. it was our biggest project ever how could you miss it.
Isabella: hello hippy dude. excuuuu ssss me me me
hippy dude: wow you just harmonized with me.
hippy dude: not to fret my pet there is still one soul marocco nut tree left in existence its over at the old abandoned old abandoned amusement part down town.
Isabella: wait did you just say old abandoned old abandoned.
Hippy dude: yes the old abandoned old abandoned amusement park.
Isabella: old abandoned twice?
hippy dude: that's right
Isabella: don't bring that smack talk around here this is my house!
Phineas: tectonically it's our garage.
Ferb: she's on a roll.
Isabella: you ok Candace?
Candace: i feel like a ka-bob
Baljeet: i too feel a certain element of ka-bobisium
Buford: i said quite you!
Buford: Help, my nerd is stuck in a tree! Look, it's your favorite calculator, and some math problems!
Baljeet:Oh, fractions?
Baljeet: You can build a roller coaster in a day, but it takes you twelve minutes to pump up a tire?
Isabella: Hi, Phineas.
Buford: Whatcha do-
Isabella: Whatcha doin'?
Phineas: Come in the Phineas and Ferb Studios, and we'll show you.
Buford: Hey, Isabella. About that "Whatcha doin'?" back there.
Isabella: Ah-bub-bub! We'll talk about it later.
Buford: What kind of fun can we have when it's raining?
Isabella: We could talk about our feelings.
Buford: OK, I'll rephrase that. What kind of fun can we have when it's raining?
Doofenshmirtz:You see it occurred to me that what I really should be doing is fighting fire with fire. And by fire, I mean Perry the Platypus, and by fire, I ALSO mean Perry the Platypus. It occurred to me while I was on fire.
Stacy:Alright, twerps, listen up! Candace is out sick, so today, I'm her eyes, ears, nose, and mouth. Basically, her whole face. And she told me to give you this!(hands Phineas the notepad)
Phineas:Weasels? I think she really means it, Ferb.
Stacy:HAH! I knew there were weasels!
Ferb: Well, it was definitely better than the gorilla [he pronounces it "goriller"] in the cake.
Grandpa Reg: Well, these two roister-doisters wheeled out me old iron, built a crackin' match for McGregor's Gorge, and helped this daft ol' ? have one last knees-up.
[Phineas looks at Ferb]
Ferb: ...I have absolutely no idea.
Buford:Wait but i still haven't got my cheese... cheese...wombat!...cheese!.
Buford:Huh my echo must be broken.
"Now we've done it Ferb! We've brought the entire Convention Center to the brink of an inter-genre geek war!" ~ Phineas
"Moooooooom!" "Candace? What's wrong?" "Phineas and Ferb are increasing public awareness of the shoelace...tip...thing." "Who knew people could get so worked up over aglets?" *holds up aglet awarness ribbons" "Noo!" ~Candace and Linda
Doof: Man, if I had a nickel for everytime I've been doomed by a puppet I'd have...two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it's happened twice, right?
Phineas: This is were you disappear off to everyday? You come here and fight this guy? (points to Doof 2).
Doof: Actually, he fights me, he doesn't really know this guy.
Phineas: You fight a pharmacist? Why would you even do that?
(After Perry walks off to hand himself over to Doof 2).
Phineas: I never thought you could spell "platypus" without "us." (leaves).
Ferb: Well you can, but it would be "platyp."
Normbot: I use aggression to mask my insecurities.
Phineas 2: Other dimensions? Is that allowed?
Phineas: Apparently.
(Phineas refuses to fix the Other-Dimensioninator for Doof 2).
Doof 2: Very well, you've forced me to bring out the big guns (reaches into his jacket and pulls out a hand puppet) (in squeaky voice) fix my machine!
Phineas: No.
Doof 2: Really? When I was your age I did everything a puppet told me to.
Phineas: How old do you think I am?
Doof 2: I don't know, one, two...it's kind of hard to tell with the one eye.