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Sitting in the driveway wasn't exactly where they wanted to be. They were both fuming in complete and utter hatred towards each other, both thinking of ways to one another. Neither of them could remember ever feeling this angry towards a human being in their life. It was so intense that their anger didn't subside during the drive.
Zoro drummed his fingers on the steering wheel, looking out the window towards his sister's house. They had argued the entire ride to Robin's house, and Robin lived four hours away from them. He knew the cook was still pissed about last night, and really, he wished he would get over himself and let it go. It wasn't that big a deal.
Next to him, Sanji grit his teeth around the cigarette in his mouth. He was looking out the passenger side window, looking at the neighbor's house, his body pressed against the door to be as far away from the marimo as possible. He couldn't believe he had still come along with Zoro when he was as pissed as he was. He was mostly doing it for his family's sake because he actually liked them, not that he could say the same about the man he was in the car with. Sanji had even gone as far as smoking in his car. He knew Zoro hated it when he smoked in his truck but he did anyways because fuck him.
They both sat in silence, not willing to break the icy tension between them. They both knew they couldn't get out of the car like this, looking this pissed. Zoro was still drumming his fingers on the steering wheel and that was really pissing Sanji off. Sanji was so ticked with him that anything he did was pissing him off, the way he looked, with his stupid tan and stupid green hair, he hated the way he talked, even the way he breathed was getting on Sanji's nerves.
Zoro was the first one to break the silence, deciding to be the bigger man. He looked at Sanji, taking in a deep breath to try and reason with the moody blond. "Can we not fight?" he asked. "While we're here I mean."
Sanji threw a glare at him. "I don't even want to be here," he pointed out. "I told you I wasn't in the mood to visit your family." Sanji was going to go that far, using the old, 'your family' trick.
That was really the last straw, because Zoro could handle all the cracks Sanji had made about him during the car ride – anything from his looks to his sense of direction and his less than charming drinking habits - but no one talked about his family that way. "Fine," he snapped, taking off his seat belt as he got out of the car. "Stay the fuck in here then, not like I give a shit," he said, slamming the door of his truck shut after him as walked up the gravely drive way of his older sister's house.
Sanji grumbled, reaching over and taking the keys out. Like hell he would wait in the car. He could go fuck himself because he didn't endure four hours of fighting to sit in the car. He got out of the truck, slamming the truck door harder than Zoro did and strolled up to him. "I'm only here because it's your sister," the blond pointed out.
"Whatever," Zoro muttered under his breath.
They reached the porch and stood there, glaring at each other as Zoro reached out and rang the doorbell, waiting for someone to open it. There was loud noise inside, and that was to be expected of Zoro's family, not that the man was loud himself. Footsteps were heard coming towards the door and it was Franky who answered.
"Zoro bro!" he boomed, smiling at them both. He bent at the knees and brought Zoro into a crushing hug, lifting him off the ground. Sanji delighted in the fact that Zoro hated hugs. He watched as his entire body tense, going stiff as a board, completely unmoving in Franky's arms as he hugged him tight, unaware of Zoro's discomfort.
Franky was a mountain of a man. He was tall and had more muscle definition than Zoro, which was impressive. Despite his fierce appearance, Franky was a loud and very emotional man, often breaking down into tears. He was the kind of man who wasn't afraid of public affection or crying in public, and though Sanji heard Zoro complain more than once that he was embarrassing to be around, he knew deep inside he actually liked his brother-in-law.
After what seemed like hours to Zoro, Franky finally let him go, placing him back on the ground. Zoro glared at the man, dusting himself off, thoroughly bothered that he had nearly crushed him but he smiled when he saw Franky hug Sanji with the same amount of gusto. That would show the prissy ass blond. He noticed Sanji cringing from the hug and he even heard a few bones in the blonde's back crackling and he couldn't help the sinister smirk that came over his face. Finally, Franky set the cook down, smiling at them both. "It's great to see you guys, just wait everyone else sees you!"
