Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any characters in the Harry Potter Canon.
This is not in the canon of any of my other fanfictions, it is a completely stand-alone one-shot. I'm sorry this isn't an update to either of those stories, but this has been sitting on my hard drive for months now. This diverges from the HP Canon after OOTP, although it is set in Harry's sixth year at Hogwarts.
Please Enjoy and Review!
You Are Worth It
'Nothing's better than getting outside and flying around,' Harry thought. The sixteen-year-old boy swooped through the center goal hoop at the end of the Quidditch pitch, banking sharply to slip back through the next goal hoop and then diving straight down to the pitch. Harry pulled up at the last moment, skimming his toes through the thick green grass as he fought to overcome Newton's Laws. A merry laugh forced its way out of his throat He slowly drifted up to be level with the stands, eyes roving the stadium.
Harry frowned when he saw a lone figure huddled on one of the stands. It was November in Scotland. Harry was bundled up in three jumpers over a long-sleeved shirt, two thick pairs of track pants, multiple woolen pairs of socks and a heavy Quidditch robe over all of it. All of those layers and he was still chilled to the bone out in the misting rain in late November. The lone figure in the stands was huddled in on themselves, obviously freezing without a cloak.
Harry glided down and landed on the stands a few meters away from the figure. Getting closer, he could see it was a younger female student with pale blonde hair and that the girl wasn't wearing any sort of heavy cloak that he would have expected at this time of year.
"Hey," Harry called out softly to the student. He continued to slowly move closer to her, setting down his Firebolt on a row of seats along the way. The younger girl jerked about, falling off her precarious perch with a soft cry. Harry lunged forward to catch her, barely catching the girl before she hit the stone floor below.
Now that he was up close with the girl, Harry recognized Luna Lovegood. He set her back on the bench and whipped his heavy Quidditch robe off his body, throwing it around her shoulders and pulling it tight around her. Now that he could see Luna properly, he saw that she was wearing a threadbare summer-weight school robe over her uniform, a pair of thin socks without shoes, and was soaking wet. Her wand was also missing from it's usual place behind Luna's ear. Fury began to boil inside his veins and a film of red began to cloud his sight.
"Luna, what are you doing out here? It's freezing!" Luna smiled absently, her teeth chattering slightly.
"Oh, just Nargles and Wrackspurts playing tricks." Harry shook his head as he guided her to her feet, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and tugging the Quidditch robe tighter around the slim girl. "Don't worry about me, Harry. The Nargles always bring back what they've taken and Wrackspurts can never focus for very long." The slim blonde unconsciously huddled against Harry's side as a gust of wind blew through the stadium. Harry absently held out a hand, summoning his broom into the palm of his hand, as he continued guiding her out of the stands.
"Luna, why are you out here?" The blonde looked down at herself.
"Oh, some Wrackspurts infected a couple of my classmates and caused them to chase me out of the castle." Harry guided Luna into the nearest exit, a tunnel leading out of the stadium with a door to the castle, stopping when the girl seemed to bounce off an invisible barrier three meters from the doorway. The Boy-Who-Lived quickly turned back to Luna, making sure that she didn't fall.
"What happened? Why can't we get into the school?" Luna shook her head.
"Part of the Nargle trick. It's quite interesting, actually. They've made it so that I can't get back into the school for another several hours." Harry turned sharply away from Luna, masking the sudden flame of anger which flared in his emerald eyes. The young man flicked his wrist as he turned back to Luna, catching the wand that flicked out of the holster sitting on the underside of said wrist. He swished the wand, conjuring a large canvas tarp and sticking the four corners to cover the tunnel opening, and swished the wand again to conjure a stack of dry wood. A series of flicks conjured two chairs, a simple knife, and a stack of gray, circular stones. Harry moved the stones to form a small circle in front of the chairs and Harry began stacking the wood in the center.
Luna looked at the older boy curiously. He was quite unlike anyone else she met in her five years at Hogwarts. Harry Potter was a study in contrasts. He was kind without thinking about it, but he also could be immensely hurtful with a similar lack of forethought. He was bright but was often viewed as being much dimmer than he obviously was. It was obvious that he held more magical power than most, that was evident by his casual silent conjuring but never lorded that power over his peers. Harry Potter was the most famous individual in the British Wizarding World, yet he was concerned about someone like her? She was nothing but a crazy girl who spoke of imaginary creatures.
Harry stacked the wood into a box, saving a single piece. He picked up the knife and began whittling out a small pile of shavings, then carved out numerous slivers in gradually larger pieces. He placed the shavings in the center of the larger wood box and used his wand to light them. The green-eyed young man nursed the small fire, feeding it slivers until it gained enough strength to begin emitting heat. Looking up with a lopsided grin, Harry saw Luna standing beside the chairs, shivering. His grin faded away.
