I never thought things would end up this way. I'd imagined a ball of flames, cries louder than God himself, tears that could wash away the ocean. Instead, I got a world of silence. But silence can speak louder than words, be hotter than flames, wash away more than the ocean. Silence can destroy societies, steal the air from our lungs. Silence is unyielding, even in the loudest situations. Because we can hear that silence through the roar of the crowds and the cries of a child who has just lost his mother.
And the silence that had been there when it all ended… it never went away. When your world is collapsing around you, the silence that encases it never leaves even when all that's remaining is the ruble of your life. And that silence will follow you as you rebuild and redefine who you are. It will be in the cracks you've tried to mold back together, in the quiet moments of your life. And you cannot fight that silence, no matter how hard you try.
Silence will devour you inside and out, no matter how much you've tried rebuilding. It will take everything you have and leave you empty and craving for what it's taken. That craving will devour you even more. It will turn you into someone you aren't, it rips you apart. You're craving for air, and sound, and those who can turn the silence into something good, those who can help you get back what the silence has taken.
And the silence can kill you by deafening and blinding you to those who are around you. Deafening to the point where silence is all you hear. Blinding by silence being all you see. Silence becomes a void of despair to the point where it's not worth it to thrive anymore. And you know that when silence creeps back into your life, there's no point. They say there is, but there's not - and that's how silence blinds and deafens you. The moment you believe that there's no help is the moment the silence has taken over.
And I've fought the silence for most of my life. Struggled with the loss of my best friend. I had a firehouse family, people who supported me. Now, the silence fills the void where Shay once was. The silence has started taking over, and I plan to fight it until the day I die. Because silence will eat away at you, but if you find the right people, you can rebuild those chips it's taken away.