They both grumbled at his happiness. It seemed Franky had yet to notice their anger towards each other. Sanji didn't blame him. They bickered on more than several occasions during family reunions, often tearing apart Franky's house or breaking some of his furniture. It was nothing new to see them both arguing but this time was different, they were actually mad at each other.
Franky didn't seem to notice. He slung an arm around Zoro and Sanji and dragged them both to the living room, chatting away about something when Franky stopped to yell at the top of his voice that they had arrived, even if Brook was sitting on an armchair, drinking some tea a few feet away from them. As soon as he saw them he stood, greeting them with a big smile. "Zoro-san! Sanji-san!"
Brook was Franky's senile old man. Brook was even taller than Franky, but he was nothing but bones. He always talked of the good old days with his friends and dressed from the wrong era. He was a pervert like Sanji and drank tea like Zoro drank alcohol and had sudden spurts of musical epiphany; breaking into song or getting out his violin to play anything he pleased. Franky defiantly got that from his old man because he did the same thing, only with the guitar. The old man was all smiles, telling them really corny old man jokes but Sanji faked a smile and did the courtesy laugh. He was a guest after all. Just because he was in a terrible mood didn't mean he was going to be an asshole to everyone, he was just going to be an asshole to Zoro.
Footsteps were heard upstairs. "Zoro!" a small voice called. They looked up and Chopper racing down the stairs, a huge grin on his face. Zoro grinned, stepping up when Chopper leaped off the stairs and jumped into Zoro's arms. If Sanji didn't hate him so much at the moment he would have smiled at their brotherly moment. So he settled for smiling just at Chopper instead, glaring again when he looked at Zoro. His glare went ignored as Zoro continued to hug Chopper. Chopper was Zoro's little brother. He was on the short side, looking about half his age with his huge brown eyes and small voice. He was seventeen and was already in medical school, but despite his intellect he was gullible like a child, and had a sweet tooth like one. "Hey little guy," Zoro said, ruffling his hair.
Chopper hugged his neck. "I missed you Zoro!"
Zoro actually smiled. "Missed you too."
Zoro never smiled like that unless it concerned Chopper, and in only the most intimate of moments, Sanji. Not that Sanji remembered any of it at the moment. Zoro also only tolerated hugs from Chopper. He hated when anyone else did it, he could tolerate Luffy's hugs but the difference was that he actually hugged Chopper back. He had a soft spot for Chopper. He set his little brother down who then ran and hugged the blond. "Sanji!"
Sanji ruffled his messy brown hair, smiling down at him. "Hey Chopper," he smiled.
"Franky, we heard you even from outside," Nami complained, stepping into the living room with a frown on her face. Robin came in behind her, both having just come from the backyard. Robin looked elegant as always, in a summer dress, her long black hair framing her beautiful face. Nami had grown out her red hair since the last time they had seen her, and though she was wearing impressive heels, still barely touched Robin's shoulder.
Robin went to hug her brother first, and Nami went to hug Sanji, who was more than delighted. He immediately began to flirt loudly with her, loud enough so the asshole plant could hear. "My sweet Nami-swan, where is your dear husband?" he asked, kissing the back of her palm. "If he hasn't been taking care of you I shall have to whisk you away."
He heard a grunt and knew it was from Zoro. The ape. From the corner of his eye he could see he was chatting with his sister, trying to look like he wasn't paying attention to him. One thing that always surprised Sanji was the fact that Zoro and Robin were related. Robin and his younger brother Chopper were intelligent, civilized beings, as was his cousin Nami. Zoro was an animal. There was nothing refined about him, he wasn't civil or pleasant to be around and conversations always lead to nowhere with him. He was defiantly adopted Sanji decided.
"Usopp's here," Nami said, breaking his thoughts. "And yes he has been taking good care of me."
Sanji smiled. "Are you sure darling? I could always leave your cousin and we could live happily together."
