Everyone in the Smash Mansion had been busy at work preparing for the next big season of Super Smash Bros. The Hands used their mystic abilities to expand the mansion to accommodate all the newcomers, and some veterans volunteered to provide tours, usually to newcomers closest to them. For example, when Bowser Jr. and the Koopalings arrived, it was Bowser that showed them around.
While most of the Smashers had settled in for the night, Waluigi sat hunched over his computer with Wario in the tycoon's closet. Wario stared at the monitor, yawning loudly while his brother typed like a madman. "Do you really need a-me here for this?"
Waluigi's gaze stayed glued to the monitor as he continued to type furiously. "Quit whining! We need a really good-a prank to open the new season! Any ideas would be appreciated."
"I think I know why you still don't have your own-a game." The portly treasure hunter mumbled.
"Yeah?" Waluigi paused for a moment as he turned toward his brother with an inquisitive look. "Why?"
"You lead a sad, miserable existence, and the powers above know it."
"Thanks Wario." Waluigi scowled. "You're a great brother."
"Wahaha! I try!"
The two sat silently for another minute with the only sound coming from Waluigi's keyboard. Wario finally broke the silence. "Hey! I got an idea!"
"Well, look who's finally grown a brain! So, what's the plan?"
"First, we to need to enlist a little help."
"Who in Master Hand's-a name would help us?"
"You just leave-a that to me!"
Over at the Assist Trophy wing, Ashley lounged with her roommate, Midna, on the futon in their dorm room. The young witch was scribbling on a note pad while listening to music when their phone rang. The Twilight imp paused the stereo and answered the phone with her ponytail. "Yeah? It's for you." Midna handed the phone to Ashley.
Ashley laid her notepad beside her and took the receiver. "What's up?"
"Listen, kid, I got a job for you!"
"Yeah? What is it, Boss?"
As Ashley listened to Wario's request, her expression seemed less than amused.
"No," She said bluntly and hung up.
"Aren't we the defiant one?" Midna smirked.
Ashley hopped off the futon and climbed to her spell cabinet to grab a few herbs and potions from the shelf. "It's not like he can dock my pay. Now when I can cast a hex on him that will make him forget about any notion of doing so."
A wicked grin spread across the imp's face. "Mind if I join?"
"Be my guest, Twilight Princess!"
The following day, Mega Man walked beside Pacman up the path towards the mansion. Sensing some anxiety, the sphere patted the robot on the back, smiling warmly. Neither spoke much, but the Mega Man knew what the Pacman was trying to tell him. Just relax; there was nothing to worry about.
They entered the sliding doors and were greeted by the Sonic the Hedgehog at the foyer. He and Mario had been in regular contact with Pacman and Mega Man for a long time, and agreed to let the speedy hedgehog be the first to welcome them. "It's about time you guys got here! C'mon! Lemme show you around. Everyone is super excited to meet you!"
The Blue Blur led the dot and robot to the nearest room from the lobby, which was the cafeteria. Serving hours were etched onto the glass door. The room consisted of 20 tables; more than enough to seat every smasher and assist trophy. There were even a few charging stations for the robot characters. Since it was 10 AM, the hall was empty apart from a few fighting alloys, wireframes, and Miis running around. "This place serves just about anything a smasher or assist trophy desires. Oh, and no one is allowed to use the Ice Cream machine for snowball fights." Yes, that happened. Don't ask.
Next stop was the gymnasium where they found the Wii Fit Trainers practicing Yoga with Zelda and Sheik, who were still getting used to having two separate bodies. At the other end, Marth could be seen dueling with his descendent, Lucina.
In the library, Rosalina was reading a story to Kirby and the Lumas while Robin read manga. Sonic quietly introduced Pacman and Mega Man to everyone. He then placed a sticky note onto a calculus book and slid it to Reflet, who was reading Twilight. She retaliated by placing another sticky note onto Breaking Dawn and slid it to Sonic.
As the third party trio continued on, the Blue Bomber asked the hedgehog. "What did you tell her?"
"That the calculus book has a better love story."
"What did she write back?" Pacman asked.
"Old Joke is Old."
After the tour Sonic led Mega Man and Pac Man to the rec room where they found Link and Ike playing pool, while Toon Link, Ness, Bowser Jr. Lemmy, and the Villager were seated in front of the television set watching cartoons.
Sonic picked up the intercom to call everyone in the mansion down to greet the newcomers.
Most of the smasher and assist trophy characters gathered to the rec room. A few were absent, but most figured they were just out and about. Soon everyone had gathered around the dot and fighting robot, greeting the newcomers like old friends.
The Smashers were truly one big happy, dysfunctional family that kept on growing. And though times may seem rough back home, Pacman and Mega Man knew they could feel welcomed at the Smash Mansion.
"We interrupt this program to bring you a special report!" The group turned to the TV. On the large television a pale, flamboyant male in skin-tight clothing, was speaking into the microphone.