"Luna? You can sit down if you want to. It'll warm up in here in a bit." The boy blinked and tilted his head in thought. "Oh, do you want me to conjure some clothing so you can change out of those wet clothes?" Luna hesitantly nodded her head.
Harry pulled out his wand and conjured another tarp, sticking it to the ceiling and floor of the tunnel, dividing the impromptu room. Another wand flick conjured a blue tracksuit that floated into Luna's arms. "I'm not great at judging clothing sizes, so the suit is probably not going to fit super well. I can shrink it to fit, though!'
She disappeared behind the tarp after a brief nod of thanks. She came back with her uniform and robe draped over her arm. Harry grinned crookedly at the blonde girl and motioned towards one of the seats.
"Have a seat. I set up a clothesline over there so you can dry your uniform. I'm pretty good at Transfiguration, but even my conjurations won't hold up forever. Several hours, at best." Luna smiled serenely as she sat down, handing over her uniform so Harry could hang it up on a line that stretched over the fire.
The pair sat in silence for a while. Harry stared into the roaring fire, the flickering light reflecting in his emerald eyes. Luna looked at him after a while.
"Harry?"
"Hmm?" Harry looked up at the girl with a raised eyebrow.
"Why are you helping me? You could have just gone back inside and gotten warm with your friends instead of staying out here in the cold with me."
"Well, Luna, you are one of my friends. And what kind of person would I be if I left someone out here to freeze to death in the cold?" Luna turned away sharply, hiding tears.
"Thank you." She didn't believe him. Eventually, he'd get bored and leave her alone. Everyone left her alone in the end. Her mother left her when she died. Ginny left her as soon as they got to Hogwarts. Her roommates abandoned her because they didn't believe the creatures she talked about were real. Even the friends she thought she made in the DA last year had left her, now the DA no longer met and they didn't have a reason to talk to her anymore. Once Harry understood that she wasn't worth anything, he would leave her too.
The pair sat in silence for a while longer. Harry looked at his watch and moved to peek around the tarp at the entrance to the tunnel. He walked back to his conjured chair and sat down.
"Luna, do you know who put up the ward to keep you out here?" The slim blonde shook her head. Knowing anything always just made the next trick even worse. She flinched at the scowl on Harry's face.
"I'm not angry at you," Harry said, realizing that she thought his scowl was directed at her. "I'm angry at the people who did this to you. We've been out here for over four hours. If I hadn't decided to go out and fly today, then you would have been out here in nothing but soaked clothes. This is more than a prank, it's attempted murder." Luna looked up at him with surprise in her eyes. "Luna, you would have frozen to death out here." The girl drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, staring at the ground.
"I'm sorry you're out here with me. You can go ahead inside. I'll be fine." Harry raised an eyebrow, confused.
"What? No. I'm not leaving you out here, waiting for an unknown ward to come down at some point just so you can go back inside where you should be. If I leave, the conjurations will disperse within a few minutes, leaving you with no clothes, no fire, and nothing to block the wind. I'm good right where I am." Having said his piece, Harry leaned back in his chair and crossed his legs at the ankle, supporting his head with his interlocked fingers.
Luna buried her head behind her knees. She knew that the ward was set to stay up until midnight. She knew what spell the Ravenclaw girls had cast on her, it wasn't the first time it had been put up. She also knew that Harry wouldn't stay that long, no matter what he said. He would give up and go inside. Harry wasn't the first to stay outside with her during one of the crueler pranks, though he had definitely lasted the longest. Over the years, several prefects and others had stayed with her for a little while. But they all gave up before the ward did. Everyone gave up and left Loony Lovegood. It was just a matter of time.
Harry and Luna continued to sit in silence. Luna kept her head buried in her knees, afraid to look up and see the black-haired teen gone.
Harry sat staring up at the ceiling. He could feel the pleasant heat of the campfire through his shoes contrasting with the occasional gusts of cold November air that slipped through the edges of the tarp hanging by the tunnel opening. He considered sending a messenger Patronus to Hermione, get her help breaking the ward preventing Luna from going back in. He had honestly been considering it for the last couple of hours, but he was holding off for the moment. He glanced over at the girl huddled as far from him as possible while still being in the range of the fire's heat.
Harry wasn't the most observant man in the world, but he knew abuse when he saw it. Luna wasn't talking, keeping herself aloof from him whenever possible. He recognized the behavior. He had gone through it himself when he first arrived at Hogwarts. Flinching at physical contact, deliberately avoiding eye contact, emanating a silent aura of fear, distrustful that anyone would stick around, and shame.
Oh, the shame. Shame that anyone would even consider being helpful to someone who wasn't worth the effort. Shame to want some sort of affection. Shame that the hope of someone caring still existed and the crushing feeling of worthlessness when that hope was utterly crushed time after time. It took Hermione and the entire Quidditch team three full years of trying to convince Harry that he was worth anything, let alone being worth someone's time and friendship. Harry settled back into his chair, content with the silence. He would wait as long as it took. Luna knew when the ward would come down, Harry was quite sure of that. He also knew that she would talk when she was ready to talk. Nothing Harry could do would force Luna to talk about anything significant, only time and space could do that. Being available was more important than any speech or pep talk he could ever give to her.
