Chapter 1: Ai gomplei ste odon

I stared at my reflection, calming my breathing. My cheeks were still flushed from my encounter with Titus. He may be my advisor, my protector, sworn to keep me safe, but he was wrong. My feelings for Clarke did not put either of us in danger! Yes, jus drein jus daun was always our way, but it was no more. Why go to war, always watching people die, when peace could happen, where love could filter through. Love is weakness, I reminded myself out of habit, but no. Love is not weakness. It is strength. Or, it would be, if I knew if Clarke returned the feeling.

The sound of my door closing caused me to jump. Titus, I silently growled. If he was here for another lecture, I would surely call for my guards. I stalked around the corner and stopped in my tracks. It was not Titus. It was Clarke.

Before she uttered a word, I could tell what her news was. She was heading back to her home, to her people. Of course Klark kom Skaikru could not stay with Heda Leksa kom Trikru.

"When are you leaving?" I asked, masking my emotions.

"Now." She bit her lip, her forehead creasing. "I'm sorry."

I forced a smile. "Don't be. You have to go back. They're your people." I forced away the tears that threatened to spill. "That's why I…" I trailed off, not able to say the words. That's why I love you. Instead, "That's why you're you."

"Maybe someday, we won't owe anything more to our people," she said, kindling hope. "I hope so," I whispered

She gave me a thin smile and took a step closer. I held my breath, holding out my arm in the traditional Trikru handshake. She grasped my forearm. "May we meet again," I said in the traditional Skaikru goodbye, holding back tears. I was Heda of the twelve nations. I wasn't allowed to have feelings.

Clarke stared at me, fire in her eyes. She closed the space between us, putting her hand against the back of my neck, smashing her lips into mine. The fear of feeling love evaporated and I kissed back with tears rolling down my cheeks. This is goodbye. She was rough and passionate, undoing my shirt and pushing me onto the bed. I fell back on the bed, staring up at her. The fire in her eyes brightened. She ripped off her shirt and shoved me down, kissing me harder and more eager than before. She pulled the cover over our entangled bodies as we fell deeper into our forbidden love.

Clarke rubbed her hand up and down my arm and I felt her warm breath on the back of my neck.

"If Octavia and I are going to get behind to Arcadia by dawn…" she whispered.

"Shh," I interrupted, not ready to say goodbye quite yet. Not goodbye. May we meet again.

She moved to trace her finger down my spine, across the tattoos that lined it. "This is beautiful," she breathed.

I smiled slightly. "I got it on my ascension day. A circle for every nightblood that died when the Commander chose me." I frowned, remembering the day. The day were I was chosen to lead my people, and where the other officiates were killed, no longer serving a purpose. They were rejected.

"Seven circles…" she muttered. "I thought you said there was eight officiates at your conclave?"

I stiffened. "There were."

"What happened to number eight?"

I closed my eyes, trying to ignore the flood of flashbacks. I rolled onto my back, looking at her with pleading eyes. "Can we talk about something else?"

With a smirk, she replied "We don't need to talk at all."

I smiled at her and sat up, leaning over her and kissing passionately, blissfully unaware of the world around us.

When Clarke left to prepare herself for her journey home, I dressed and went back to my reflection. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I stared into the broken glass and for once, I didn't try to hide or stop them. I let myself cry. I had to see Clarke before she left, to tell her goodbye-no, tell her that I'll see her again, hopefully soon-in hopes that she wouldn't forget me. I knew she wouldn't, but my confidence in our newly found relationship wasn't as strong as the confidence I had in being Heda. So I dried my eyes and washed my face. I needed to look strong and powerful, not to Clarke, but to those who I may see on the way to her room.

That's when I heard it.

I had heard that sound only on three occasions beforehand. Even so, the sound was unmistakable. Gunshots. I ran, following the sound of the shots. And the sound led me to Clarke's room, to her open door. I was stopped at the doorway by a blow, so powerful and painful, to my abdomen.

"Lexa!" Clarke cried.

