So Beautiful, a twilight fanfic

Pen Name: addicted-to-romione-bedward

Title: So Beautiful

Fandom: Twilight

Pairing: Edward/Bella

Rating: M for language

Summary: After five years apart, Bella returns home to her only love, searching for forgiveness and a peaceful place away from Hollywood's hectic life. Inspired by Pete Murray's song So Beautiful. Written for Fandom for LLS.

Banner: Amy Fates Love-Queen (picture in my group)

Beta: A-Jasper-For-Me

Edward's POV

Sitting in my best friend's backyard is the best way I can spend this sunny Sunday. Emmett's great. He never asks stupid questions. He never pries. He doesn't hover like a damn overprotective mother hen.

Apparently, not today.

"Wuthering Heights, huh?"

I want to hurt him, but I don't move. Maybe he'll shut up.

"You always liked that book," he keeps talking.

I take a drag of my cigarette then exhale toward the sky. "Great book," I comment.

"You heard about the newest movie adaption then?"

"Yes, Emmett," I answer, irritated. I watch the clouds moving lazily over the blue sky.

"And you know who plays Catherine?" he insists.

"Emmett, pl-ease." My voice breaks and I hate myself. I take another drag.

"Man, it's been, what? Three years?" he asks uncertain, unsure how to broach the subject.

"Five," I correct him without thinking. "Five years," I explain when he shoots me a weird look.

I close my eyes, trying to block all the painful memories. It's in vain.

Memories bombard me from every direction.

Timid glances as we were made lab partners.

Intense stares as I realize what a beauty sits next to me.

Innocent hand brushes.

Shy smiles thrown in the hallway.

Nights of sneaking into her room.

Skipping classes.

Stolen kisses.

The first time.

The plan to move to Hanover.

The prom night.

Chickening out.

The note.

The emptiness.

"Edward!"

I jump, startled from my personal nightmare. "Yes?" I whisper, running a hand through my hair.

"I asked if you were up for a basketball game," Emmett says with a sour look. "Tomorrow. Our usual spot in the park."

"Nah, can't," I mumble, sitting up on my chair.

Tomorrow I'll be watching live stream and drowning myself in Heineken—with a side of Marlboro.

He nods solemnly. He understands.

Rosalie, Emmett's wife, wobbles out of the house. She looks about to give birth to their baby any day now. There's Alice, our friend, too.

It's almost like nothing changed. Same friends. Minus her.

Alice skips to me and lets a small piece of paper fall on my lap. "The premiere." She smiles.

I stare at the movie ticket until I no longer see it. I want to rip it up, but I'll hurt her feelings, so I just get up and leave the ticket on my chair. Then I leave.

Found myself just the other day
In the backyard of a friends place,
Thinkin' about you,
Thinkin' of the crowd you're in,
What you up to where you been?

Sitting crossed legged in front of my television reminds me of that time in my old room. We were rolling on the soft carpet, kissing and groping. My mom caught us and that night I received my first sex talk.

I lean against the wall, sighing. My faithful Heineken is to my left. To my right is a full packet of Marlboro. It won't last for long.

They start broadcasting.

I start smoking.

Heathcliff should have been played by a real man—someone like Gerard Butler, or Hugh Jackman, or someone else more suitable. Not Jacob Black.

I want to puke when I see him.

He thinks he's so important, posing and flashing his Colgate smile to the camera, answering questions with an air of importance.

I take a swig of my beer then take another cigarette out. As I light it, I hear the most alluring voice on the planet.

"Hi, there!" she says teasingly.

There's a question, but my focus is on her figure. I haven't seen her in months. And that is only Alice's fault. She's sending me articles about someone I wish I could forget.

I take a long drag, hold it, then puff it out.

And all the clothes that you wear,
And the colors in your hair
Shouldn't change you
Now you tell me why it's so
You bigger than mighty Joe,
(At least you think so)

You're still just as beautiful and perfect as ever. Your chestnut brown hair caught in a nice bun, a few rebel strands falling in your face—you used to hate that. Your lacey black dress is … horrid. The Bella I knew would never wear such a thing. Your black shoes are ridiculously high. And there's too much make-up on your face.