He was sure Zoro would have said something about that but Usopp appeared in the hall. "Come on Sanji, do you have to hit on my wife every time you see her?" he asked, moving to put an arm around Nami, trying his hardest to look intimidating to Sanji. He was anything but intimidating, though he had bulked up the last few years he was still as cowardly as an old lady in a dangerous neighborhood.
Sanji only shrugged. "All in fun."
"It's not fun for me!" he yelled. Then looked at Nami. "You don't like it either, right?" Nami giggled, wrapping her arms around Usopp's neck, whispering something into Usopp's ears that made him blush and cough. "How was the ride here?" he asked both Zoro and Sanji, trying his hardest to cover up his embarrassment.
They both grunted at the same time, looking away from each other. Franky looked at the two of them, his eyebrows furrowing. "Did you guys hit traffic?"
They both exchanged a look with each other, looking beyond pissed and everyone in the room could tell. "Nothing happened," Sanji grit his teeth.
Zoro rolled his eyes, looking at Franky. "We had a fight last night."
They were all silent until Brook started laughing, titling his head back and laughing like Zoro had just told the joke of the century. For that, Sanji wanted to kick him. "Yoo-hoo! Young love," he said.
Sanji grumbled but didn't say anything back. He was seriously considering kicking an old man's ass but refrained. He wasn't so brutish to behave in such an ungentlemanly way in front of the ladies. "Anything new with you guys?" Chopper asked meekly, wanting them to just talk instead of boring holes into each other's skulls.
"Nope," they both answered, then proceeded to glare at each other again.
"What happened with you guys?" Usopp asked.
There was silence as the both looked at each other, but neither of them said a thing. "I bet Sanji saw someone's panties," Brook said, giggling his ass off behind his hand.
"Dad, don't' start this again," Franky sighed, rubbing his temple.
"Well, what was it?" Brook asked. Then he looked at Zoro. "And you're jealous."
Both men growled, throwing glares at each other. "It's not that at all," Zoro said.
"Well?" Nami asked, turning her body to look at Sanji. "What did happen then?" she demanded to know, placing a hand on her hip.
"Ask Mr. Grabby Hands over here." He said, jerking his head towards Zoro.
"Grabby hands?" Usopp asked.
"I told you it was a mistake!" Zoro yelled at him.
"And I told you that was not a mistake!" Sanji yelled right back.
"Zoro," Usopp asked slowly, punching the bridge of his long nose as he looked back and forth between the two. "What did you do?"
The two were silent, glaring daggers at each other before Zoro sighed, breaking eye contact to rub at his temple. "We went to a bar last night. I had a bit too much to drink and I accidently grabbed some guy's ass." There were gasps and looks of horror written all over his family's faces, some covering their gaping mouths as they judged him. "In my defense from the back he looked just like Sanji."
"He did not!" Sanji snapped, his hands curling into tight fists.
"He had the same lame ass fucking haircut and was wearing one of your shitty suits!" Zoro roared, sick and tired of having to defend himself for the thousandth time, as if he would have done such a thing if he wasn't convinced it was Sanji. "How was I supposed to know?"
"Gee," Sanji started quite sarcastically, "is it too much to ask that you recognize your husband!"
"I don't say shit when you hit on all the waitresses when we go out on fucking dates!"
"I'm fucking gay! You know I'm only joking with them!"
"How is that different? You still hit on someone else, yours is intentional! At least my mistake was accidental!" They were inches from each other's face, their eyes practically burning with fire. It was the only time the Roronoa family was scared and thought that this was the day they both killed each other. Chopper and Usopp were both hiding behind Nami, shivering in place as they clutched to her dress, trying to hide behind her petite frame.
"Whoa, whoa, break it up," Franky said, stepping between them, his big hands pushing them a few feet apart. He looked at them from over his sunglasses. "Don't break anything guys."
Robin cleared her throat. "I should get started on dinner." She looked at Sanji. "Sanji-san, would you mind helping me in the kitchen?"
