I don't own Twilight or any of the characters or places. Although I wish I did because then I would be rich like Stephenie Meyer.

Chapter 1

Selfish

To say that everything had gone back to normal would be a terrible lie. Edward was back at my side quite literally 24/7, much to Charlie's chagrin. Jacob, however, was avoiding me entirely. I called at least once a day and had even driven down to La Push once. Billy always said he was out. It wasn't hard to guess why. I had betrayed him in the worst way. Jacob, who never left my side during what was inarguably the darkest period of my life so far. I dumped him as soon as Edward, a vampire who happened to be his sworn enemy, returned.

Most days, I despised myself.

Edward knew something was wrong. He constantly asked me to tell him what was going through my mind when my eyes got that faraway look. I refused, although I suspected he already knew. It was a tedious scene. On one such afternoon, we were sitting at my kitchen table doing homework.

It felt as if every teacher decided to assign a paper on the same week. If Victoria didn't finish me off, all of this homework was going to do the job for her. I was halfway through my English essay on Wuthering Heights when Edward cleared his throat. I kept my eyes glued to the book, feigning concentration.

"Bella," he said, his clear voice filling the silence.

I sighed and set my pencil down as I met his eyes.

"Please tell me what you are thinking."

His topaz eyes were pleading and would have been enough to coax the truth out of me before I was experienced enough to evade his intentional charm.

"I'm thinking senior year is going to kill me," I said.

He frowned. "Don't say that."

I almost grinned when I realized he was thinking about his reluctant agreement to change me after graduation. Then I frowned as well when I remembered my end of the deal. Marriage.

How was I supposed to think about marrying Edward when there were still so many loose ends left to be tied up in my life? Which brought me back to my original source of frustration: Jacob.

"Do you have any idea how crazy you make me?" Edward asked, exasperated.

I met his eyes again and weighed the consequences of telling him the truth and the conversation that would follow. He would undoubtedly not like that Jacob was consuming so many of my thoughts, but I didn't see that changing anytime soon. I decided it was better to get it over with.

"It's Jacob," I admitted.

I measured the impact of my words in his eyes. I swear they turned darker.

"I see," he said with careful control in his tone.

"You asked," I shrugged.

I picked up my pencil again hoping, in vain, that he would let it go.

"Of all people, you had to keep company with werewolves," he said.

There was definitely regret mixed with his frustration. I had been sympathetic and reassuring of his doubt for weeks, but it was starting to get under my skin. He was the one that left, after all. It was out of that pent up annoyance that I snapped.

"Well, you weren't here. Did you expect me to sit in my room for the rest of my life?"

He looked at me with his eyes wide in surprise. It was very rare for me to bring up the time that Edward left. Then they narrowed.

"No, I expected you to spend time with your friends from school. Jessica, Angela, Eric, and Mike. Eventually, I expected you to move on with one of your many admirers. That's what any normal person would do. You, however, have a knack for finding exactly what's worst for you."

We stared at each other with hard expressions for a long moment.

"Is that what you think Jacob is?" I asked.

"No," he said, his glance falling to the ground. "That's what I am. Jacob, however, isn't a whole lot better. Do you have any idea how dangerous it is for you to spend any amount of time with him, Bella? He can't control himself like we can. If he were to get angry for one second…"

He let his sentence trail off. I knew the danger he spoke of was real. Had I not seen Emily's scarred face? However, he had one part wrong.

"You don't know Jacob," I said. "You weren't here to see how much it hurt him to push me away when he realized what he was or how he found a way around Sam's gag order so that he could keep his promise. Jacob never tries to hurt me, but all I do is hurt him. Can't you see that?"

One glance at Edward's face told me I had taken my little rant too far. The guilt rolling off of him was nearly tangible. I reached for his hand.

"Edward, I'm sorry –"

"Don't be," he interrupted. "It's my fault you had to turn to him in the first place. He kept his promise when I didn't. It's entirely my fault you feel this… obligation to him."

There was that damn self-pity again.

"Jacob is not an obligation," I spit the word with more venom than necessary. "He is my best friend, and I need to do something to fix the pain I'm causing him."

"I'm afraid I can't let you do that," Edward said.

"Excuse me?" I asked.

He said, "You can't spend any more time at the reservation. I can't protect you there."

"Edward," my voice softened. "I know you mean well, but I'm not asking you to protect me or for your permission. I'll be perfectly safe there with the pack looking out for Victoria. I'm only asking that you support my efforts to try and fix my friendship with Jake."

"Are you trying to drive me insane?" he asked loudly with more anger than I had ever seen in his angel eyes. At least, more than I had ever seen directed at me.

"No, I think I'm being quite reasonable," I retorted, thankful that Charlie wasn't home from work yet. I didn't want to imagine his reaction to the scene unfolding in his kitchen.

We stared each other down in an unprecedented show of stubbornness. The tension was tangible when the sharp ring of the phone cut through it like a knife. I leapt from my chair and answered.

"Bella, this is Emily."

I locked eyes with Edward and looked away when I saw his fist clench.

"What's wrong? Is it Jake?" I asked.

"The boys were out last night doing their rounds, and there was an accident," she hedged.

I felt the blood drain completely from my face. "Emily, what happened?"

"Jake is okay, but he's pretty banged up. He would kill me if he knew I called, but I think you should come see him."

"I'm on the way," I promised and hung up the phone.

I quickly ascended the stairs and grabbed my keys and rain jacket from my room. When I reached the bottom of the stairs again, Edward was standing in front of me holding a small black object.

