Dick's always tried to be there. Catching people before they fall. But, with increasing evidence that his family doesn't need him and the worst time of year coming up, it seems like no one is there to catch him.
One particularly bad night, he makes a choice.
Notes: This does not have a happy ending. Someone made a comment which reminded me I had this heartbreaking fic hidden away in my computer files and I looked over and thought I could post it as a one shot. Except, there's no happy ending. The beginning is takes inspiration from a fanfic I read but my link to it seems to be dead (I think they got rid of it). Disclaimer: I take no responsibility for any stepped on or broken hearts upon the reading of this piece of fiction.
Dick thought it might be a fun idea to have a movie night at his place. He decided to arrange it a few weeks in advance, at a time of the year when villains seemed to be sleepy or something because crime does appear to take a holiday at certain times of the year.
Steph thought it might be fun too and agreed to bring Cass along. Damian growled something about having something better to do, like kicking butt or something like that. Tim thought he might be with the Teen Titans then but promised to put it in his calendar. Jason almost laughed in his face and then they ended up fighting when Dick commented that this was why he didn't get invited to family things. Jason said after that maybe he would come and Dick felt the bruises and bloody nose might have been worth it.
Days go by and one by one, they pull out.
Cass is thinking about going back overseas and Steph wanted to help her plan or see her off. There wasn't much Dick could do about that one. He asked Cass if she wanted the family to come see her off and she responded that they should stay for the movie night; she was responding to the disappointment rolling off him in waves, although one could argue she identified the wrong cause for the disappointment.
Tim forgot to put it in his calendar and arranged to meet up with Kon that night.
Dick wasn't able to contact Jason.
The night came. Dick didn't order any food, waiting to see who turned up. He waited and waited, old memories rising unbidden in his mind as they always did at this time of year.
He dozed off while waiting. He woke, not to the sound of someone arriving, but to his own muffled screams.
Drenched in sweat and trembling from head to toe, Dick decided he needed to get out. The clock showed a few minutes until midnight and he needed a distraction.
A note was left for anyone who might change their mind and arrive. Then Dick pulled on his Nightwing costume and jumped out the window.
It was freeing, flying through the air. As he moved, he wondered if Alfred was right and having the movie night this eve had been a bad idea.
He needed to be out on a night like this. He was feeling a little better when a familiar laugh sounded in the distance.
There was a sarcastic response which ordinarily would have made Dick smile. However, it was a little hard to smile at the scene below him.
Dick tried to tell himself that it meant nothing. It was just a coincidence.
Red Robin and Robin beating down on criminals while Red Hood covers their backs and a blond Batgirl giggles and acts as a distraction, a painful distraction.
It hurt to see the four of them fighting criminals without him. His heart squeezed as he wondered why, if they could find the time to do this, didn't they come to his place for just one movie?
Another part of him said he was being selfish and he was disappointed in himself.
His heart froze and almost seemed to shatter as he spotted Black Bat sneaking in to take out a guy who had been creeping up behind.
Robin made a comment about these criminals and connecting them to circus folk. Dick would normally have been able to ignore comments like that. But, on this night, Damian's comments hurt. Even though they weren't for him.
Why hadn't he taught Damian the joys of the circus? Why hadn't he stopped Damian's use of hurtful language? They had not been 'freaks' or 'thieves'.
It felt like jagged knives in Dick's skin. As Steph suggested they hit the local ice-cream or fast food place, a proposition quickly agreed to by Red Hood, it felt like those knives had been twisted.
Dick fled. A tiny part of him hoped they would call him to join.
But his phone, which was connected to his earpiece, stayed silent.
He made his way to the Batcave and greeted Bruce.
"Harley Quinn's attacking the 4th street magic shop," Batman said as he pushed past him.
"Oh," Dick responded. He wasn't really able to draw up the energy to sound enthusiastic but he imagined how nice it would be to join up with Batman again and managed to sound cheery as he asked, "need help?"
"No," Batman responded instantly. "Monitor the police band for me, if you've got nothing to do."
Dick told himself that Bruce didn't mean it like that. That Dick was so free he would jump at the chance to be useful.
His stomach flopped and he told himself that this was just not his night. He just needed to make it through and he would be fine.
Right?