I gasped, stumbling. I looked down at my stomach, where the black blood began to pool. My legs went from under me and I collapsed, Clarke catching me. Titus, dropping the gun, knelt down. "Help me get her to the bed!" He lifted me, rushing me over and laying me gently on Clarke's bed.

I looked at her with blurred vision and could see the tears filling her beautiful blue eyes. "Don't be afraid," I whispered to her, hot tears stinging my own eyes.

Clarke tore my shirt revealing the wound. She sent Titus to get something to stop the bleeding, but I knew the inevitable. I was dying.

"I will fix you," she said, staring at me. "Just stay with me!"

Titus moved towards me, and Clarke tried to block him without removing her hands from the wound. "Stay away from her!" But he held up a hand, bending over me. I stared up at him. He was sworn to protect me with his life. And because of him, my life was ending. Because he thought killing Clarke would be beneficial to me. Because of that, because of his paranoia, my fight is ending.

He placed his hands on the sides of my face, and held back his own tears. "Forgive me, Heda." I swallowed, refusing to say the words, refusing to forgive him. In my native tongue, I said harshly though gritted teeth "You will never again attempt to harm Clarke. Swear it."

Swallowing a sob, he agreed.

"Then do you job. Serve the next as you have served me, flamekeeper."

He nodded and walked away before I could see the tears flow down his cheeks.

Clarke leaned in after watching him retreat. "Hey, Heda. Don't you dare give up."

"I'm not," I said, smiling slightly at Clarke's fierceness. "My spirit will choose-"

"No!" she growled. "I am not letting you die!"

"There's nothing you can do now," I told her. And I knew my words were true. And she knew, but she refused to believe it. "The next Commander will protect you."

"I don't want the next Commander!" she paused, drawing in a breath. "I want you!" Tears rolled down her cheeks, her blue eye filled with so much pain. And I was scared. I wasn't afraid of dying, I knew that was inevitable. I was scared of what my death would do to Clarke. Smart, beautiful, fragile Clarke. Not so long ago I'd picked up the pieces and put her back together. And I was afraid that she would fall apart, and there would be no one to fix her this time. All she wanted was peace. Peace between Skaikru and the coalition. I wanted to give her that, to mend the broken ties through all thirteen clans, but I couldn't. I failed her. She squeezed her eyes shut, the tears streaming down her pale cheeks freely. She stared at her hands, still pressed against the wound, covered in my blood.

"Clarke," I gasped. It was getting harder to talk, harder to breathe.

She turned to me with a worried expression. "I'm here."

"Ai gomplei ste odon," I whispered.

"No." She shook her head, smiling at me through her tears. "I won't accept that."

I smiled at her. I remembered when I fell in love with her. When she defied me, so brave and strong, so many months ago. "Shouldn't life be about more than just surviving?" she asked me, averting her gaze. "Don't we deserve that?" I had bit my lip, staring at her. "Maybe we do." I hadn't believed that then, I just wanted to please her. But I do now. I had never been happier in my eighteen years as I had been the past few weeks with her.

"You were right Clarke." She looked at me, giving me her full attention. Without her even realizing it, the pressure she had on my stomach to staunch the blood disappeared. "Life is about more than just surviving."

And she broke. I could see her breaking. She shook her head sobbing, reaching a hand up to stroke my head comfortingly. I could see the look on her face change. She knew I was dying, she knew that she was about to lose me. Stoking my cheek, she straightened, abandoning the wound all together. Through her tears and with a broken voice, she recited the most beautiful quote I have ever head.

"In peace, may you leave this shore. In love, may you find the next. Safe passage on your travels, until our final journey on the ground. May we meet again."

It was time. I was slipping away, and I desperately tried to keep my eyes on Clarke, to see her face, to tell her I loved her. But it was too late. I felt her lips press against mine, one last time, and I was thankful.

I know Clarke loves me now, and she knows I love her. With the feeling of one last kiss, with one last look at those beautiful blue eyes, I drew my final breathe, and I slipped away.