AN: Hey, everyone! I've been wanting to write a fanfic for Little Witch Academia, and I was suddenly struck with the GREATEST IDEA EVER! This story is perfect in every way SO ENJOY! (Warning: this is a parody. It features many out of character moments, so don't read it if this is not your cup of tea.)

Chapter 1: No money mo problems

ONE DAY IN ANGLAND:

There was ones a girl named Diana Cavendish and she was smart and pretty and talented but sbes not a marysue because she's also a BITCH! She has 2 dum friends names Hana and Babrah that fuckin suck.

Anywai, it is now Sumer vacacion and diana is ready 2 go back to her fancy rich house where her ant lives.

AT THE CAVENDISHK HOOSEHOLD or is it?!

Die Ana got bakc home in her fancy limo cus shes fukin Rich. But when she got to her house...IT WASNT THERE!?

"What the bloody hell where is my house?!"

One of her old butlers was sitting in a cardboard box beging for money.

"Im sorey Diana but the house has been teared down. Your aunt became addicted to meth and sold the house to pay for her drugs. Now it's being turned into a walmart."

"I say, what utter rubbish nonsense! I cannot believe that my good for nothing ant would do something such as that! Now where will I live?"

"Im sorey miss cavendish but you dont have anywher to live, you are homeless like the rest of us."

The butler pointed to the rest of the former house staff, who are looking for food in the trash and sleeping on the ground in tattered cloths.

"Poppycock!" exclaimed Diana. "We must earn back money so that we can buy back a home! I could ask andreww for help, because he still contains many riches, but that is the most undesirable outcome as NO ONE CAN KNOW WHAT HAS HAPPENED! Tell no one of this I don't want akko or andrww or hannnah or babarah to know how poor I am!"

And so fiana and the rest of her former staff, who aboot ten were still alive (the others froze to deatth), decided to trek to the nearestby city for searching for a job. Diiina couldnt fly there becos Akko broke her broom during broom practice and diana was just gonna buy a new one when she got back BUT NOW SHE CANT BECOS SHE HAS NO MONS!

IN LONDEN:

Our good formerlyrich girl Diana is now in the city of London, weeks later. It took so long to get there because they had to walk until they sneaked into a truck that took them to london.

"Now that we are in the city known as London, what shall I be occupating at this time?" asked Diana.

"Hey look a mcdonalds you can work there!" said Butler.

"GAAAASP!" gasped Diana. "B-but t-tthats DISGUSTING I CANNOT ENTER SUCH AN ABOMINABLE ESTABLISHMENT!"

"If you don't take w job then you'll never stop being homeless!"

"UGH FINE!"

In el mxdolonds:

"Pardon me my fine sir, but I would like to apply for a position in this eating locale," said Dian to the manager.

"Sprry we dont have any openings."

"PLEAS MY GOOD CHAP I AM HONELESS AND AM IN NEED OF A HUMBLE ABODE TO CALL MY OWN, please adjourn me with a position at this gastronomic adress!"

"Ok i gess so."

And so daiana got a job at mcDolands.

"I may not enjoy working at such a lowly place such as this, but now that I am I will be the best bloody chef the world has ever known!"

Diana quickly started cooking the french fries but she was so good that the fries tasted the greatest anyone has ever had.

"How do you make so great fries?" axed a customer.

"I gess I am just that good," said Diana like the smug snek she is.

She was so good that she started gooking the burgers as welk and they became super delicioso.

Dianas cooking causes that mcdolokikds to become world fanous as the best macdonalds in the univers. And this all happened in just that afternoob.

Crowds flooked knto the restraint to try the yums, when suddenly...

"Disna is that you?" It was...Havana and Bartra! They were horrified to see diaba in such a lowly place.

"WAIT IT IS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!"

"Diana why are you working in a place for the working man?" ded Hanamaru.

"I am not occupating in this establishment because i am poor I am volunteereing because I am a good person!"

