Too many unspoken words rest between them. They've gathered there since the day Bucky became a soldier, and had only grown exceptionally since then. Yet, the two are so close now. Steve's fingers brush against the fixed remnants of his friend's arm.
Steve tries ignoring his racing heart. Will he let it happen again? Will he let the words go unsaid?
"Are you sure you want to do this?" He doesn't let his disappoint show. Wrong ones again.
"It's for the best," Bucky says. "Whatever Hydra did to my head, it's still in there. I can't..." He trails off. Bucky recognizes the distance too. Knew it since the day he left, saw it Steve's eyes. That same hellfire spirit never left him. "I can't risk hurting anyone." Shit, why can't he say it? I can't risk hurting you.
Part of him can't stomach hurting Stave again. He's pulled the man into hell too many times. The Captain insists on keep dragging him out. The other part can't-
No amount of instincts or training prepares Bucky for Steve, closing what little distance, tilting his head back, and pulling him into a kiss. For this moment, all of the unbearable longing crashes like a tidal wave to the forefront. No longer can Bucky see the bright lights of the room or T'Challa standing awkwardly in the back. He closes his eyes; only him and Steve exist. Bucky's good arm wraps around Steve's back, bringing him close, not daring to let go.
Their lips part, yet the heat still lingered. Bucky doesn't move his arm, and Steve makes no move to step back.
"Bucky, listen, I-" His voice low, full of need, full of want of what he could never have.
"Steve, don't," he interrupts. He's so afraid. Doesn't Steve get it? There'll be no escaping the fire, the hell, all the shit that Hydra had done to them. "When I get back, when everything is fixed, maybe..." Fuck, he can't look Steve in the eyes.
He shakes his head. "No, no more waiting." The next words capture Bucky's attention. "I love you, Buck. To hell an' back." None of the bullshit mattered. He's been in love ever since they were just two brats in Brooklyn.
Bucky sits there, mouth open. "After everything?"
Steve chuckles. "I don't think you know the meaning of hell and back."
T'Challa coughs, and Bucky enjoys the blush spreading across Steve's cheeks. It makes him feel young again. It makes him feel alive, like everything is going to be okay.
Steve is there with Bucky through every step of the process of putting him back to sleep. He holds his hand, and slowly, the man drifts to sleep. He stays there for awhile, soaking in the moment. The man looks so peaceful in his sleep, like an angel. The kind of angel he fall into hell for again and again.