Sanji shot Zoro a glance before returning to Robin. "I'll love to Robin-chan. I rather prefer your company."
Zoro rolled his eyes, watching the skinny cook go into the back with his sister. Everyone stayed silent until they were both out of earshot. Once they were gone everyone let out the breath they had been holding in. The atmosphere had gotten so tense when they were both in the room together. Zoro grumbled, moving to sit on the couch, slumping down on it so much he almost slid right off. Chopper looked at him, moving to stand next to him. "Zoro? Will you guys be ok?'
Zoro smiled at him. "Yeah, we will." He said reassuringly, ruffling his hair. "Once he gets over it."
"Gets over what?" Luffy asked, scaring them all. He stood in the living room, calmly picking his nose.
"Nothing." Zoro snapped. He wasn't about to repeat the story just for him.
"How'd you get in?' Franky asked. The kid didn't even bother to knock on the door anymore.
Ace showed up behind him. "We didn't want to knock so he walked in."
"Broke in you mean," Franky said, narrowing his eyes at the brothers.
Ace grinned. "Ok. We did," he said, moving to sit on the couch next to Zoro, slinging an arm around him. "How've you been cutie?"
Franky and Nami exchanged a glance; debating if they should tell Ace that now isn't the time to hit on him because Sanji was in a fouler mood than usual. Usopp pretended he was busy looking at something under his nails, choosing it was best to just ignore the problem that was stirring.
The D. brothers were not part of the Roronoa family, they were next-door neighbors to Franky and Robin. Luffy was the same age as Chopper, so they were good friends. Ace was older than Zoro, and kind of had a thing for him and always made a show of hitting on him. Usually no one ever said anything because Sanji ignored him and hit on the girls, but seeing as how Sanji was jealous, Ace hitting on him wasn't a good idea.
Luffy sat next to other side of Zoro, bouncing in his seat. "What happened Zoro? Tell me."
"Since when are you this nosey?"
"You don't usually avoid things, but you are this time. Must be good," he smiled.
"Oh it is," Nami grinned, moving to sit on the free couch across from Zoro and Ace. "And if won't tell you I will."
"You bitch," Zoro muttered under his breath.
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Robin smiled at him, barely able to contain her amusement. Looking at younger couples fight over things was always funny to her, not because she was sadistic but because it wasn't happening to her. Her and Franky had their share of fights as all couples do, but she knew she needed to tell Sanji that the sooner he forgave Zoro the more willing he would be to make a formal apology.
Zoro wasn't the type of man to want to let his feelings show through, but that was what he shared in common with his sister. Robin knew this, and also knew her little brother was as stubborn as a mule, as was Sanji when it came to Zoro, and knew she needed to stop them from fighting. "Why don't we talk a bit?" she started.
"Sorry Robin-chan, I don't want to be rude but I would prefer not to."
She ignored his request, speaking anyways because he wouldn't interrupt her. "I learned with Franky that it's best to let the small things go, it's better to just learn to appreciate having someone. You'll both live happier that way, if you just learn not to fight over everything." She smiled lightly. "You know Zoro wouldn't intentionally do something like that. My brother," she paused, "wouldn't hurt you in such a way on purpose."
"I know that," he sighed. "Except," his word drifted. He stopped chopping the onions, looking down at the chopping board, his grip on the knife he had been holding loosening.
Robin looked at his profile. The way his hair was falling over his face concealed his expression from her. "Except?" she asked, stepping closer to him.
He spun on his heel quickly, turning to face her. "Except the guy he confused me for was fucking ugly!" he exclaimed. "He looked nothing like me!" the corner of his eye began to water. He sniffed, bringing his wrist to his face to wipe stray tears away. "Excuse me, it's the onions."
Robin smiled, thinking him adorable. She spread her arms, welcoming him into a hug. "Come here."
Sanji stepped closer, nuzzling his face in her breasts. It was a good thing he was shorter than her and her breasts were there to comfort him.