Several hours later, Luna snuck a look at Harry's stretched out form. He was still here. Why was he still here? He should have given up by this point, the ward was set to fail in about twenty minutes. Luna didn't understand. It wasn't just that Harry had defied her expectations. That wasn't altogether unexpected, the Boy-Who-Lived was well-known for defying everyone's expectations. It was the fact that he hadn't pushed for her to talk or tried to tell her how to deal with her fellow Ravens. Everyone else who had sat out with her pushed, prodded, or otherwise tried to cajole her into talking about the problems her fellow Ravens had with her. Or they tried to fix her problem themselves. Harry hadn't. She had waited and waited and waited, but he just sat there in silence. Like she wasn't the waste of space that Luna knew she was. Like she was worth staying outside for. Like she was worth something. Finally, she couldn't take it.
"Why are you doing this," Luna burst out. Harry turned his head.
"Hmm? Doing what?" Luna turned to stare at his emerald eyes.
"Treating me like I'm worth something." Harry smiled.
"Because you are worth something." Luna shook her head fervently, her blue eyes filling with tears.
"No, I'm not. If you really knew me, you'd know that I'm not worth anything. I'm just Loony Lovegood." Harry pivoted in his chair, planting his feet firmly on the ground as he met Luna's pale blue eyes.
"Luna Lovegood. You are not worthless." The young man stared into Luna's tearful eyes. "You are bright, you are brave, you are creative. You have worth." Luna shook her head again and buried her head in her knees again. Harry pivoted back into his chair, leaning back again. "You have value and worth."
Luna shook her head violently, ready to dash into the school the moment the ward would allow her. He was just saying something to make her feel better. He had no idea what it was like. He couldn't. Tears continued to fill her eyes.
"Luna." The blonde couldn't help but look up into Harry's emerald eyes. "I know how it feels. To feel like you're worthless. Like no one actually cares about you, could care about you. The hope of someone caring that's almost worse than the realization that no one does because crushing that hope feels like your soul being torn out. Knowing that everyone will eventually leave you. That you aren't worth the trouble to be helped and everyone should already know that. The pain of being alone all the time and knowing that it's the right thing because no one could possibly care about you enough to spend time with you."
Luna's large eyes began to stream tears while Harry was speaking. Every thing he said resonated to her very soul. It was what she felt every second of every day. But how could he know?
"How? How could you know?" Her voice was soft and rough. The vulnerability in her voice broke Harry's heart.
"Because I've lived it. Some days, I still do. I grew up with people who hate me. My relatives are disappointed that I make it back alive at the end of every school year. They believe that magic is evil and unnatural, which makes me unnatural. I didn't even know my name until I went to primary school. They literally beat into me the fact that I am a worthless waste of space who should have died with my parents. Then I got here and no one wanted to know orphan Harry Potter. They all wanted the Boy-Who-Lived unless something goes wrong, then they blame me." Luna stared into Harry's emerald eyes as he spoke, noting a familiar look in his eyes that she saw in her mirror every single day.
"What changed?"
"Friends," Harry said with a gentle grin. "Hermione and the Gryffindor Quidditch team spent years assuring me that I have worth and value while being there for me. It's what friends are supposed to do, they tell me. And Luna?" The girl couldn't keep herself from answering.
"Yes?"
"I want to be your friend. Part of that is telling you that you have worth and value. Have you ever known me to lie to anyone who wasn't trying to kill me?" A grin softened the interrogative to be a gentle nudge, getting a small smile out of Luna.
"Not really, no," Luna replied.
"Then believe me when I tell you that. Now," Harry said, standing up from his chair and stretching. "I believe that this ward is coming down in a minute or two, right?" Luna stood up as well, a small smile still on her face.
"Yes, it should collapse at midnight. I should change back into my uniform before this tracksuit disappears." She grabbed her clothes off the line and slipped back behind the tarp dividing the room. Luna came back around tarp, carrying the tracksuit, just in time to see Harry vanish the chairs. He smiled at her and gestured towards the door.
Luna walked up and placed her hand on the doorknob, looking back to see Harry vanish the tarps and the fire. They walked into the castle, using Harry's knowledge of secret paths and shortcuts to avoid Filch. Harry parted ways with Luna near the entrance of the Ravenclaw Common Room, leaving her with one final comment in response to her stammered thanks which made her smile all the way to her bed and that followed her into sleep.
"You are worth it."
END
Thank you for reading this! It was an experiment for me to discover if I can write something other than an action story or political intrigue. Don't forget that things like depression are serious issues that should be treated respectfully. I hope I did it justice here. Please review and let me know if you liked this or hated it! Constructive criticism is always welcome!
