The Tabris Window
Wearing my formal armor, I walked into the newly finished chapel at Vigil's Keep near Amaranthine. I had wanted to celebrate my marriage here in a place that held more meaning for me than the Chantry in Denerim. Arl Eamon had strongly insisted that the wedding be performed in the capital, but I had overruled stating that after we had the initial ceremony here we could have a formal presentation ceremony in the capital. This was something I needed for myself.
Walking along the marble floors, amid the pillars in the hush of the empty chapel I could not help reminiscing over the last couple of years since the Blight. Once the world had seemed so small and simple, but now everything had changed. I was not the same man that had reluctantly taken the reigns of an entire country in the aftermath of all the chaos and death.
The architecture of the building was quite stunning, with the prerequisite statues of Andraste, but I had insisted on a more secular bent for the windows lining the western wall. Craftsmen in Orlais had perfected a means of coloring glass: they called it "stained glass." Special artists would arrange the colored glass in frames, sealing them with molten lead, to form complex pictures and scenes depicting stories. When I had heard of this I invited some of the most celebrated stained glass artisans to come and design windows for the chapel. The results were breathtaking during the close of the day.
Each window represented an individual that had served the Gray Wardens or the country of Ferelden. At the beginning of the series was a window commemorating Duncan, King Cailan and the Wardens that had perished at Ostagar. At the center was a figure in gray armor, carrying an ornate shield with the outline of a griffin in blue and brandishing a sword in his hand. At his side was another figure in gold armor and a red cape. Surrounding them were flames and various shades of purple and ruins of gray stone. Hulking above the two central figures was an artists' interpretation of a great, horned ogre, though it was a perplexing shade of light green. I had inquired about it, but the artist, Gaston, had explained that he had never seen an ogre first hand and the color implied bile and poison, making the figure seem more menacing and enabling it to stand out in contrast to the gray and gold figures in the foreground. Not wishing to insult him, I let him explore his interpretation and avoided mentioning that they were paler with bluish scales around their shoulders and back as I had seen many times. The window was magnificent, regardless.
The next window depicted the slaying of the archdemon Dumat at the Battle of Silent Plains at the end of the First Blight. A figure of a great orange dragon is flanked on all sides by armies depicting elves, dwarves and humans. The window seems to be a cyclone of confused limbs, swords, shields and colored battle penants all swirling around the center figure of the doomed archdemon, showing the combined might of the armies. It made one nearly nauseous with the implied movement, but it was an interesting feat.
The third window commemorated the end of the Second Blight. I should not have been surprised, considering that the artisan was Orlesian, that the figure in the forefront was a representation of the Emperor Kordillus Drakon I in a crown with the crest of the Orlesian nobility on his shield, facing down the archdemon Zazikel, accompanied by some figures of smaller stature in gray armor, which I assumed were Gray Wardens about to charge in and save the Emperor from being eaten. (The man had lived to die of old age in his own bed. I doubt he would have been foolhardy enough to charge in against something that resembled a dragon. He had probably been sitting on a horse somewhere safely in the back.) The scene took place on the vast green plains of Starkhaven, with the castle nestled prominently in the background. Aside from the obviously flawed logic, it was a lovely window.
Predictably the next window commemorated the end of the Third Blight, followed by a window commemorating the end of the Fourth Blight. At the forefront of this window was a figure representing Garahel in Elven green armor striking the killing blow to the dark plum colored figure of the archdemon Andoral, with an amassed army gazing on in abject wonder. I somehow doubt it was that organized, but it is not an easy thing to capture something as bloody as a battle in glass. Also, there were probably more darkspawn, but they do not look so romantic represented on chapel walls. I was somewhat impressed that the man had even included an ogre in the first window.
The last window in the series was for the Fifth Blight, Our Blight. (It seems a queer thing to claim ownership of something that was so destructive, so wrenching.) Unlike the other Blights that had seemed to stretch over vast swaths of Thedas, this Blight had focused itself on us, on Ferelden. It robbed us of a king, wiped out nearly all of the resident wardens, destroyed the capital city, as well as many of the southern farmholds and villages. It culminated in a final moment at the top of the tower at Fort Drakon in Denerim. This is the moment captured in that window.
The sky is a wash of crimson. It amazes me that the artist actually captured that color perfectly, it is exactly the color that I remembered it. In the center of the window is the archdemon, Urthemiel, sprawled upon his back, its black wings at crooked angles and its tail coiled around itself. Standing upon its chest, with a great sword raised high in order to strike the beast's heart, is the figure of an auburn haired woman with tapered ears in gray armor. It was made to look like a shaft of light has opened from the heavens, bathing her in a halo of gold.
