§To Thy Own Self Be True§
By Muirnin Cocan
Disclaimer: I neither own nor claim any other rights in the characters and other concepts created for Glee. I make no money, nor do I seek any commercial advantage from this work. As such it constitutes "Fair Use" as defined in 17 U.S.C. §107.FAIR USE " Copyright Disclaimer Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for "fair use" for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Non-profit, educational or personal use tips the balance in favor of fair use."
Author's Note: Just another romantic Hummelberry drabble from Kurt's POV about what happens when Finn puts Rachel on the train. This ended up being the end of what I had written for the NaNoWriMo Challenge but seeing as I was about 9K words short for the total amount written this year I am going to put this as complete …
Change was inevitable after graduation … sometimes change came in an instant … being spontaneous was really difficult at times and at others it felt like the right thing to do …
But this change was something completely different. It felt more like a betrayal than a good change … When Rachel came to me to give me a hug good-bye … I could feel the shaking that was going on inside her … and this was something that caused me to think about what my brother was actually doing to her.
She had thought that she was on her way to her wedding and instead my brother Finn was putting her on a train and sending her to New York City …
There was a part of my mind that was thinking to just say to hell with it and jump on that train with her as well because someone needed to protect her … care for her … love her… like my brother wasn't doing …
The Logical part of my brain was giving me excuses … such as all of my stuff was not with me … and Blaine was here as well … I thought about how he would feel if I was somesort of white knight for Rachel … yup … he would NEVER understand.
But Rachel was crying her eyes out and she was alone … I looked over at Blaine and leaned over and whispered in his ear "I need you to ship me all of my things … I will call you when we get to New York …" then I kissed him on the cheek and jumped on the train.
I could hear everyone outside shouting my name trying to figure out what I was doing but I didn't care … my Rachel needed me … and I needed her as well. So what if I hadn't gotten into NYADA … I was still really talented didn't Rachel tell me that? She has been in my corner for awhile now as my greatest cheerleader … which is totally ironic since I still have my Cheerios uniform and she has only had a football uniform …
If not NYADA … I could still get a job maybe even get into Fashion Institute of Technology in New York City …
As I walked down the aisle towards Rachel's seat I saw the conductor and handed him my credit card and apologized I didn't have a ticket … told him I wanted to go to New York City … and would get off with the woman who was dressed in the Orange coat. He smiled at me and told me he would take care of it.
I walked over to where Rachel was seated and sat down next to her and watched as my brother Finn ran along side of the train … Rachel was staring out the window and had her hand against the glass. I put my arm around her and pulled her close after we had fully pulled out of the station as she turned into me and sobbed.
"Its alright sweetie … I won't leave you on your own … I'm here for you." I told her quietly as I gently rocked her.
"Kurt what are you doing here … did you know Finn was going to do this to me?" Rachel asked.
"When he contacted everyone in Glee Club to tell them that you were getting on the train rather than getting married … I had just assumed that he was going with you … it wasn't until I spoke with Dad and Carole a little while ago … they told me that Finn was going to join the Army … I'm sorry honey … I didn't … I couldn't tell you sooner. I know how much you love my brother." I was really torn up about what Finn had done to my best friend.
The conductor came over and handed me my credit card and my ticket ... he then put the indicator above our seats that showed what stop we were getting off at.
"We will probably get there in about 10 hours ... why don't you try and get some sleep ... ok?" I told Rachel.
"Alright ... but would you just hold me please ... I don't want to feel so alone and abandoned." Rachel said sounding like she was still having issues from her crying jag earlier.
"I will stay as long as you need ... but I do want to go get some coffee ... its going to be a long night" I told her giving her a tight squeeze.
"Why don't you go get your coffee now ... I'm not sure I am going to fall asleep right away ... anytime soon. You may want to call Burt as well ... so he doesn't panic when you don't come home tonight" Rachel said giving me the first smile amid the tear streaks on her face. "I am so glad that you are here ..."
"I'll be in the Club car ... do you want anything? Tea, Chai ... coffee?" I asked her hoping that she would adjust easily.
"If they have Chai I'll take that ... Just remember ... no dairy for me" Rachel reminded me.
"I know ... you are vegan ... I can just see us trying to find vegan cheesecake ..." I grinned at her knowing that real cheesecake was one of my go to in times of trouble ..."
