Dudley's life (as told by him)
By Dudley Dursley
Quick note: This story was written by Dudley, from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone and bits of the Chamber of Secrets. His story. I really shoulda been the editor here, but I'm just too lazy to care, and too ditzy to know how to spell most anyway. Please (as rudely mentioned) R/R and tell me if I should continue with 3 and 4. Thanks, and good luck understanding!
Hi my names Dudley I'm 14 years old and 290 lbs but i'm on a bad diet and i gett bigger grapefruit than everyone else cause i'm speacial. anyways this is my lif since Hary came into it and he gots a first book written about him so i said to mum "why issnt there a book written about me" and i fake cries so mum says "write one yourself" so i says ok and goes to my compoter which ugly hary isin't allowd on and types this up
I was a year old and i saw a kitty on our corner and i liked the kitty, and wanted to give it sweets cause thats what kittys like so i ask mum and she says no so i kick and scream and say "I wont go in the houose 'cause i need to give the kitty candy" and mum was happy 'cause i said wont and i gave the kitty candy but the kitty didnt eat it and i was sad but then i sat and dad was saying somthng about Hary but I didnt realize it and went to bed. The next morng the kitty was gone and there was Hary there so mabbe hary was the kitty buthe changed in to hary and i tries to get him to change back but he says no i can't do that so i breaks his glasses.
I pokes him and says hi but he just cried and so I beat him up when mum wasn't looking and hit him in the face and ruined his eyesite so mum has to go when hes 5 and going to skool and get him ugly glases to go with his ugly face and so I was at skool too but i didn't need glases so i beat Hary up at reces with pirs, malcom, denis, and jordn cause it was fon and we beat him good. Then, in 3rd grade, when i was in specaiael classes but he wasn't 'cause i'm smater than him thats what mum and dad say and lok Hary in the cubboard cause hes bad when auntie marge comes and tries to win at my games but she says "oh no you dont" and whaks him with her cane. Then, when auntie marge came again, Hary porposely steppd on ripper the dogs tail and chasd after him which was funnie and i laffed lots! cause harys bad!
Then on my b - day, i wakes up and hary is fring eggs, i want some but he hasnt got enough yet so i count my presents like 1, 2, 4, 8, and so on but i says "36. That's 2 less than last year" cause i count everything. but i scrwed up and forgot auntie marges presnt and i got 2 more but then sommat bad happened and hary has to go to the zoo with me and pirs but i dont want him to come so i fake cries again but he still comes and mum even bys him a lemon ice pop, and then they screws up on my nikerbokr glory so i gets another one and hary gets to finish the other one but i wanted to finsh it but i wasnt gonna cry in front of pirs, o no i a man, so i let him. and then we went to the reptle hoose and the snake was borng and dad couldnt make it move so i left and sudnly the glass disapred and i made up a story that the snake almost bit off me leg!!! hary was stil a bad boy and he got his cubbord.
So one day, cause mum and dad were admirng me again on a day i makes hary get the mail cause i tried to poke him with my smelting sitk and he doges it and i give up so i gives up and dad reads a letter from auntie marge (who gives me pounds) and i look at ugly hary to say sommat mean but he has a letter and reads it but i says to dad "dad, harys got sommat" and dad snatches it away. then mum says "vernon!" and i thinks thats a cus word but i dunno and then they argue so i got the keyhol and they very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very (*Ok, Dudley, we have the point*) mean and rotn thing to do and they take away my xtra bedroom but i need that room! mum is stoopid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then, wes go lots of places and i couldn't pak my stuff and i was wappd by dad hard so i didn't pak my compooter and vcccr and telivison cause dad wappd me and we left and went to a hotel and then we gots letters agin but then dad said that we had to go agian but i cried cause wrestlng wasnt where we was going we went to a hut on the rock and i didnt like it but then at 12 oclock a big guy came and shot a canon and i got a piggy tail (atually, i always wanted a piggy tail) but dad said i had to get it remoofed but hagrit (the guys name) cooked hot dogs and i liked hot dogs so i sqremed and dad said "dont touch anything he givs you, dudley" so i dont and i tries hard. And the nite is over and harys actally a wizrd isnt that cool and id get him to do magic trix but he cant cause dad and mum are scareed.
Hary deisapers and comes back with an owl "mum" i says "i wanna owl" and i doesnt get one cause mom is stoopid, and hary gets one and then we go to kings cros the trian staton and hary has to go to platfrom 9 and 3 qarters we all laff cause theyres a 9 and a 10 but no 9 and 3 quarters so we drives off and leafs hary. i then go to have the "rudy tale" remofed and it hurts but soorgey is cool doesnt you think?
I then starts my year at smeltngs where dad wenand i gets fs for fatastic, and as are awful cause i said so but then hary comes home and he is scary and does magic but latr we find out he's not suposd to do magic and he does so he gets a warnng and i laffs but that day hary had to do chores and it was his b-day but thse company peple take and comes over to our hoose and i take there coats and hary breaks perfcty good puddin and what yoo dont know id that i ate it offa the foor and that was fun cause mum didnt know and i likd it and puddin is good good good good! i thinks better then hotie dogs. anywho, hary goes back to his skool and i get more fantastks. oh yea i found a substitute for hary his name is er i forrgot but i thinks its dork cause thats wot i always call em but neway fantastks are good better than stoopid as cause pirs gets ds so hes darned dunno what that means but i thinks it means he's stoopid like mum!
So whaddya think? pleese R/R or i'll beat you up good! Or i'll get stoopid mum! 'mere stoopid mum...er, smart wonderfol mum. hehhehehehehehehehehehehe!
DISCLAIMER: Dudley, hary (Harry Potter), hagrit (Rubeus Hagrid) Vernon, and everything else you recognize is J.K Rowling's, not mine or Dudley's.