"Actually, yes," Bella says seriously. "I always loved the book. It's been my favorite since I first read it."

"LIAR!" I shout. "You hated it!"

"It's good to feel close to the character you play. I find myself a lot in Catherine," she adds softly.

She was like Catherine. A long time ago. Now … she's someone I don't recognize anymore.

Another drag of my cigarette.

Another lame question about her film partner.

She turns to look toward him. They both smile. I feel like puking again.

"Jake's just my friend."

Yeah, right.

"There must be a special someone," the reporter insists.

I'm really curious of her answer. The paparazzi have caught her with that slime ball one too many times.

That's when Bella looks at the camera, through the camera … right into my soul.

"There's always been someone. I hope he's still there," she says softly, her eyes shining with tears. But her mood shifts a one-eighty and when the next reporter appears, she's sporting a huge smile, answering about the movie.

She then poses for pictures with Jake. He's too close, invading her personal space.

God my fingers burn,
Now when I think of touching your hair
You have changed so much that I don't know,
If I can call you and tell you I care
And I would love to bring you down,
Plant your feet back on the ground

There's a stupid ray of hope she was talking about me a moment ago.

I pass out at some point during the live streaming.

I dream of the last few hours I had around Bella before she fled from my life.

"We'll get pneumonia!" I complain loudly.

"You're such a drama-que ... king!"

I roll my eyes, laughing. Trust Bella to make a drama-king.

I grab her wet hand and tug her, hoping she'll cooperate. I want home where it's warm and where we have dry clothes.

She tugs back, laughing freely, making me stumble and slip on the wet grass.

It's been ages since she's been so carefree, so happy.

Rain washes away all the fights we had in the past few months.

"You know what I want?" she suddenly asks, straddling my hips, pinning me to the wet ground.

"To go home?" I hint, squeezing her hips.

"No, silly! I want to make love in the rain! Right here, on this hill."

"Uh, Bella ..."

She raises an eyebrow at me in challenge. I frown at her. She pouts.

Fuck.

I can't say no to her.

Loud noises jerk me awake from the bittersweet dream.

I bet that's Alice at the door. She's going to ask questions I don't have answers to.

Did I watch last night?

Did I read something in Bella's answers?

Why did I sleep on the floor?

Do I care for my lungs or liver?

It's a never-ending pattern.

The knocking and ringing is relentless.

As I walk to the door, I remember how that night ended with us slipping in my house past three in the morning, giggling and sneezing, muddy and happy, with our prom clothes ruined.

Throw my smoke down on the ground,
Turn my head and I heard the sound,
(That reminded me)
Of the days so young and sweet
Always so much fun to meet
(At lest I thought so)

The beautiful dream was shattered when I woke up alone.

Bella's belongings were still scattered around my room, but there was also a note on the pillow.

She was gone—gone to chase her dream.

I wrench the front door open, already lighting myself a cigarette. I need one if I'm going to face Alice.

The smoke I just inhaled stopped in my throat make my vision blurry and disabling me from breathing correctly.

On my porch is not Alice, or any of my friends for that matter.

There is Bella, watching me anxiously. Her bottom lip is caught between her teeth, her eyes wide and trained on me. Her long hair looks frizzy and all over the place, a pair of sunglasses on top of her head. As my eyes wander lower, I see she's wearing the dress from last night, her heels in her hands.

Now you think you're so damn fine

You can rule the world no not mine,
I don't think so

Jesus.

She's not real.

No, this is another fucked-up dream.

"E ... d ... ward."

"Fuck," I hiss, rubbing my eyes furiously. I'm not sure if it's from the coughing fit I had or from seeing her but my eyes are stinging.

"Can I come in? Please?" she whispers, pleading me with her huge brown eyes.

I raise my hand to touch her and make sure she's real, but she recoils, fear crossing her pretty face.

