Contact.
His knuckles on her face.
Again.
And again.
She stopped struggling. Just lay there, blood pouring from her nose, arm laying in an awkward angle.
Blood was rushing in his ears, so loud he didn't even hear his brother scream at him.
"DEAN!"
Another punch. Another. Another. They slowed.
"Dean, Stop!"
Stop, he repeated to himself.Stop.
"She's awake if you would like to see her."
Dean's stomach lurched. Nausea overtook him.
"Great!" Sam smiled at the nurse and stood to follow her. He looked back as Dean remained seated.
"Dean. Are you coming?"
"Uh, no." Dean cleared his throat. "She won't- she won't want to see-" He stopped himself
Stop. Stop.
"I'm going to head back to the bunker."
Sam bit his lip, but nodded.
"Yeah, alright man. "
I need to end it. Before I hurt Sam. Or Cas.
The knife shook in his hand.
Just do it, you fucking spineless shit. You almost killed Charlie. You were going to kill her. Kill yourself so you don't killsomeone else.
do it do it do it do it do-
The bunker door slammed. Sam's heavy footfall accompanied by lighter, hesitant ones.
Dean dropped the knife. It clattered on the floor and he buried his head in his hands.
Stop.
Stop.
It was easy to avoid Charlie. She slept for the better part of two days. Then, she was leaving for Italy. He wouldn't have to see her, see the bright pink cast on her arm, the bruises on her face.
She talked quietly with Sam and Dean pretended to read the book in front of him. The words swam of the page. He hadn't slept much.
"Dean." Charlie stood in front of him, looking particularly vulnerable.
"Charlie, I-" he started. Charlie cut him off, gave him some bullshit about being a Winchester and surviving. It was all he could to not hand her a gun and ask her to make this even-one attempted murder for another.
She finished. Dean stood.
"I'm so sorry, kiddo." He hated every word coming out of his godforsaken mouth. So fake, so insincere, so insufficient. He stood, hugged her. She was shaking as he did. Nothing was going to make up for this.
"Prove it." She whispered.I don't know how
They let go.
"I forgive you."
Something clinched his stomach tight. I don't deserve forgivenes.
He opened his mouth. Closed it. Maybe I could try to deserve it.
Stop this living hell.
Stop.
Stop.