The image makes my heart ache slightly. It does not capture all the things I valued in her: her warmth, her patience, her humor. The icon is bare of such things that made her mortal. In this window she is immortalized as a hero in her sacrifice for her country and her people. It is both overwhelming and awe inspiring for me to look at this image and think of her. Remembering how deeply I felt in that moment, when I could not be with her, when I could not rescue her for she refused to be rescued. She was no damsel, she was a warrior and she made me proud to call her comrade.
Even now that I have healed some of the wounds made that day, I still love her. She is part of who I was then and she saw the potential of the man I could be, she believed in that potential so greatly that she gave herself so that I could continue on. If I closed my eyes, I could still hear the echo of the words that she had intoned in that dream, "…Be what you have it in you to be: a good king."
This window was so much better than a cold, imposing statue. It truly captured the spirit of courage she embodied in that final moment.
"This chapel is quite exquisite. It almost puts the cathedral in Val Royeaux to shame. Who would have imagined that you would have commissioned such an artistic achievement? You have become a true patron of art." These words came from behind me with a heavy Orlesian accent.
"Leli?" I cried as I turned around to greet my old friend. I had been trying to contact her for months in order to invite her to the wedding with little success. Now here she was, decked in a lovely gown of rich, russet Orlesian silk that complimented her red hair. She was quite a vision, "How did you know to come?"
She smiled enigmatically, "I have my connections."
The statement made me slightly wary, "Have you been working for the Orlesian court, then?"
"No," she shook her head, "I found work with the Chantry. I serve the Divine, though not as a lay sister. Forgive me, Alistair, but that is all I can say. I assure you, though, that I am not a spy, if that is what you were angling at?"
"Alright, I will not pry. I am just happy to see you." I offered her my arm and led her back to the doors.
She gently placed her hand at the crook of my arm, against the cold metal of the armor. Her laughter was musical and filled the previously silent chapel with a warm, vibrant sound. It made me long to hear her sing and fill it with the sound of a hymn.
"You are in love with your betrothed." This was spoken as an observation and not as a question as she cast me a glance from the corner of her eye, gaging my response.
"What makes you say that, Leli?"
"Most monarchs would make a large display before the populace in a grand ceremony, particularly if it were a political alliance. To insist on such a small service here implies sentimentality. The only other possibility is that she is with child and you are hoping to hide it for the sake of decorum."
I chuckled, "It is definitely not the latter, not that I would have minded if that were the case."
"Indeed," she smiled mischievously, "you are certainly more progressive than the young Chantry boy that I remember from our adventures. You used to blush so sweetly whenever I would tease you."
My cheeks warmed slightly, though more from laughter than embarrassment, "You could make a hardened soldier blush. In fact, I am tempted to have you seated next to Teyrn Grey at the wedding dinner just to see what effect you would have on him."
"Teyrn Grey?" She asked this with a certain amount of interest, "Is he the new Teyrn that I heard about? He was formerly a knight, correct?"
"Yes, he did me great service and earned the gratitude of an entire arling. The people requested he be made teyrn and I endorsed the choice. He is a capable administrator and a loyal supporter. I could not have chosen better." I confirmed.
She cocked her eyebrow, "The nobles allowed this?"
"The neighboring nobles of his arling agreed enthusiastically. He has been good for the land. There has been the usual grumbling of discontent from some of the older families closer to Denerim, but I cannot worry about pleasing everyone." I assured her, my jaw tensing slightly.
"I assume that is how it always is with politics. All things that I have heard indicate that you are widely respected among your people. Even when there was the uprising a year ago, that was mostly manipulated by outside sources and the unpleasantness with Anora." She nodded.
I sighed, "I am just considering releasing her and banishing her from the land. It seems cruel to keep her imprisoned indefinitely, but she continues to find ways to cause problems and insight unrest. Eamon still insists that I should just have her executed. I just cannot forget that she was married to Cailan and he loved her."
"Are you sure?" Leliana asked, an interesting skew to her voice.
I turned and looked at her squarely, "Back in Ostagar, Cailan had amongst his things a letter from Eamon recommending that he put Anora aside because it was suspected that she was barren. He had also received a correspondence from Empress Celene implying that she was trying to court a possible match with him and he had crumpled the letter up at some point, though he still saved it."