"This is your fabulous host, Ghirahim live at Smashville auditorium to bring you the first (and probably last) ever Plus Size Male Beauty Pageant!"
"…What the…?" Ike stated flatly.
"Before we get started, let's introduce our panel of judges." The camera cuts to a group of four Pokémon seated at the booth. "Pikachu,"
The yellow mouse sat scowling with his crossed, preferring to be anywhere but there.
"Jigglypuff,"
The balloon Pokémon appeared to be the only one eager to be there as she bounced around in her seat with a bright smile on her face.
"Greninja,"
The frog sat silently in meditation.
"And Lucario!"
The blue dog like Pokémon appeared to be glaring daggers toward someone off camera.
"Finally, I'd like to offer a special introduction to our honorary guest. Joining us live from Mount Frigid is the Ice Climber, Nana! Can you hear me, darling?"
"Loud and clear, Ghirahim!" the pink ice climber nodded with a smile.
"Wonderful! It is time to meet our contestants. First up is a fellow who lets his hammer do the speaking for him, the self-proclaimed ruler of Dreamland, King Dedede!"
Clad in a magical schoolgirl outfit, the large penguin leaped from the rafters onto the stage below, performing a tipple flip and causing a mild tremor upon landing.
"I did not sign up for this tournament to see some overweight penguin in drag!" Dark Pit yelled.
"Get used to it, Pitoo," said Pit. "You're gonna see even weirder things from here on out."
Dedede- "That's KING Dedede to you, commoner!" –King Dedede held out his hands. The artificial cheers fell silent as everyone cleared the stage and a spotlight fell on him. He pointed to a Waddle Dee wearing a blue bandana seated behind a DJ booth. "Hit it, Bandana Dee!"
The Waddle Dee pressed a button on the deck and a techno remix of King Dedede's theme blasted from the speakers. The King began to perform a series of breakdance moves that could rival Kirby's.
Kirby, not at all bothered by the King's wardrobe, bounced up and down, cheering on his friend.
King Dedede finished his routine with a head spin and struck his infamous crouch pose with a flirtatious wink to the audience.
"Bravo!" Ghirahim applauded. "A performance fit for a king!"
Nana joined in. "Popo and I have studied penguins in the past, and I've never seen a mating display quite like this!"
"And finally, our next contestant is that man with the lust for gold, who makes every lady and gentleman swoon with his distinct aroma, Wario!"
"Well, now we know who's behind this;" Luigi groaned. "Who else?"
On cue, the treasure hunting tycoon descended onto the stage wearing a tutu that was much too tight for him, gliding down on a pulley that was sagging beneath his weight. He landed on the stage, striking a pose on one leg like a ballerina.
"I think I'm gonna hurl!" Toon Link held his hands over his mouth.
"Turn it off!" Ness cried.
"I can't!" the Twilight hero yelled. "Someone took the batteries out and the spares are missing!"
For Wario's grand finale, he glided through the stage as if it were an ice rink and performed a series of triple spinning jumps, all while singing 'Mona Pizza' (horribly out of tune).
"Stunning!" Ghirahim applauded and turned to face the camera. "Any one who wishes to end this eye bleaching spectacle, please pledge 500 coins by calling our toll free number at 1 800 555-8623. That's 1 800 555-UMAD, bro?" During this, a graphic reading 'Callers will be charged 10 coins per minute' flashed on the screen.
"All precedes will go to the Ridley Foundation in their never-ending fight to make Ridley a playable fighter in Super Smash Bros." Another graphic then flashed on the screen reading, 'The views on Ridley expressed in this fan fiction do not necessarily reflect that of the author.'
"Not if I have anything to say about it!" Samus snarled.
"What's that?" Ghirahim spoke into his headset. "Okay,"
"Unfortunately, our producers have asked us to cut our event short. Thank you for joining us in this whimsical moment. We now return to your regularly scheduled program." Color bars generated on the screen and returned to the show the kid smashers had been watching, which was now rolling the end credits.
Ganondorf crossed his arms. "And that, my dear Bowser, is why Ghirahim gives me the creeps!"
"They're not gonna tell us who won?"Lemmy asked.
"I call Wario!" Larry chimed.
"Are you kidding?" said Viridi. "Dedede had that in the bag!"
"Oh, what are you?" Roy Koopa confronted the goddess. "One of his fangirls?"
"I don't know what you're talking about!" the goddess crossed her arms. "I just liked his dance moves!"
"Dedede has fangirls?" Pit pondered in disbelief.
"Argh! You are all imbeciles!" Falco stormed out of the room
Kirby hopped off the sofa, smiling as if nothing had happened. "So, who's up for lunch?"
"Yoshi?" the dinosaur moaned, clearly having lost his appetite.
"Suit yourself!" the pink star warrior shrugged and headed for the cafeteria with the Duck Hunt duo.