Warning: suicide, cutting, swearing
Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh.
Blood. Do you ever really think about it? I'll bet you don't. Honestly, I don't really blame you; I don't think most people do. You don't just wake up one day and think; gee blood is wonderful, the way it brings life to my cells and stuff, I think I'm going to cut my arm open and say hi to it. Well, actually that sort of happened to me but not really.
See, I'm what most people would label as a 'self-mutilator' or in a more frequently used term 'cutter.' I wasn't always like this though, no, this started when I found out that my Yami was going out with the queen of friendship herself, that slut, Anzu. This realization couldn't have come at a more inopportune time, as I had finally worked up the nerve to confess my undieing love to him the same day as they announced their relationship to everyone.
You should have seen the look on Bakura and Marik's faces! I would have laughed if my heart hadn't been being smashed into little pieces by a very large hammer. At least that's what it felt like.
Damn it, I saw him first! I risked a lot for him, my life, sanity, and soul on many occasions. Still, he only sees me as a friend, a best friend, closer than a brother friend, but a friend none the less.
One day, I was home alone, as usual. Yami was on a date and Grandpa was off in Egypt on a dig. Okay, so I was making dinner for myself, cutting up some onions, and I accidentally cut myself on the knife. At first, I was going to go wash it off but then I realized that for that one second, that tiny space of time when I felt the pain, I stopped thinking about Yami.
So, my reasoning was, if it worked that time, surely it would work again, right? So I tried it, again and again. No one ever noticed the cuts all along my arms; would they care if they did? So, I kept doing it, more and more often. No big deal, right?
But now, almost two years later, there's been a new announcement. They're getting married, and Yami wants me to be his best man. Fuck no. I would rather eat my own heart before I even considered going to a wedding that's tying him to that bitch for all eternity.
They can have the damn wedding without me. Ofcourse, I didn't tell them that to their faces, I just nodded my head and smiled like the good little boy that I'm supposed to be.
Some people say that this is the easy way out. I don't think that's true. The people who say that are just afraid to try. They don't know how hard it is to put that knife to your wrist and deal with the pain until you slowly sink into unconsciousness and finally, the end.
That's what I'm doing right now. Lying on the floor watching my life flow away in a crimson pool. I'm sorry if you think this is the easy way out. I don't and I probably won't regret this either. Even if I do, what good will it do me then?
It's getting darker and I'm starting to feel very tired. Before I go, just know this.
Yami, I love you.