Snape S Yell D Prudence the Secretary P Random Voice RV --Note Snape does not hear what D and RV discuss. It's like RV is her Schizophrenic pal.
Yell's Whoring Company in the Land of Potter: Enter Serverus Snape, the Greasy Git
Son the phone: Er, hello is this the brothel, er, place with the girl and she comes over and you know?
P: Why yes it is. This is Prudence the secretary, how may I help you?
S: Er, look I've never done this before-
Psarcastically: Really. That's surprising.
S: Anyways I'd like a er, girl, you know, to, ah, well, fuck me.
Psarcastically: No! Really!? So that's why you phoned here. Okay well give me the details and I'll have you a er, girl, you know, to, ah, well, fuck you right away.
S:Well I live at.
Yell enters the house of Severus ready to get on with the deed. That is until she sees Snape
Dtalking to RV: What the fuck? I'm not fucking him.
RV: Yes you will.
D: Hell no. He's an ugly bugger besides he's got a hook for a nose.
RV: He's willing to pay you a lot of money and besides it doesn't look like this job will be that time consuming if you know what I mean.
D: Fine.
Yell looked at Snape. She could already see he was hard from within his robes.
RVnoticing Snape's hard: Geez this is going to be quicker than even I imagined.
S: Er, hi?
Din disgust: Okay then...so what'll it be?
S: Er, I've never done this before-
D: Yeah I can tell you've never had sex before. I don't have all day what'll it be?
S: Oh no I've had sex before, er, I meant ordering...er, ah, a girl.
D: You had sex?!
S: Yes, well that was until she woke up but ah- I'll have a blowjob and of course the sex.
D: Alrighty then let's get this over with.
Yell walks over to Snape and pulls on his hair to stand him up.
Dtalking to RV: EWWWWWWWWWW. His hair is fucking nasty. He's a fucking greaseball.
RV: You'll do what you're payed for.
D: Hell no. If his hair is this greasy what's his genitalia like?
RV: Hurry up you're wasting time.
D: Fine
D: Youpointing to Snape take a bath. I'm not touching you any more until you have a bath.
S: What? No one said I had to take a bath!
D: Well guess what? I do. Shut up and take one.
Snape gets in the shower. Yell stands outside it
S: What do I do now?
D: Turn the shower on, snickers luckily for you it's not the sexual way.
S: Er, I've never done this before.
D: No kiddin'.
S:turns on shower Now what do I do?
Dbored: Take that bar of soap and glide it over your body mumbles your nasty body you dirty old mannormal speechand when it gets bubbly on you, wash it off with the water from the shower head.
Swashes himself: Okay now what do I do?
D: Squirt some of this stuff on your head and lather- why the fuck am I telling you this? Read the back of the bottleflicks bottle of Herbal Essence at Snape.
S: Er, I've never done this before...
Dsighs:Oh Jesus fucking Christ Hook-Nose, do I have to tell you how to do everything?
S: No but really! I don't know how to use this stuff you call shampoo.
Dpissed:You stick it up your ass.
S: Oh okaysticks it up his ass. Hey this kinda feels good.
D: Er, okay...
S: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Oooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh! moans and goes all orgasmic
Dtalking to herself:Oh so that's why they go all moany in those Herbal Essences commercials.
S: Oh fuck! I dropped my soap!
D: Oh Sevvy, what am I ever going to do with you? Now give me my money so I gets the fuck outs ta here.
Snape gets out of the shower with towel wrapped around him and grabs a wad of cash
S: But you didn't fuck me.
DGrabs money and runs: I JUST DID!