"I have a few recipes I can try out if you would like ... I just hope you aren't allergic to nuts ..." Rachel said.
"You know I'm not ... I look forward to it ... I'll be back as soon as I can and then we can discuss what our options are going to be ..." I assured her.
Apparently Blaine had already called my dad and told him I had jumped on the train with Rachel ... when I had gotten a hold of him at his office he said that he understood why I would do that ... and promised that he would get all of my things that I had tagged as things I wanted to ship to New York. He even told me that he would make sure that the limit on my credit card was increased. I guess there was some even greater things financially about having a dad who was a congressman now ...
Nothing like being spontaneous ... I really didn't think ahead with this ... I told my dad to sell my Suburban and get the money to me so I could use that for rent ... at least until I could get a job when we get to the City. By the time I finished the call to my dad I had gotten to the club car and got the largest coffee I could find for myself and much to my surprise I was able to get a large chai for Rachel ... even was able to get soy milk for her as well.
Thank goodness I had my shoulder bag with my laptop in it ... that would help with trying to find apartments and jobs. As I carried the drinks back to our seats I figured I would need to do some heavy thinking about what we were going to do.
By the time we had pulled into Penn Station nearly half a day later, Rachel and I had a brief idea as to what we were going to do.
We had found a couple of apartments that we had wanted to check out ... one was in Jackson Heights out in Queens and the other was in Bushwick in Brooklyn. I knew between the two of us we had enough resources to pay for the security deposit as well as the first and last month rent ... and food essentials for about 3 months.
I felt bad for Rachel since she was going to be quite a distance from NYADA but the commute would do her good and she wouldn't have to rely on the dorms which could be a nightmare if you didn't get a good roomate ... and knowing Rachel's luck she would have the ONE roomate that would be having company ... very loud and sweaty company every single night. This way she knows her roomate very well and we both have our compatible moisturizing routines that wouldn't be a problem.
We found that her dads had already booked her a hotel room for a few days in Manhattan and the room we got had two beds so the next morning we went out to go check the rentals we had located.
We finally decided to settle for Bushwick since it was a huge loft ... it was close to the subway ... it was a huge loft ... it had massive potential ... did I say it was a huge loft and it was also cheaper than the one in Jackson Heights which was a small apartment. Weiging the balance between two places ... Bushwick – huge ... Jackson Heights – small ... Bushwick cheap ... Jackson Heights not so much ... Bushwich – close to subway with straight shot to Manhattan ... Jackson Heights – several transfers to get to down town (and that didn't count the 5 blocks you had to walk just to get to the bus stop)
YAY Bushwick wins ... did I mention that it was huge? We were able to ride bicycles inside the loft! Put up some partitians and voila loads of possibilites ... only bad part ... small bathroom with hardly any space in there ... Oh well we will adapt ... we are so good for that.
It would take us a couple of days to get all moved in once all of our belongings reached us. However we were able to save Rachel's dads some money by moving out of the hotel room early and just grab some blankets and pillows at the store ... and make due. Now this is a camping trip I could do ... it was rustic ... and ... it was rustic.
My dad told me that LeRoy and Hiram were driving out and had a trailer with all of Rachel's clothes and belongings and Dad really surprised me when he said that they had put my things on the trailer as well so they would be here in Bushwick in a couple of days. I was surprised when I saw the amount of money in my account from the sale of my SUV.
There was still two months until Rachel would start school so between the two of us we found jobs ... she at the Spotlight Diner in Manhattan and I got an internship at the offices for Vogue's online site ... Rachel even got me some evening shifts at the diner so I was also making money as well. Things were truly looking up for us ...
Between fixing up our new loft and working our shifts ... life in New York became an exciting adventure. With my internal talent of being able to spot deals we had found some amazing furniture and accessories ... so we got things livable and in the evenings when we weren't working shifts at the diner found us cuddling on the sofa and watching tv. More often than not a few times we had actually fallen asleep in each other's arms.
It was the most natural experience to wake embracing a woman rather than Blaine ... the part that was really the most scary was the fact ... I liked it ... a lot ... and it showed. Fortunately for me ... Rachel had failed to notice my reaction or at least bless her Barbra loving heart ... she never mentioned it.
