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Continuity Note: Takes place during chapter 24 (Crescendo) of Crush II: Ostinato.

Two Point Five Words

Stardate 45331.68

(Wednesday, 1 May 2368, 9:31 AM, local time)

Terlina III

The file is waiting there at the deepest layer of all the encryption protocols his brother put on the chip. An executable protocol. Apéritif. Data understands that word to mean a drink taken before a meal. A tease, a taste, a primer, a warm-up, a – he halts the list of equivalent phrases. Aloud, he knows, reeling those words off would have amused Zoe and exasperated Geordi. Inside his head, with no audience but himself, there is no humor, there is no exasperation, there is only… data.

[Scan file for virus protocols. Scan file for memory-retentive subroutines. Scan file for transmission executables. Scan file for potentially hazardous code hooks. Execute. Repeat scans. Execute. Repeat scans. Action previously executed within one standard cycle. Repeat anyway? Y/N Yes. Display results to internal receptors only. No faults found.]

"He's teasing you," Zoe's voice, sounding both confident and concerned, states what he has already concluded.

"That is likely," he agrees, thinking, but not stating, that no, that is not entirely correct. His brother is not teasing only him, but both of them. He continues his spoken response, "but I believe we must take this to completion. One moment."

[Access file Apéritif. Isolate executable protocol. Execute. Alert: program is foreign code. Execute anyway? Y/N Yes. Protocol executed.]

He counts each millisecond, waiting for something to happen, for something to change. Will Lore's file make him cause harm? Or will it.

[Respiration rate increasing. Epidermal temperature increasing.]

The diagnostic chair is suddenly restrictive. He must stand, and walk. He must move.

[Analyze: is personality overlay identified as 'Lore' still dormant? Y/N Yes. Analyze: is stimulus likely to result in violence? Y/N No. Percent of possibility of violent outburst? 0.013. Safety protocol fault check. No faults. ]

He does not actively choose his path. He merely leaves the chair and walks in a direction away from the monitors and computer readouts. He does not, he realizes, want to see what is happening in his programming, he wants to feel it.

Feel it.

Data has experienced a moment of true feeling once before: a burst of laughter provided by Q as a 'thank-you' present. It had come and gone with no warning, and no context. He cannot reproduce it, but he can recall the laughter that bubbled out of him, rather than being a conscious reaction. He retains trace memories of conditions he has labeled 'happiness' and 'joy,' and, if pressed, he would admit that he has sought out situations that are likely to stimulate similar reactions.

Zoe…

Zoe is what brings him closest to that moment. Zoe, who teases him, and snarks at him, and gives him the intangible gift of total acceptance, and the tangible one of her body. Zoe who insists that she does not feel as though their relationship… lacks… anything.

Zoe…

Zoe is in the room, and she must be frightened for him. Worried for him.

But this feeling. This… feeling….

[Analyze current state. Emotional condition? Y/N Yes. Identify? Insufficient data. Analyze component conditions. Output results to internal receptors. Component conditions include belonging, acceptance, familiarity, comfort, ease, permanence. Conjecture: Could emotional condition be love? Y/N. Yes. Continue background analysis. Hold results for later examination. Execute.]

He is silent, analyzing… feeling… staring at nothing. He has crossed the room, but he does not have a further destination in mind. Remaining still is less process-intensive than movement.

"Data, you okay?" Geordi's voice seems thicker than usual, as if it has gained mass. But a voice cannot gain mass. Interesting.

His response is slow, measured. "I am… fine… Geordi."

The engineer's soft sigh, likely discernable only to Data's own auditory processors, tells him that his friend does not believe that statement.

There are footfalls behind him, then to the side, and then in front of him, and when he increases the power allocation to his optical sensors he perceives that it is not his best friend who is standing before him, but his girlfriend.

"Data?" Her voice is tentative, and he understands that she is afraid he will answer as Lore.

[Analysis paused. New components present. List results to internal receptors? Y/N Yes. Additional components of current condition: Arousal. Affection. Continue analyzing? Y/N Yes. Hold for later examination? Y/N Yes.]

He feels his eyes open wider, feels his expression stretch into a smile that is much broader than the slight upturns at the corners of his mouth that are typical for him.

This feeling. This woman. Zoe. His girlfriend. His partner. His lover.

Looking at her is not enough, and he cannot quite reach the words he has wished to be able to give her.

"My Zoe," he speaks those words, the words he can speak, with a sense of wonder. He raises his hand to her face, and cups her chin. Her skin is so soft. Her hair smells like tropical fruit, and stray wisps of it caress the back of his hand. She is trembling. His lips touch hers, and for a moment he is lost in her.

