Title: Can't Let You Go
Characters/Pairing: Logan/Veronica (with appearances by Mac, Dick, Charlie, Keith, Weevil, and Wallace)
Rating: PG13
Author: Linda
A/N: This is my version of what I would have liked to have seen on VM post season 3. Consider this my version of season 4 and the next few years thereafter. It's split up in 17 different parts and some could be read as standalones (ie part 2 and 3). Just for the record - I flove angst. My dear Tanya hates it with a passion of a thousand burning suns. If I had my way there would be a lot more angst in this fic, but alas, Tanya would never forgive me if I went that way. This one isn't all happy fluffy goodness, but it's close. Dedicated, as always, to my sis/bff/beta, Tanya. Happy belated birthday/X-Mas/New Year/MLK day, chick! One day, I promise, I'll have something done for you when you ask for it. Maybe.
Disclaimer: I don't own Logan (aww). I don't own Veronica. I don't own any part of VM. If I did, I'd be, you know, rich and stuff. Alas, I am not. VM and all characters are the property of the UPN/CW and Rob Thomas. Don't sue me please, it'd be much appreciated.
Part 1
August 2007
Logan and Veronica had broken up so many times that Logan couldn't keep track anymore. Each time they ended things, Logan thought that was the last.
He couldn't have been more wrong.
Right before they were to begin their sophomore year at Hearst, Veronica had dumped Piz. At first Logan wasn't sure what had happened. He just knew that Veronica had called things off. It wasn't until a few weeks later that he was told the truth from Veronica herself.
Parker had convinced Veronica to go with her to a campus party where she accidentally ran into Logan. She had already had a few beers in her and her tongue was loose so she was more than willing to fill Logan in on all of the gory details.
Two months after the semester had ended, Piz had cheated on Veronica with some little hussy from his Psychology class. Logan was surprised Veronica had kept the truth from him for so long. And she admitted that she wanted to take care of Piz in her own way instead of Logan coming to her defense as always. Logan was upset, but he told himself he had no reason to. He and Veronica were over after all. They proceeded to get drunk together as Veronica bitched about her failed relationship and Logan filled her in on the latest casualty of his heart.
It had taken them a few hours, but somehow they had ended up at Logan's new apartment where they proceeded to have some amazing drunken sex. The next morning they agreed that it couldn't happen again and decided to continue the friend route as that seemed the safest way to go.
It only took a week for Veronica to show up at his door again. He had almost bitten and slept with her once more, but loud warning bells were going off in his head. He had pushed her back gently and she looked up at him with curious eyes.
"We can't do this, Veronica. I can't. Not again."
She frowned up at him. "Logan, we'll make it work this time."
He snorted and pulled on his discarded t-shirt. "No, we'll end up hating each other. Or more specifically, you hating me for doing something I do that you don't approve of."
She frowned, crossing her arms over her chest. "You make me out to be some horrible bitch."
He shrugged lightly. "I'm not saying that. You know how that saying goes - 'Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me'. How many times have we tried to be together, Veronica? Every time it ends in disaster. I'm never good enough or I do something you don't agree with and we fight."
She chewed on her bottom lip. "Was it really that bad?"
"The last time we tried this," he motioned between the two of them, "we broke up and you told me I was out of your life for good."
She winced at that and shook her head quickly. "I said that after you pulled that shit with Piz."
An eyebrow went up at her line of defense. "Does it really matter when you said it? You said it, Veronica, not me. How long did it take you to let me back in? Months. Is that what you want to happen again? Seriously? You have these walls and you don't let me in. You don't trust me as far as you can throw me. What kind of relationship is that? Hell, Veronica, we even fight after sex."
She frowned and looked down toward the ground.
"You know I'm right," he sighed.
She simply nodded.
"Besides, I think Dick will kill me if I sit around and mope all day again because we break up one more time."
"But . . . God, Logan . . . I . . . I l-love you."
He smiled and shook his head sadly. "That almost killed you to say that, didn't it? Do you realize that's the first time you've said that to me?"
Her frown deepened. "No. No, I know I've said --"
"You've said a lot of things. But you've never actually said that. Those three words together in a sentence. It doesn't mean I don't love you back, because I do. I never stopped . . ."
"Logan--"
"I can't do it, Veronica. I just can't go thru the routine of thinking everything's ok, only for the next day to come to realize how wrong I was. You know I'm right."
"Relationships aren't easy, Logan. You can't expect ours to be any different."
"There's hard and then there's impossible. Us together . . . it just doesn't work. You're always gonna want the nice normal guy. Not the 'bad boyfriend' type. And I just think I'll never be the nice guy you want. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, Veronica, but I don't want to get hurt either. This . . . us . . . it's just going to cause us misery in the end and I think you know that too."
She had left his apartment in tears and he had almost gone after her to take it all back. But his will was stronger this time around. He knew that if they had gotten back together then, they would have been miserable. He'd come to regret his decision a few times over the next few months, but he knew deep in his gut he had made the right choice. As much as he loved Veronica, he knew he had to let her go.