Not sure how and if I'm gonna continue this. I hope you like it and all. Tell me what you think and review.

Warnings: It starts with NaruSaku, but it changes. I hate that pairing anyways. NaruSasuNaru.

Disclaimer: blah blah you know the fucking drill. If I fucking owned it…

Sakura's Boyfriends

Sakura Haruno knew how to pick her boyfriends.

She had this kind of minx-like grace and the slim, model-like figure for the straights viewing pleasure. Her shamrock eyes were piercing and sharp, and her hair, which was pink (?), appeared (and proved) to be soft to the touch and her skin was ivory and soft. She was girly. The perfect girly girl that likes pink and wears pink shit all the time. She probably cries at every slightly touching movie and is scared to death of bees and pretty much everything that is cock-roachy and bug-like. It takes an hour for her to be ready for a date and she always, always wears lip-gloss.

But she knew how to pick her boyfriends.

Her attitude wasn't all giggly and full of rambling bullshit. She wasn't corny and she wasn't a cock-tease. She could play seductive and she had brains.

Sakura Haruno was a bitch that knew how to pick her fucking boyfriends.

"Guys, this is Naruto-kun, my boyfriend." The Time of Shocked Gawking is now taking place and probably will continue to take place in the next minute and forty three seconds since,

…this…Naruto is…certainly something.

Exactly one minute and forty three minutes The Time of Shocked Gawking-chan is finally over and now The Suspicious Will-you-fuck-our-sweet-Sakura-and-ditch-her-like-a-fucking-douche Intense Staring is taking place and probably will continue to take place for the next fifty-seven point one seconds since,

…this…Naruto is…certainly something.

After fifty-seven point one seconds Sakura's most loyal friends are done playing hard-to-get and shake his hand and pat him on the back and smile at his handsome and embarrassed face.

Now, this process is known and worn out almost as much as Kakashi's porn book. See, Sakura is a very spiritual person and so she enjoys going to places such as India and Thailand and Amsterdam to find herself. She always comes back with amazing pot, an awesome tan, a new blender, and a new, most hot boyfriend.

Nicolas, for instance, her Dutch boyfriend, owned a small Auto-Repair shop in wherever the fuck he was living and survived with Sakura for two weeks. He sure was a looker. Could definitely approve in the Knowing English department but he was favorable.

Abdul-Azeez (can you imagine what it's like to scream 'I'M COMING, ABDUL-AZEEZ!' or 'ABDUL-AZEEZ, HARDER!' Seriously, WTF?), wasn't a looker, but he was spiritual, in that 'let's-smoke-some-dope-and-realize-what's-the-meaning-of-life' kinda spiritual and that was what Sakura needed at the time. He did have a good influence on her. But he was weird, and while Sakura's friends were all supportive and shit of him they really despised his guts. He had a band no one heard of that consisted of him and his Iguana, Mumtaz, who could whip a person with its tongue if one pissed it off.

Ratsami was a surfer. And he was fucking good at that shit too. He had the grayest eyes a person could have and it completely through off the tan color of his skin. He was a looker and real nice too. But the stupid fucker fell for Sakura and Sakura doesn't do love.

But damn, she sure knew how to pick them.

Uzochi was African, and he was probably one of the scariest guys Konoha's peoples ever laid eyes on. Mind the fact that he was black (and when they say black they don't mean like a very dark brown, they mean black like pupil black. Fucking black like a damn tattoo. Of course then they realized he was really…uh, normally black, only he fucking tattooed his entire body black.) He was possessive like all sweet mother Teresa's fuck, to the point of shooting a dude for staring at her legs.

Sakura had nice legs.

She really was for him in the beginning but soon it began to scare her too. And she missed when guys stared at her legs. So that was one nasty breakup. Apparently he was all bark and no bite, so he just took off. It was a celebrated day.

And now, this…Naruto.

Sasuke scowled. He could practically smell trouble oozing out of his skin. And also…sunflower seeds, and…earth…and Lynx deodorant. Shit, he smelled good. "Naruto, meet my best friend, Sasuke." Sasuke scrunched his nose distastefully and raised his head haughtily in the air. "Sorry, I'd love catching up, but Itachi asked me to call him."

"Oh, come on, Sasuke, it's rude to just—"

"He said it's urgent." Sakura's pixy eyes bored into his, telling him this wasn't the end of the discussion, and he nodded. She sighed. "Fine, go, workaholic." He rolled his eyes and made a step to the door.

"Jee, what crawled up his ass and died?" He froze mid-step. "Excuse me?" Naruto's honest, intense blue eyes landed on his in an analyzing state. "Look at your mimics. You're stiff like a hard-on and your nails are making holes in your hands. Your head is up and you look like an annoying, stuck-up rich kid who can hardly shit with that lodged rod up his ass."

Naruto was a dead man. With a been-with-Sasuke-enough-time-to-realize wail, the raven haired teen launched himself upon a idiotically smirking moron who had to audacity to look amused. Fucking goof. He landed on a very hard chest.

Nothing happened.

Naruto was exactly where he was two point seven seconds ago. But that couldn't be, since Sasuke, who is not an anorexic, literally jumped him. Like a damn rock. "The fuck?"

"You are one hard mother-fucker." Sakura blushed. If one had a microscope that moment he'd see a faint pink hue on Sasuke's cheeks. Hinata looked like she was going to erupt into a fountain of blood. Kiba was smirking. Shikamaru was snoring. Ino was giggling. "Uh…Kiba-kun?" Kiba turned to Sakura with honest innocence. Sakura sighed. "Ugh…Naruto, should we go to my room?"

"Right behind you, babe."

Naruto was something special. Naruto was hot. Like, on fire kind of hot. He looked earthly, tribal-ish, elementary. He had something so true and honest about his beauty, something so genuine.

Curse Sakura for her taste.

AAAAAAAAAAND! That's the first chapter for ya! Hoped you enjoyed it!

R&R

~whitedevil