"What is that?" I asked. "and if you say it came out of my truck, I swear I will never forgive you."

"I'm sorry," he murmured. "I can't stand by and watch you put yourself in danger like this."

The anger swelled inside me like a hurricane, but I simply said, "Fine."

With controlled and deliberate steps, I picked up the phone again and pushed the buttons with more force than necessary. It rang twice before she picked up.

"Hello?"

"Emily," I said, "would you mind picking me up? There was a problem with my truck."

"Of course," she said. "I'll be there in fifteen minutes."

"Thank you," I said, my voice infused with gratitude at her kindness.

I hung up and met Edward's furious gaze.

"You're unbelievable," he said.

I ignored him and crossed my arms stubbornly across my chest. "Emily will be here to get me in fifteen minutes. Unless you want to be here when she arrives, I suggest you leave."

He chuckled darkly. "Oh, believe me, you don't want me to be here when she does."

Then, just like that, he was gone. I knew I would have to smooth things over with him later, but this was one fight I was not willing to lose.

I scribbled a quick note to let Charlie know I was at the reservation. I smiled as I thought about how much he would like that. He had been pestering me for weeks about how it was wrong for me to abandon Jacob. If he only knew the truth. Suddenly, I heard Emily's car and raced out the door and through the pouring rain. I had never given much thought to what anyone other than Jacob drove on the reservation, but Emily's choice of vehicle suited her. It was a practical but still stylish deep red Jeep Liberty. I opened the passenger side door and hopped in.

"Thank you so much for picking me up," I said.

"You're welcome," she smiled as she backed into the street. "What's wrong with your truck?"

I grimaced. "I'm not sure, but I'll be getting it checked out immediately."

If it wasn't fixed by the time I got home, I was going to go to the Cullens' house and hunt down the part Edward stole myself. I hoped Alice saw that.

In what felt like five minutes, we were parked in front of the Blacks' house. Emily and I hopped out, and I followed her into the warm living room. Billy and Sam were seated on the shabby couch and both tensed as soon as they saw me.

"I asked her to come," Emily said. "Jake needs to see her."

"That wasn't your decision to make," Sam said. "She betrayed us."

"I—I'm sorry," I stammered. "You have to believe I wouldn't hurt Jacob on purpose."

I stared directly at Billy as I finished my clumsy apology. His accusing gaze held no trace of forgiveness, but he finally sighed.

He said, "He's in his room, but don't be surprised if he doesn't want to see you."

I nodded and slowly made my way down the dark hallway to Jacob's half open door. I stopped outside and took a deep breath. Just as I raised my hand to knock, a voice from the inside called, "Come in, Bella."

I slipped through the doorway and stood awkwardly just inside the room. Jacob was lying on his bed with his foot propped up on a stack of magazines and his hands behind his head. There were dark circles under his eyes and he had definitely lost weight.

"Did you drive all this way just to stand there and look at me? I could have just sent a picture with Emily," he asked sarcastically.

I laughed a little and said, "You look awful, Jake."

He sighed, "Thanks, Bells."

I suddenly noticed the only light in the room was coming from the overcast sky outside.

"Why is it so dark in here?" I asked.

He pointed to his head. "Concussion."

"Oh," I said.

Another quiet moment passed before he sighed and scooted over on the small bed until he was touching the wall. "Get over here, Bella."

I cautiously crossed the room and sat on the side of his bed.

"What does Edward think about you coming to see me?" he asked.

I felt myself stiffen at the mention of my boyfriend's name. "He doesn't approve."

Jacob chuckled. "But you came anyway?"

"I didn't ask for his permission," I said shortly.

Jacob smiled approvingly. "That's my girl."

I laughed despite myself and said, "I miss you, Jake."

His expression turned serious. "I miss you too, Bella. You have no idea how much."

"Then why won't you answer any of my calls?" I asked, suddenly angry. "I drove down here last week, you know."

"I know," he admitted. "Billy told me."

"So?" I asked.

"It's not that simple, Bella," he said, frustration coloring his words. "I wish we could spend every afternoon together like we used to, but can't you see why that won't work?"

I thought about his question. Yes, I could see why it wouldn't work. Edward would be worried sick every second he couldn't rely on his thoughts or Alice's vision to know that I'm okay. Then there's the fact that it wasn't fair to let Jacob keep loving me while I loved Edward. And I didn't want to live without either of them. It was definitely a dilemma.

Jacob gently took my hand in his. I closed my eyes and tried to commit the warmth of it to memory. As if he could read my mind, he said, "I love you, Bella, but you chose him. I can't keep torturing myself just to nurse my feelings for you. We've both got to move on."

In every logical part of my mind, I knew he was right. However, it wasn't logic that compelled me to make the trip to La Push. With a small voice, I said, "But I don't want to move on."

He used his other hand to turn my face toward his and wiped away the tear that was trailing slowly down my cheek.

"Then I guess you're going to have to decide what that means," he said.

I nodded. It was the question that had burned in my mind for weeks. Why couldn't I just let Jacob go?

I looked again at the broken boy beside me and sighed. That was a thought for another time. Jacob needed me now. I slowly slid down and let my head rest on his chest. He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me close.

He breathed against my hair, "Is it very selfish for me to never want to let you leave?"

"Yes," I said. "But I'm selfish enough to not want to go."

I thought about Edward and the anger I would have to face when I returned. Yes, I was very selfish.