"Bella!" I choke out.

How can she think I'd hit her? Even if some part of me wanted to cause her pain for tearing me apart, I'm not that kind of person.

My eyes see movement at the corner of the alley. Shit. It's that stupid neighbor with her dogs. She's the town's gossip rag.

I quickly pull Bella inside the house and close the door.

My palm feels like I've been zapped. I see Bella touching her wrist so she must be feeling it, too.

Nothing's changed about our static, apparently.

"You're here," I say stupidly, staring at her as if she's a mirage.

Her eyes jump to me. A tiny smile appears on her face. "Yes."

"Well, took you too goddamn long!"

Rejection can be clearly read on her face, and it looks like she's going to cry.

"Bella." I moan, fisting my hair. "Fucking hell, woman! You can't do this to me!"

"I'll just leave," she murmurs. "I am such an idiot. I had no idea you ... of course you found someone." She looks around the living room then her eyes fix on the hallway. "God, she's not there, is she?"

I can't help but chuckle.

It's not like I have any control over my body anymore.

"Unless you're talking about Kay, then no one's here."

"Kay!" Her eyes shine bright for a moment. "You still have her?"

"Yeah, but ... you're here to discuss my dog?" I wonder in disbelief, stubbing my burnt cigarette to an ashtray.

"I'm the most horrible person in the world!" She cries, collapsing on my armchair. "I can't do this anymore."

I hate to see her crying and distressed.

An internal struggle takes place in my body—to go and console her, or shout at her? Lash out for everything she's done to me?

A strangled sob escapes her fragile body, forcing me to make a decision. I cross the room and kneel in front of her, taking her hands.

"Bella, what happened? Why are you here?"

Her wet eyes meet mine. There are rivers of black mascara rolling down her cheeks, her red lipstick is smeared—she doesn't look at all like the 'newest Hollywood Sweetheart'.

She reminds me of my Bella. The Bella that put tons of mascara on her eyes then started chopping an onion to see if the trick worked ... only to have to use a lot of make-up remover pads afterwards. There was black mascara everywhere. My silly Bella.

God my fingers burn,
Now when I think of touching your hair
You have changed so much that I don't know,
If I can call you and tell you I care

The Bella that stole her mother's burgundy red lipstick then went down on me.

"I fucked up, Edward."

"No. Don't say that," I tell her vehemently. "You followed your dream. I always hoped you'd return to me. That's what it is? You're back?" I check.

She shakes her head.

My stomach sinks.

"Then why are you here?" I ask, coolly, standing. I start pacing my room.

"I'm a royal fuck-up. I needed to go someplace ... safe. Home."

"Well, you missed your parents' house. It was on the other street," I say with a sneer.

Now the scene that you're in,
And the people that you been with
Just get to me,
But you think I'm not as cool,
As you are so beautiful
Well who you fooling?

"Home is where—"

I laugh bitterly, cutting her off. "Cut the crap, Bella! That's one of your many rehearsed lines for your movies. Home is where you are. Then you faint or start crying. It's bullshit."

"It is true!" she says hotly, standing and coming to me. "When I stepped on the path that led to your door, I felt calm for the first time in months, years. I was home ... or so I thought."

I can't help but laugh some more. "Do you even hear yourself? Gold Hill—home? The world must truly be ending."

She always hated this place.

"Drama-king," she says softly, looking up into my eyes.

It's easy to slip back into those peaceful moments we had, that wonderful life.

"I think you should leave. I have no idea why you came after five goddamn years, but just ... go back to your uptown life, to that slime-ball of a boyfriend ... GO!" I yell, pointing to the door.

Well I'm here to tell you babe
The game you're in is just a game
So damn pretentious

Every time I pictured meeting Bella again was a nice scenario—we'd run to each other like in those cheap movies and hug and kiss and ... yeah. Reality is a bitch.

"NO!" She snaps, stomping her foot on the floor. "I have nowhere to go." Her voice breaks as she covers her face with her hands. "I fucked-up, Edward. That life isn't for me."

