"You can no longer be my servant."
Demelza felt as if her heart had dropped into her stomach. She had thought, for a fleeting moment, that him coming after her would change the situation. Back to Illugan, then. To skivvy for her new stepmother and Methody father. None of the other families in the area would take her as a maid, not now. She wanted to weep, but would not in front of him. She had already done enough of that. She nodded instead, her unruly hair brushing over her cheeks, but her eyes wouldn't look directly at him. "I understand, sur."
"No, you don't, Demelza," he said. Had it really only been a day (not even) since she had enticed him in that damn dress? He had accused her of not being worthy enough to wear fine clothes, and now he was going to confuse her again.
She looked up at him then, up on Darkie with the sun pinking his face. "Sur?"
"If you agree to return, I'll take you back to Nampara." He paused to gauge her reaction, and she shook her head. "Demelza, I want you to stay at Nampara. Not as my servant." A second pause, not quite as long as the first. "I want you as my wife."
Demelza couldn't stop her mouth dropping open. "Wife?" she asked. "Sur, I..."
"If you agree, I'll go to Reverend Odgers first thing tomorrow and the banns can be read the next three Sundays."
"Sur, Mister Ross, you can't marry me! I aren't your sort," she protested.
"I told you before, your place is where I say it is," said Ross. "I want your place to be at my side."
Ross watched her try to process this, her fingers nervously twisting Garrick's lead. "At least come back to the house. None of this running away." He wouldn't force her to marry him; he wasn't that crass for all his other failings. But he wasn't an idiot. It was entirely possible that she was already carrying his child. He moved back in the saddle and put his hand down to indicate she was to climb up in front of him. "I'm sure Garrick will follow us."
She hesitated only a moment before putting her foot into the stirrup and climbing into the saddle, sitting aside. She held herself straight and stiff rather than taking her ease against him behind her. He signaled to Darkie with a few clicks and they were off, back to Nampara.
What could she say? Her mind was telling her that she couldn't marry him, that he would regret it. After Elizabeth's visit today, perhaps she would regret marrying a man who would always carry a torch for another woman. She would never be accepted by his family: Elizabeth's face had been clear enough on that note today when she realized that there was more between Demelza and Ross that servant and master.
But her heart? That unruly organ was desperate to have any sort of relationship with him. If it hadn't been for the rumors she would even have been happy being only his bedmate.
"You need to calm yourself. Darkie can sense your distress," said Ross. It was said simply and as a matter of fact. Brought out of her thoughts, Demelza could feel the horse's agitation under her and made herself relax as much as possible. "That's better."
Nampara was close. "Is it to be a secret?"
"Can hardly be so if Odgers announces it three weeks in a row," said Ross.
"Oh. Of course."
"What's amiss?" She paused and started to stiffen in her seat again. "Nevermind. Let's wait until we get back to the house."
Demelza sighed before saying, "I didn't cook anything for supper."
"I set Prudie to it before I went after you, poor substitute though it will be."
They were quiet the last miles back to Nampara, both lost in their own thoughts as to what these changing circumstances would mean. Upon their arrival, Ross went to the stable to brush Darkie down while Demelza went to the kitchen to see what she could salvage of Prudie's cooking. Both Paynters were nowhere to be found, something Demelza appreciated at that moment. Prudie had made some sort of fish stew that was edible. Demelza had baked only yesterday and they had a whole loaf to share.
She heard him coming before he entered the house, his heavy boots impacting the ground near the doorway. She didn't hurry to get the food onto the table, but it was there for him when he came in anyways. She poured two glasses of ale and brought both to the table, as well as the bottle. He sat down and she joined him. "I tasted it, sur. It's edible, at least," she said, eyes not leaving her plate.
"Ross."
She looked up at him then. "Sur?"
"If you're going to marry me, you need to call me by my name. It's Ross."
She just nodded. After over three years of being either 'Sur' or 'Mister Ross,' calling him by only his Christian name would take some adjustment.
"What happened today?"
Demelza took a deep breath. "Not today. Yesterday."
Ross's only reply was a raised eyebrow.
"My father came by. Apparently, the rumors of our sinful living has reached even Illugan. He tried to convince me he had been saved by his new marriage to the Widow Chegwidden, is a sober man, and that I needed to come home to skivvy for them. He was to return today. I'm soon to have a half brother or sister."
"I see. And did you wish to return home?" He prayed not. Not only did he want her, desire her dearly, but she made life at Nampara so much more livable. And he could not bear the thought of her father not having conformed and beating her again.
She scoffed. "I'd like as ta stick a fork in my eye." At that he did laugh a bit. "No, my home is 'ere. Has been for years now." That statement gratified him. "I'm just afraid he'll come back and try to take me away."
"It won't happen, Demelza." He didn't mention the fact that he didn't think Tom Carne would make the ten mile walk from Illugan to Nampara again anytime soon. "Tomorrow I'll send Jud to Illugan and let him and your stepmother know that you will be staying here. And marrying me."
"Yes, sur. Ross." He could hear the emphasis on her name as if she had never heard it before.
"As I said, tomorrow I'll ride to Rev. Odgers and let him know to begin to announce the banns on Sunday." She just nodded. "We'll need witnesses, but Jud and Prudie should do."
She stopped with her spoon midway to her mouth. "You'd not want your family there?" she asked.
"Only Verity, and I'm given to understand that my uncle isn't allowing her out of the house at all."
"Oh."
"What?" It was said with the slight hint of a snap to his voice. She knew his moods, and knew that his family was one of his sore spots.
"But it isn't to be secret?" she asked again.
"No." His short answer caused her to drop the entire subject, and they continued to eat the mediocre meal in relative silence.
Ross looked at her more closely that he had in some time. She would need better clothing. The yellow dress was lovely on her, but it was beginning to be too short and worn. Fine for a kitchen maid, not mistress of Nampara. He made more mental plans for the following day.
When they had finished, she returned to the kitchen to clean up, but returned fairly quickly with a bottle of brandy that she had hidden from his binge after the Jim Carter fiasco. As had been her wont of late, she sat at his feet on the floor facing the fire while he sat in his chair. Here he could talk of the mine or of the investors and get her opinions. It was clear that she understood mining, had it in her blood as much as he did even with being female.
Tonight, however, he let himself brush his hands through her red-gold tresses, pulling out curls and massaging her scalp. Neither said anything, but just enjoyed each other's company.
Ross did not want to assume anything, so when the fire was low and it was quite dark out, he said, quite simply, "I'm for bed."
"Yes, Ross." They were both impressed with her for not stuttering on his name at all. "Am I to come with 'ee?"
"Only if you wish it," he said, putting out a hand to help her up from the floor.
"I do wish it," she said quietly.
His desire for her came out then: he gripped her around the waist (such a tiny waist) and kissed her. It didn't have the same amount of angry passion that had fueled last night's kisses, but she could still feel that he wanted her. She allowed him to lead her up the stairs to the master's bedroom. If last night had been a turning point, this decision was a new chapter in the book of Ross and Demelza. It was something they were both doing with their eyes wide open.