Dick listened to the police band. As he had predicted, it was a quiet night for crime. He was once again shaking the image of red spills from his mind when the band came to life.
It reported a jumper. Already gone.
Dick trembled. He should turn it off. NOW. He couldn't deal with this right now.
An estimated time of death came through. Only a while ago.
He should really turn it off. He could feel the blood draining from his body.
The jumper had been near where his siblings had taken down a criminal gang.
Dick shut it off. He couldn't hear any more. He shoved his face into his hands and tugged at his hair. He could imagine the jumper, even without knowing what they looked like.
He had been there. So close. If he hadn't been so focused on his siblings, on his own problems, he would have been there to catch them.
And a family wouldn't be morning someone lost.
He ran.
On every anniversary of his parents' deaths, Bruce would visit crime alley. Dick didn't have any such traditions. He took a few moments to think about them and often relived the scene in his dreams the nights before and the nights after but he didn't have any traditions.
Most of the time it was easy to move on. To look at the family he now had, the life he now had and know that he wouldn't trade it for their lives. They wouldn't want that.
But, this night was different. He was rarely alone at the circus and even then, to be alone meant exploring a new city or sitting in his family's trailer which smelt of his parents and of home. He tried arranging something with his family, only for them to go off on their own. Without him.
They didn't need him for patrol. They didn't need him to hang out.
And he had failed to catch someone.
Dick knelt before the headstones and held himself. He read their names. Their life spans. Over and over. He remembered the little boy's loss, his loss.
He was numb. It didn't help that he fell asleep in the damp grass, wishing for someone to comfort him and remembering the way his mother would hold him and his father would give him words of advice or a scolding.
Dick woke from another dream of broken bodies falling to the ground. He was wet and cold and there was a feeling simmering under his skin. He ran a hand over his mother's headstone and then his father's.
"I think... I need to leave," he said, realising it was true as he said it. His family, no, the Batman family didn't need him and he had failed to catch someone because he had been so focused on it.
Leaving would be best. He stood up and stretched sore limbs and then walked down to the Batcave.
It was early hours in the morning, meaning most of the family was asleep. Dick switched on the computer and loaded a program he had made as a kid.
It had been a fun thing then. Making a program which could erase Dick Grayson from existence. He thought it was rather spy-like and he had just finished reading a spy novel.
He never intended to use it. Even so, his program went where his files went.
The Justice League.
The Batcave.
The Nest.
Any computer which used Wayne Tech.
Now, it would serve as a going-away present. No more Dick Grayson and no more Nightwing.
"This is for the best," he told himself as he pressed the button. A progress bar appeared, showing his files disappearing. Anything on Dick Grayson or Nightwing was going, going, gone.
Dick smiled to himself before leaving, imagining exploring new places like he had a kid and psyching himself up for his last few steps out of Wayne Manor.
It was a day of meetings for Bruce Wayne. Then Batman spent the night trying to keep Poison Ivy from breaking Harley Quinn out of holding. While Red Hood laughed at him.
"You could help, you know?" Red Robin said to the antihero when he arrived to assist.
"Yeah," Red Hood agreed in an amused tone, "but this is more fun."
Red Hood enjoyed antagonising his 'Bat' family but there were also weapons being illegally smuggled in at the docks so he hurried off to go 'shopping'. Dead, or arrested, weapons dealers meant free weapons for him and no one else.
Yeah, he was a greedy vigilante.
Red Robin saved Batman. Then Kon needed help with something. Then Steph wanted his opinion on her homework.
He had his own work to do too!
Robin bounced from rooftop to rooftop. Fatgirl had spent some time on the streets before retreating to finish her 'homework'. Red Robin had been with Batman before the clone kidnapped him for some reason, he didn't really care why. Black Bat was watching over him;
"Yes, I know you're there!" he called over his shoulder. Black Bat popped out and waved at him before sitting down to observe.
He huffed and decided to just beat up some criminals. If Grayson was going to hide in his apartment, Damian told himself he didn't care.
Oracle felt that something was wrong. It was an instinct when she booted up her computer.
Superman knew what time of year it was. He kept these things coded on his calendar so he didn't accidentally step on any Bats' toes.
He hadn't seen Nightwing in a while and decided the day after was a good time as any to call him.
"The number you have called cannot be connected..."