She nodded, "I recall that. You had shared it with us at the camp when you were still adjusting from the shock of having to give him a proper funeral with a pyre."
"What I did not mention is that he had also kept a half started correspondence to Anora that he had begun to write in Ostagar before the battle. I will not go into detail, but it imparted some of his feelings toward her that seemed quite genuine." I confided, "My half-brother was not a good politician or general, but what he had plenty of was passion, optimism and honesty. If Ostagar illustrated anything it was that Cailan would never allow himself to be talked out of something he had set his heart on and felt strongly about. Just as Teyrn Loghain could not convince him to walk away from a battle, Eamon would never have been able to convince him to divorce Anora, of that I am certain. Perhaps he may have only been a political match for her, but Cailan had genuinely loved Anora to the very end."
"So you keep her alive to honor his memory and love for her?"
I shrugged, "That is the heart of it, yes!"
"I just hope that your romantic notions do not cause you more trouble than happiness." She stated this with genuine concern.
"My, my, Leli," I replied, "since when have you become so grim? You were always the romantic of our band."
She smiled, "I am still trying to find a balance. I enjoy a good romance as much as any other woman, but I have lived in a harsh world, my dear. Seeing you, though has filled my heart with happiness. You seem lighter than you did the last time I was in your presence. Your eyes shine with the old humor that I had thought had died."
"It did not die, it was just lost for a time. I just had to find it again and get reacquainted."
"That is reassuring to hear. Above everything else, she had wanted you to be happy."
I raised the back of her hand gently to my lips, laying a chaste kiss on it, before leading her to the door once again, "I hope, Leli, that you too will find your happiness. She wanted that for you as well and you deserve no less."
"Thank you, your Majesty, I will endeavor to do so." She reassured me with an affectionate pat on the hand and a chaste kiss on my cheek as she left me to find a seat and the rest of the wedding party arrived, save for the bride and her escort.
I greeted the Revered mother as she entered and escorted me to the head of the chapel. Two other sisters carefully lit the candles that would offer the light once the sun had completely set, leaving the stained glass windows dark. It was almost sunset and the colors from the windows flooded the chapel with a rainbow of light. It was lovely and I cast my eyes to the Tabris Window again and could almost hear the words whispered to my heart, "Be well, Love. … I am not asking you to live without me. I am asking you to live. Part of me dwells with you. For a time you allowed me to guard your heart. Now you must choose a new guardian. Someone you can trust, someone you honor."
"Thank you, Love." I whispered softly so that no one else could hear me, "Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for teaching me how to love and how to be loved. Thank you for helping me to let you go so that I could become a better man, one worthy to be loved by this new guardian. I trust her, I honor her and I love her. It does not diminish the love that I have for you, but it enables me to keep living and keep growing into the good king that you always knew I could be. I will ever be grateful to you for being a mentor, a friend and a true love."
The peace that filled my heart in that moment filled me with warmth and then I looked down the aisle to see the door open and my bride step inside, her lithe figure dressed in a delicate white gown that whispered gently along the marble floor as she approached me. Then Leliana's voice raised itself into a song, enriching the moment in music so sweet that it glided through the air:
"It is only in love that we bear the burden of living,
It is only in love that we learn the joy of giving,
It is only in love that we follow the Maker's feet,
It is only in love that we learn to be complete,
It is only in love that we realize our true end,
It is only in love that we find the Maker again,
So let us join now in love and let it be our guide,
So let us join now in love and let it lead us to the Maker's side."
Our few specially invited witnesses stood with me and watched in near awe as my bride walked past with the chapel awashed in a gorgeous spectrum of light from the windows and beautiful music drifted through the air. Even beneath her veil I could just make out the twinkle of her eyes with joy and a touch of humor. We had actually made it this far.
After what seemed like an eternity, she was finally beside me and I took her hand in mine, eager to begin the rest of my life with her as the Mother solemnly intoned the words, "It is only together that we truly find the love of the Maker which is made perfect in our love for one another. Come brothers and sisters as we celebrate this union."
For KCousland,
May your love for one another enable you to smile in the face of adversity, may your love for one another help you to see the beauty in what others find to be unlovely, and may your love for one another provide you with the support that the two of you need to become the amazing people that you have the potential to be together. It is an amazing journey.
This story was written in response to a challenge on the Cheeky Monkeys of Dragon Age message board and in honor of KCousland's upcoming wedding.