You could be happy and I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go
He hadn't wanted to let go of her. The last thing in the whole bloody world Neville had wanted to do was let Luna go on that rainy October morning. He didn't want to let her leave, but that was the right thing for him to do. So he'd opened his arms, and she had walked out of them. She wanted to see the world. He was still settling into his new skin, his new life. So he had opened his arms and she had walked not just out of them, but his life. And she looked back. And the look in her eyes, that tiny bit of regret, just barely shed tears, made him want to run to her. But he didn't, because he knew if he did she would never leave. And she deserved to see the world. She deserved all the joy she could find, be it down the block or across an ocean. So on October 15th, Neville Longbottom watched the love of his life walk away from him. And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played on loops 'till it's madness in my head
He was a wreck for days, weeks, months. He went to work each day, at the wizard nursery, came home at seven, sat on his couch and stared at the mantel. All he could do was think of her. She was everywhere. All the things he said to her that might have made her stay. The things that might have scared her away. He could barely sleep at night for the vivid memory of her beside him. He missed her. He missed her like mad. Yeah, she wrote him, and he wrote her, but letters were…letters. And it's not as if they talked about anything of consequence. It's not like he ever mentioned he still loved her. That he was going mad without her. Is it too late to remind you how we were
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur
He wrote dozens of letters stating just that, of course. Letters about how much he missed the way her small hands fit in just one of his. The way the moonlight lit her hair so it looked as if it was a moonbeam itself. Letters about how much he loved her, how missing her was tearing him apart inside because he loved her too much to be away from her. Letters apologizing for scaring her away, even if he didn't know what he'd done. Not that he ever sent them, not a one. Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door
He stood in his door way one day, a year later, staring at the space on his porch she used to occupy every night that one glorious summer. The fading sun on her hair. The smile that reached her eyes, always. The dreamy tone of her voice, her slim fingers in his. He never should have let her leave. There was a new girl now, sort of. She wasn't Luna. She had wavy dirty blonde hair. But it's wasn't as long and it didn't shine like moonlight. Her eyes were wide and pale, but not as blue or as honest. Her name was Hannah. And she was lovely, but she wasn't Luna, and she looked out of place on the porch, even another six months later, when she moved in. You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far
They still wrote, occasionally. Mostly about nothing. She had a boyfriend who seemed good for her. He just wanted her to be happy. Because nothing made him as happy as her, and even if he couldn't have her, her happiness was enough to keep him going. Even if it was some other man holding her hand and receiving those bright smiles, and stroking that moonbeam hair. Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true
Even nearly two years later, her scent, cherries and sugar and parchment and buttery soap, lingered in his room, his sheets, his drapes. In the morning when he awoke, before he opened his eyes, sometimes he forgot. And for a moment the small woman in his arms wasn't Hannah. Luna had never walked away from him. She was here still. In his arms, with him. But then he opened his eyes, and saw Hannah and it was almost like losing her all over again, each morning.
Somehow, he couldn't find the strength to charm the smell away. It felt like erasing her. Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do
He kept all her pictures. Her in the Amazon, her in the mountains. Even the ones with her boyfriend in them. Because he loved seeing her happy, glowing face. Even if only in print, even if only with another man, her smile was the best thing he'd ever seen. And she was so happy. Out doing what she'd always been meant to. If he'd run after her, she'd have stayed. And then he would have been holding her back. She would only have been happy for so long.
More than anything I want to see you go
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world
On their two year anniversary he proposed to Hannah. She said yes. He didn't use his grandmother's engagement ring. In his mind it would always belong to the beautiful blonde woman with the wild spirit and the calm eyes. The one he let walk away. The one he set free.