"Oh ok well we'll see u later then," sed Babba with relief as they goth left.

"That was a close one," said diana.

And at the end of the day Dian went hom to the box she lives in when suffenly...Hannah and Barbados came back!

"DIANA WHAY ARE HOU DOING LIVING IN A BOX ARE U HOMELES?"

"NO BLOODY HELL I AM NOT HIMELESS THIS SITUATION IS ALL JUST A LARGE MISUNDERSTANDING!"

But the birchy duo didn't believe her.

"D-diana What happened why are u like this?" cried hahana with tears.

"We wil help u diana we can get you money back so you can have a home," sed blabra. "I'll become a prostitute 2 pay for a home for u!"

"Me 2!"

"MY LOYAL COMPANIONS NO I DO NOT NEED ANY BLLOODY HELP I AM PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLY FINE!"

"Thats it were calling akko! She's on vacacion in england and she can com halp cuz were 2 shitty 2 do it ourselfs."

"NOOOOOO AKKKO CANNOT SEE ME LIKE THIS!1111"

"Were sorey but this is wat we have to do," said hammah.

Diiana ran away screeming into the city.

A few hours later disba stkpped running and ran into...Aakko!

"Konichiwa diana-chan, hana and babra told me that u r homeless and im here 2 halpu!"

"IM NOT HOMELESS!"

"Their is no reason to be in denialu I am your tomodachi and will help You! I have an idea since my parents broughtu me here on a busines tripu you can stay with me! WE CAN BE ROOMIES SUGOI!"

"Shit," said diana.

And so akko forcefully dragged Diana to her hotel room.

"Okay dianachan meet my parents!"

"Konichiwa," said Allo's dad.

"We heard so much about u form akko!" saidakkosmom. "Akko talks about u evry dai. She has pictures of u all over her room and she has a body pillow of u that she sleeps with evry nite."

"Wtf?" said diana.

"Haha very funny mom," said akko worriedly.

Suddenly the FBI kicked down the door to the hotel room as everyone started screaming.

A FEW MINUTES LATER:

"Okay my parents were arrested by the fbi for apparently smugling cocaine so idont have anywhere 2 stay rightu now so I guess Im homeless 2! We can be homeless together! BESTIES! Its like a sleepover!"

"I say, this unpleasant situation is the most unfortunate scenario that could ever possibly occur," muttered dianan.

LATER:

Diana and Akko were both wearing tattered clothes on the side of the street. All of the butlers and other house staff went missing so the two of them are the only 1s left. Diana was starting a fire while Akko aksed for money.

"Please-u money we just need money to survive please!" yelled Akko. she put on a show doing a little dance number but no one gave her omoney.

THey also cant use magic becos kaako accdientally broke both of there wands and theyir to broke to buy a new one.

"MONEY! MONEY! PLEASE MONEY IM HUNGRY I HAVENT EATEN IN DAYS!" but evry1 ignored her cuz there racist.

Eventuallly the crowdds went away becos it was 2 late and Diana cooked a pidgeon they killed and they both ate it.

"OK I guess its bedu timeu!" excl ako. "I only have one sleeping bagu so I GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO SHARE!"

"I hate my life," said diina but she was sucretly happy becos shes gay.

MEANWHILE AT LUNO NOVO:

Constantze stayed over during the summer bgecause her parents were killed by zombies and she has nowhere 2 live. She had her secret bunker underground that no one else knows aboot and has been secretly living theer.

"Hey whats that?" asked stanbot looking at the machine Constant was building. But she ignored the robot.

"Hey fuckin tell me what ur building u bitch," said stabnot. Costanza gave it a middle finger and kept working as it left in angre.

and so she finally finished her machine...A TIME MACHINE!

She decided that she would only use it if something really bad happened like if Luna nova exploded or some shit. But its not like that's going to happen, right? WRONG Little does she know that there is a nuclear warhead inside of luna nova right now set to expleode when school starts!

TO BE CONTINUED!