By the time school started for we had a routine down and she would come home completely drained due to the trouble that her dance instructor Cassandra July caused her ... making her feel less than she was ... I hated to see her like that ...
I started to give her massages to loosen up her muscles after the rigors of the dance class. We had gotten into a routine ... I would have dinner waiting for her when she got home along with the bath drawn for her soak after classes. However when it wasn't like that when she got home she knew it was one of two reasons ... I was working at one of my two jobs which meant I wasn't there or something had me upset ...
Which is what had happened ... I had heard from Blaine and found out that he had cheated on me ... slept with some guy ... just a hook up he had said. I had spent hours on end crying on my bed with the curtains pulled shut.
When Rachel came home and found me crying in my room she knew something was wrong. She came over to the bed and comforted me the same way I had comforted her so many months ago ... however ... one thing led to another and we ended up doing more than just holding each other.
I would tell you how amazing she felt ... but that would ... definitely be a major understatment. It was more beautiful, magnificent (I could wax poetic ... use many more adjectives that this but no need) it truely was more amazing than anything I have ever felt and over the next month we found ourselves spending more and more time with each other ... when I thought my life was over and would never have love ... spontaneously ... *twack* I found myself falling in love with the young ingénue ...
When I said those three words again to her for a much more romantic reason this time I understood what all the writers and singers about true love meant ... I looked into her deep chocolate brown eyes and she looked into mine ... she saw the truth of my words and through the happy tears she was shedding ... she said that she was in love with me as well.
Never before could I have imagined feeling this whole and complete than to have her at my side. When my brother suddenly showed up on our door step after months of no contact telling us he had been discharged from the Army I was afraid that I had lost her ... until she turned around and told Finn that he had freed her when he had put her on the train and she had gotten on with her life.
Finn had started to get upset wanting to know who she had gotten on with and the look on his face when I told him that it was me ... he thought we were joking. I told him that he was welcome to stay in the spare room but that Rachel and I were together and that if he tried to interfere he would be out on the street.
A few days later Finn left and went back to Lima ... but that wasn't the end of it ... not long after that Blaine showed up at our door and tried to win me back ... of course he failed ... I had proposed to Rachel the night before ... she had said yes ... then she told me that she was expecting our first child.
Why would I take Blaine back after all that? Isabelle Wright my boss at had come over for Thanksgiving along with a few others and we had an amazing evening. I heard from my brother that they had lost sectionals ... and I felt bad for them but it had nothing to do with us.
During the Winter Showcase with which Rachel had won, I was given the opportunity to perform which Rachel had assured me was my second chance at auditioning ... Rachel had sung 'Being Good isn't Good Enough' and I didn't use any costumes, props or even any other people it was just me and she got chills when I suggested 'Being Alive' a song I have loved since I first heard it right before my mom died ... I even pulled a Rachel and cried while I sang it ...
I was quite surprised when I recieved my letter from NYADA ... I was accepted.
Over the next few years between Rachel and I we had experienced some of the most incredible things such as Rachel being given the opportunity after she gave birth to our daughter Rose Elisabeth to portray Fanny Brice ... of course this was several months after we had gotten married in a very quick ceremony on Valentines day ...
Ironically, we had gotten married on the way to Mr Schue's wedding which he never got to have because his bride had run away. Rachel and I had sung a duet (our own rendition of 'Islands in the Stream' surprising everyone when I gave her a kiss on the lips at the end of the song) at the reception party that Mr & Mrs Pillsbury had insisted that we still should have the party since it was all paid for ... who were we to deny them a great party.
The fun part was watching the expressions on peoples faces when they noticed that there were matching wedding rings on mine and Rachel's hands ... and that Rachel had a baby bump. I think that Finn's expression was the best ... he was mad that he wasn't the one that got Rachel pregnant but that he was going to be an uncle in a few months. Talk about mixed signals ...
Blaine had been in shock ... but it was his own fault ... he was the one that had cheated on me and I let him go ... but all that did was give me the chance to experience true love with my soul mate.
Tina had started yelling at me about hurting poor Blaine until Rachel defended ME! and told her that I had fallen in love with her ... asked her to marry me only after I had been betrayed by Blaine ... and then to top it all off told her that if she really wanted to be Blaine's hag that she needed to know the difference between love and hagdom was the type of love that we shared ... and ours was true love ...