"To me it looks like you became a great actress. You're on the cover of those magazines you used to ridicule."

"Edward, I can't be happy. I tried. Trust me, I tried to focus on my work and everything, but when I'm not busy … I'm a royal mess. You mentioned the magazines … I bet you saw the spectacle I made of myself a couple years ago. I stopped thinking clearly … got involved in those stupid circles. But I'm done."

I stare at her, my brain refusing to work right.

Bella grabs my shirt, staring up at me. There's despair in her eyes, and she starts shaking.

I walk her back to the armchair, sitting next to her, stroking her hair.

I'm not sure what to say, so I keep my mouth shut.

If she told me now that she wanted me back, I'd agree. I'll believe her lies all over again, because I can't think right around her. I love her too much.

I always put her on a pedestal and she was my queen, my beautiful Bella—precious, innocent and just mine.

"If I followed you to college, I would have studied something for which I had no desire. Then we'd have returned here. This place—a dead end. So I left. I'm not proud of that." She shakes her head, sniffling. "It was suicidal to leave you. I knew I stabbed myself in the heart the second I decided to leave."

"Did you know you were leaving at prom? While we walked through the rain, after prom? When, Bella? You knew you were going to leave when we made love on that hill?"

Tears fall freely from her eyes as she refuses to meet my gaze.

Fuck.

She knew.

She had it planned all along.

"I took only my phone with me. My bag was packed and behind those rose bushes your mom used to love. I didn't tell anyone about my departure … well, apart from those notes. You know what's funny? When I sneaked out, not even Kay wanted to let me pass. She started barking and stood in front of the door."

"Smart dog," I say mechanically.

"Yeah … so, I left anyway. You know I don't drive, so I walked to the next town. Then I hitchhiked to LA."

I groan, realizing what could have happened to her.

"Once I arrived there, I knew it was stupid. What the hell was I going to do there? I knew no one, I had little money on me and …" She sighs heavily. "I ended up on the Walk of Fame, trudging my feet, refusing to buy food unless it was necessary. I was exhausted, mindlessly reading star names when I collided with someone."

"Typical." I chuckle.

"The man waved his hand around then started walking again, only to stop and come after me. He told me he knew when he saw someone that needed help. I felt so ashamed in that moment, but he explained he didn't mean it as if I was homeless—which I was. He asked if I'd like to appear in a sitcom. I told him no, worried I managed to bump into a porn producer, but he insisted and somehow I left with him. That is one of the few decisions I made while gone that I can't regret. Ever."

"That's how you ended up in that stupid sitcom? I never watched it," I add quickly when she looks at me amused. "Emmett is the one with that shit."

"Of course."

We share a smile, and my heart almost bursts out of my chest.

"I was never happy, Edward. I can't live without you anymore."

"Don't be silly. You have everything you wanted there."

"Almost—you're not there with me," Bella says brokenly.

"And I will never be there!"

"I'll go wherever you go. I just can't stand being away from you. I hurt both of us immensely just to follow a stupid dream that didn't make me happy in the least. I want a normal life with you."

"I'm sorry to break it to you, but your life will never be normal again."

"There are actors out there that keep their lives private. I know I can do it, too—for us."

"What about the slime-ball? Did you break up?" I sneer.

Bella watches me worried, shaking her head. "I don't know how to do it … to make it public. Jake doesn't know either … and it's like treading on stormy waters here. We have to be careful."

"I don't care about what's-his-face."

"Edward, I'm not seeing him per se. Uh, it's complicated. We decided when the time came, we'd do it in front of the cameras so there will be no uncertainty about our relationship." She rolls her eyes, moving her fingers in the air creating quotation marks.

"Wait, you're not really with him?" I ask, confused.

"No, Edward. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Blame Simon for this relationship. It was his idea."

"Simon?" I'm trying to keep up with her, but she's getting agitated and an agitated Bella never made sense.

