I don't own the characters. They are owned by NBC and Michael Crichton and all those who write, produce, and etc…ER. If I did own ER, Neela and Ray would be together…since they're PERFECT for each other.

Anyhow, this is a little Ray drabble. I was listening to Sinatra (sruprised? LoL)and this popped into my head. It may not be the best, but after not having a computer for a year, this was…well, my muses are a little rusty. Hope you enjoy anyhow!

I have issues. Let's not play games and lie here. I have real issues. I go into 'self pity' mode when nothing else works. I take things too personally sometimes. I jump to conclusions…sometimes too readily.

And I pay the price for that. Let me give you an example.

This was from a letter that I got from her yesterday:

It was always unsaid. Both of us knew it and yet both of us…I'd dare say mostly me…tried to fight and deny it. But, I knew that I loved you…more than I could have ever imagined loving someone. I'm going to tell you something now that I should have told you a long time ago. Before Michael. Before Tony. Before this. I don't know when, Ray, nor do I know how, but I fell in love with you. I never thought that I'd ever lose you and I'm sorry that I took you, your friendship, and your love for granted.

Yeah. She loves me. Or, rather she did. She never specified in her letter if she still does or not. I don't know. What I do know is that I have issues.

Issues. So easy to talk about having them, but not easy enough to actually talk about what they are. Okay. Here is Ray Barnett's issues. No bullshit. Nothing. This is the honest truth. I also broke one of my own rules: Never fall in love. I fell in love with someone out of my league.

I fell in love with a dark eyed beauty from London. It's bad enough to fall in love with someone who is totally out of your league, but to have that same person be your roomie, well, that's plain stupid.

I trusted her, ya know. I trusted that she would love me as much as I loved her.

Issues, man. Issues. I have them. Tony Gates was the cause of my biggest issue. How she could even think of sleeping with the slime bag, I'll never know. In fact, her relationship with him is why I'm here, back home in Baton Rouge, recovering from a double BTK amp. Okay, yeah. I was the one that decided to drink a little more rather than go home, but I wouldn't have if I hadn't seen him with her or if he hadn't hit me first.

I fell in love. I got stupid. But, wait! There's more! She goes on later in her letter about a certain shirt she lifted from me.

I never meant for you to get hurt…either physically or emotionally. It happened and I'm truly sorry for it. If I could redo it all, I would have never married Michael. I'd tell you but I think that since I've always been the type that played safe, I couldn't have done anything but marry him. Ray, I took that shirt of yours (which I know I refused to take when offered) because it smelled of you. I felt that, no matter what shift you worked or what you were doing with the band (or any random groupie) you were there, in my room, with me. I couldn't take the shirt simply because I was married. I wish I had it now.

Issues. Serious issues. Okay…would I have even been here if she had just said that two years ago? Hell now. But, this is Ray. This is me. Self-pitying in an emo sort of way. Maybe eth best way to deal with the issue is, like Neela, ignore it. I'll try it her way. I let you know how it goes later.