Rachel was not my hag ... despite what others might say ... she is was and always shall be ... my wife!
What is it they say ... when life gives you lemons ... make lemonade ... Well in our case life gave us lemons and we made a freakin' Lemon Meringue Pie! Of course it was vegan ... although I think Rachel is beginning to faultering ... seems the baby is not a vegan ... she has been having cravings that inclue things that are fully not vegan ... She of course is blaming me for that ... we may have to compromise a bit ...
The first time was when she had fixed herself real eggs for breakfast with a side of bacon ... she said after her first bite ... The baby was carniverous ... go figure ... everyone knows that everything is better with Bacon ... and REAL Cheesecake ...
"Honey ..." she called out to me from the living room. She was so close to her due date that she was really having a problem with moving about. She was in full diva mode right now needing help getting out of bed or up off the sofa ... I think she just likes the escort ... For someone as tiny as she normally is she got rather huge ... "I think we need to go to the hospital now"
Ok, that surprised me ... I ran into the living room and found her bent over ... a puddle on the floor under her ... "Did your water break?" I asked as I grabbed the night case that we had put together a few weeks ago for just this occurance.
"Yeah ... it felt weird ... but yeah ... if that's what it feels like than it did break ... and um ... I am having contractions ... about 5 minutes apart." Rachel said doing the breathing that we had learned during lamaze.
"Ok, lets go then ..." I said as I took her arm and carefully helped get her through the door and down to catch a cab.
I called Dad and Carole along with Rachel's dads while we were going to the hospital to let them know that the baby was on its way. I was sure that we would be overrun by grandparents in no time.
The entire experience of being in there while Rachel gave birth was very strange ... the amount of pain that she had gone through tore me apart ... but then when they handed me the scissors ... it sort of unnerved me but I got to cut the umbilical cord for our daughter and then I got to hold the bundled infant for the first time as I carried her over to Rachel who took the bundle from me and smiled.
"Can you believe we created this precious jewel?" Rachel asked me as she looked at the tiny little girl we had named Rose Elisabeth ... after one of Rachel's favorite Barbra characters and my mother ...
"She's perfect ... absolutely perfect ... and she will be absolutely amazing when she grows up ... with your perfect skin and my amazing hair." I said with a grin at her expression.
"I just want her to have your amazing eyes ... their blue right now but your eyes are gorgeous Kurt" Rachel said.
The nurse came over and took the baby away while they helped get Rachel relocated to her room where they would bring the baby for her first feeding.
I understand what they mean by the miracle of birth ... it is not only a miracle but it is a blessing as well ... All the grandparents (including Shelby) had come to see the baby ... Beth would have a playmate since Shelby had given us a gift of free membership to her Broadway Baby Day Care ...
So we have someone who will watch Rose Elisabeth when Rachel was doing her theater thing and while I was working ... just had to figure out how to teach her about other things ...
Of course Uncle Finn and Uncle Blaine had both said they would teach her about sports ... Auntie Tana, Auntie Quinn and Auntie Kitty said they would teach her about cheerleading and basically the world ... Uncle Artie said he would teach her about films ... all genres and how to make amazing ones ... Auntie Cedes said she would teach her to sing ... but not like a white girl ... teaching her how to have 'soul' in her music ... Auntie Tina and Uncle Mike said he would teach her about dance ... and all things Asian ...
If it's not from a chinese take out menu ... that's about all the Asian our baby girl needs to know ...
I don't know ... I think that our little girl is going to be extemely talented ... Thank goodness that she won't be fashionably impared like her mother was all those years ago ... Thanks to Glee Club our little flower even got pressies from Coach Sue who said in a letter that she had apparently translated from her daughter Robin that 'having a talented friend would always be a benefit and that the Hummel-Berry's better get their can's back on the Lima Express to come visit from time to time' ... go figure. Sue had even mentioned that when both the girls were old enough for Glee that they both had better be on the same Cheerio!Glee Squad so they could both win double Nationals ...
The plans that everyone had for our daughter was astounding ... but we weren't going anywhere anytime soon ... unless it was travelling with our band 'Pamela Lansbury' ...
Things were definitely looking up for us ...
... THE END