Disclaimer - I don't own any of these characters, with the exception of the randomly generated city guards or townspeople. They all belong to R. A. Salvatore and/or Wizards of the Coast.
Notes - Alright, for those of you who haven't yet read Wickless in the Nether, this will make little to no sense, and will have quite a few spoilers, so read at your own discretion. You have been warned. Oh boy, have you ever.
For the Love of.....
Artemis Entreri had had enough of dragons to last him two lifetimes, yet every time he happened to reach his and Jarlaxle's apartment one, sometimes even two of them were there.
He much preferred the older looking one of the two copper dragon sisters, Tazmikella and, regardless of her finding him practical there was no way in the Nine Hells he would sleep with her.
Something that he couldn't say the same of Jarlaxle who had taken Tazmikella's sister's words and touches to heart, and had been sleeping with the younger looking dragon, Ilnezhara. Something that seemed to please the damned drow to no end.
As Entreri made his lonely way up the back stairs to their apartment on the second floor of a building in Heliogabalus, he quickly listened at the door, before moving in to the brightly lit apartment.
Usually Entreri would find his companion up at this time of night, going over riddles or maps that one of the two dragons would have given them the the day before. This day however was different. Jarlaxle lay on top of his bed, splayed out atop the covers, looking to be in a deep sleep. Entreri was extremely thankful that the drow was still clothed, a testament that meant that it must have been either Tazmikella that visited them this night, or they were being given a break from the rotten presence of a dragon for the day.
Jarlaxle stirred a bit and raised his head to look in his direction. The drow sighed in what Artemis could say was nothing short of relief. "I thought you might have been Ilnezhara come to play again..." He muttered, before rolling over and getting to his feet.
Artemis smirked. So, even Jarlaxle had his limits. That made him feel so much better. Taking a seat at the round table off to one side of the apartment, he picked up the flute there and glared at it. Discretion he could do. Yes, he can even work for dragons, though he didn't really like the beasts. But there was no way that he would learn to play the flute just to amuse a copper coloured fiend.
"Perhaps you should learn to play it." Jarlaxle said behind him. Entreri shook his head and put the instrument back down. He continued glaring at the piece of offensive driftwood.
The drow came about to his front, taking the seat opposite him. Perhaps it was the tired look in Jarlaxle's eye, or maybe the look that he kept on shooting towards the flute, something that was supposed to be magical in some way, but the whole scene was suddenly one of the funniest things ever. He chuckled.
"I do not see what is so funny?" Jarlaxle stated, folding his arms across his chest and glaring at the human in front of him.
"Tired? What's wrong, Jarlaxle? A dragon too much for you and your otherwise insatiable sexual appetite?"
Entreri was met with a scowl from the drow. "This coming from someone who's so called 'appetite' does not exist. What is wrong, Artemis? Jealous?"
Entreri couldn't help it. Much like the first time he said it, and all the times afterwards, it was the one sentence that had some kind of emotional impact behind it. "She's a dragon!"
"Something that you seem to say a lot of lately?! So what! It isn't like they are like the red we faced before. No, you just can't see past one fact! She does have a human form, you know. One that happens to be extremely attractive."
"What in the Nine Hells did I do to ever meet you?!" Entreri growled, finally had it with the drow in front of him.
"You happened to hate Drizzt Do'Urden if I remember correctly." Jarlaxle stated, leaning back in the seat he was in, his hand that still had its magical bracer that the endless throwing knives he had came from, seemed to relax slightly, but Entreri knew that it was in perfect position to ready a knife to throw.
"Oh? How about after that? Or the time I was back home and you decided to suddenly 'procure' my help with Bregan D'aerthe? I think we both remember how well that worked out."
Artemis saw sparks of anger jump into Jarlaxle's eyes at that and it was then he realised something. While the two of them constantly bickered with each other, they had never, with the one exception inside the Crystal Shard, fought with each other. Physically, or verbally.
Jarlaxle turned about and headed for the door, slamming it closed as he left the small apartment to parts unknown.
Entreri thought that he might have gone too far. After all, the drow had saved his life more than once, but he had returned the favour. That comment had been absolutley stupid! Jarlaxle never mentioned it, but while Entreri knew that there had to still be some contact with the band, as Jarlaxle did say he would return one day, he knew that his companion missed it to some extent.