Clark hung up in surprise. Maybe Dick changed the number? He called Bruce.
"What?" Bruce growled at him, his voice edging too close to 'Batman' and not enough 'playboy millionaire'.
"Has Dick changed his phone number?" Clark asked innocently.
"What? I don't know. If he has, he hadn't told me. If that's all..." and Bruce hung up before he could respond.
Clark stared at his phone and wondered if calling Alfred and informing him of Bruce's rudeness would achieve anything besides one annoyed Bat. He decided it wouldn't.
He would mention it if he got the chance though.
Superman joined the Justice League for their regular meeting. Batman sat to his side, looking still as stone but far more grumpy.
"How's Nightwing?" Superman asked. "With it being after the anniversary of his parents' deaths?"
Batman glared at him.
"I haven't had a chance to ask," he responded, "but Nightwing'll be fine. He always is."
"What's up with Nightwing?" Shazam asked childishly, pulling out a computer tablet. "Is it in his file?"
"It's nothing to do with you," Batman growled at him.
Instead of looking scared, taken aback or any of the normal emotions people normally displayed when facing the Batman, Shazam just looked increasingly confused as he tapped on the computer tablet screen.
"What's wrong?" Superman asked.
"I can't find Nightwing's files," Shazam said. He looked at Batman, realisation dawning on his face. "Did you hide them from us?"
"No," Batman responded flatly.
Looks were shared. That didn't sound good.
Oracle couldn't find anything connected to Nightwing. There was no record of any arrests made by him. Any mention of his name in those cases that required some kind of identification of who brought them in had been changed to just 'a Gotham vigilante'.
What was even scarier was when she looked for 'Richard Grayson'. It was a popular name to be sure but any mentions of her Dick Grayson were gone. Not even a birth certificate on electronic record. No mention of Bruce's adoption.
Reports only had two Graysons mentioned that night. No mention of a son.
"What's going on?"
Robin sent himself to Grayson's apartment. It was empty and up for sale. No one saw anything besides the movers coming in and taking everything.
Red Robin hunted down the movers. They had received their instructions via email, along with payment. They told him everything had been destroyed.
"No," Black Bat whispered, heartbroken. He really regretted bringing her along but he had needed someone to pull him away before he broke something or someone.
"It's only digital things," Red Hood reported, circumstances allowing him access to the cave. For once, he wasn't in the mood to joke about it or bring up anyone's hurt.
Because everyone was hurting, even him.
He held up a picture of an old newspaper he took at the library. This one clearly showed a little Dick with a younger Bruce during some opening ceremony or something.
"So it's not magic which erased Dick but a program?" Batgirl mused.
"Who would program something like that?" Robin raged, looking to punch whatever villain stole and erased his brother.
"Whomever it was had access to the Justice League systems and somehow broke Oracle's systems," Batman pointed out as if this security breach was more important.
"Actually," Red Robin started.
"It seems the program might have already been there," Oracle interrupted, her real face appearing on the screen. It looked like she hadn't slept since they had found out about Dick's disappearance. "I've been trying to trace where it came from and in the case of the Batcave, the Justice League and any other highly secure computer, the program must have already been there."
"There's nothing that can get through all those different kinds of firewalls and protection software," Red Robin explained, "unless it had somehow already been there. Someone just had to activate it."
"Who?" Batman growled, looking at everyone one by one for answers.
Alfred heaved a sigh and shook his head. He had been too late to stop it. Dick had excitedly told him about the movie night plans and he had asked whether it would be a good idea to have it the night before of the night of his parents' deaths.
He had found that the family were better if they went out on nights like that.
"It'll be fine, Alfie," Dick had assured him with a wide grin. "I'll have them with me."
But, as time unfolded, Alfred heard about everyone cancellation plans. The night came and he had been on the computer, listening to everyone meeting up.
Coincidence it might have been but he had felt hurt that they hadn't thought about Dick at all. Even though he knew Master Dick was a kind man who was always thinking about them.
It was unfortunate that on the day, at the time he assumed Dick was erasing himself from the world, he had been doing his yearly visit to the Flying Graysons' graves. He had seen the outline of someone in the damp grass, someone who had slept there.
He put the puzzle pieces together as best he could but had been too late to stop Dick. Too late to find him.
And so he lost him. As did they all.