"My P.R. manager," she explains. "He'll call any minute now asking where I disappeared to. Why I didn't attend that stupid after-party. Oh, and Hottie will have my neck for leaving without him." She groans, palming her face. "Fuck, I'm a mess," she mumbles, staring at her black hand.

"Hottie … is that your real boyfriend?" I ask carefully, feeling sick at the pit of my stomach.

"I don't have a boyfriend. I lost the only one I loved when … uh!" She looks at me pleadingly. "Can you ever forgive me?"

"Who's Hottie?"

"That's your problem?" she asks amused. "For claiming to be up-to-date with my life, you're awfully uninformed. Hottie, or Felix, is my bodyguard. Everyone calls him that. By everyone, I mean my female fan club. Whatever. Back to us."

I can't help but laugh.

I almost forgot how determined my Bella used to be. Not thinking, I wrap my arms around her, pressing my face into her hair.

You think you're so beautiful
(So beautiful)

"I missed you, Bellissima."

She chokes up, hugging me back. "I missed you, too! Oh, Edward. I'm such a fu—"

"Stop saying shit about yourself. If we want to make this work … because I'm willing to give us another shot, you need to stop insulting yourself."

"Another shot?" Bella asks hopeful, pulling her head back to stare at me.

"Yes, Bellissima. We'll figure everything out at the time being. And I agree on the private life, as for you quitting your dream … I might personally hurt you if you do that."

"Oh, Edward! I love you so much!"

I stifle, but finally allow my tears to fall as I hug her tightly.

My doorbell ringing separates us.

Now, this is Alice. I really don't want to face her, but she's so goddamn insistent.

On my way to the door, Kay wanders to the living room. She spots Bella and for a moment she seems undecided—to bark or to inspect the guest? She recognizes Bella because she runs to her and whines, rubbing her head to Bella's leg.

I shake my head amused, opening the front door.

For the second time today, the person on my doorstep is not who I expected.

There's a large man, who looks to be seven feet tall and a mass of muscles.

"Tell Isabella to come out for a minute. I know she's here because she always spoke of you and home. You're Edward Cullen, right?"

I nod, too shocked to talk. Turning my head to call for Bella, I gasp when I find her behind me.

"Hey, Felix," she greets the man outside.

Felix—her bodyguard.

"Where the heck is your phone?"

"I lost it. Swear to God!" she adds in a hurry when he frowns.

"And you took my car!" He points to the black SUV in front of my house.

"I couldn't very well tell you to drive me here."

"I'd have done it. Now, about your phone," he insists.

"I threw it out the window. Happy? Everyone kept ringing me …"

I can't help but laugh at her annoyance. Felix doesn't seem amused.

"Keys." He extends his hand.

Bella frowns. "They're in the car."

"Let me guess. In the ignition?" He shouts.

She nods meekly.

"I should have never taught you how to drive. Never." Grumbling, he walks away.

Bella shoots me a panicked look before sprinting after him. "Wait! Are you going to leave me here?"

"I'm just taking the keys. Go back and talk with him. I'll be around. There must be something fun to do in this town."

"I wouldn't hold my breath," I hear Bella muttering before walking to me. She trips over the train of her lacey dress, which seems to annoy her. To my continuous amusement, she rips it making Felix shriek about the price of the dress.

"Versace can take it and shove it up their asses!"

Bella comes to me smiling as if nothing happened, a piece of lace trailing behind her.

"God, how I missed you, Bella!"

~.~ So Beautiful ~.~

The months that follow Bella's return are filled with adjustments.

She makes up with her parents, who were never exactly upset considering she made a name for herself. They always condemned her for hurting me.

Our friends are a different story.

Not sure how to show everyone she is back, the evening of her return we decide to walk to the store for some snacks. I'm out of food.

Bella insists on joining me, so it's now or never.

Felix booked himself a room in the only motel in town. Bella tells him not to worry for her. She's safe.

And she is.

I will never allow anyone to hurt her.