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"They looked exactly the same, alright?" Zoro defended again, crossing his arms over his chest, glaring at their judging expressions. Seriously, only his family, his own flesh and blood would side with the shitty cook instead of him. It was unfair. "It could have been his doppelganger ok?"
Luffy was bouncing on the couch next to him. "Neh, Zoro, did you really grab the guy's ass?"
Zoro punched him across the face, making him fall off the couch instead of answering his question. He looked up, challenging anyone who would dare say anything. Even Ace didn't comment on the fact that he had just punched his little brother, he just shrugged, like it was something to be expected.
"Zoro you're so stupid," Nami snickered from across the living room, sitting on the couch opposite of him with her husband. "Only you would confuse someone else for Sanji."
"Shut it Nami." She grinned at him, sticking out her tongue. Zoro looked at Usopp. "Seriously, why in hell did you marry my cousin? She's pure evil."
Usopp shrugged. "Sometimes I wonder that myself," he sighed. Nami then proceeded to elbow his ribcage. "Ow! Nami, what was that for?"
"What do you think that was for Usopp!"
He rubbed his side, deciding not to make a show of how badly she injured him because it would only annoy her. "Sorry sweetie, but you can be a handful sometimes."
Franky laughed. "Oh little sister, you sure now how to keep him in line."
"Shut it Franky." Nami snapped.
Zoro slumped further down on the couch, feeling miserable. Luffy had crept back up, sitting next to him again. "Hey Zoro, why don't you make up?"
"Are you kidding? That shitty cook will never let me hear the end of it if I admit I was wrong."
Everyone around him groaned. Deciding they were both impossible they went on to talk about other things. Luffy was the only one who continued to grin at him. "You love him so you'll say sorry," he said with such certainty it made Zoro uncomfortable.
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Dinner had gone on without incident, which was a miracle. Ace had flirted with Zoro the entire time and Sanji had turned the other cheek, pretending he didn't hear a damn thing. He of course, got his revenge by hitting on the female members of Zoro's family. Zoro didn't react much to it, and Sanji had to admit he had done it enough times that Zoro probably thought it was annoying more than anything else and had probably gotten used to it. It just bothered him that Luffy kept clinging to his arm and Ace kept winking at him. He knew he was joking but it still sucked.
Sanji had never quite gotten over how much the Luffy kid liked to, 'climb his husband like a tree.' The kid was a monkey, but he didn't appreciate how close they were. And the Ace guy liked to cling around Zoro too. Most people did. Sanji figured it was because making Zoro uncomfortable was so much fun. Also, Zoro was pretty comfy. He knew Zoro was attractive indeed, but enough was enough. He hated watching all these people hitting on him. The truth was after Zoro had groped the non-Sanji the non-Sanji had tried to kiss him.
Tried. Because Sanji kicked his face before he could actually smooch with his drunkard husband.
When dinner was over they all talked for a bit, drinking wine, except for Chopper and Luffy who were still too young to have some. Zoro had crossed his arms over his chest and had been glaring at Sanji from across the table. Franky had separated them, making them sit far away from each other. Sanji had glared back, ready to jump out of his seat and kick his unfaithful ass. Franky was getting louder by the minute, trying to make conversation. The ones who joined were Usopp and Luffy, being just as loud and obnoxious as he was. Brook laughed loudly at their antics while Nami groaned in embarrassment because of her husband.
Ace spent the time with his arm slung around Zoro's shoulders, telling him something that made Zoro lighten up into a better mood. Sanji grit his teeth and almost broke the wine glass in his grip. He set it down before he used to it to chuck at the older D. brother's head. Chopper tugged on his shirt and smiled at him. Sanji couldn't stay mad too long with such a cute kid next to him so he calmed down and listened to Chopper talk about school. Either the noise was too much of he had enough of Ace's lewd jokes, but Zoro stood up, gathering up all the plates. Robin stood up as well, about to help him. "Don't worry about it," Zoro said. "I got it sis."