Shaking his head, he went over to his own bed and collapsed on top of it. He was almost asleep when he heard the door open. It was enough to wake him up.
Turning about, an apology he never thought he would ever utter on his lips, he closed his mouth quickly when he realised that it wasn't Jarlaxle standing in the doorway, but the drow's rather fetching lover in her human form.
Growling slightly at the intrusion, he barked out a short question. "What?!"
"Where is my pretty little drow?" She asked, eyeing the rumpled sheets of the one in questions bed.
"He ran off." Entreri muttered, before pointing to the door. "That way. Go find him if you want. I care not."
Ilnezhara ran her sharp, and rather large, eyes about the room, their blue depths coming to lay on the flute she had given Entreri after their deal had been made. Anger momentarily flitted across her face. "Learn it!" She stated, before leaving him in peace.
Soon, he had left his bed, too angry himself to sleep. He spent the night playing target practice with the silhouette of Jarlaxle that was painted above his bed.
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Jarlaxle was not paying much attention to his surroundings, something rare for the ever wary drow, and so was taken by surprise when arms grabbed him from behind and dragged him into an alleyway he had been too preoccupied thinking to notice existed.
He struggled in the grip he was in, but he was held too tightly. He couldn't break free. His exclamation of surprise and sudden anger at himself to be so stupid as to drop his guard for even a minute, was muffled by a hand that appeared about his mouth.
His head was pushed back by a hand at his throat and he found himself glaring at one of the city guards. Surprise momentarily took hold of him. So far, he had run into no problems in the city. Of course, he did steal the odd gold or silver piece to help build on the two dragons' hoards, but apart from that...
A heavy hand hit him atop the head and his thoughts were scattered as he just tried to stay conscious. Another blow and his eyes rolled into his head and he collapsed, darkness taking him.
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Ilnezhara curled up about her hoard, her huge body curving about the gold she loved so much. But now she had added two more precious items to her hoard, two that she would normally not keep because of their nature.
For once though, she couldn't find it in herself to get rid of them. They were Jarlaxle's, and there was something about that drow that called to her, something she had never thought she would ever feel. If she didn't know any better, she would say that she had found herself a life mate.
Glancing down at the two coppery eggs she was folded lightly against, she wondered at this strange sensation. Not only would these two wyrmlings not only be half dragon, but also half drow.
Even more strange was the fact that she was the mother of them. Usually male dragons would be the ones to go out and mate with other species, leaving the female creature pregnant.
She couldn't help but wonder if this meant the children would take more after their father, or herself.
Her sides heaved as she sighed, sending some of her more lighter treasures dancing out of reach. A coppery nose reached out to touch hers. Tazmikella had wanted to see what had captured her sister's attention so much, she rarely now left her home.
Ilnezhara had wanted to tell Jarlaxle tonight, but when she had reached the apartment he shared with that boring human, he had not been there. Going out on to the streets to find him, she had come up with no drow.
Jarlaxle seemed to have disappeared. She needed to find him, if for no other reson to tell him that he had borne her two children. Her first clutch.
A/N - Oh. My. God! This story is a direct result of reading Wickless in the Nether and watching Shrek 2 afterwards, lol. Therefore, it is so not going to happen, but boy did it have me laughing. I loved every time Entreri muttered, or stated, quite profusely that "She's a dragon!" Just as I loved Donkey saying "Look at our mutant babies!"
...At the same time, I couldn't help but notice that Jarlaxle and Ilnezhara made quite the...fetching, yet strange, couple. Come on, they both love their jewels and gold, lol. Or so it seems in my humble opinion. Of course, a dragon would be much better at the art of hoarding, so why would Tazmikella and Ilnezhara want Jarlaxle and Entreri in the first place?
This story, amazingly enough, is not meant to be a comedy, but rather a...drama of sorts. Just me and my rambling thoughts trying to come up with a reason to why two copper dragons would need help with making their hoards bigger.
Alright, truthfully I have always wanted an excuse to write a story involving Jarlaxle and dragons, ever since I read Servant of the Shard, and it seemed that red dragons were one of the few things that Jarlaxle feared. And where there are copper dragons...