Kay seems inseparable from Bella, so we had to take her with us. I also lent Bella some of my clothes. The tricky part was the shoes but after searches through some boxes I had stored in the basement, we found a pair of her old sneakers.

We shop in peace, but she's fidgety, glancing around a lot. I try to ease her nerves that there's no one in our hole-in-the-wall town to snap her picture or harass her. She starts believing me, only to have it all blow up in our faces at the register.

Jen squeals and throws herself at Bella, babbling about how she missed her and shit. The damage is done. I see most of the patrons with their phones out, pointed at Bella.

Seriously.

She's one of us. We should stick up for the people in our town.

Bella quickly tugs the cap borrowed from me, over her face and sprints out of the store. I pay for our stuff, glare at everyone around and rush after her. I find her a few feet away from the doors.

"They're idiots," I mutter.

"I hate when they do this—no matter where I am. Can we go to your house?" I can hear exhaustion rolling off her voice.

I take her hand, not caring one bit of what our peers are thinking. I know some followed me out of the store.

"We need to get used to this."

"No!" Bella snaps, looking up at me. "No. This shouldn't happen."

"But it happens, and there's nothing we can do about it."

I understand that part of her life. I'm willing to take her back, and that means this celebrity part, too.

We're two streets away from my house when my cell phone starts ringing.

Finally. Alice.

"Hi," I answer casually, throwing Bella a small smile.

"Jeez. Hi yourself. You sound chipper."

"What is it, Alice?" I ask.

"Look, I don't know how to say it … so I'll just blurt it out."

"Go ahead."

"I have no idea how it happened, but it think the papz heard about you being in her life at some point and got a hold of your picture! There are Photoshopped pictures of you and Bella everywhere!"

"Already?" I hiss, shocked.

How the fuck did that happen?

"What do you mean, already?" Her voice sounds smaller and smaller. "HOLY FUCK!"

I hear her scream inside and outside the phone.

"That's Bella? Right there, next to you?" Alice screeches.

I don't get to answer because Alice, who apparently was coming to visit me, rushes toward us, slamming into Bella as she squeals and hugs her tightly. A minute later, she starts screaming and shaking Bella.

I step between them, glancing behind us where I can see at least three people from the store. "Can we go inside?" I gesture to my house.

Needless to say, in less than thirty minutes, all our friends are over.

Emmett lifts Bella off the ground, hugging and spinning her.

Jazz notes that I know how to brand what's mine, nodding to Bella's clothes.

Rose is angry for a total of five minutes before she drops the guard and embraces her friend.

As I sit in my armchair with Bella on my lap, as she fills our friends in on her whereabouts, it feels like nothing has changed. I'm aware there's a lot we need to talk about but it can wait. For the moment, I just want my Bella.

Over the next few days, it seems pictures of us shopping are everywhere. She's called tons of names, and I feel like punching each and every person that says it.

Bella "breaks-up" with Jacob.

To keep her reputation, Jacob comes out, showing up everywhere with his three-years-long-steady-relationship boyfriend.

It all eventually winds down and people forget about it.

Bella has to film her new picture, and I visit her every weekend. Sometimes, we allow the paparazzi to snap a few shots because Simon says it's good for Bella's image. She disagrees, but still does it. Other times, we get caught by mistake and the news doesn't leave the headlines for days.

In between her projects, she returns to our house—the peace our town provides.

Bella's father, who coincidently or not is the town mayor, made everyone show her respect and stay out of her private life.

She spends most of the time with me at the pet store. I've been working there ever since high school, and never thought of changing my job. I love my job.

I understand her. She followed her dream, just like I always argued with everyone about my job. I guess we can relate.

We work around everything.

Of course, we have fights—mostly because I have jealous fits, but we always make up by the end of that day. I follow her to most of her premiers, or photo shoots, or wherever else she needs to go. Then we return to our safe place.

Who would have thought Gold Hill could become a safe place, a place Bella would need to be to get away from her hectic life. The dead-end town is everything she craves now.

END

I'm writing for a few more fundraiser and I'll post whenever I'm allowed to do it.

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