Positrons are singing in their pathways. Neurons are firing inside his head, solar-flare bright, and warp-field fast and phaser-beam-hot. Completion. Zoe. Belonging. Zoe. Acceptance. Zoe. Arousal. Zoe. Affection. Zoe. Home. Family. Companionship. Compassion. Permanence. Connection. Partner. Lover. Girlfriend. Woman. Zoe. Devotion. Zoe. Warmth. Zoe. The woman he… the woman he….

Zoe. The woman he loves.

[Protocol complete. Protocol cycling down. Countdown begins. Ten seconds….]

No. Not yet. Data cannot let this go, yet. This feeling. He has to tell her, has to share it with her. She has to know. He loves her.

I love her.

[Nine, eight…]

I love Zoe.

[Engage voice processor. Inflection: warm. Tone: affectionate. Reverent. Engage speech processor. Expression ready Execute.]

[Seven, six…]

"I think…" he is racing against his own internal chronometer, but the words will not come. Why will they not come? Is it because it would be too cruel to tell her once and never be able to say it again. Surely Zoe – his Zoe – will understand.

Is it because he is not certain? But, he has never been more certain of anything else.

[Five, four…]

"I believe…"

Data's focus rights itself. Zoe's eyes are dark, wide open. But she is not exhibiting fear. She is… Oh…. Yes… She loves him. She has told him, but he suddenly understands…

No, wait. Tell her.

[Three, two…]

"I love y – ." He cannot complete the final part of the word.

[One. Protocol discontinued. Self-termination, immediate.]

The… feeling… is gone. His temperature and respiration have already returned to baseline conditions. The words he could only have spoken if he had not been caught in the feeling are lost to him.

"It is as you said, Zoe; Lore was teasing us." Even to his own auditory system, his voice sounds… flat. Lifeless.

"Can you tell me what happened?"

"For a fraction of a second," he says softly. "I felt." He blinks rapidly several times, because his vision is fading, as his processors and sub-processors scramble in their attempt to recreate his experience. Perhaps he can still tell her. "I believe it was lo-lo-lo-lo…"

But his systems are overwhelmed, and even his gyroscopic functions are fading.

He does not hear himself land on the cold, hard, floor.

(=A=)

When the diagnostic is complete, Geordi grins at him. "Well, the chip is fused into that socket now, as I said, but otherwise, you're back to normal."

"The chip cannot do any further… damage," he states, watching for Geordi's nod. "It was already dormant at the moment I… fell."

"Yeah, as far as I can tell. We should probably make removing it a priority when we get back to the ship and I can have Doctor Crusher's surgical expertise, though. Just in case."

"I concur."

"Do you want to get started on the rest of the analysis?" Geordi asks.

"Not right now," he answers. "I must find Zoe. I must… I am concerned I may have hurt her."

"Because you could only manage two and a half words out of three?"

He gives his friend a look that Zoe would describe as 'mildly reproachful.' "It is more than 'just' the fact of uttering only two point five words when she deserves all three. It is the fact of my limitation as a romantic partner. We… we do not often speak of the ways in which I am lacking. Zoe insists she perceives no such lack."

"You don't believe her?"

"I am concerned she may be deceiving herself."

"Don't be."

"I do not understand."

"Zoe and I had a chat the other day. I guess I gave her my version of the talk the Maestro had with you. About intentions."

"You do not have to protect me, Geordi."

"Yeah, I do, my friend." The engineer's grin is a rueful one. "I couldn't see your expression, when you two were talking, before you fell. But I heard what you were saying, and I saw Zoe's face. She loves you. And whether you have the words or not. Whether you have the actual feeling or not, trust me, she knows you love her, too."

Data's protestation, "But I cannot love," dies on his lips. He knows now that he can. He has the memory record of those precious seconds. Perhaps one day he will retrieve the chip that will make such… feelings… a permanent part of his programming, or perhaps he will find another way. But he knows… he knows… that it will happen.

"I must find Zoe." Data says, having aborted his previous statement.

(=A=)

He finds Zoe on the rocky beach at the edge of the lagoon, just where she said she would be, but they don't speak of what he could not say. Instead, they discuss the likelihood that Lore will target her again (almost nil) and the other contents of the chip.

Data realizes, as he holds her close, and lets her soak his clothing with her tears, that Geordi is correct. Zoe may deserve the three words he cannot say. He may long to give them to her. But for now, the two point five words he has uttered are enough.

Are they not?

Notes: I took a break from working on chapter 25 because this was hammering at my brain. I suppose it's in honor of Brent Spiner's birthday and the anniversary of Data's permanent activation.