This is the product of 3 special minds.
We own nothing
"Wake UP, Potter!"
I jolted upright. I hadn't even realised when I drifted off on my desk to the gorgeous buttery drawl of Snape's voice, explaining the composition of some boring potion to the class. I had been having a very nice dream….. but anyways
"Just because you are a first year," Snape snarled, "AND a celebrity… does not mean that I will be so lenient as to let you lounge around upon your textbook as you please!"
"S-sorry sir," I mumbled, not daring to meet the gaze of the professor who stood before my desk. However, when Snape did not move away for several seconds, I glanced up, and was suddenly locked in intense eye contact with that pair of sexy dark orbs. Snape's expression was unreadable. The silence drew every head in the class as we stared at each other for ages. Suddenly he tore away from me, briskly billowing back to the front of the class.
"See me after class."
I spent the remainder of the class sitting there in dread, imagining the tortuous punishments Snape would inflict on me. Yet, the more i thought of seeing him alone, the less daunting it seemed…It was almost as if — no,
I stopped myself thinking right there; as old Dudley used to say, some thoughts are best left unthought. I waited until the last of my classmates had filed out before letting my eyes wander over to the professor, who returned my gaze. I stared into the obsidian pools of his eyes for a while, although I cant say how long: perhaps it had been a few seconds, perhaps a few minutes, even hours…although I later concluded that it had been around fifteen seconds of staring. Anyways, back to the story. Eventually it was I who broke the silence, for Snape's look was now as glazed as a krispy kreme donut.
"er…professor, you wanted to see me?" I enquired nervously. The sound of my voice seemed to snap Snape out of his donut stupor, and he started: "oh, er — yes, Potter. You have behaved very insolently. You will report to me in the dungeons for detention. 8 o'clock. Don't be late."
Faster than a professional cream whipper, he whisked out of the room, his cloak billowing behind him.
I was left, standing alone, in the dark, drab dungeon. All of a sudden I noticed that my pen had fallen on the floor. Whilst I picked up my pen, I pondered on many things. A great many things.
As I dreamily danced down the corridor i was in such a delightful daze i failed to notice the stalking figure stalking like a stalker towards me. Like a slow motion replay of the fat man being shot with an air pistol (what must be my most favourite YouTube video) we collided like two stags in the heat of battle. I paused for a moment to reflect upon the deeply symbolic words I have scribed. And FYI symbolism is very macho. After this short thought trip I look up into the lagoon like omnipotent orbs gazing like a gazelle down at me. It was malfoy. Mmmmm
I was lost once more in a pair of glittering manly spheres. Not dark and hard like Snape's, but bright sea-coloured blue, and also tortured and depressed, and sexy and lustful, not to mention gorgeous. Approximately fifteen seconds passed. Then he said in a voice like masculine silk, "What did Snape want?" He sounded concerned, and he probably noticed, because he quickly added in a much meaner voice (which turned me on) "I mean why would he want to hang with a little twerp like you, Poop-ter. Also watch where you're going, I nearly died, jeeez."
"He was telling me off," I said nervously.
"Omg you are in sooo much trouble," said Malfoy.
"Yeah, I have to go see him tonight in the dungeons," I blurted out. I was immediately horrified – no one could know about me and Snape going to share each other's man milk tonight! But then again, I thought, I could just be fantasising – for all I knew, that billowing babe could genuinely just want to punish me. Properly. In the bum… oh no! I suddenly had a raging hard-on!
Luckily Malfoy hadn't noticed. But he did look horrified at what I had just said.
"WHAT! YOU'RE SEEING SNAPE IN THE DUNGEONS? I thought I was his favourite!" he roared, stepping close to me so we were nose to nose. My boy-rod was straining dangerously close to his person. I took a step back.
And then the worst thing possible happened. Malfoy looked down. His faced turned a hubba bubba strawberry chewing gum red and his ears a tomato juice scarlet.
"P-Potter" Malfoy stuttered "I never knew! I -"
Then, like a rabbit that had just seen an angry farmer, he turned and scarpered.
I was left standing alone in the corridor, trying to conjure up images of dying puppies in order to calm down little Harry junior.
Suddenly, a wild Neville appeared.
I was thankful that I had finally put Harry junior to bed, for If Neville had seen me with my swizzle stick brandished I don't think i could ever have contained my embarassment. After all, Neville was the koolest kid in skool. He looked particularly casual today, in Jack Wills sweat pants and an A&F tee. His hair was jelled up into a quif that gave him a spontaneously windswept look, and his adidas trainers had these cool little neon bits at the side. Harry Jr stirred in his sleep.
I knew I should stop staring at Neville, he was a Slytherin and as my old pal Dudley used to say "them slithrins be mightily dangerous"
However, i just couldn't help myself…why couldn't i be like Neville?!
"What are you looking at, Potter?!" Neville growled sharply.
Damn, he had noticed. Time to use my defense curl. "Oh, er…..nothing Neville. I'm sorry Neville.
Yet although my defense rose slightly, It wasn't very effective. Neville persisted, leering at me.
"I don't like you Potter, I don't like you at all. You've got a nasty smell about you" Then, with a smirk, he pulled out his rememberall.
I stared at it longingly, If only I was kool enough to own a rememberall. The rememberall's surface turned red and cloudy.
"Oh, it appears I've forgotten something" Smirked Neville. "Ah yes, I remember". Then he pulled out a bottle of Fierce — the A&F perfume that everyone wanted to own — and sprayed it in my face. I doubled over like a piece of paper getting folded for some type of complex origami. "Owwwwwwww!" I cried.
Yet this did not stop Neville's onslaught, as he tackled me to the ground with his muscular arms. It was super effective.
As I lay there on the ground, I looked up and saw Neville looking into the surface of his rememberall, which was now as clear as Snape's radiant complexion. Neville looked satisfied, smirking and saying "that's what I had forgotten, to get rid of any bad smells lurking around."
With one final smirk (lol jk) Neville turned and left as I lay on the ground whimpering.
My life was over. I was dejected, humiliated…things could not get any worse. I lay there for many minutes before I finally got up; my eyes were sore and red, my hands trembled, and Harry junior was having some kind of tantrum down below. Eventually, like a sad old slinky, I slunk off towards the hospital wing.