Robin smiled, sitting back down. Zoro gathered them all, getting a thanks from everyone and he disappeared into the back of the kitchen. Sanji sat, watching the kitchen door. He stood, sighing a little. Might as well. "I'll help him with the dishes," he announced, getting to his feet.
Robin smiled at him, and it was one of those smiles she gave him when she was trying to tell him something. "Thank you Sanji."
He nodded, making his way into the kitchen. The brute had already set to work on washing the dishes, sacking some clean ones on the drying rack. Sanji went to the sink, fully expecting to see the sink full of scattered plates and cups. He was shocked to find Zoro was actually washing the dishes without breaking them. Sanji looked at Zoro a bit before getting a rag and drying the dishes, putting them away in the cabinets above the sink. "You're not breaking anything," Sanji said coolly.
"Robin would kill me if I did," Zoro muttered.
"You never wash the dishes at home," Sanji said, looking at him.
Zoro looked at him. "You don't let me, remember? You said my 'brute strength' or whatever would break them."
Sanji snorted. He was right. "Sorry, I just didn't think you could."
"And I told you I could, you just never listen." Sanji fumed, about to start another fight because Zoro, the man incapable of receiving any sort of advice, ever, did not just say he never listened. Zoro cut him off though. "But, I guess I can't really be mad with you about that, can I?"
Sanji looked at his profile, watching him as he silently worked. He fought the grin that was creeping up on his face. He looked back to the task at hand, drying the dishes Zoro handed him, feeling some of his anger dissolve.
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It was close to three in the morning when Zoro drove into their driveway. They sat in the car like they had done hours ago in front of Robin's. This time they were less angry, less hostile towards each other. Zoro was glad for that. He did love stirring the cook, but he didn't enjoy it when they were really angry with each other.
They were never comfortable apologizing to each other, but Sanji had told him never to go to bed angry or some bullshit like that. Zoro sighed, looking at the cook, who sat still in the seat beside him, face neutral. He sighed, looking back at the house, trying to think of the best way to apologize without it affecting his pride. "Hey, cook, look, I'm sorry, for," he paused, his hand going to scratch the back of his neck. "For groping that guy thinking he was you. I was drunk, I know that's not an excuse, but uh, I honestly wouldn't have done that if I didn't think it was you."
Sanji sighed. "Yeah, I know." He looked at Zoro, biting his lip. "I just hate that you could even confuse me for such a fugly dude." He narrowed his eyes. "I mean, he looked nothing like me besides the fact that he was also a blond," he ranted.
Zoro sat silently, thinking over what he just said. "Was he that hideous?"
The blond looked at him for a while before slowly nodding. "It was really insulting you know?"
Zoro broke into a grin. He leaned in, kissing him. "Sorry," he said, placing another sweet kiss on the cook's lips. He placed another kiss on the corner of his mouth. "If I had known it would be such a blow to your ego I wouldn't have done it, and I promise not to do it again."
Sanji punched his arm playfully. "You better not."
"You're sexy, you know that, right cook?" he murmured into his ear, kissing his earlobe.
"Damn right I am asshole," Sanji said, his pale fingers weaving through Zoro's green hair.
A chuckle emitted from Zoro as he leaned in to kissed his again. "But, I mean," he said, breaking the kiss to look into blue eyes. "He must have looked a little like you, right?" he asked.
The cook's visible curly eyebrow ticked angrily. "You fucking asshole," he said, getting out of the car and slamming the door shut. As he headed towards their home he fished for a cigarette and lighted it as he stalked towards their home.
Zoro sat in the car, looking after him. "What the fuck did I do this time?" he asked, absolutely bewildered.
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The End
A.N. The guy Zoro groped was Duval before his kick ass plastic surgery (snort) if you guys are wondering. Yes, Zoro was that drunk.
Poor Zoro, he tries so hard.